Steve Maxwell Emailed Me....

[thoughtful]

To me, the possibility that Teri was really overdoing it or addicted, and that it was a good idea to stop, is beside the point, when I think about what bothers me about this.

What seems both sad and ridiculous, to me, is her need to make it all about it coming between her and God,making it an idol, a sin.

This sounds like good sense:

I knew the amount of soda I was consuming wasn't good for my health or my teeth. It was an unnecessary expense, and if I didn't have a Pepsi, I was guaranteed a caffeine headache.

This doesn't, to me:

In my spiritual battle with my sin, I knew the Lord was telling me the Pepsi had become an idol in my life. That was evidenced by my wanting to stop drinking it but not being able to and by the focus it had taken for me. Finally, the Lord's conviction of my sin was so strong that I said in my heart, "It isn't worth it. I don't want anything between my soul and the Savior."

I made the decision to stop yielding to unrighteous, and God's grace was sufficient. "And

[sparkles]

The whole bit about Teri making an idol of Pepsi has me imagining her dancing naked around a soda can at the full moon. BRAIN BLEACH! She got hooked on the caffeine. It doesn't make her a satan worshipper, it makes her human.

There doesn't seem to be anything in day-to-day life of this family that they don't somehow connect to what god or Jesus or whatever laid on their hearts. It's one of my biggest pet peeves about fundies in general--the complete lack of free will, personal responsibility or accountability. Although when you get right down to it, they just seem to keep praying until they get the answers they want...

Still new at this so if it's not okay to link an image without hosting it elsewhere, please let me know.

[Coconut Flan]

I agree it sounds like what Teri had going on was a little more than enjoying some Pepsi now and again. I think it was the caffeine getting hold of her. Just my view and experience, but if anyone is consuming enough caffeine to get a headache and other withdrawal symptoms when they don't drink it regularly, it only seems prudent to consider gradually cutting back to what many would consider a healthier or more reasonable level. At the same time, I don't think I'd go so far as to consider it the way she did of being so sinful and an idol. I guess a case could be made for it falling under gluttony.

[galaxygirl]

I remember one day when I was pregnant talking to Steve on the phone while he was at work. It was the middle of the afternoon, and I was tired. I told him a Pepsi would be a nice pick-me-up for some extra energy. He said, "Sure. Go ahead." That one little statement from Steve was all I needed to push my way into having a Pepsi every afternoon—for that caffeine boost.

So it's all Steve's fault, he told her it was ok!

I'm making Coke Zero an idol. I think I'm going to have one and no, I'm not going to ask my headship if it's ok.

[dawbs]

I agree it sounds like what Teri had going on was a little more than enjoying some Pepsi now and again. I think it was the caffeine getting hold of her. Just my view and experience, but if anyone is consuming enough caffeine to get a headache and other withdrawal symptoms when they don't drink it regularly, it only seems prudent to consider gradually cutting back to what many would consider a healthier or more reasonable level. At the same time, I don't think I'd go so far as to consider it the way she did of being so sinful and an idol. I guess a case could be made for it falling under gluttony.

Not to be argumentative, but I'd say "or consider it medicine and take it as such".

(I say that with much bias, as I drink my daily lunch-time cola...the one that helps hold the migraine to a dull roar. Because really, it's cola or vicoden.)

[YPestis]

The Maxwells have spoken on the joys of living a 'controlled' life. They are wary of turning anything into an "idol". The Pepsi entry, when I started reading it, sounded like a parody for something more serious (i.e Pepsi was codename for crack or something). I almost laughed out loud when it turned out they were actually talking about pepsi! Steve is big on not letting the family have interactions with outsiders by themselves. They do everything as a family, or at least in pairs for "accountability". He says they have to watch out constantly for anything that could replace Jesus from their center. One of his younger sons used to love playing some pilot simulation game...the ones without any violence or talking dwarfs. He said he "convinced" his son to no longer play it because it was useless or becoming an idol (i.e too enjoyable). I feel Steve sees everything through that lens. If someone is enjoying too much of it, and it doesn't relate to reading the Bible or doing Biblical work or working, then he removes it before it corrupts the soul.

As for food, I really don't see the Maxwells as starving. Some of the guys were kind of poofy in past years. Steve even had a belly for a white. None of them appear underweight. Steve did say eating was kind of a sin for him because he overeats and eats when he's upset. Maybe he tries to control the proportions of junk food. I rarely see any mention of portioning out the size of their dinner. He never speaks of it in his writings or books. I've been reading their blog for about a decade now and I notice they like to bake a lot so I don't think they are lacking in sweet stuff IMHO. I don't like a lot of the sweet stuff they make and abhor frosting so I really think if they ate all the stuff they bake, it's way too much sugar for them. If anything, proportioning out cookies may be a good thing for a family that enjoys baking so much.

