The rights of long term missionaries' kids?

[FaustianSlip]

If the parents are making visa runs every X number of months to "keep their visas," I can just about guarantee that they're not there legally, at least not in the sense that they're in that country on a visa appropriate to the kind of activity in which they are engaged. If there were a group of, say, Muslims from Saudi Arabia who were flying to the U.S. on tourist visas, staying six months at a time (maximum visa validity here) while working on establishing mosques in rural areas, flying home every six months for a week and then returning to the U.S. to stay another six months to continue their mosque planting, you can bet people wouldn't be thrilled. If the person responsible for issuing their visas noticed this travel pattern, they'd be denied for failure to establish that they they have firm ties in their home country and will return. We wouldn't accept it- why should some other country? Because it's a poor country in Africa with bad governance? I don't think so. You don't get a pass on breaking the law just because you're white and/or Christian and "doing God's work." That's not much different than the argument people were using when they were lifting random kids off the streets in Haiti to "rescue" them for adoption to U.S. families.

As far as culture and so on, I agree it's tough. I work in a field where I move around a lot, and almost all the kids I know qualify as "third culture kids." As has been mentioned, some thrive and some end up really screwed up. It depends a lot on the parents, but even the well-adjusted kids tend to feel ill at ease when back in the U.S. and somewhat adrift if they never had the opportunity to put roots down somewhere in their home country. It's a real issue and not something to be brushed aside, I don't think. That said, it doesn't constitute grounds for removing a child from her parents, either.

[Olivia]

I disagree with you. I was homeschooled until I was 9 and overcoming the isolation and social stuntedness took years. I doubt someone who has very little exposure to her own culture would be easily to assimilate.

I don't have a lot of respect for parents who take their children into foreign countries without making proper accommodations for their children, so in some ways, I'm on your side here. But I think your experience is atypical and find it hard to believe there was nothing else going on either in your homeschooling or afterwards to provoke your difficulties.

I was homeschooled through high school, but had no difficulties with being socially stunted or feeling isolated when I went to college. Adjusting to the college experience itself was admittedly novel in terms of becoming accustomed to the structure and homework -- that took a good year to get used to. But socially speaking, I was perfectly happy in college. I fit in just fine, played sports (for the first time!), joined lots of activities and developed some great friendships that persist today. The other homeschoolers I knew who went on to college had similar experiences. There's no reason for homeschoolers to be "socially stunted" unless their parents are isolating, unresponsive to their needs or abusive, or the children in question have other problems that might impact their development even if they were in school daily.

It does sound like in your cousin's case, she's in a bad situation. So why doesn't someone in the extended family who would be willing to take her in, as you said there are several, reach out to her parents with that suggestion? That's what I would do were it my cousin, if I were in a position to do so.

[gardenvarietycitizen]

I'd be very concerned about a child who was in a foreign country, in what sounds like a developing area, with no one to communicate with and no school attendance. It sounds like the Catholic Homesteader junk, just the International Edition. Any time a child is isolated with no one other than the parents aware of their welfare, and with very little ability to make contact with someone who is legally obligated to care, I'm concerned.

(ETA: I highly doubt if they have to leave every few months they're there legally. Sounds like someone is misusing their tourist visa. Are they US citizens, or citizens from another country who are authorized to be in the US but are doing missionary work elsewhere?)

People are expats in various directions for all kinds of reasons. Done right, no one has to be deprived of anything.

But my first question is - what type of visa are they on? I agree if they have to go back to the US routinely, it sounds like they're misusing a tourist visa and THAT is why the kids don't qualify for school. There's no reason they need to go to international school anyway, they can go to local schools and then they'd know the language, exactly as foreign kids learn English in the US while their parents are in the US attending graduate school - but to do that, you need a valid NON-TOURIST visa. Meaning, cultural visa, work visa, student visa, that sort of thing, in most countries.

If the kid were going to a school (even a local school in a non-English language) the kid would be socialized and have peers and friends. Personally I don't think it's a terrible thing necessarily for the kid to be socialized foreign, though it IS important that the kid maintain English skills if it's a known thing that the family (and the kid) will be moving back to the US at some point. But math learned in some other language? Kid will cope. People do every day.

So... I think the issue is living under the table, rather than living as (legal!!) expats somewhere.

In my community plenty of parents here on legal visas send their kids to local American school (which is only in English) and then homeschool or more commonly send the kid to weekend cram school all day on Saturday to make sure they stay current in Japanese language.

[Caxpax]

Can you contact whatever missionary organization they are affiliated with and express your concerns? I know there are loads of support groups for grown up MKs and a lot of the sending organizations finally started taking some notice and doing *some* things to protect the MKs interest. Not nearly enough, but some.

What a sad story. My husband's family has 4 generations of missionaries and the issues the kids are dealing with seem to just keep getting compounded with every generation.....

