Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 44

[WiseGirl]

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[GreyhoundFan]

[fraurosena]

On 10/1/2022 at 1:47 AM, Audrey2 said:

I would love to say yes but only if a certain person we're at home and didn't evacuate. If he were gone he would insist that it's worth $1 billion dollars in the US government must pay for it if it got destroyed.

If it had been destroyed you can bet all those Floridian Republicans would immediately have voted for relief funds instead of against.

[GreyhoundFan]

 

"Texas Cowards"

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A few years ago I was at a wedding here in Virginia, and the bride’s mom had flown in for it from Texas. After the vows were exchanged and everyone was dancing and eating cake, the bride’s mom was talking about Texas. Everything that came out of her mouth was about how Texas was the greatest place in the world. Texas is great for this. Texas is amazing for that. Texas, Texas, Texas. It was kinda insulting to everyone who lived in Virginia to be told how much better it is in Texas. She had a real lady boner for the place. Some of the stuff she claimed about Texas wasn’t true, like how the state could secede anytime it wanted and it’d probably be better off, but I didn’t challenge her because the bride is a really good friend of mine. It’s not her fault her mom was lying her lady Texas balls off about Texas.

But I don’t EVER want to hear anyone talk about how great Texas is ever again. Ever. For starters, look what they did to tacos. Then you have the lax environmental and safety regulations. Texans think it’s great to have fewer regulations, and it does attract more corporations to move to the state, but then you get shit factories exploding that kill 15 people. That’s nothing to brag about.

Texas is also the easiest place to buy a gun, and when a shooter kills 19 elementary students, two teachers, and his grandmother, the cowardly politicians talk about regulating the doors. Texas politicians like Governor Greg Abbott are too cowardly to even bring up the subject of making it harder to purchase an assault rifle in Texas.

And then you have fuckers like Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who’s been a cowardly sniveling MAGAt goon for a long time.

A process server attempted to serve Ken Paxton with a subpoena at his home this week. Lawyers in an abortion lawsuit had been attempting to serve it to him through his lawyers, but there were questions over whether his lawyers could accept it. Then, they tried to send it to his office but there were doubts about that too. So, a process server tried to deliver it straight to Paxton himself, at his home. Paxton was alerted that the process server was coming. What’d Paxton do? He hid. He hid behind his wife. It gets worse.

Ernesto Martin Herrera, the process server, knocked on Paxton’s door and saw the AG through the window coming to the door, and then turning around. Paxton’s wife, State Senator Angela Paxton, came to the door instead and said Ken was on the phone. So the process server attempted to wait it out. About an hour later, he saw Ken Paxton leaving his garage. When the server shouted his name, Paxton ran back inside the house.

A few minutes after that, Angela Paxton came out, opened the rear driver-side door of a truck in the driveway, got in the driver’s seat and started the truck. Herrera said, “A few minutes later I saw Mr. Paxton RAN (sic) from the door inside the garage towards the rear door behind the driver side.” Herrera added that Paxton ignored his calls that he was there to serve the attorney general legal documents. Herrera said he left the subpoena on the ground beside the truck but the couple drove off without taking it.

Paxton said that Herrera “was neither honest nor upfront about his intentions” and referenced the fact that many Texans own guns. “Given that this suspicious and erratic man charged me on my private property, he is lucky this situation did not escalate further or necessitate force.” So, Paxton threatened the scary Hispanic man. Nice.

But this doesn’t add up. Paxton knew a process server was coming. Why was he afraid of that? If it was so scary, then why did he have his wife answer the door? Why did he send his wife out first to start the truck for him to run out of the house and hop into while it was running?

If the situation was so dire, why didn’t Paxton call the police? Could there possibly be a bigger cowardly lying goon in Texas than Ken Paxton? Yes, there is. But we’ll get to him in a minute.

Paxton has a lot of legal troubles. He’s the subject of an FBI criminal probe into allegations of bribery, and in 2015, he was indicted and arrested on felony securities fraud charges, for which he has yet to go to trial. The Texas state bar has also brought a lawsuit against Paxton for misleading the U.S. Supreme Court in his suit seeking to challenge Joe Biden’s victory in the 2020 election. Remember when Paxton, the Attorney General for Texas, tried to sue Pennsylvania to stop them from certifying President Biden’s victory in that state?

Paxton is up for reelection and despite being a coward, Texas voters will probably return him to office like they did with that other Texas coward, Ted Cruz. I told you we were getting to him.

Ted Cruz came out against Donald Trump in 2015. He called Trump a “sniveling lying coward” after Trump insulted his wife’s looks and accused his father of killing JFK. Today, Ted Cruz is a huge Trump sycophant.

When Texas was undergoing a deep freeze, Ted fled the state for warm and sunny Cancun. He immediately fled back to Texas after being called out, making sure to be seen wearing a face mask with the state flag on it as he disembarked from the plane. He soon manufactured a photo-op of him putting cases of water into car trunks. Ted later lied about his reasons for going to Cancun and blamed his two daughters. He tried to make himself into a father-of-the-year candidate by taking his poor daughters to Cancun after they asked for what he claimed was a class field trip, which it wasn’t.

