Razing Ruth's Sister Pregnant out of Wedlock

[ladypuglover]

Ruth, I am so sorry that this is a time of stress and hardship for your sister instead of the joy it should be. Please tell her that she has hundreds of people rooting for her.

[razingruth]

I wonder if, like so many other superfundies, Sperm Donor is self-employed and/or works for Pa? If that's the case, Rachel may have a hard time getting any kind of financial support even after he's proven to be the father. I'm sure Sperm Donor and his father would claim poverty so he/they wouldn't have to pay. But I'm sure none of that will happen, because as we all know, only heathen fathers don't step up and take care of their kids. Clearly, Isaiah just needs to watch "Courageous". Because that movie is so friggin' powerful, he'll have an instant, magical change of heart and become the Perfect Christian Father, right? Right?

Good thoughts and prayers to Rachel and baby.

You would be correct. His family runs a transcribing (medical or legal, I'm not sure) service and ministry. But, I'm not sure Isaiah (or any of his brothers) are on a payroll. All of the children live at home still and the business is ran out of the home so I'm not even sure if he gets a proper paycheck. I need to do some digging and see what I can find out. Isaiah's oldest brother has a lawn care gig that he runs out of the same house and from what I remember, Isaiah helped with that.

I'm not sure what Rachel will or won't need. You guys are sweet to offer but I think for now she just needs emotional and legal support.

[BravaAmica]

:o

Noooo! I don't even want to start a rumor like that. It's not a Duggar. The baby's father lives in an entirely different state than my family. That's why my brother and I were shocked that she got pregnant- this isn't someone she hangs out with on a regular basis. The last I had heard was that she and "Isaiah" were in a pre-courtship stage. They liked one another, definitely. His family isn't ATI-royalty or anything; but, they have been in it for about fifteen years, so we've seen them around.

The reason I asked about the attorney is because this is going to have to involve two states. I'm not sure how that works. His family is really pushing back hard, from what I hear, and denying that their son could've got her pregnant. Obviously, he's not stepping up and admitting it. My brother was saying that, from what he understands, this kid is the Golden Boy in his family and wanted to court Rachel before all of this happened. Once they had sex, it appears that he felt Rachel wasn't "convicted" about the same things as him and broke off the communication with her.

Ruth, is there a chance Rachel was forced or manipulated? And if this guy has done this to other girls- supposedly want to court them but opps, there went my penis and you didn't stop it, so now I can't marry you?

I am so sorry this happened to your sister. I will keep her in prayer.

[ThisOlGirl]

Even if you are unemployed, you still have to pay child support. The court will lower it to a couple hundred dollars a month, but you do indeed have to pay.

Good to hear.

supposedly want to court them but opps, there went my penis and you didn't stop it, so now I can't marry you?

Yes, this! Like it was some kind of test. I wondered myself if he's pulled anything like that before.

This whole thing just pisses me off.

[CynicMom]

I do not believe the state of "Isaiah" matters in this situation. Only the state that the mother resides and gives birth in. Otherwise men could just avoid child support by moving 100 miles or so. It's not that easy for them.

Also my reading of your blog was that Rachael might still be in love with Isaiah. But your new posts make him out to be quite the manipulative shit-bag. I encourage her to go to local TANF office with her paperwork (assuming she has it). They will be able to make this clear for her.

[Elle]

For some reason in CA IIRC if the mother wants assistance they have to id the father and do a dna test so they can tap him for child support.I don't know what AR laws are with regard to child support. So glad that her brother's boss and his family are doing the right thing. This must be making Darth Daddy just explode.

I think this is a national thing. States want to have men support the kids before giving aid, and sometimes it's resulted in men who are NOT the bio-dads being forced to pay. If the father can't be found, then there's no support from the man. However if he's found later, even if the only reason he couldn't be found at first was because the mom wouldn't give up the info (it happens, often, and I know for fact one of my cousins right now won't tell human services where her latest baby-daddy is because she doesn't want to make her sister, who is crushing on the guy, mad, and so far the guy doesn't know the baby might be his), then he can be held liable for ALL of the support the state gave.

If she tells human services in her state he's the dad, he'll have to deny it and will probably be ordered to take a DNA test. He won't get of the hook. His family will have to deal with their "pure" son being a dad.

