The "Mentor" On Holding Hands and Wearing Your Wedding Rings

[lilwriter85]

From Lori

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/09/keep-holding-hands.html#idc-container

Jesus said we are known to the world as His disciples as the world sees us loving others, yet the state of Christian marriages is terrible. Our divorce rate is not much better than those outside of the church. Think what power to change society we would have if we obeyed God and loved our husbands.

As I mentor women, they finally see so clearly the lack of love so many of their married friends have for their husbands. Their friends roll their eyes when their husbands speak, interrupt and correct them, and show disrespect towards them. One young woman wanted me to mentor her because all of her Christian married friends were either very unhappily married or getting divorced. This should not be.

Lori, sometimes women are justified when they correct their husbands or are annoyed with them. I'm sure the young women you mentored was like you. She is probably content with obeying her husband completely. You don't know the whole stories of why that woman's friends were unhappy or getting divorced. Quit pulling shit out of your ass.

Ken and I walk around our neighborhood. We try holding hands most of the time. People have commented to us when they first meet us, "Oh, you are that couple that is always holding hands." We realize how much people notice such a simple act, so we continue to hold hands.

When we are at a restaurant and I see a couple laughing and enjoying themselves, more times than not neither of them have wedding rings on. Let's be those couples at restaurants that hold hands and laugh with each other that have wedding rings on.

We need to be an example to society how wonderful marriage is and that it is a very good thing. Start obeying God and LOVE your husband. That command written above is for you to really love your husband. It isn't a feeling. It is a choice, a decision. As you start acting like you love your husband, even if and when he is unlovable, your actions will follow and you will be pleasing the Lord.

In the church lady voice, "Well isn't that speshul" that you and your Unabomber look-a-like husband have that reputation in your neighborhood. It isn't a crime to not wear wedding rings. My parents have been married for 42 years and they don't wear rings most of the time.

[linnea27]

In the church lady voice, "Well isn't that speshul" that you and your Unabomber look-a-like husband have that reputation in your neighborhood. It isn't a crime to not wear wedding rings. My parents have been married for 42 years and they don't wear rings most of the time.

We rarely wear ours, either. I'm not sure my husband even knows where his is. My parents never wore theirs when I was growing up, so it was just something I was used to. My husband isn't allowed to wear any jewellery to work, and he never got in the habit of putting his back on in his personal time. Honestly, wearing my rings all the time isn't something I even really think of.

My husband's brother was a serial cheater before his divorce. He used to leave the house with his wedding ring, slip it off the moment he got in his car and put it in the ashtray, and put it back on as he pulled into the driveway. When I hear people get really uptight about making sure their spouses are wearing a wedding ring I think of him. A wedding ring in itself does not equal "married" behaviour.

[HOTW]

UGH so purposing to hold hands is better than it just being a natural thing? My Hubby and I hold hands a lot but we don't do it to make people notice us!

Oh and wedding bands are a signal that you are married I don't wear one because of what I do for a living, Hubby didn't either, Amish don't wear them at all....so if someone isnt wearing one you aren't married?

Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[happy atheist]

When we are at a restaurant and I see a couple laughing and enjoying themselves, more times than not neither of them have wedding rings on.

Does she spend all her time staring at other people's hands? What a bizarre hobby. Stop being so judgmental and just enjoy your dinner!

The headship and I do wear wedding rings (because we care so very much about the whole world knowing how awesome and married we are, unlike you losers who don't wear rings!!), but I had to stop wearing mine during my pregnancies. What would Lori make of that?

[lilwriter85]

From the comments

Linda · 19 hours ago

this post made me feel bad I enjoy my husband so much and hold hands with him and laugh with him at restaurants, but I'm not wearing my wedding ring because of my fat pregnant fingers! jajajaja, I wonder if people actually think bad since he's wearing his. :P.. Thanks for the reminder, Lori. I too see that in christian married couples. I see many single women that desire marriage and I tell them how hard it is. But I was thinking the over day how hard it really is not when you have a wonderful conexion with your husband; actually that makes it easy. I enjoy my husband very much and I appreciate your advice and counsels that keep me going in that direction. God bless!

Linda I'm sure a lot of people don't notice that you aren't wearing a ring. Even if they noticed most people wouldn't care. I think Linda meant connection towards the end. I don't think Lori and Ken have wonderful connection at all. Both sound like assholes to me.

[Koala]

My husband and I don't wear our wedding rings. Both of us hate jewelry, so we have it put away and that's that.

Lori is a judgmental, hateful hag.

[sparkles]

Jebus. I actually took my wedding ring off as we walked up the aisle at the end of the ceremony. I hate hate hate wearing rings and since I knew I'd never wear a wedding band so I bought the cheapest one I could find. And guess what? I'll have been married for 32 years come October. I wonder how I managed without a fucking ring on my finger.

