Of Knights and Fair Maidens

[dairyfreelife]

countrymousemusings.blogspot.com/2012/06/of-knights-and-fair-maidens.html

I feel sorry for the women who try to smother the need to be rescued. They are robbing themselves AND their hero of a blessing.

:roll: I don't need rescued. What would I need rescued from? Regardless, if my boyfriend is my hero, that makes me his heroine. I'm okay with that. Neither of us need rescued, but if we need help, we'd do our best to help in any way possible. I'm just as willing to help him as he would be willing to help me.

95% percent of the time my issues and problems can be solved and handled by my hero. I’ve been rescued, he fixed the problem and feels macho. We’re both happy and all is well in the world.

Of course my bf would probably like to help get rid of any problems I have, but I'd feel the same, however in the real world, all problems don't have simple solutions. Sometimes just venting a hard time is enough and my boyfriend does this when his job stresses him out. I can't fix the problems, but he feels better. A shoulder rub helps too. ;)

[freejoytoo]

Why do these women want to be simpering wimps so much? Rescue yourselves!

[mirele]

My father raised me to be a strong, independent woman. That doesn't mean I'm not afraid to ask for help, but don't need to be rescued all the time. Man, this stuff makes me want to barf.

[Witsec7]

I'm a single independent senior adult female. I do not need to be rescued. I could use help in weeding today, but no rescue is necessary.

[CynicMom]

My mother was a believer in submission within marriage but as she put it to me when I was a teenager: "It's fine to depend on a man if that's what you want. But what happens if you really need help and the only men around are not the sort you want to be indebted to? So let me show you how to change a tire."

[Lady_M]

"Rescued" seems to be fundie short-hand for "not making my own decisions". As an adult, I find some satisfaction in being able to figure my own way out of a situation not to my liking. While I can't say I enjoy being in the middle of a difficult place, it's helpful to get through - by working through these things it has helped me to develop coping skills, wisdom, and I learn. Being "rescued" just means that I never develop those things. Which, I suppose, with fundies is the point.

[wallfly]

Cynicmom, your mom is awesome!

I rescued my husband once. I deliberately disobeyed him and his life was spared. one morning he was complaining of the flu but I know it was something much worse. After phoning an ambulance against his wishes he went delirious within the hour. After sedation and a spinal tap, it was evident that he had bacterial meningitis. Even our 3 year old was telling anyone who would listen how angered his dad would be that I didn't obey. My husband was given 24 hours to live. That was 9 years ago and a near death experience has loosened him up considerably.

I wonder what the Fundie wives would say about my disobedience. If any are lurking they can pm me to tell me the error of my ways. I'll let my headship discuss it with them. I'm off to change a flat tire.......

[debrand]

Certainly if ninjas or armed robbers are attacking me, I want to be rescued by ANYONE. However, these events have never occured in my life and until they do, I'm not certain from what danger my husband would save me. He usually fills the gas tank up for me so maybe he is saving me from....the discomfort of smelling gas fumes? No, he is just being sweet just like when I do nice things for him. However, we don't consider our actions heroic, just thoughtful.

She uses being saved as a reason to stay home so that your problems are more easy for your husband to solve.

[AtroposHeart]

I am confused by her use of 'need to rescued' what exactly does she mean?

The average woman is not put into life threating situations daily, I would 'need to rescued' if an armed robber entered by home, but so would a man who was in the same sitaution/

[SisiL78]

Being that I'm nuts about weddings I immediately followed the link to her wedding photos. She must be fundy lite because the video slideshow featured only secular music, like Jason Mraz. Pretty girl and I liked her dress... I won't comment on the fugly husband, love shouldn't depend on handsomeness.

I feel like I was rescued from a life of lonely nights by my wonderful fiance. And he helps me every day whether its with the dishes or with a hug. But I rescue him too. We had a few HUGE arguments about his bloody noses. He finally (to shut me up) went to the specialist. Turns out he has hemophilia C. While a very mild form of hemophilia it means that in the even of an accident or surgery he needs to have special precautions taken in order to keep him from bleeding out. Before his diagnosis he had his wisdom teeth out and subsequently lost a ton of blood and had to go to the ER.

We all save each other. And her assertion that working women are somehow flawed b/c the hubbies cannot save them from work/office problems is just bullsh*t. Put on your big girl panties and solve a problem for yourself once in a while. And when I have issues at the office my FH DOES help. He helps by listening and giving me a hug and making my time after work special. How can you speak on a subject you have so little knowledge!!!!

[doggie]

I am confused by her use of 'need to rescued' what exactly does she mean?

rescued from thinking or making decisions but of course not from submission.

[stum_ble]

This is definitely one of my favorite fundie couple pictures ever.

[ceg045]

I won't comment on the fugly husband

You just did. If you're going to snark, own it.

[TXDuck]

Cuz someone has to post it:

Antidote to someone who has clearly OD-ed on old fairy tales

[Jezebel]

You just did. If you're going to snark, own it.