[BravaAmica]

Yes, this! Like it was some kind of test. I wondered myself if he's pulled anything like that before.

This whole thing just pisses me off.

Or not even to marry, just a way to manipulate the girls he meets at conferences into having sex. And he uses the we had sex before marriage bullshit as an excuse.

[CynicMom]

Also there's nothing wrong with going into a situation and then much LATER deciding you want a lawyer. I suspect she doesn't need one, but don't let the fear of the legal system hold you back from things you're entitled to.

If she DOES need a lawyer (which again I doubt) the people at the NW Arkansas womens shelter: http://nwawomensshelter.com/ should be able to point her to some friendly, maybe pro-bono lawyers.

[razingruth]

Ruth, is there a chance Rachel was forced or manipulated? And if this guy has done this to other girls- supposedly want to court them but opps, there went my penis and you didn't stop it, so now I can't marry you?

I am so sorry this happened to your sister. I will keep her in prayer.

I don't know about force. It doesn't sound like it; but, I haven't asked her. We have a complicated relationship because she's been brainwashed to think of my brother and I as bad influences. :? I'm trying not to ask her anything really sensitive, for now. As for manipulation, I would think it played a part. I just don't see Rachel as the type to hop to straight to sex without truly believing she would marry him. I don't know what he told her to get her to do this. I also am curious about *how* they pulled this off? ATI conferences aren't known for "alone time".

I will say- Rachel will be an amazing mother! She's always been nurturing and this baby will be loved.

[razingruth]

I do not believe the state of "Isaiah" matters in this situation. Only the state that the mother resides and gives birth in. Otherwise men could just avoid child support by moving 100 miles or so. It's not that easy for them.

Also my reading of your blog was that Rachael might still be in love with Isaiah. But your new posts make him out to be quite the manipulative shit-bag. I encourage her to go to local TANF office with her paperwork (assuming she has it). They will be able to make this clear for her.

I think she did love him. I don't think that's the case now because he won't even talk to her. He's making her deal with his parents. :/

[CynicMom]

Pure cowardice

[Peas n carrots]

:o :o :o

Oh my! Ruth, my thoughts are with you and your sister. I'm glad she has friends who care about her and are giving her shelter in what must be an unbelievably difficult time.

As much as it is scary and difficult, things tend to work themselves out in the end.

Ruth, is there a possibility that if paternity was proven, he would be pushed by his family to marry her? Is there a possibility that if this were the case your parents would offer to take her back? I know it sucks to be a single mom, but I feel like although it's tough she at least has a better shot at a happy life than being married to that dirtbag.

I'm in for a cyber shower. Though I would be a little sad that we wouldn't be able to have a cake :P

[Patsy]

Congratulations to your sister, Ruth. A baby is a wonderful thing and it's so great that she wants to have a kid and will nurture it :) I'm really sorry your parents evidently can't achieve this basic level of decency, but I'm glad to hear that she does have support in place of what she should be getting from her "prolife" parents and church.

[BravaAmica]

:o :o :o

Oh my! Ruth, my thoughts are with you and your sister. I'm glad she has friends who care about her and are giving her shelter in what must be an unbelievably difficult time.

As much as it is scary and difficult, things tend to work themselves out in the end.

Ruth, is there a possibility that if paternity was proven, he would be pushed by his family to marry her? Is there a possibility that if this were the case your parents would offer to take her back? I know it sucks to be a single mom, but I feel like although it's tough she at least has a better shot at a happy life than being married to that dirtbag.

I'm in for a cyber shower. Though I would be a little sad that we wouldn't be able to have a cake :P

I'm down for a cyber shower. Perhaps it could take place off FJ, in case other posters feel awkward about not wanting to or not being able to buy a small gift?

[razingruth]

:o :o :o

Oh my! Ruth, my thoughts are with you and your sister. I'm glad she has friends who care about her and are giving her shelter in what must be an unbelievably difficult time.

As much as it is scary and difficult, things tend to work themselves out in the end.

Ruth, is there a possibility that if paternity was proven, he would be pushed by his family to marry her? Is there a possibility that if this were the case your parents would offer to take her back? I know it sucks to be a single mom, but I feel like although it's tough she at least has a better shot at a happy life than being married to that dirtbag.