[Kitty]

I think the reason that so many Christian marriages fail is because Christianity is just not very nice to women period. Even in fundie-lite churches there's this expectation that married women have to stay at home and submit to their husbands. Christianity itself doesn't do this, but churches also seem to paint this really rosy, "happily ever after" picture of marriage. I'm not planning on being married anytime soon but even I can see through that bullshit. When you're stuck at home all day doing "women's work", while your husband actually has a life, well it's hardly a surprise that Christian wives take their justified misery out on their husbands. What my mother went through at the hands of the last church we went to really opened my eyes to that sexist bullshit, and I was 13. Is it any wonder I'm atheist now?

My parents wear their rings, but I'm still not sure how little pieces of metal on your finger really maintains or improves your marriage. Enlighten poor little unmarried me, O Wonderful Lori.

Ken and Lori's constant hand-holding for some reason reminds me of Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar's constant kissing and cuddling. You're not teenagers anymore, you've been married for decades, you really don't need to constantly show it off. Then again maybe they're just desperate to assure themselves... figures, considering how awful certain types of Christianity can be for women and marriages.

[lilwriter85]

Lori is a hateful hag and I'm sure some of her neighbors know about her blog and have realized that the "holding hands" couple are assholes. My boyfriend has read entries from Lori's blog and he has said that Ken sounds like a douche. The only people who like Lori's shitty advice are people like her. I have looked at some of the bloggers who comment on her blog and most of them are in the fundie lite spectrum. There is one women who commented on Lori's entry from today. She has a blog, but I possibly see her flouncing from reading Lori's blog.

[snarkbillie]

I don't wear a ring. I just don't like jewelry. My husband wears his when he feels like it and doesn't when he doesn't. We both know we're married whether we're wearing a ring or not and we know what the acceptable boundaries of our behavior is whether jewelry is on us or not. I'm so annoyed when people say something about me not wearing a ring. I'm married, get over it. I don't have to wear some secret bat signal for you to pick up on. If I say "no" it means "no".

[Childless]

I had to take my ring off during my last trimester when my hands swelled up. You know what? Not one person ever commented on the fact that I didn't have a ring on. People who knew me, knew I was married. People who didn't know me, kept their opinions to themselves (as they should) and since I don't know them, I could care less what they thought. This ring obsession of Lori's is not healthy.

[julie paradox]

My parents wear their rings, but I'm still not sure how little pieces of metal on your finger really maintains or improves your marriage. Enlighten poor little unmarried me

"may these rings be to N and M a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, to remind them of the vow and covenant that they have made this day" (I was in the choir: I went to a lot of weddings).

, O Wonderful Lori.

Oh, sorry. In that case: someone might think you are SINGLE! which means you are a FAILURE!

[dawbs]

Does she spend all her time staring at other people's hands? What a bizarre hobby. Stop being so judgmental and just enjoy your dinner!

The headship and I do wear wedding rings (because we care so very much about the whole world knowing how awesome and married we are, unlike you losers who don't wear rings!!), but I had to stop wearing mine during my pregnancies. What would Lori make of that?

Rings just means they're MARRIED, not taht they're married to each other...

(Dr. House moment)

All those happy affair-having people in restaurants :lol:

[delilahdog11]

My husband and I hold hands a lot. People do make comments about it. One of the school's crossing guards told us seeing us love birds brightens her day. Somedays holding hands annoys me. My husband has a weird way of cocking his elbow. On those days, we don't hold hands even when seeing the crossing guard. I guess I am not doing enough to broadcast the love, joy, and blessings that god showers down on married folks. I never knew I could be a witness of Christ's love and the joy of marriage by walking around holding hands. Guess now, I don't need to do anything else. No need to feed the hungry, help in my community, show compassion and kindness, and help those in need.

No. I just need to hold hands, laugh, smile, and be full of joy with my wedding ring on. Who knew making a difference was so easy? although , my husband and I both wear our rings on our left pointer fingers. The rings we got were way too big and couldn't be resized. We were so excited about getting married and we loved the rings that we didn't bother trying to get them in another size or in another style. We made our own tradition, so I guess if I am going to have any impact on the world. I better get correct and get a ring for the proper finger.

[ilovetchotchkes]

I was once mistaken for a single mother when I didn't wear my wedding band. I was 6 months pregnant and the florist woman at the local grocery store was a henious bitch to me.

I still dont wear mine every day. Its over 100 years old and I try to be careful with it.

Even before our vow renewal when I was wearing a $75 white gold band, I still didn't wear it everywhere. I get twitchy sometimes with jewelry.

[YPestis]

My parents do not wear wedding rings because when they married under Maoist China, it was not in vogue. They've been married 30+ years and still don't wear them. I wonder how Lori would feel if she saw them together. My SO and I wear ours and I wear the wedding band plus engagement ring (seems to be in vogue around here). I guess that makes us extra speshul?

[debrand]

I don't wear a ring but my husband does. When we were first married, our rings were inexpensive bands. Unfortunately, I slammed my hand in the door and bent my rings.