+1

As for "being rescued," I've always read that as:

"I'm afraid to stand up for myself. I'm afraid of other people's anger and disapproval. If I go out in the world, I'm terrified I won't succeed because other people will just keep walking all over me (as they do now), and I won't be able to stop them without making them angry. I wish I could just stay home and be a housewife and let my husband go make all the money so I don't have to deal with that."

Or:

"Going out in the world and making my own way just seems so hard. I'm not smart, aggressive, or educated enough to make a lot of money, and I would have to make do with a lot less. I have fantasies about how my life should be, and how I am supposed to live, and what kind of house I ought to live in--and I'll never be able to get all that on my own. I'll barely be able to make a living, and I might have to live in a scary part of town. So I'd really prefer to stay home, where it's safe, and marry a guy I know can make enough to support me in the lifestyle I know I'm supposed to have."

It all comes down to fear, really. And in this case, she assumes all other women are just as terrified of facing the challenges of full, self-supporting adulthood as she is.

For me, dependence on a husband (or anyone else) for my livelihood is a far more terrifying prospect than failing at a business, losing a job, or even losing a home (and I've been homeless, so I can say that as a fact). I saw firsthand how terrible that kind of dependency is: My mom was a SAHM, and while my father provided a good enough material existence, his "he who makes the gold makes the rules" attitude, and view of her as a subordinate whose job was to put up and shut up, made her one unhappy lady (and didn't do us kids any favors, either). The other women in my family who had been "rescued" from having to work for a living by marriage and housewifery didn't fare a whole lot better, even though their husbands were nicer.

The most happily married people I've ever known were couples where the wife was financially and psychologically capable of making her own way in the world--and both of them knew it. She loved him, and wanted to share her life with him, and was maybe content to be a housewife/SAHM for a while, but she didn't really need him. If he vanished the next day, she'd pick up and carry on and do just fine on her own again. He hadn't "rescued" her from a damned thing. And she could always pick up and leave if the relationship went bad, so he had a strong incentive to never take her for granted.

I know that trying to go out into the world and make it on your own is often scary and difficult, even in the best of economic times--and these are not those times. But believing a husband can come along and "rescue" you from all that? That's a comforting daydream, at best.

[Olive Plant]

95% percent of the time my issues and problems can be solved and handled by my hero. I’ve been rescued, he fixed the problem and feels macho. We’re both happy and all is well in the world.

I've said this before, but many times, men need to be "rescued" from their problems as often as women do, if by "rescued" you mean "helped." My boyfriend had to be rescued by me financially at one point, for example, or he would have been unable to pay his rent. He works hard; something unexpected came up. Big deal. If, on the other hand, you mean actually, literally rescued, then I'm not sure what she's talking about. The only situations where someone was physically threatening me were not fixed by my then-husband. Actually, oh yeah, he was doing the threatening.

If she means she wants someone to rescue her from heavy lifting or running to the store or raking the yard... yeah, I like male servants just as much as the next girl. Raking my yard does not make you my hero, though. If I can pay a handyman to do it for $10 an hour, it's not hero material.

If she thinks 95% of her "issues" can and should be solved by someone else, then I'd say this woman is incredibly lazy. Or just plain dumb, maybe.

[crawfishgirl]

If my husband had to constantly 'rescue' me, he would start asking me why I continued to get into situations where I needed rescuing, and to become more responsible with my actions. He wouldn't have the time or inclination to deal with continual silliness from me.

[notsocommon]

I need rescuing from Mt. Washmore. Wonder if my Knight would rush to my aid?

[samurai_sarah]

I've said this before, but many times, men need to be "rescued" from their problems as often as women do, if by "rescued" you mean "helped." My boyfriend had to be rescued by me financially at one point, for example, or he would have been unable to pay his rent. He works hard; something unexpected came up. Big deal. If, on the other hand, you mean actually, literally rescued, then I'm not sure what she's talking about. The only situations where someone was physically threatening me were not fixed by my then-husband. Actually, oh yeah, he was doing the threatening.

If she means she wants someone to rescue her from heavy lifting or running to the store or raking the yard... yeah, I like male servants just as much as the next girl. Raking my yard does not make you my hero, though. If I can pay a handyman to do it for $10 an hour, it's not hero material.

If she thinks 95% of her "issues" can and should be solved by someone else, then I'd say this woman is incredibly lazy. Or just plain dumb, maybe.

QFT.

Her reasoning sounds fearful and lazy to me. If she doesn't get "rescued", well, hey...it's all someone else's fault.

[mockingbird]

The young fundy women were probably deprived of hearing Play which would have remedied this situation ;)

Kz7KPvX64g4

I prefer Sara Crewe's theory of princess-hood, personally, where being a princess is more of a responsibility than a right - it's about how you act toward everyone no matter the situation. But anyway, I agree that it comes off as laziness and/or fear of being independent and all the things that go with it, depending on the person talking about it. Could be either or both for Rebecca. Rebecca also comes off a bit defensive with her thing about feeling sorry for independent women... like she has to be sorry for them or she might want to be one?

