Miss Raquel writes a letter to her husband

[contrary]

I think When she gets married (if...?), she'll be over the soppy phase and won't show these letters to anyone. It may sound super romantic to her now, but she will grow up, right?

I was thinking the same thing, but the reality for raquel is that she probably WILL marry at 19 or 20, and be in quite the same emotional space that she's in now.

It's not as if she's going to go to college, or wait tables on the cape for a summer, and mature through real growth and experience. Or meet and get to know her husband. or experience the real give and take that results in mature marriage proposals.

[formergothardite]

Raquel is cute, dresses stylish and knows lots of guys, so I have no doubt that she will be able to snag a man right after she graduates. Unless, of course, guys are scared off by her blog. As much as she claims her life is all about God, it is really all about getting a husband. She is going to miss out on life and that is sad.

[atheistjd]

As a former 17 year old girl I have such second hand embarassment for her. I want to grab her by her shoulders and tell her to go have fun, whatever fun she is allowed to have, and forget about boys. Im saying this as a woman who dated many boys and was sooo wrapped up with having a boyfriend thay I missed out on having teenage fun! My husband was my 4th long term boyfriend who I met when I was 22 and didnt marry until I was 32.

You dont even really know what you want when youre 17, you think you do but you dont and they guy you think is perfect when your that age very, very rarely is.

I cannot imagine marrying my first 3 long term boyfriends each one allowed me to learn more about myself and what I really wanted.

I guess this is why so many fundy women are so depressed.

Agreed. I was lucky that the guy I met at 17 (OK, 16) WAS actually the right one for me, but he was definitely NOT my first longish-term bf and we went through some pretty heavy shit in the first year of our relationship and I grew up way too fast. Regardless, we didn't get married for almost a decade. And I certainly didn't show him my dear future husband letters (I'd probably ripped them up). They were VERY popular in fundievangelical-lite world, which I was lucky enough to escape from early. I remember one girl had to "rewrite" some after showing them (and who know what else :oops: ) to her first fiance - when that relationship broke up she started whole new lists and letters for future husbands. She ended up getting married like 6 months after her first engagement broke up though, so no harm, no foul I suppose...

[Effie]

I can't see how the letters would make her future husband feel special... The letters are addressed to anyone who will become her husband.

Anyway, I think she should marry the latest guy on her blog. He seems like a catch...

What are your thoughts on modesty? For guys it's not much of a problem, but for girls they should wear whatever their fathers find to be appropriate.

Basically, I think girls should do their best to look pretty, even though not all are blessed with this gift.

Arrrrgh jävla pucko! :angry-fire:

[fundiefan]

That is so sad, and disturbing.

It's not unusual for teenagers - or anyone, for that matter - to daydream about their future spouse. But, most have other things to think about and do other than to write letters to that imaginary, unknown person. Friends, jobs, sports and other activities, school; at 17, looking forward to college and/or whatever else is planned for after high school.

The worst part of the whole women are only for marriage fuckery is that the women are so pathetic. They have absolutely nothing until that life comes along. Nothing to think about, work towards, dream of, focus on. It's a total and complete waste of a life.

[Lady Elaine]

Where does she keep finding these dudes that want to save their first kiss for the wedding? They don't seem to be too fundie (in dress or appearance) - is this a growing trend among mainstream christians?

[titus2_4u]

ha! I'm feeling the secondhand embarrassment too. I have a box full of these letters from my youth group days too (Christy Miller books, anyone?)

[godlytomatosoup]

I feel so sorry for her. When I was her age, I lived in a fantasy world too. Mine was different, but it was equally painful when I had to start living in the real world and discover how much time I'd wasted.

[snarkykitty]

Is this the person who we talked about last year, who wrote letters to her non-existent husband, or was it another girl?

Also, check out the comments. Here's a good one:

MargaretAnn said...

i love this. i'm twelve, but i've been writing letters to my future husband for a year. :) sometimes when i'm having a bad day, just writing one of those letters makes me feel so much better. :)

So she started doing this at 11 years old?? How creepy.

[jenny_islander]

Wow. How many creepers trolling around for a wife/victim to batten on are reading her blog now? She might as well have hung a pork chop around her neck in bear country. All one of them would have to do is lie creatively for a set amount of time, get her to say the vows, and then he'll have her.