I'm in for a cyber shower. Though I would be a little sad that we wouldn't be able to have a cake :P

I think the more likely course, when parternity is proven, is that Rachel would be pressured to marry or share custody. That's MY fear right now is that they'll pull some sort of custody b/s. Although, it's pretty taboo for any QF/ATI dad to have kids from pre-marital sex so they may just want her to go away and leave the guy free to marry someone else. Who knows? For her sake, I honestly don't think his behavior to this point has been anything to wish upon any woman. He's 21 and deferring to mommy and daddy AND denying he used his penis. That doesn't sound like good father/husband material to me. The irony being that this movement is supposed to be all about life and fatherhood. I laughed when someone here, or on my blog, said something about making Isaiah watch Courageous.

[MerryHappy]

I think she did love him. I don't think that's the case now because he won't even talk to her. He's making her deal with his parents. :/

That is harsh. My heart goes out to Rachael.

I really hope she does not end up with this guy. He sounds like a loser.

[Sprocket]

Am I the only one who wonders why this doesn't happen more often? The whole system is set up for things like this to happen. A girl is told from the moment she takes her first breath that she's not supposed to think. Haventcha' heard, ya'll? God speaks directly to men so if a man tells you to jump, you say how high! No, you jump first and then ask if it was high enough.

And second, please forgive me for asking...

My first thought was 'when the heck did they have time alone?' Not that it takes that long... But in all seriousness, if it's a rare occassion that Rachel and Isaiah see each other, is it at all possible that Psycho Dad molested her? He's a sicko enough control freak that I would not be surprised.

edited for riffle.

[meda]

The link is for Arkansas legal aid, they offer free or low cost legal services for civil matters. Your sister or her friends should call and ask for assistance or a referral to an attorney who will take her pro bono.

http://www.arlegalservices.org/node/179

[Sprocket]

Based on her due date, she probably conceived between Tuesday, July 26th, 2011 and Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011.

Did they go to Indiana? That's the only one I can find that would could be the day... and it was August 2nd thru 5th, so it would have needed to be right when they got there. Golden Boy sure is a smoothe talker.

[MerryHappy]

Ruth, are we sure the sex that created this child was consensual?

[Peas n carrots]

I think the more likely course, when parternity is proven, is that Rachel would be pressured to marry or share custody. That's MY fear right now is that they'll pull some sort of custody b/s. Although, it's pretty taboo for any QF/ATI dad to have kids from pre-marital sex so they may just want her to go away and leave the guy free to marry someone else. Who knows? For her sake, I honestly don't think his behavior to this point has been anything to wish upon any woman. He's 21 and deferring to mommy and daddy AND denying he used his penis. That doesn't sound like good father/husband material to me. The irony being that this movement is supposed to be all about life and fatherhood. I laughed when someone here, or on my blog, said something about making Isaiah watch Courageous.

I realize my question didn't make sense, because I agree she's better off being a single mom than marrying this POS. My real dad was a mentally unstable coward and left my mom and I when I was two. Really, it was about the best outcome possible in that situation.

Has your sister given some thoughts on how she wants to move forward with her life? Do you feel that she wants to have an ATI type lifestyle in her heart or do you feel she truly wants out? I know the former is impossible now, but that doesn't mean that she truly wants the latter.

It's amazing how Darth Daddy blames everyone else in the world but himself.

[luckylibrarian]

I hope she doesn't end up forced into marrying the father. I could see her father guilting her into marrying the guy to restore their names.

[AnnieC 305]

Based on her due date, she probably conceived between Tuesday, July 26th, 2011 and Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011.

Did they go to Indiana? That's the only one I can find that would could be the day... and it was August 2nd thru 5th, so it would have needed to be right when they got there. Golden Boy sure is a smoothe talker.

I second the consensual question.

[browngrl]

Hi Ruth,

I don't have legal advice other that what others have suggested, but my heart goes out to your sister. I hope that she is feeling healthy and I am glad that she has some supportive friends. It would be nice if the father of the baby stepped up and accepted his responsibilities towards the baby but he doesn't seem that courageous. So I hope instead that she finds a good lawyer who will force that young man to support his child.

[Witsec7]

Keeping your sister in the light Ruth.