The rights of long term missionaries' kids?

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Hi all.

I notice that a number of the fundy blogs in the reference lists are long-term missionary families. I'd like to ask the members of this board (I'm new and I can't quite refer to myself as part of a 'hive vagina' yet :lol: ) if anyone knows what sort of rights missionary children have?

I am aware that the USA is pretty piss-poor for children's rights anyway, but this issue is close to my heart. One of my aunts and uncles are long-term missionaries to a foreign country. For my cousin, who is in her early teens, this has amounted to an incredibly unstable life. She does not have access to quality medical care while abroad, has is homeschool because she can't meet attendance requirements for the international school (while abroad, the family has no access to the kind of homeschooling extracurricular activities that are, IMO, a very questionable outlet for children to socialize in the first place), has virtually no acquaintances beyond her family since she is not fluent in the local language, and has seemed generally ignorant of American culture. To top it all off, her parents insist that their missionary work could get them into trouble with the local government if they are discovered, though I think the threat may be exaggerated to drum up funding.

While my cousin has not, at this point, indicated that she has any doubts about the Christian faith, at this point in her life, she has confided in me that she has tired of the missionary life and wishes to live back in the United States. Her parents, of course, are oblivious to any of the above concerns and believe it is God's will for them to remain in the mission field. :roll:

For my part I think this kind of lifestyle is abusive to the children. It would be insane to think of an active duty soldier taking a child into the field with them, and I don't see why missionaries get a pass just because they are religiously motivated.

I don't want to see my cousin do it, but I wonder what would happen if some ebil librul group like the ACLU got behind a missionary's child and argued that they had a right to a stable home in their own country, an education, and exposure to their own native culture. The right would loose their shit, I know that, but do you think the courts would side with the parents, or the child?

[MadameX]

Wow, that is a complicated situation. I feel like someone would have to file a law suit, possibly one of those divorce your parents things, on behalf of the child. A case would have to be made that the parents do not act in the best interests of the child to an extreme point and that the child could take care of herself somehow, I think. I'm not a lawyer but that is my moderately educated guess.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Wow, that is a complicated situation. I feel like someone would have to file a law suit, possibly one of those divorce your parents things, on behalf of the child. A case would have to be made that the parents do not act in the best interests of the child to an extreme point and that the child could take care of herself somehow, I think. I'm not a lawyer but that is my moderately educated guess.

I know, it is complicated :(

One thing that I suspect would complicate the issue is that these kids may not actually have a physical address inside of the United States, so it might be very difficult to determine which of state courts they should even file in.

[emmiedahl]

It's hard because you get into parents' rights vs. children's rights.

When I was finishing elementary school, my mother moved our family from a place I love to a place I hated. Yet, it had to happen for financial reasons. Children know what makes them happy in this moment, but they have no idea about long-term happiness or finances or safety. Parents usually do know these things, and they usually have the child's best interests at heart. These are the assumptions underlying American family law.

I am not defending the missionary parents--hello, have you read The Poisonwood Bible? Even before the shit hits the fan, you can see that the father has made The Official Wrong Choice. But in order to legally remove parental control, you have to prove that the parent has been abusive or negligent in big fat obvious ways.

[MadameX]

I know, it is complicated :(

One thing that I suspect would complicate the issue is that these kids may not actually have a physical address inside of the United States, so it might be very difficult to determine which of state courts they should even file in.

I would imagine the parents retain residency somewhere, on paper. Where do they have their most current drivers licenses? Where was their last place of residence?

The first place the kid should go is the US Embassy wherever they are in the world, if she truly feels neglected and/or threatened with no protection or advocate.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

It's hard because you get into parents' rights vs. children's rights.

When I was finishing elementary school, my mother moved our family from a place I love to a place I hated. Yet, it had to happen for financial reasons. Children know what makes them happy in this moment, but they have no idea about long-term happiness or finances or safety. Parents usually do know these things, and they usually have the child's best interests at heart. These are the assumptions underlying American family law... in order to legally remove parental control, you have to prove that the parent has been abusive or negligent in big fat obvious ways.

I don't want to go into the details of my relatives' situation on a public board, but what I am objecting to is the long-term missionaries that allow their children to grow up ignorant of her own culture, does not have access to proper medical care, and may put them in danger if the political situation in their country of residence is not stable or the missionary activities may be illegal.

These people are not moving for financial reasons--my relatives survive largely off of donations. They do not have the child's best interest at heart--they are diminishing or ignoring the child's needs in order to further the religious goals.

I don't think the parents custody should automatically be terminated--just that parents should wait until the child is old enough to live somewhere else before embarking on long-term mission trips. My cousin has numerous siblings and aunts and uncles in the United States that she could, theoretically, live with if her parents gave their blessing.

[MadameX]

Like I said, if she truly feels threatened or neglected, she should get herself to a US Embassy.