[Witsec7]

I rarely see any mention of portioning out the size of their dinner.

I think there have been previous posts about the size of meals that are prepared. I remember a single calzone type thing that was made to feed the whole family and the Hive got to buzzing regarding the portion size. And heck two animal crackers, it that isn't portion control I don' know what is.

[Coconut Flan]

LOL There is that side also. I, too, have regular migraines and caffeine helps them. What I've found though is that regular consumption of caffeine then makes it much less effective when needed for a migraine. So I make sure not to consume caffeine daily and it's much more of a "punch" when I need it. What I was talking about was the induced headache that comes with caffeine withdrawal from overconsumption and leads one into the spiral of "needing" caffeine and frequently needing more and more caffeine to avoid the headache. I've been there, too, although my caffeine problem came from the pills prescribed for the headaches. Yeah, sheesh, the dr should have warned me.

I'm not opposing soda as I sit here with one beside me as I'm typing this. :) My reward for accomplishing the errands early today.

[Guest Anonymous]

I think there have been previous posts about the size of meals that are prepared. I remember a single calzone type thing that was made to feed the whole family and the Hive got to buzzing regarding the portion size. And heck two animal crackers, it that isn't portion control I don' know what is.

I don't think that anyone in the family is starving and there is plenty of evidence that they often eat very well. However, I do think that Steve uses food as a means of control/reward/punishment and that is very wrong.

Examples: Teri needing permission in the first place to have that extra pepsi; John and Joseph being made to miss a meal and sit in the car eating dry crackers in view of the rest of the family eating in a restaurant; Steve expecting perfect manners at the dinner table and sending the children away to miss the meal and wait for 'consequences' if they chewed loudly or otherwise irritated him.

[freejoytoo]

I don't think that anyone in the family is starving and there is plenty of evidence that they often eat very well. However, I do think that Steve uses food as a means of control/reward/punishment and that is very wrong.

Examples: Teri needing permission in the first place to have that extra pepsi; John and Joseph being made to miss a meal and sit in the car eating dry crackers in view of the rest of the family eating in a restaurant; Steve expecting perfect manners at the dinner table and sending the children away to miss the meal and wait for 'consequences' if they chewed loudly or otherwise irritated him.

Wait, what?!

[Guest Anonymous]

titus2.com/blog/index.php/2011/07/24/making-right-the-wrong/

Here is what happened. We were on a trip (many years ago! : )) and the boys and I were having an argument about cats and dogs. Thinking back, it seems quite silly to be arguing about cats and dogs, but at that moment in time for three little children, it was a serious matter! The boys happened to prefer dogs, and I liked cats much better. When I wasn’t winning the argument, I brought it to Dad’s attention, making myself sound like the angel in the situation.

The situation escalated to where the boys were given a consequence for arguing. They were to eat a lunch of Wheat Thins in the van while we girls, Dad and Mom ate inside at Taco Bell where Dad could see the boys in the van. After eating my lunch, instead of me having a sad attitude and realizing that I was part of the problem as well, I had a proud attitude and was pleased that the boys were in trouble.

Now many years later, looking back on the insignificant things that provoked the argument, I can see how silly it was to argue about cats and dogs, how wrong I was to tattle, and then to be happy that my brothers were given a consequence. I shared that with the boys, and I invited them out to Taco Bell this last week as restitution for the attitude I had during that time.

[freejoytoo]

:shock: These people are messed up. Every time I think they've reached the bar on crazy they surprise me and not in a good way.

[terranova]

One of the things that worries me most about Steve's extreme level of control over the family, is what would happen if he was to crack. I would be very concerned for Teri and the kids still at home.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm concerned that he may develop dementia and they won't realize or know how to handle it.

My second concern is that he may die suddenly of a heart attack or similar problem and leave them all leaderless and unprepared for life without him.

A breakdown would be bad also.

Most of want our families to be prepared to handle things without us so it makes his freaky control that much more concerning.

On the other hand, while I don't wish Steve anything truly bad, I would be happy to see all the adults be treated as adults and allowed their own full lives.

[terranova]

I'm concerned that he may develop dementia and they won't realize or know how to handle it.

