Priscilla and David Waller are expecting!

[Deleted07]

Oh I think I'm Asexual then.... Never knew there was a word for it!

*learn something new everyday - especially on this forum!

[Kitty]

The whole "wait until I'm 25" "well, wait until I'm 28, IF she's still available". A gay man could link his wife to some Mark Driscoll, convince her anal is okay, and picture someone else as he's getting the job done. This guy seems like he's totally scared of intimacy altogether.

Asexual people aren't incapable of sex, they just prefer to live happily without it.

It doesn't necessarily mean he's asexual. Fundamentalism can do a number on anyone's sexuality-- poor guy is probably terrified of intimacy with anyone, male or female. I'd say that's much more likely than asexuality.

[CrazyCatLady]

I have a question. I don't know anyone who grew up in a family where a parent came out as gay well into the marriage. Do any of you know someone who grew up in an environment like that? I'm curious how it ultimately affects a child in that situation. I don't think a parent being gay means the parent would be a bad one, but if the parent is living a lie, surely it must cause some issues in a home.

A friend of mine in HS went through this. Apparently she came home early from school one day and found her dad in some sort of sexual situation with a man. Up to this point she had only known her dad to be heterosexual, as he had been married to her mother for over 20 years. She was the middle of three children and about 16 at the time, IIRC. The family was pretty conservative Christian. Her dad was hugely involved in their local church. I remember thinking that he was gay (voice, mannerisms) but dismissing those thoughts as he was married and had children with a woman.

As for how it effected her? Well, she was not well mentally for a while and struggled with depression. I don't know that this was specifically due to finding out her dad was gay but that was certainly part of it as her parents separated and divorced shortly after dad was "outed." Her dad immediately moved out of the family home and moved to another city with his boyfriend. My friend's older sibling was already gone to college and I think she felt a lot of responsibility to her mother and younger sibling now that dad was out of the picture.

They had a bad relationship for several years and my friend ended up marrying a total douche bag of a guy who was at least 20 years older than her and treated her like shit. I often wondered if the age thing had to do with some sort of daddy complex...my friend eventually divorced the douche and is now raising their two children. These days she is happy and healthy and has a good relationship with her dad and his boyfriend/partner. Her mom is doing well now too.

[Antipodes]

I was briefly married to a gay man. I was 20 he was 47. My mother nagged me stupid into the marriage because we were living in 'sin'.He was a great friend and I was too young to realise that our sex life was abnormal.

My heart goes out to this poor girl.

My husband was incredibly kind and charming, my best friend. He was highly motivated to have children.

[Peas n carrots]

For his sake, I hope he's asexual instead of homosexual, even if I don't think it looks that way. I just can't imagine the pain he would ultimately put himself and Priscilla through by being in this sham of a marriage if he's not straight. And if he is gay, he'll probably end up thinking he's doing something wrong if he can't make it go away, because that's what these stupid fundamentalists believe, you can pray the gay away. I would just rather him be asexual, because otherwise he's just set up for a life of feeling like a failure and bringing heartache to many around him.

I have a question. I don't know anyone who grew up in a family where a parent came out as gay well into the marriage. Do any of you know someone who grew up in an environment like that? I'm curious how it ultimately affects a child in that situation. I don't think a parent being gay means the parent would be a bad one, but if the parent is living a lie, surely it must cause some issues in a home.

One of my childhood friends dad was gay. I believe he wasn't open until after he divorced my friend's mom. My friend had a good relationship with her dad, and when she married her dad and his partner were both in the wedding.

[Antipodes]

Of course we care about the offspring but lets consider the fate of the poor duped bride.

Edited to remove the f words.

[denimjumper]

Just a note on the whole gay thing...I knew and dated a guy in college who reminds me of David. He pinged a lot of gaydar but he wasn't gay. He was very very Southern and the feminine traits were I don't know, maybe the culture. It is really weird I know but he wasn't and isn't and is now happily married with several kids.

My brother in law is also the kind of guy you'd say he seems really gay but again he's not. Also from the south. So I know completely what you mean about David and how totally weird and gay he seems but there are really straight guys out there who just act like that. I hope for his marriage he is one of them.

[Gil]

Just a note on the whole gay thing...I knew and dated a guy in college who reminds me of David. He pinged a lot of gaydar but he wasn't gay. He was very very Southern and the feminine traits were I don't know, maybe the culture. It is really weird I know but he wasn't and isn't and is now happily married with several kids.