Especially if her parents' activities could get the family in legal trouble.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I would imagine the parents retain residency somewhere, on paper. Where do they have their most current drivers licenses? Where was their last place of residence?

The first place the kid should go is the US Embassy wherever they are in the world, if she truly feels neglected and/or threatened with no protection or advocate.

I don't want to post that info on a public board, but they do have a house they rent out and I assume their home address is there. The trouble is that when they do come to the states they are usually running around to various Christian conferences and mission training seminars.

I want to be clear that my cousin is NOT trying to initiate this process, I'm just ruminating on the plight of kids like her in general.

[jojo]

I know of a 12 year old American child who lives in Africa with her missionary parents. She was home in the USA for 6 months recently and told me she couldn't wait to get back "home" to Africa. It is what she knows and loves.

I don't want to post that info on a public board, but they do have a house they rent out and I assume their home address is there. The trouble is that when they do come to the states they are usually running around to various Christian conferences and mission training seminars.

I want to be clear that my cousin is NOT trying to initiate this process, I'm just ruminating on the plight of kids like her in general.

[jojo]

I know of a 12 year old American child who lives in Africa with her missionary parents. She was home in the USA for 6 months recently and told me she couldn't wait to get back "home" to Africa. It is what she knows and loves.

Opps....posted above instead of below. Still learning!

[Kitchen Princess]

I think it's none of your business.

The things you state as drawbacks seem like non-issues to me. Who cares if she doesn't know American culture? It's not that hard to learn once she comes back. I have a friend who grew up in Turkey because her parents were missionaries. The biggest thing lack we can find is that she doesn't know commercial jingles from the '60s and '70s. I mean, really, who cares about that? And your cousin has the internet.

If she doesn't speak the local language by now, it's her own damn fault. It means she's not engaging with her environment, and that's just dumb. If you get to live somewhere else for a while and still get to have all the rights and privileges of an American, that's just GREAT! She should strike while the iron is hot.

Most missionary organizations require their folks to go to language school before they go afield. I'm really surprised that language is something you're complaining about.

[MadameX]

If her parents are engaging in illegal activities in a foreign country, you better believe that's a problem. If it were my cousin, I'd consider that my business.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I think it's none of your business.

I wrote the OP about one of my family members. I have a right to be concerned. She, and other children in that situation, have the right to have their reservations about an unstable living situation taken seriously.

The things you state as drawbacks seem like non-issues to me. Who cares if she doesn't know American culture? It's not that hard to learn once she comes back. I have a friend who grew up in Turkey because her parents were missionaries. The biggest thing lack we can find is that she doesn't know commercial jingles from the '60s and '70s. I mean, really, who cares about that? And your cousin has the internet.

I disagree with you. I was homeschooled until I was 9 and overcoming the isolation and social stuntedness took years. I doubt someone who has very little exposure to her own culture would be easily to assimilate.

And not that I mean "culture", not "pop culture."

The internet is also limited in the country where she resides.

If she doesn't speak the local language by now, it's her own damn fault. It means she's not engaging with her environment, and that's just dumb. If you get to live somewhere else for a while and still get to have all the rights and privileges of an American, that's just GREAT! She should strike while the iron is hot.

She can't just drop in with the locals. She looks very different, they are somewhat suspicious of the outsiders, and from what I gather her parents keep her rather isolated. As I mentioned in the OP, she has had to withdraw from the international school that would have helped her learn the language to overcome those other setbacks.

Most missionary organizations require their folks to go to language school before they go afield. I'm really surprised that language is something you're complaining about.

The parents do, but she does not receive this. She is not officially part of the mission team. She is glorified luggage.

[demgirl]

This is a really, really complicated situation. I agree that it seems like you have reason to be concerned.

[Wolfie]

I'm wondering why she can't meet the attendence requirements. The missionary kids I went to college with often went to boarding schools in the country or region where their parents were missionaries. There are schools set up for that purpose.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

I'm wondering why she can't meet the attendence requirements. The missionary kids I went to college with often went to boarding schools in the country or region where their parents were missionaries. There are schools set up for that purpose.

The family has to return to the US every so often in order to keep their visas. Because of that she missed a lot of schools and was expelled.

[Wolfie]

The family has to return to the US every so often in order to keep their visas. Because of that she missed a lot of schools and was expelled.

Okay, so in other words, the family is not there legally. I think her best bet would be to contact CPS next time she's in the states if she is here often.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Okay, so in other words, the family is not there legally. I think her best bet would be to contact CPS next time she's in the states if she is here often.

I think they are there legally, and this is just a quirk of the visa system in their home country.

[Kelya]

I'd be very concerned about a child who was in a foreign country, in what sounds like a developing area, with no one to communicate with and no school attendance. It sounds like the Catholic Homesteader junk, just the International Edition. Any time a child is isolated with no one other than the parents aware of their welfare, and with very little ability to make contact with someone who is legally obligated to care, I'm concerned.