My second concern is that he may die suddenly of a heart attack or similar problem and leave them all leaderless and unprepared for life without him.

I would think in that situation Nathan would become the head of the family. He would be responsible for marrying off Sarah, Anna and Mary, and approving brides for John and Jesse. I think he would try and get that to happen asap, atleast for Anna and John, then move Sarah, Teri, Jesse and Mary in with either himself and Melanie, or one of the other married brothers. If he couldn't find a husband for Sarah, then she would live with one of her brothers for the rest of her life.

Moneywise I don't know if they'd be too badly off. They could sell Teri and Steve's place, they'd still have 1tontramp, however much that brings in, they could continue the ministry, since none of the boys have jobs outside the home, and best of all, they could drink pepsi and eat as many animal crackers as they liked.

[Coconut Flan]

I'm sure they would expect Nathan to step in. I'm not sure how prepared he is given Steve's controlling nature.

I'm more concerned about dementia and how long it would take the family to realize it and how much more difficult it would be to cope with given Steve's controlling personality. I can see a lot of problems and more serious control issues coming along before they figured it out. I don't think they'd be as willing or able to recognize the symptoms and deal with the situation as a more middle of the road family would be.

[Witsec7]

I think if Steve was ever afflicted with dementia all the anger he's been stuffing would eventually come out.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I'm not a Maxwell fan, but the way Teri describes it really does sound like a true addiction. Thinking about Pepsi all the time and drinking a two liter a day? Granted, I really like my diet coke and have been known to run to the corner gas station to get some when I really wanted it, but it sounds almost like it was far more than a simple "like" to Teri.

I could be way off base, but I almost wonder if there is a level of an addictive personality going on here.

Exactly - that's what made the incident so memorable and got it snarked so much here. When I read it the first time I was certain that "Pepsi" was maybe a stand-in for something else. It just read so much like a standard addiction memoir!

[WonderingInWA]

It just read so much like a standard addiction memoir!

Exactly.

[lilith]

Exactly.

Yep, it's word for word what you would hear at AA.

It makes me glad in a way that Teri's lifestyle has prevented her coming into contact with drugs or alcohol.

I do wonder if she takes opiates for her back pain, and if so if she abuses them. She just seems to have such an addictive personality.

[twin2]

Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.

Steve has been conversing via e-mail, with a women he is NOT married to??????!!!????

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

[lilith]

Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.

Steve has been conversing via e-mail, with a women he is NOT married to??????!!!????

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

You are right, he has succumbed to temptation. He is allowing himself to give the appearance of evil, which is just as bad as him taking her to a motel room and making her suck her own boob!!!

Someone must tell Teri that she needs to protect her marriage. Maybe she isn't fulfilling Steve's lawful email needs so he has to seek to fill them with some FJ strumpet!

ETA : apologies to those who haven't followed the UncleDad saga and don't get the boob reference.

[galaxygirl]

Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.

Steve has been conversing via e-mail, with a women he is NOT married to??????!!!????

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

Plus, he almost had fun!

[anniebgood]

Wait, wait, wait. Time-out.

Steve has been conversing via e-mail, with a women he is NOT married to??????!!!????

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

But I'm a married woman conversing with God's mouthpiece.

He'll never have to worry about running into me at a convention, my kids are grown and we didn't homeschool, I'm an evil Lutheran which is Diet Catholic, and my husband is an agnostic.

I read current fiction, catch up on all the local and international news online and discuss it with my family, love the Green Bay Packers and dislike the LA Dodgers. Drink a little drink now and again.

And I sleep with a little 10 lb dog between my husband and I every night.

I'm too much a sinner for Steve. (And besides he looks like my Uncle Wayne who was as crazy as a shit house rat)

[devilsadvocate]

I'm not a Maxwell fan, but the way Teri describes it really does sound like a true addiction. Thinking about Pepsi all the time and drinking a two liter a day? Granted, I really like my diet coke and have been known to run to the corner gas station to get some when I really wanted it, but it sounds almost like it was far more than a simple "like" to Teri.

Yeah, the Pepsi story does make it sound like Teri had a legitimate addiction to caffeine. I am of the opinion that ideally soft drinks should be a treat like candy, not something you drink every day - especially not a 2 liter every day.

When I was a teenager I used to drink Cherry Coke all the time. I do think it had harmful effects on my teeth and weight. When I decided to get serious about losing weight I had to cut it out of my life because if I did drink it sometimes I would crave it and want more.

It may not be like getting hooked on heroin, but I do think that soft drinks can be addictive and harmful to people.