My brother in law is also the kind of guy you'd say he seems really gay but again he's not. Also from the south. So I know completely what you mean about David and how totally weird and gay he seems but there are really straight guys out there who just act like that. I hope for his marriage he is one of them.

To be fair, no one can diagnose your ex and your BIL as "straight." Only they could really tell us, and the same with David. For everyone's sake, I hope he is, because if David is gay, every single person in this situation comes out hurt, including David.

[Jana814]

I have to agree with you. Everyone is going to get hurt including him. I had a friend in college who I know for a fact is GAY!! He would not admit to it, one of several reasons why I stopped speaking to him was not he was not honest w/ himself, everyone knew he was gay, my father who has NO gaydar at all thought he was too! He acted just like David Waller and he is NOT from the south

[xReems]

Even if he is secretly gay, it's not like he will ever act on that. Remember, these fundies are taught that homosexuality is a sin and acting upon it will send you straight to Hell. If you're taught that from the time you're an infant, you're going to be scared out of your wits to even come out and confess. Either David is aware but is hiding it or he's convinced himself that he isn't-I'm leaning towards the second one.

[lizziesmom]

Even if he is secretly gay, it's not like he will ever act on that. Remember, these fundies are taught that homosexuality is a sin and acting upon it will send you straight to Hell. If you're taught that from the time you're an infant, you're going to be scared out of your wits to even come out and confess. Either David is aware but is hiding it or he's convinced himself that he isn't-I'm leaning towards the second one.

I don't think Davis is aware at all. Consider what a sheltered existence he's had and how limited he is in what he is exposed to. Homosexuality is a sin and he is a good, God-fearing, man. He can't be gay. They are also taught that homosexuality is a choice and he is choosing not to be.

[Deleted01]

I don't think Davis is aware at all. Consider what a sheltered existence he's had and how limited he is in what he is exposed to. Homosexuality is a sin and he is a good, God-fearing, man. He can't be gay. They are also taught that homosexuality is a choice and he is choosing not to be.

Ding ding ding! Even if he is aware, he has to squelch it and mentally write it off as his "sin nature" trying to take over his Godly life.

[Lady_M]

Kind of reminds me of an article I saw on Slate about Will Behrens and Erwynn Umali, who are the first gay couple to get married on a military base.

Will particularly talks about growing up in a fundamentalist home and getting married to his wife. When the article turned to how Will knew he was gay:

He couldn’t allow himself to ask, even in his own mind, whether he might be gay. He believed, as he later explained to me, that “God knows your thoughts, and if you even think something like that, God could strike you dead and send you to hell.†He also feared what might happen to him if people suspected he was gay. “Kids got shipped off to homes,†Will recalls. “There was a girls home and a boys home. If a girl got pregnant in high school, or someone suspected you were gay, they sent you away.â€

He and his partner met at a deeply anti-gay church and finally couldn't deny their sexuality any longer. They're married now, and the article and slideshow of their life together just made me tear up. I hope they have many long and happy years together.

It makes sad if this is what David Waller is going through.

[Whoooooooo]

I am coming out of hiding to post something in this conversation. I was married to a man for more than 23 years before I found out he was gay. We were "fundies" and it never crossed my mind that our problems might in part be due to his being gay. It never was even anything I considered. I think when you grow up in a strict church and with many rules and codes of behavior, your mind may not even know how or where to look for answers. It took my husband a very long time to admit to himself that he was gay, and probably just as long a time to then admit it to me. I hope that this young man, if he is gay, can sort it out first in his own mind, and then share it with his wife before too many years pass. People deserve to search for their own happiness.

[MrsKay]

We could pitch in and send them a copy of the Kama Sutra. :obscene-sexualdoggy:

Or "The Guide to Getting it On"? That thing covers pretty much any question I ever imagined about sex, and it's big enough to be disguised as a Bible. :whistle:

[JHeathenWoman]

Or "The Guide to Getting it On"? That thing covers pretty much any question I ever imagined about sex, and it's big enough to be disguised as a Bible. :whistle:

Its been quite a while since the Josh marrying Anna episodes so I'm foggy on the details, but I remember JimBob giving Josh a marriage manual of sorts written by some Christian dude, which I got the impression includes a section on how to please your wife/husband, and maybe sexual positions? :dance:

[JHeathenWoman]

Just curious - why are the Kellers so low on the Gothard totem pole? Surely for some other reason than their unhealthy hair?

