"The Suitcase" - What do you guys think?

[ADoyle90815]

Exactly. My parents discussed everything as well. It was actually a great way to give us a moral education without banging us over the head. We weren't getting a lecture - we were discussing real-life outcomes of drug use, unplanned pregnancies, etc. It wasn't about obedience. It was about being given knowledge and tools to make smarter choices, and knowing how to get help if we or someone we knew made less-than-smart choices.

To me, an essential part of parenting is preparing your child to make moral choices in life. If you haven't prepared them to do so outside of a bubble, then you really haven't done your job.

That's also the way it was for my brother and I, we heard adult conversations, and were given the sex talk throughout our childhood. By the time I started my first period, I knew what to expect, so the only thing I had to tell my mom was to get me my own supplies. Because of all of the discussions, I've never had an unplanned pregnancy, and I went on birth control pills to reduce cramping and heavy periods, long before I was ready for sex.

[SilverBeach]

When I was about 8 years old, a kotex commercial came on tv. I asked my mom, what's a kotex, and she said she would tell me when I got older. I obsessed about kotex from that point on, because I didn't understand why she just didn't answer my question. Normally, my mom fostered my intellectual curiosity, so this was out of the norm for her. Fast forward 30 years or so, I have an 8 year old daughter of my own. She sees sanitary products in the bathroom, and asks me the same question I asked my mom. I told her that the pad was similar to a diaper but it was not for babies or toddlers. She said "OK" and bounced out of the room, and probably didn't obsess the way I did because of the non-answer my mom gave me. My philosophy was that if my child could formulate a question she deserved an age-appropiate real answer, no matter what the subject. My mom meant no harm, she was a product of her generation and they just didn't talk about those things, I'm glad the culture changed in this respect.

[lilith]

These kids are growing up in QF homes with Mum home birthing a blessing in her bedroom (or on the porch, whatevs) every few years and with her body swelling, then a child being born, then her body shrinking, over and over. If their mothers think that they are sheltered from the technicalities of pregnancy and birth they are kidding themselves. The Duggar girls certainly know about sweet fellowship, in fact they seem to have a deeper knowledge of their mother's ovulation cycle than most women do of their own. The hyper awareness about not masturbating and not defrauding also adds to the sexual awareness in fundie children. A tiny JoyAnna covering up scantily clad women on a television set so that her pre pubescent brothers didn't see them was in no way age appropriate.

My kids have always known about sex and babies and how they are made. I first explained it in simple terms to

my then two year old daughter when pregnant with her youngest brother, and have expanded upon it as she and her brothers ask and it becomes relevant. They know that most babies come out of vaginas but that they came out of my tummy, and they have seen and touched the scars. They know that I get my period cause I'm not having a baby , and they know what that entails, cause they have no concept of bathroom privacy, and as a single mother of three under five it wasn't safe to lock myself away in a bathroom anyway. My daughter knows I take a pill every day to make sure I don't have another baby til I want one, and she thinks that's a great idea. She also knows the basics of sex and why I didn't need to take that pill before I had a partner. The boys are younger and not as curious, but they know the basics if how babies get in and how they come out.

None of them have expressed any inappropriate thoughts about sex, and my daughter, at nine, already knows that when she is older and has a boyfriend I can give her pills do she won't have a baby. Unlike the daughters of fundies who are kept in ignorance of contraceptives and simply told that sex is evil til their wedding day when it suddenly becomes their purpose in life, she is highly unlikely to have to deal with an unwanted teenage pregnancy simply because she isn't equipped to prevent it.

I tend to think that there is no right or wrong age to know about sex, certainly not a date when you are suddenly ready to carry a heavy suitcase of secrets. If a child asks a question they deserve an answer they can understand, especially if it relates to their own body. Sexuality and reproduction are such integral, primal parts of being human, it seems ludicrous to me to shield young humans, who are already sexual beings, from knowledge of it.

[JesusFightClub]

Lilith, excellent post. That's totally how I want to be with Small and Smaller. It's really inspiring to see people on this thread are so open.

Small asks me some very surreal questions about body parts (and Smaller is approaching the want to know stage) but she's not curious about sex yet. She knows "a baby comes out of a lady's flower [vagina]" but she doesn't seem to care how it got inside in the first place at the moment. As far as I can work out she appears to believe they just generate spontaneously, like characters in a computer game :lol: She knows as well "I won't get one until I am big."

She used to like pretending she was pregnant and having a baby, so she understands the mechanics of that part (giving birth). Bro and SIL explained that to her when Smaller appeared. I hope if it's me she asks first about how the baby got inside the mum, I manage to do such a good job of explaining as FJists do!

[pimpom]

I am also sick of fundy guys (guys in general, but more the fundy ones) being offended if I mention my period. Like a 40+yr old married man on facebook wrote me a long reply once when I said I was "having really bad cramps" about how he doesn't need to know this, and it makes him uncomfortable etc etc. I tore him a new one. :-p

Cool! What did you tell him? (I'm most curious to know!)

[desertvixen]

I think it's sad that so many people grow up ignorant of their bodies, especially when there are so many "teachable moments", as some like to say.

Especially from people who like to rhapsodize over how perfect the eye is when they're arguing against evolution.

My six year old understands that women get periods (I had to liken the tampon to a bandaid rather than a diaper, because my three year old was rather fixated on the blood aspect), that babies grow inside the mommy's body and how they come out, and that some women take medicine so they don't have a baby until they want to. I use the patch, so she's seen that. Lately the new fascination is why people (namely myself and her grandmother) get hair on their bodies and when it is going to happen to her.

[eohiken]

We have dairy goats, so from a very young age my kids understood: breeding>birth>babies>milk. Having this transcribe into human relations has been amusing. For some reason, my oldest got to a fair age (by my measure) of 8 before noticing the word 'sex'. I explained it as humans mating, but not to make babies, only for fun because we don't go into heat. This kept her for a bit until she thought, but why are there only two children in our family? Then I had to explain contraception and the concept of family planning, reinforcing the huge responsibility of it all. That was the first time reproduction mechanics became real life issues.

Hiding information from children is manipulative, selfish and wrong.