[Glass Cowcatcher]

If the parents are making visa runs every X number of months to "keep their visas," I can just about guarantee that they're not there legally, at least not in the sense that they're in that country on a visa appropriate to the kind of activity in which they are engaged. If there were a group of, say, Muslims from Saudi Arabia who were flying to the U.S. on tourist visas, staying six months at a time (maximum visa validity here) while working on establishing mosques in rural areas, flying home every six months for a week and then returning to the U.S. to stay another six months to continue their mosque planting, you can bet people wouldn't be thrilled. If the person responsible for issuing their visas noticed this travel pattern, they'd be denied for failure to establish that they they have firm ties in their home country and will return. We wouldn't accept it- why should some other country? Because it's a poor country in Africa with bad governance? I don't think so. You don't get a pass on breaking the law just because you're white and/or Christian and "doing God's work." That's not much different than the argument people were using when they were lifting random kids off the streets in Haiti to "rescue" them for adoption to U.S. families.

Thanks, this pretty much sums up how I feel about missionary work in general.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I don't have a lot of respect for parents who take their children into foreign countries without making proper accommodations for their children, so in some ways, I'm on your side here. But I think your experience is atypical and find it hard to believe there was nothing else going on either in your homeschooling or afterwards to provoke your difficulties.

I was homeschooled through high school, but had no difficulties with being socially stunted or feeling isolated when I went to college. Adjusting to the college experience itself was admittedly novel in terms of becoming accustomed to the structure and homework -- that took a good year to get used to. But socially speaking, I was perfectly happy in college. I fit in just fine, played sports (for the first time!), joined lots of activities and developed some great friendships that persist today. The other homeschoolers I knew who went on to college had similar experiences. There's no reason for homeschoolers to be "socially stunted" unless their parents are isolating, unresponsive to their needs or abusive, or the children in question have other problems that might impact their development even if they were in school daily.

The problem with homeschooling is what I bolded. Whether or not a child "succeeds" at homeschooling is entirely up to the parents. I have seen a lot of parents here homeschooling and saying they are success stories, but most of them are not or were not the kind of homeschoolers who avoid public school specifically to isolate their children. My experience is not at all atypical of that kind of homeschooling.

It does sound like in your cousin's case, she's in a bad situation. So why doesn't someone in the extended family who would be willing to take her in, as you said there are several, reach out to her parents with that suggestion? That's what I would do were it my cousin, if I were in a position to do so.

The cousin in question has NOT at this point expressed a concrete desire to reside in the USA, just dissatisfaction with the situation. The question hasn't come up, but most members of her extended family are sympathetic to her parent's activities and don't see the issue.

I'd take her in myself, but I am not financially stable at this point.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

People are expats in various directions for all kinds of reasons. Done right, no one has to be deprived of anything.

But my first question is - what type of visa are they on? I agree if they have to go back to the US routinely, it sounds like they're misusing a tourist visa and THAT is why the kids don't qualify for school. There's no reason they need to go to international school anyway, they can go to local schools and then they'd know the language, exactly as foreign kids learn English in the US while their parents are in the US attending graduate school - but to do that, you need a valid NON-TOURIST visa. Meaning, cultural visa, work visa, student visa, that sort of thing, in most countries...So... I think the issue is living under the table, rather than living as (legal!!) expats somewhere...

I really feel bad that I just took dear aunt and uncle on their word about this issue last time they visited. :(

[Nesomja]

That said, there were a fair number of kids in missionary and foreign worker circles who resented the upbringing enormously, felt deprived of their culture and extended families, and generally hated life. This seemed more common in families who kept their kids isolated from the society where they lived, not learning the language, not having friends of the culture and nationality where they live. I feel I have two homes, they felt they had no home. My folks were a bit radical in that they refused to raise us in the missionary 'compound' or North American ghetto, we lived in a normal middle class neighbourhood and played with local kids, learned the local language at the same time we learned English.

I had to reply to this and to the other poster who suggested she can go to a local school and to the person who said she should have learnt the local language. I also had an MK/TCK type upbringing, going to 11 different schools and living in 4 different countries. I value the experience. But the sort of integration that is possible for a foreign, western child is very different depending on the country. In one of the countries we lived in there were no 'middle class neighbourhoods' as there was no middle class, the local schools were known for corruption and beatings were used as punishment, and where ever we went we were shouted at and followed because we were white. We made no local friends except for those who were at the international school and were therefore exceptionally wealthy. In another country, we lived in a normal house in a village and went to a normal school. I guess my point is that a child could be extremely isolated and with very few options if they were in a country like the first I talked about and couldn't go to the international school. But also as others said, there are usually hostels for children or others go to boarding school. However, she has no rights to do either of those, it is up to her parents.

Maybe all you can do is talk to her and see how she feels about the situation and if she wants any information/support to change things?

[debrand]

If the parents are making many runs back to the US, perhaps you coud suggest that it would be easier for their mission if they left their daughter with a trusted family member. Don't be critical because it will cause her parents to become stubborn.

[Rosa]

The *legal* rights of the parents are different than the moral rights, i think; I think parents have a moral imperative to take care of their kids, including emotionally and educationally, and it's totally within extended family's role to at least speak up, or offer a place to a kid who isn't thriving where the parents have chosen to go. That's just as true for missionary kids as for people whose parents decide to go live in the woods or be so separatist the kids can't talk to anyone outside the family.

Also, since most missionaries are funded by donations from churches and individuals, I think it's appropriate for those people to check up on the family's wellbeing.