My husband and I hold hands because we are naturally affectionate people. However, not everyone is outwardly affectionate. I've known very happy, older couples who are uncomfortable with public signs of affection. It doesn't mean that they don't love one another very much

Some people are disrespectful to their spouses. When I was first married, my husband and I often felt surprise at how many couples were jerkish to one another. Those marriages did not last. Often immaturity was the cause of the disrespect. No amount of hand holding or fake smiles would change those individuals' maturity level.

[dilannsmom]

Well, I wonder what Lori would make of my boyfriend and me--we have been together for 12 years. I have a 12 year old daughter by another boy (I refuse to use the word man where her father is concerned--he is in no way a man or a father). My SO and I wear rings, even tho we are not married and have no intention of getting married. On our 5th anniversary we exchanged rings to express to each other that, even tho we aren't legally married, we are in if for the long haul. I wear a diamond anniversary band and my man wears a simple titanium band.

We have perverted the Christian ideal of marriage, and we are ok with that. Suck it, Mrs. Mentor!

[Peas n carrots]

Jesus said we are known to the world as His disciples as the world sees us loving others, yet the state of Christian marriages is terrible. Our divorce rate is not much better than those outside of the church. Think what power to change society we would have if we obeyed God and loved our husbands.As I mentor women, they finally see so clearly the lack of love so many of their married friends have for their husbands. Their friends roll their eyes when their husbands speak, interrupt and correct them, and show disrespect towards them. One young woman wanted me to mentor her because all of her Christian married friends were either very unhappily married or getting divorced. This should not be.

Maybe there is a good reason some women aren't happy with their husbands...he could be a jerk, he could be lazy, he could be childish. There are a zillion reasons, but of course Lori makes it all wimmin's fault.

I've been married 5 years, I rarely wear my ring and DH never wears his. I know damn well I'm married as does he, so why do I need to advertise?

Despite working in a very progressive city and my collegues are very cosmopolitan, I get asked constantly why I do not wear a ring. However I think it is more of a class/status thing than it is a marital status thing. Most of my collegues are very wealthy, and show it by very expensive rings.

[mirele]

I wear my great-grandmother's antique wedding set. And not even on the right finger. Because of my age (obviously not a kid or 20-something anymore) and the rings, I get called "Mrs. XXXXXX" by cashiers and suchlike. I used to get offended (but I never told off a cashier, because I used to be one), because to me, "Mrs. XXXXXX" is my mom and I am "Miss XXXXXX." (Yes, I am one of those weird single women who prefers Miss to Ms. but I understand why Ms. was popularized. Had I been born 20 years earlier, I would have used Ms. Now I have a choice.)

I never thought of my single self being an example of Christ's love by wearing my great-grandmother's wedding set. It's just jewelry.

[MrsKay]

I sold my rings - with my husband's "permission" - when he lost his job and we were about to have our utilities cut off. I still don't have a ring, because every time we have money to replace them, I end up realizing that the kids need things. I'm such a whore.

[Kaylee]

I don't wear my rings often. I just don't think about putting them on and they're gold which clashes with my watches and all my other jewelry (yeah, not a fan of gold at all). Hubby lost his a couple years ago and we've talked about getting a new set that we both like better but have other priorities like home and car repairs and dental work to spend money on first. We hold hands and still kiss at stoplights and are all sickeningly romantic like that, but I never really thought about the rings. Part of me now wants to start wearing my wedding ring when we go out, since he doesn't have his, just to spite Lori. Maybe add an anklet for good measure (it's a swinger's thing in some places)?

Oh, when I was trying so damn hard to be the happy little helpmeet style perfect fundie wife, we weren't as lovey and were about hostile toward eachother half the time. Turns out we like eachother more and have a much better relationship when we're living life on our own terms instead of me trying to fit us both into a mold that just isn't right for either of us.

[Whimsical]

I hate holding hands. I hate it. I will do it, because my husband really does seem to want to hold my hand, but I try to get out of it as much as I can.

That being said, I do wear my rings, all the time. My engagement ring and wedding ring are both very small, which is exactly what I wanted. My husband wears his, but we've only been married 4 months. I can see him taking it off and leaving it off at some point in the future.

I know he's married, he knows he's married, and he is the least observant person in the universe. In the future if someone else doesn't know he's married, he won't even notice. lol

[Guest Anonymous]

I used to have a boyfriend who insisted on hand-holding in public, in order to prove I loved him. Actually, thinking about it, the guy did used to be a nutso evangelical Christian. Needless to say, hand-holding can be as much proof of a naïve partner being bullied and controlled (in her own quiet Hell) as it is proof of genuine love and affection. On its own, hand-holding could mean anything or nothing.

Screw you, Lori.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Is not wearing a wedding ring just becoming more acceptable now? I absolutely hate wearing jewelry, but if my significant other proposed,I would feel horrible asking to not wear a rign.