"Working mothers choose to work--they don't have to"

[AnnoDomini]

Last night I was talking to my (fundy) family about babies and how much my mother likes them and half-joked that she'd love to work at a daycare--all that holding and playing with babies. My brother mentioned that that's so, except for how my mother feels about daycares. My mother came in at this point to sort of agree. She rather disapproves that daycare has to exist. She says she's glad care is available for kids whose mothers 'choose to work'. I raised my eyebrow and she explained that 'if she had had different values she'd have thought she 'had' to work too' but instead of her working they made sacrifices, living in a single-room apartment, renting bedrooms from relatives, etc. Apparently she thinks that since she made it work, everyone else can too.

[goldennotebook]

Your mom says babies are cute, but when they get a bit older or they have special needs she doesn't seem to really lift her finger for them. That's pretty sad, to me. If I were you I'd be angry about her going on about how much she just loves babies.

[Rosa]

I chose to work. Among other things, it got my kid a lot of social time in a big group of kids with lots of good, nonviolent, skilled childcare adults around - exactly what he needed because of his special needs. Since I was raised by authoritarians, i learned a lot from his caregivers.

[1004srs]

Yeah - as a divorced single Mom who's x decided not to pay child support regularly, I'm sure I have a choice to quite my job. We don't need no stinkin' health insurance, food on the table, or a decent place to live.

[AnnoDomini]

golden, exactly--if she could work with babies that weren't her children, she could get her 'baby fix' without needing a baby of her own to neglect later.

I'll ask her what exactly she means by her values--why those values say mothers shouldn't work.

[fundifugee]

Well, according to lots of right wingers, NONE of us have to work, we could all just get tattooed and pierced, or identify as racial minorities, or use drugs, and go on the ebil welfare! Because it is a luxurious life that we all aspire to, unless we listen to God telling us that it is wrong. Oh, or unless we are nasty women who want to do something other than clean houses and look after babies.

[Guest Anonymous]

I'd avoid getting into potentially conflict-laden discussions like this with your family, given the current circumstances. Keep things light as you can to keep yourself under the radar.

[AnnoDomini]

Good idea. It was just a passing thing and I let it go. Now, the modesty debate going down on my facebook page is another thing. Maybe I should let that one go for now...

[changemanagement]

Yeah. After I had my kid, I thought I'd be a SAHM. After 3 months I went stir crazy. Couldn't wait to get back to work - much to my hubby's relief :lol:

I chose to work, have a wonderful child and a good marriage. I like my life. 8-)

[gustava]

Yeah - as a divorced single Mom who's x decided not to pay child support regularly, I'm sure I have a choice to quite my job. We don't need no stinkin' health insurance, food on the table, or a decent place to live.

Well, obviously, you weren't properly subservient to your headship or you would still be under his protection. NOT!

[1004srs]

Yeah - snort. :lol:

[Shirley MacLaine]

I'm currently unemployed, and it's murder on my self-esteem. I don't have children, and probably won't, but liking to work is okay. Every fundie cares when a man feels all shitty about not being able to 'provide,' but what about me? Why doesn't anyone care about my ego?

[browncoatslytherin]

Well, according to lots of right wingers, NONE of us have to work, we could all just get tattooed and pierced, or identify as racial minorities, or use drugs, and go on the ebil welfare! Because it is a luxurious life that we all aspire to, unless we listen to God telling us that it is wrong. Oh, or unless we are nasty women who want to do something other than clean houses and look after babies.

yes, because welfare is teh shiz! when i had cash assistance, i got a whole $197 a month!

[easternabeille]

Ok the idea that working mothers are horrible people and choose to work because they're selfish honestly makes me sick. My step grandmother was abandoned by her first husband when my step uncle was a toddler and she had no support system. She HAD to work. My grandmother managed to scrape up enough money to put herself through business school and then managed to find a job in a small Michigan bank as a teller. The money she made went to paying rent on a small house and other selfish things such as heat so my uncle wouldn't freeze and food so he could eat. And while she was at work my uncle was in day care...however he has really fond memories of his day care provider (especially her dog, a boston terrier!). The decision to work wasn't really chosen by my grandmother, she had to work in order to provide for her child.

Oh, this story has a happy ending. Divorced the husband meet my grandfather (my mother's father) and worked her way up to being VP of the bank :)

[Olivia]

Well, if there's one thing I've learned from the Jeub family, it's that (if you're delusional enough to think you have a super special mission from God) NO ONE has to choose to work.

I'm expecting and might very well do the stay-at-home mom thing. But, my husband and I are quite privileged, and I recognize that. Consider it a blessing from God, even. it does not mean that I'm doing Christianity better than anyone else (because I'm certainly not. Well, except for the aforementioned Jeubs. I'm pretty confident I'm doing it better than Chris).

[galaxygirl]

I'm still pregnant(seriously, it's never going to end!) and there is no way we could afford me to be a stay at home mom, I enjoy having health insurance through the company I work for too much. I also think, and I hate to admit this, it would drive me insane to be home all day.

[Shirley MacLaine]

I'm still pregnant(seriously, it's never going to end!) and there is no way we could afford me to be a stay at home mom, I enjoy having health insurance through the company I work for too much. I also think, and I hate to admit this, it would drive me insane to be home all day.

