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Miss Raquel writes a letter to her husband


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http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/

She is jealous of all her dating/courting/engaged/married friends. She misses him even though she doesn't know him. She is desperate to get married. She is 17 there is so much more to life than marrying the first guy she can, which I'm pretty sure she is going to do.

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She sounds incredibly lonely. Maybe it's because I remember being a lonely seventeen-year-old (I didn't want a husband; I'd have settled for a boyfriend!), but I feel quite sorry for her. At least when I desperately dated someone who was woefully unsuited to me we broke up and remained friends. ETA: I also had a life outside of wanting a boyfriend, and met my first boyfriend after flying halfway around the world for university.

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This is pretty much everything that fucks me off about that lifestyle. She is 17 and has been trained to believe there is nothing more important to dream about than being a wife. What about college? Travel? A job? Get excited about SOMETHING other than being a slave to a man for the rest of your life!

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This part is mega creepy:

When I write you letters, I always feel that ‘Dear Husband’ gets too old. But then I remember that by the time you receive these letters, I will only have been calling you ‘husband’ for a few hours. Isn’t that special to think about?

Ew. Does that mean she plans to give/show these letters to her future husband? How desperate and pathetic.

But I can only pity her because she is ignorant of the fact that she can have worth, goals, an identity outside of marriage.

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Ugh, we had to do these in our (abstinence only) sex ed class, telling our future spouse why we, um, "saved ourselves" for them. We didn't have to turn them in or anything, but still, the assignment itself was freaking creepy. I can't speak for guys, but I'm pretty sure they'd find this kind of thing horrifying.

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When I write you letters, I always feel that ‘Dear Husband’ gets too old. But then I remember that by the time you receive these letters, I will only have been calling you ‘husband’ for a few hours.
I can be quite a sentimental person, but I'm sorry, I feel sorry for the guy if she ever marries.

I love you, dearest.
WHAT THE FUCK?
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Dear Future Miss Raquel:

If you ever want to get married, never, ever show your dearest these fucking letters. He will run.

Love,

A Concerned Vex

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Dear Future Wife,

Yeah, yeah, I miss you too. Now stop whining and get me a beer.

Your Loving Husband

(was so tempted to write that, but I won't because it wouldn't be nice... I'm just feeling snarky after a long day! 8-) )

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I have to admit, I've contemplated writing to my future husband, but more in a "what I was like before you knew me" sort of way. But I'm the person who spent the summer before eighth grade writing letters to herself, so I'm probably not the best judge of weirdness in that area.

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Dear Future Miss Raquel:

If you ever want to get married, never, ever show your dearest these fucking letters. He will run.

Love,

A Concerned Vex

At least she's smart enough to know she can't give him the letters until she seals the deal - she said she will give them to him once he's been her husband for "a few minutes."

Dear honey, I'm insane but it's TOO LATE we're already MAAARRRRRIIIIIIED! Bwahahahaha

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At least she's smart enough to know she can't give him the letters until she seals the deal - she said she will give them to him once he's been her husband for "a few minutes."

Dear honey, I'm insane but it's TOO LATE we're already MAAARRRRRIIIIIIED! Bwahahahaha

It'll still be the world's shortest marriage.

Seriously, Raquel needs a freaking hobby. Or a cat.

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I think she is lonely. It's funny because I was watching a show on hoarding earlier. (It's so obvious I am under the weather today when I can actually stand to watch TLC. :lol: ) Anyway, some woman on there said the woman hoarder was "living in an unknown future instead of facing her reality right now" or something to that affect. (Don't quote me on the exact words-I'm drugged up on Tylenol). Now reading this, I see Raquel unknowingly doing the same thing. I can sympathize with that. Sometimes life right now seems to suck and hoping for a brighter future is the only thing that can get people through. However, living for the dream of a future unknown and not focusing on the here and now can be a problem. Commenters have called her out on this, telling her stop focusing so much on idealic romance and naive perceptions of love. She dismisses them all, saying she a romantic and a hopeful one and she needs to think about marriage. The comments are agreeing with here and make me sad. Two of them claim to be 12 and are writing to their future spouses. WTF???

Also: She is impatient??? What about some of our 30yo single fundie girls? They've been waiting forever for daddy, I mean God, to give them a spouse. I'm single and about five or so years older than young, naive Raquel. Where's my spouse? I'm becoming a spinster already. ;)

Snark aside, I don't see the crazy need for a spouse so young. Relax child. Most people I know met their mate randomly and unexpectedly, when they weren't looking. So relax, live life and something might happen, although you will likely be a couple years older when it does. 17 is too young for marriage and I mean this in the nicest way possible Raquel: You need to grow up a little first before tackling the responsibility of marriage and children.

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Honestly the imaginary future husband deal is not that OTT. I grew up in mainstream, public-school, girls go to college kind of evangelical world and I remember getting numerous sunday school lessons about considering future husbands. It was considered really sweet, if you and your mom would pray for him together every night.

That's why the purity thing is such a big deal to people. If you had sex, you would really be cheating on this pretend husband you were already committed to and talking to in your head on a regular basis.

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At least she's honest. I think she is spelling out what a lot of fundie girls feel.

Underlying is probably the (very normal at that age) wish to date and have first experiences with guys, romantic and certain physical needs :whistle:

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This part is mega creepy:

When I write you letters, I always feel that ‘Dear Husband’ gets too old. But then I remember that by the time you receive these letters, I will only have been calling you ‘husband’ for a few hours. Isn’t that special to think about?

Ew. Does that mean she plans to give/show these letters to her future husband? How desperate and pathetic.

But I can only pity her because she is ignorant of the fact that she can have worth, goals, an identity outside of marriage.

I was gonna ask (cuz too lazy to read the whole lame thing) if she expects her future husband to read these letters. Can you imagine? It's the romantic honeymoon you've always dreamed of...and you need to stop and read these weird letters. If I was the guy, I wouldn't bother to consumate the marriage--I'd just run for the hills.

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Does anyone remember that "Letters to my Husband" blogger? It was like a teenage journal except with "my darling husband" instead of "dear diary" at the top of every post. I wonder what happened to her.

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I think When she gets married (if...?), she'll be over the soppy phase and won't show these letters to anyone. It may sound super romantic to her now, but she will grow up, right?

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What is going to be tragic is if she never does get married. She is building her whole life around something and somebody that doesn't even exist at this moment and might never exist.

And I honestly don't think she is going to grow out of this stage anytime soon because her parents encourage her to behave in silly, childish ways.

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It's never good to project all your aspirations on one single thing. She really risks falling in with the first guy who looks at her twice, never mind if he might be unsuitable.

Btw, doesn't this sort of thing go against the whole "guarding your heart" and "awake not love" philosophy?

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It does go against all that and she has had other fundies fuss at her about it, including one girl who wrote a blog post, but Miss Raquel claims she is the most romantic person in the world so it is all okay.

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As a former 17 year old girl I have such second hand embarassment for her. I want to grab her by her shoulders and tell her to go have fun, whatever fun she is allowed to have, and forget about boys. Im saying this as a woman who dated many boys and was sooo wrapped up with having a boyfriend thay I missed out on having teenage fun! My husband was my 4th long term boyfriend who I met when I was 22 and didnt marry until I was 32.

You dont even really know what you want when youre 17, you think you do but you dont and they guy you think is perfect when your that age very, very rarely is.

I cannot imagine marrying my first 3 long term boyfriends each one allowed me to learn more about myself and what I really wanted.

I guess this is why so many fundy women are so depressed.

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