(ETA: I highly doubt if they have to leave every few months they're there legally. Sounds like someone is misusing their tourist visa. Are they US citizens, or citizens from another country who are authorized to be in the US but are doing missionary work elsewhere?)

[Georgiana]

I wouldn't be concerned about her not knowing American culture. Plenty of ex-pats choose to raise their children in another country with no issues. To be fair, unless you live in a really remote area, it's hard NOT to be somewhat familiar with American culture. And even then, you usually just get exposure to culture from a few decades back. I'm of the opinion that the chance to really experience any culture is a gift. I would hope that any kids growing up in foreign countries really get to experience that culture. If they hate it, they can always move as an adult.

The access to education/safety and the child's health both mental and physical is another issue. I lived in the PRC, which is not friendly to missionaries generally, and since I actually studied religion in China, I can talk a little bit about those issues. If your parents were unauthorized missionaries in China, it would be nearly impossible to go to a state-run school (which is most of them) since the gov't will really watch you. You would have to go off the radar, which also may restrict your internet. Yes, education can be a really serious issue if your parents are in a country like China. But this might be hard to prove.

As for mental health, if you don't have access to education it can be hard to learn the language. This is not a complete cop-out. You should be making an effort. This is terrifying, let me tell you. The first month or so in China, nothing made sense and I felt so isolated. When you can't communicate, it is the worst. But it gets better, and you have to push through. There may be circumstances where this is beyond what could be reasonably expected of a child, but if you want legal emancipation, it better be pretty extenuating.

Physical health is the same. They would have to prove that there are extenuating circumstances that make the environment downright dangerous for a child. If there is real danger from the government, that is usually enough. But not always.

Basically, unless the child has an incredible reason to be separated from their parents because their basic rights are being extremely infringed upon, the chances of a court siding with the child are low.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Basically, unless the child has an incredible reason to be separated from their parents because their basic rights are being extremely infringed upon, the chances of a court siding with the child are low.

Emancipation is a rather drastic step, especially in cases where the parents might wish to return before the child comes of age. I would rather see the courts say something like a). Allow the child to live with a relative or friend while parents are abroad or b). Limit missionary activities to certain number of months, allowing the child time to go to school.

[boysmom]

I don't see anything that the parents are doing that really endangers the child. Homeschooling is legal in the US, although who knows about the host country, if it's 3'd world I doubt it's an issue. Unless the child has a medical condition that needs attention and she can't get it, there is no medical neglect. As far as not knowing American culture, that's a total non-issue and has no relationship to proper parenting. The child might not be happy, and I can understand that, but it doesn't make her parents unfit. I would personally listen to my child and consider sending them back to the states and probably move back myself to avoid being separated, but that's me.

[fundifugee]

I was raised as an MK from birth to age 8, and my best friend was raised abroad up to the age of 15 due to his father's employment in the oil industry in the middle east. I mention this because we had similar experiences except mine involved fundamentalist evangelical christianity, and his involved a semi-christian upbringing in a fundamentalist muslim society.

From my perspective, it was an awesome thing being raised in a different country. I am bilingual as a result, I learned a place and culture to a depth that few people of my own background have the opportunity to do. I learned to belong and not belong at the same time, both in the country of my birth (which was the 'mission field'), and in the US. Being able to stand outside the cultures where I lived gave me a lot of perspective and critical thinking. My friend feels the same way. I go back to the nation of my birth frequently, and it feels like home, even though I don't look like I am from there and I stand out like a rottweiler in a room full of poodles.

That said, there were a fair number of kids in missionary and foreign worker circles who resented the upbringing enormously, felt deprived of their culture and extended families, and generally hated life. This seemed more common in families who kept their kids isolated from the society where they lived, not learning the language, not having friends of the culture and nationality where they live. I feel I have two homes, they felt they had no home. My folks were a bit radical in that they refused to raise us in the missionary 'compound' or North American ghetto, we lived in a normal middle class neighbourhood and played with local kids, learned the local language at the same time we learned English.

If your cousin's family is isolating him/her in that way, usually due to a mistrust and hatred of the local culture that they are supposedly ministering to, then yes, I think that is a nasty and abusive way to grow up. If s/he is able to make friends and live a normal life where her family is, then I think it is an awesome opportunity.

[Bookworm]

Interesting to see MKs on this board! I've read some about the third culture kid experience and highly recommend those of you saying that not knowing American culture is a non-issue do some reading on the topic. Very enlightening. OP, I don't really have any advice, but maybe just corresponding with her will help?

[JesusFightClub]

The dodgy legality of what the parents are doing is a worrying thing here.

Returning to keep their visas, having to isolate their child and keep on the down low about what they are doing doesn't sound good. I can make a few guesses about where she may be (though I won't) but if there is likely to be political trouble, fair enough if mummy and daddy believe they are doing the right thing, but it doesn't sound like she has made that choice.