And news flash, Rebecca - even if you're a submissive housewife, great, that supposed "5%" of problems that cannot be solved by your husband can be big problems, like an illness... stressors are part of life no matter how much you try to avoid them and pass them off to others.

[SisiL78]

Okay. I own the fugly comment. sorry!

I'm sure he's a wonderful guy, but how can any modern man read this and not think that he's signed up for a lifetime with a woman who will be his ward and not really his wife. What happens when he needs help and rescuing? Does his rescuing mean that he'll change a diaper or cook a meal? Does it mean he'll do the laundry or babysit when she needs some free time? Unfortunately I think the answer is no. By rescuing she might very well mean that he'll explain her duties as helpmeet. I hope he's not that kind of d-bag, but you never know with these guys.

I'm just wondering what her rescuer does exactly? What sort of problems? Which color to paint the walls? And what "City" does this Country girl live in?

[alba]

There is rarely a story you read that does not, in some way or another, feature a damsel-in-distress and a gallant knight in shining armor or a cowboy in a white hat rushing in to save her.

And then there's Katniss, who goes against Peeta's wishes and saves his life.

That's the kind of woman I like to read about; the kind of woman who makes choices and decisions for herself.

[Maude]

I think that deep down—even if she won’t admit it—every woman likes to be rescued. I think it is built into us and not something we can outgrow or become to mature or spiritual for. We were made to feel like we need to be saved or rescued and the hero in our lives was made to be be our husband, or our father if we are unmarried.

I admit that sometimes I'd like for someone to come along and just fix all of my problems for me, but at the end of the day, I see it for what it is — a product of exhaustion, laziness, and wishful thinking. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for yourself and your situation. Be an adult already.

[formergothardite]

This is definitely one of my favorite fundie couple pictures ever.

What had he been doing? And wow, she looks like she is trying to her best to look like an adoring wife while on the inside she wishes he wouldn't touch her.

[kayray]

I have always despised this attitude. It definitely comes off as "poor little me, the big bad world is so scary, please help" and I think it does a tremendous disservice to girls, boys, women and men.

In my experience people with this "fairytale" view of life and relationships (I thee dub it "knight in shining armour syndrome") have a pretty difficult time actually dealing with realities and the relationship dynamics they are in are pretty unbalanced (like a weird parent-young child dynamic where both are really quite emotionally stunted or lack much in the way of emotional intimacy). And really, 95% of HER issues and problems can be fixed by him? I dare say that if she talked to a therapist, they would disagree. Because even by her attitude I can see a lot of issues that clearly are probably NOT being fixed by him and can't be. Even aside from "personal and emotional issues", how does she really believe that? As someone above pointed out, this is a great excuse for her to stay at home I guess so she can be rescued from life itself. I would love to see the look on my boss's face if I told him I needed to call my husband to "rescue" me on a tough file! Ha ha. It would only be overtaken by the look on my husband's face who does not have the desire (or the training) to do what I do. I definitely do not want to be rescued from work, I enjoy it even when it is difficult. Figuring out solutions to problems on your own can be very satisfying, though unfortunately many fundie women seem to never realize this and never even give themselves the chance to find out! I do enjoy telling my husband about it all when I get home though...not so that he FIXES it, I don't want him to fix it, but he listens, shares ideas, hears my solution, and so on. He also does the same thing with me when he talks about his job.

My husband and I are both quite capable of taking care of ourselves. We love and support each other. We respect each others individuality. We take responsibility for our own decision making. We take care of each other, but we do NOT caretake each other (there is a difference!). I have been there for him when he was going through some difficult health issues. We are there as an emotional support for each other through the deaths of family and friends, stresses at work. We support and share with each other in our dreams, goals, fears, joys and disappointments. We do look out for each other and are a team when we face difficult life situations, we ask for help, but I do NOT feel a need to be rescued, therefore am not robbed of it. My husband is not robbed of "being a hero". Our relationship is not based on playing some sort of "damsel in distress and knight in shining armour" role play. No, instead it is based on us being authentic and honest with each other, in being ourselves, in encouraging and experiencing growth not only in our relationship but in our individual selves. We love and cherish each other for the individuals we are, not because we can feel rescued or feel macho. We are together as we genuinely, truly want to be and want to share our lives together, not because we NEED the other to apparently survive life. I definitely would NOT feel sorry for me, I have a wonderful life and a wonderful marriage. No glass slippers required.

Aside from that, just because it is written in a fairytale does not mean it was freaking reality. That is why they are called fairy tales! Ever thought about what happens after the knight rescued the princess? Do they REALLY think this is what life was like back then? In the days of knights and so forth, knights (and other able men) could be gone for years at a time, and I guarantee they weren't keeping it in their armour all the time for their "fair maiden" only or displaying the romantic bullshit that some of these women seem to believe. What did the women do when their knight was not around to "rescue" them? What happened when the knight brought home syphillis to share? Or, um, what happened when most people did NOT live as knights and princesses at all, and NO ONE had the luxury of staying home. The women worked the fields, the markets, took in work. So did the kids, for that matter.