Even if she doesn't end up a sad and sorry wife, confused about why her marriage is like slow hell, there's the little problem that she won't be marrying a romantic hero who will carry her wherever she goes. Best case scenario is she'll be marrying some equally confused and clueless young adult or even teenager. Hopefully they will grow up together.

Hey, Raquel: Husbands are people. Sometimes bad people, sometimes good people, but just people. Not God's special heroic extra-loving people. Just people. Just like you.

ETA: Have you mucked out your horse's stall today? Does he have clean unfrozen water to drink? Has he eaten?

[liltwinstar]

I think it's super sad, but I can't snark too much....it's *terrifying* to grow up thinking that you have to be a wife/mother ONLY becuase that's the only thing that will give meaning and happiness to your life. Things like a career, degrees, etc are considered completely worthless (like, not even useful, just worthless) because you won't have a family. And since, in fundie world, you can't pick a spouse (or even a boyfriend) and you certainly can't have a child on your own - it is beyond terrifying to get to your older teens and realize you have *no agency* at all in your future. You literally can't do anything except pray. You can't plan for the future too much, even (like hope chests and all that) because "what if the man you marry does't like florals/china/whatever."

Basically, you are Beyond Stuck. I feel really badly for girls in that situation - you get wife/mother shoved down your throat from the time you're tiny, but there is absolutely *nothing* you can do to move your future along. You can't make plans or goals or anything - becuase you have to "wait on God." It would be stifiling.

[ohpotteryourotter]

This is so, so sad.

It's one thing when someone genuinely wants to be a wife and mother......but for Raquel, this is her one life goal. She's still in high school! And she's like this because she's been programmed to be like this. I pity her.

[atheistjd]

it is beyond terrifying to get to your older teens and realize you have *no agency* at all in your future. You literally can't do anything except pray. You can't plan for the future too much, even (like hope chests and all that) because "what if the man you marry does't like florals/china/whatever."

Basically, you are Beyond Stuck. I feel really badly for girls in that situation - you get wife/mother shoved down your throat from the time you're tiny, but there is absolutely *nothing* you can do to move your future along. You can't make plans or goals or anything - becuase you have to "wait on God." It would be stifiling.

This... I TOTALLY remember this feeling - there's some plan out there that God has - you have to be constantly praying for things to happen TO you, but aren't allowed to do much (except "pray" and "study God's word") to make things happen for yourself. It really is so frustrating to be sad and helpless and the only one who can do anything is "God."

Although she is annoying (and having no children of my own, I am still young enough to be legitimately annoyed by teenagers), I do feel sorry for her...

[27randomscribbles]

ha! I'm feeling the secondhand embarrassment too. I have a box full of these letters from my youth group days too (Christy Miller books, anyone?)

Wow I totally remember those books. I was only really given Christian Romance to read as a young teen. Those books give such a warped view of purity and womanhood. As if all we were worth was our purity...and the most important thing was finding a good man.

I also prayed for my future husband with my mom. We were not super fundie or anything...fairly mainstream Christian...but the purity thing was still pretty big. It skewed my ideas of purity and made me feel dirty for wanting sex.

Now that I'm agnostic I live two lives. One where I pretend to be a Christian when I'm with family on holidays, and the other where I'm myself--agnostic, feminist, etc. with my awesome husband.

My husband has had to put up a lot with all my emotional baggage that comes from being raised the way I was. I think the church should be paying my therapy bills. :)

[2xx1xy1JD]

She seems to be majorly crushing on the guys that she profiles - just look at the photos.

I'd snark more, but then I'd be forced to look back on my teen diaries....like the one where I had built up on entire fantasy based on a guy at school that I really barely knew. Apparently, in my state of mind at the time I missed noticing some things about him as a real person....so I had a bit of a surprise when I saw a press release from the police saying that they were issuing a warning to the public, because he was a repeat sex offender who was about to be released on parole.

[Heaps of Eeps]

She seems to be majorly crushing on the guys that she profiles - just look at the photos.

I'd snark more, but then I'd be forced to look back on my teen diaries....like the one where I had built up on entire fantasy based on a guy at school that I really barely knew. Apparently, in my state of mind at the time I missed noticing some things about him as a real person....so I had a bit of a surprise when I saw a press release from the police saying that they were issuing a warning to the public, because he was a repeat sex offender who was about to be released on parole.