I think it's good of you to admit that. I don't like when this topic comes up, because it seems to focus on all the reasons one HAS to work - when choosing to work is a completely valid and fine choice to make.

[celestial]

Apparently she thinks that since she made it work, everyone else can too.

I would hardly say your mother has succeeded in "making it work." Rather, she has settled for living with her family in a state of squalor, whether she notices that or not. Everyone has to work, be it inside the home or outside. Right now, it doesn't seem like she's doing much of either.

[celestial]

PS- I also advocate lying low for awhile and not ruffling anyone's feathers. I hope you are doing ok!

[emmiedahl]

I am the sole income in my house because work studies were cut and dh's school schedule is heavy and erratic. We still receive various forms of public assistance, which is typical as most assistance-receivers also work. My kids are not currently in daycare, but they have been and it was an amazing experience.

I guess my point is that people work because they have to in many cases. Some women work because they want to, and that is fine. But a lot of us are just really materialistic and feel like having a modest home and vehicle. So we work.

[YPestis]

I think women should stop making "excuses" for working. Fathers never have to justify having a work, why should moms? Woman are told they are nurturers. What is more nurturing than putting a roof over baby's head, warm food in its belly and a healthy insurance so baby can get proper medical attention?

Besides, even if the women don't need to work, what's wrong with being more financially secure? What's wrong with wanting to have a second income to fall back on? What's wrong with contributing to society in ways other than being a mother? Some women had to work, others choose to. Fundies are mad because working women are able to leave a bad relationship and they can rub shoulders with men on a equal basis. It must burn some fundie men knowing that there are good jobs out there taken up by a woman!

[ricky_ticky]

Fundies are mad because working women are able to leave a bad relationship and they can rub shoulders with men on a equal basis. It must burn some fundie men knowing that there are good jobs out there taken up by a woman!

I'm sure that fundie men don't relish the notion of being told what to do by a woman at work. Egads! A female boss?!

I don't think that attitude is limited to fundie men, unfortunately. At my workplace we've got a male non-fundie employee whose male superviser left and a female was hired. Boy, he is really struggling with the "demands" she places upon him.

When your attitude is that the woman is supposed to be silent in the assembly and submissive as all get out, I'm sure you chafe under a female authority in the workplace. Not to mention all the defrauding business attire!

[ADoyle90815]

I think women should stop making "excuses" for working. Fathers never have to justify having a work, why should moms? Woman are told they are nurturers. What is more nurturing than putting a roof over baby's head, warm food in its belly and a healthy insurance so baby can get proper medical attention?

Besides, even if the women don't need to work, what's wrong with being more financially secure? What's wrong with wanting to have a second income to fall back on? What's wrong with contributing to society in ways other than being a mother? Some women had to work, others choose to. Fundies are mad because working women are able to leave a bad relationship and they can rub shoulders with men on a equal basis. It must burn some fundie men knowing that there are good jobs out there taken up by a woman!

:clap: I agree, fathers never have to make "excuses" for working, yet the idea that a woman might work in order to keep a roof over their child's head, food in their bellies, and proper medical care through insurance is somehow considered evil. With the recession, sometimes those who started out with two incomes managed to keep their homes, while a single-income household whose wage earner got laid off ended up losing their house in foreclosure.

[AnnoDomini]

I would hardly say your mother has succeeded in "making it work." Rather, she has settled for living with her family in a state of squalor, whether she notices that or not. Everyone has to work, be it inside the home or outside. Right now, it doesn't seem like she's doing much of either.

PS- I also advocate lying low for awhile and not ruffling anyone's feathers. I hope you are doing ok!

To be completely accurate, she was referring to the time early in her marriage and back then she was only fundy-lite and a sight more normal. No squalor then. But yes, not making things work properly now, though I'm sure she'd claim she is now.

I'm doing well still, thank you.

[ilovetchotchkes]

Ugh, i'm a SAHM and idiots like this make me look bad.

We cant afford daycare, the horrid crap salary I was making? it'd be basically ME paying someone to let me out of the house. Which I admit, some days, like the days he's teething, sounds like heaven.

I don't do well in the jobs I'm qualified for. Retail- physically too brutal for me, and I have a low bullshit threshold for idiotic customers. Uh, The other day, there was this book on that table *points* uh, I think it was blue and about a cat?. :angry-cussingblack:

Office work? OMG spare me! the cattiness, office politics, I just CAN'T DO IT. At least I know 100% of the time where I stand with my toddler: If I say "no" a tantrum ensues, and blows over within 10 minutes. When i was working an office job, I was coming home in tears every night because of the women in my office. And this happened in 2-3 different jobs too.

I also have multiple diagnosed learning disabilities that of course complicate things. Some of them I can medicate for, some of them not.

So I hang out at home, with my squishy, but I think those mamas who go to work? are super heroes. I don't know how they do it. ESPECIALLY those that do the breastfeeding/pumping at work. That's a HARD HARD HARD road and just wow. (Formula feeding moms rock too! but that's one area in which BF moms have it hard).

It was getting to the point before I had my son, that I was seriously considering checking myself into a psych unit I was so depressed and angry. I quit my job a month before I was scheduled to go on maternity leave and my mental health has DEFINITELY taken a turn for the better. Even with a bout of minor PPD.