[Visionoyahweh]

Its been quite a while since the Josh marrying Anna episodes so I'm foggy on the details, but I remember JimBob giving Josh a marriage manual of sorts written by some Christian dude, which I got the impression includes a section on how to please your wife/husband, and maybe sexual positions? :dance:

Intended For Pleasure by Ed Wheat. He's Michelle 'BC killed your baby' doctor. Read the amazon reviews. Nice people don't have oral sex, or use birth control. Sex is kind of nice, but don't get too into it.

[Witsec7]

Just curious - why are the Kellers so low on the Gothard totem pole? Surely for some other reason than their unhealthy hair?

Not enough money.

ETA: It also may have something to do with the fruit of their tree. They have a record number of rebels and defectors.

[Mela99]

Intended For Pleasure by Ed Wheat. He's Michelle 'BC killed your baby' doctor. Read the amazon reviews. Nice people don't have oral sex, or use birth control. Sex is kind of nice, but don't get too into it.

His books are hilarious. Intended for Pleasure just cracks me up. Find an old copy on amazon, have some wine, and laugh

[bananacat]

I'll share my story. My uncle came out as gay a few years ago. They were raised Catholic, and my grandpa is pretty "old-fashioned". In addition to being casually sexist, he's also homophobic. My grandma died (before I was born) when my uncle was a young adult. My grandpa remarried soon after and my uncle was expected to move out. So he found a woman and married her and moved away because he was no longer welcome in that house. They had one kid who has always been a brat and may or may not have actually finished high school. They live in a really poor area (my mom moved away before she had me). So the family has always been poor and struggling. The town has been depressed for a long time and there just aren't jobs to go around, especially for two adults with little education and questionable work habits. So anyway, my grandpa is now 94. My uncle came out when my cousin was 17 or 18. I think he was waiting for his kid to grow up and also for his dad to die, but he just couldn't wait any longer. But the divorce has been complex because neither of them can afford to move out. The whole thing is really sad. Their kid is completely messed up, but it's hard to tell if it's because of having a closeted parent or because the poverty and other issues. It certainly didn't help any though and I wish my uncle hadn't had to live a lie.

[marmalade]

Just a note on the whole gay thing...I knew and dated a guy in college who reminds me of David. He pinged a lot of gaydar but he wasn't gay. He was very very Southern and the feminine traits were I don't know, maybe the culture. It is really weird I know but he wasn't and isn't and is now happily married with several kids.

My brother in law is also the kind of guy you'd say he seems really gay but again he's not. Also from the south. So I know completely what you mean about David and how totally weird and gay he seems but there are really straight guys out there who just act like that. I hope for his marriage he is one of them.

The Wallers are from the upper midwest. I don't see a correlation with straight Southern men being more "feminine" at all. In fact, a strong case can be made that they're the ones puffing out their chests to proclaim their masculinity more than any other region (other than maybe places like Montana or Alaska where you have a culture built around the outdoorsy man's man).

[Witsec7]

Maybe Waller is just a totally effeminate heterosexual male?

[JenniferJuniper]

Maybe Waller is just a totally effeminate heterosexual male?

Well, he's totally effeminate, that's for sure.

But I vote that there is at least a 90% chance of him being an effeminate homosexual male. Partly based upon his stated original desire to delay marriage as long as possible (thereby remaining a heterosexual virgin for an extended period of time) and partly based upon the strict gender assignment in his culture. No girly boys or boyish girls allowed. I think they'd have knocked it out of him if they could have but his predisposition is just too strong. His brothers – at least the ones I’m able to identify – all seem kind of wimpy, but David is just fabulous.

[CrazySister]

Well, he's totally effeminate, that's for sure.

But I vote that there is at least a 90% chance of him being an effeminate homosexual male. Partly based upon his stated original desire to delay marriage as long as possible (thereby remaining a heterosexual virgin for an extended period of time) and partly based upon the strict gender assignment in his culture. No girly boys or boyish girls allowed. I think they'd have knocked it out of him if they could have but his predisposition is just too strong. His brothers – at least the ones I’m able to identify – all seem kind of wimpy, but David is just fabulous.

In the have-your-own-show kind of way. I can't stand watching him now, but if he were to come out of the closet I'd watch him in a heartbeat! There's just something so "off" right now, gay or straight.