The guy before the one she just interviewed she says he's in her top 5.... Top 5 guys she wants to marry? That said he did seem nice although I just cannot believe how many teenagers are saving their first kiss for the wedding! My first real kiss was when I was 13-14!

[formergothardite]

The guy before the one she just interviewed she says he's in her top 5.... Top 5 guys she wants to marry? That said he did seem nice although I just cannot believe how many teenagers are saving their first kiss for the wedding! My first real kiss was when I was 13-14!

Nice? He was the one who said women are birds who support their cages. And warned that if a woman goes to college nobody might want to marry them. He sounds like a jerk to me.

[Constance Vigilance]

Agreed. Anyone who thinks that women/cages quote is a positive thing is a million miles from 'nice'. I'd start with 'warped' and go from there.

[Hane]

Where does she keep finding these dudes that want to save their first kiss for the wedding? They don't seem to be too fundie (in dress or appearance) - is this a growing trend among mainstream christians?

These dudes kind of remind me of the teenaged guys in my neighborhood who used to hang around at our house and chat with my mom. They all assured her that, oh, yes, they all certainly DID want to marry virgins--exactly the kind of thing my mom wanted to hear, back in the late '60s-early '70s. Looking back, I realize damn well straight they were shinin' her on.

ETA that I'm quite relieved to see that she got rid of her ridiculously named "The Modestus Filia" blog, and jettisoned the stupid "Deus Filia" blog button.

[Goyangi]

I don't get it.

I mean, when I was 17 I didn't think about marriage at all, let alone my "future husband." Frankly, I thought it was weird to assume that someone would want to marry me in the future. (At the time, to be honest, I didn't think I was particularly attractive or "loveable." Needless to say, I didn't have a boyfriend in high school.)

My parents never pushed marriage on me. College, however, was expected. Actually, I never considered the possibility of NOT going to college. But going to college was something I had a lot of control over. I think that's why I think assuming marriage is weird...I mean, you can't force some poor sap to marry you, right?

How awful/suffocating it must be to have only one possible life path (marriage/brood mare) AND not even have much agency to pursue that life path. These SAHD-types seem to be little more than Rapunzels awaiting rescue from gallant princes (who will turn out to be, at best, ordinary men).

And I didn't know she was in Oregon...Why are there so many Fundie types in my blissfully unChurched adopted state?!

[LilMissMetaphor]

D :shock: ds, when I was 17, or 16, or something I thought I was gonna die if I couldn't like, be with Denzel Washington. But I never wrote him a letter in my diary, and I sure as hell didn't blog about it. Because, you know, that would be creepy.

Then again since he's a married real person it's pretty creepy, maybe worse than a random theoretical currently pimply horny teenager...

...you be the judge.

[Witsec7]

[quote="Goyangi"...

And I didn't know she was in Oregon...Why are there so many Fundie types in my blissfully unChurched adopted state?!

[Angri-la]

[quote="Goyangi"...

And I didn't know she was in Oregon...Why are there so many Fundie types in my blissfully unChurched adopted state?!

:shock:

Please tell me she is north of the 45 parallel or east of the cascades.

[Heaps of Eeps]

Nice? He was the one who said women are birds who support their cages. And warned that if a woman goes to college nobody might want to marry them. He sounds like a jerk to me.

My bad didnt read the whole interview...just that he played music and didnt think dating was that bad...reading answers from an 18 year old makes my eyes glaze over...The main thing that stuck out was her saying he was in her top 5....lesson learned read the whole interview.

[Goyangi]

I would bet 20 bucks Miss Raquel lives in Nova, Meachum or Helix, the creepy towns around Pendleton; crazy hot beds of cousin marrying and "gundies" (fundies who believe God wants them to have guns). Nova even has a "Christian Militia". The only reason our beautiful state is blue is because of the cities. Ever notice the bumper sticker change when you drive outside Portland or Eugene or Salem? I surely have!

She claims to live on a farm in NW Oregon. So, yeah, too close for comfort. (Awww, poor girl. I shouldn't be so mean. LOL)

ETA: I think the only time that I've been out of "blue" Oregon was during the road trip that brought us here 8+ years ago. I should see more of the state.