There’s also the irony that Ted Cruz is opposed to immigrants coming to this nation to seek asylum when that’s exactly how his father got here, and the irony that he doesn’t want people seeking refuge in the United States from Mexico while he sought refuge in Mexico. There’s also the irony that he himself wasn’t born in the USA while he’s trying to keep other Hispanics from coming to the USA. What a sniveling lying two-face sanctimonious cheese-face coward.

And Texans keep supporting these goons.

Texans used to be represented by strong Texans from Sam Houson to Lyndon Johnson to Ann Richards. Now, they settle for Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton, and Ted Cruz. I assure you, Ken Paxton and Ted Cruz would have ran from getting their asses kicked by Ann Richards.

I was born in Texas, which makes me more Texan than Paxton (born in North Dakota) and Cruz (born in Canada) combined, and I would never hide behind women and children when in danger, like when someone wants to hand you a sheet of paper.

Texans can do better than Greg Abbott, Ken Paxton, and Ted Cruz…or can they? Texans, I don’t want to hear you talk about how great, strong, bad-ass, or independent Texas is ever again until you stop allowing cowards to represent you.

They say everything is bigger in Texas, and it’s true. No state has bigger cowards.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

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"Sailing to Fluteghazi"

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Yarr, did you hear the one about the black flautist playing James Madison’s flute? MAGAts haven’t been this riled up over stupid bullshit since Disney’s black mermaid.

First off, let’s get one controversy out of the way. “Flautist” is the correct term while “flutist” is more commonly used. I’m going with “flautist” just because I like it better.

Before this week, I bet you had never heard of Lizzo. Don’t feel bad, neither had I. Lizzo is a world-famous singer and classically-trained flautist. OK, flute player. Lizzo was headed to Washington, D.C, and was invited through a tweet by the Librarian of Congress, Carla Hayden (who is the first black female to head up the LOC. We’re learning all sorts of new stuff today) to check out their flute collection. Another thing I just learned is that not only does the LOC have flutes, but they have the largest collection of flutes in the world. Like nearly 2,000. I wonder if they have the flute from American Pie that the girl used at Band Camp. Clean it first, Lizzo!

One of the flutes in the collection is a crystal flute owned by Founding Father James Madison. In case we’re still learning, Madison was our nation’s fourth president. The flute was given to him as a gift on his second inauguration in 1813. He never played the flute and it was sent to the LOC where it’s been sitting ever since…unplayed. Nobody living had ever heard this flute fluted ever. So, wouldn’t it make sense for the first person to flute on it be a person who is a classically-trained flautist?

You can see and hear her play it here. She described it as like playing through a champagne glass and only played a few notes before handing it back to its caretaker. She was very gingerly with it.

Then came the outrage. People who never knew James Madison had a flute were outraged that a black woman played his flute.

Ben Shapiro, the guy in charge of the racist Daily Wire, tweeted, “This Lizzo-flute controversy is a perfect example of what I have termed Face Tattoo Phenomenon™: the phenomenon whereby someone does something deliberately controversial in an attempt to draw attention, and then acts offended when you notice.”

What was deliberately controversial by Lizzo playing this flute? Explain that, please, Mr. Shapiro.

Shapiro had a follow-up tweet, which was probably sent trying to pretend his outrage wasn’t over race. He tweeted, “If all we had seen was the clip of Lizzo playing the flute in the halls of the Library of Congress while wearing a semi-modest outfit, everyone would have shrugged. But that’s not the clip everyone championed as groundbreaking: it was the clip where she bragged about twerking.”

I did not see that clip, but the clip I saw with her and the flute contained no twerking unless I don’t know what twerking is, which is very possible. I’m old. I don’t know what you crazy kids are doing today. I still don’t understand planking. That’s just lying still, right? Hell, I can do that. I’m good at that. Does that make me hip? Did I just lose cool points for using “hip?”

Nick Adams is a guy who I assume wrote a book because he claims he’s Donald Trump’s favorite author. We’re still learning shit today. Who knew illiterate fucks had favorite authors? Saying you’re Donald Trump’s favorite author is like saying you’re your dog’s favorite chef. Your dog licks his own ass. Anyway, Adams tweeted, “Lizzo isn’t talented enough to play music on a $20 Yamaha Plastic Recorder off Amazon let alone a crystal flute once owned by James Madison. The Biden Administration is making a mockery of the country.”

Why is this Nick Adam fucker blaming Biden? Carla Hayden, the Librarian of Congress, was nominated by President Obama in 2016, confirmed by a GOP Senate by a 74-18 vote (which means we had at least 18 racists in the Senate in 2016), presided during the Trump administration (not that Trump was ever gonna go to a library), and is still serving during the Biden administration. I really hope Adams puts more research into Trump’s favorite books than he does in his tweets.

Greg Price, another goon who’s famous for gooning I guess, tweeted, “The Library of Congress really took out a 200-year old flute that belonged to James Madison just so Lizzo could twerk with it. They degrade our history and then call you racist if you actually value it.”

Greg Price, I doubt you value the flute because I doubt you were ever aware of it before a black woman played it. I will call you a racist though. Racist.

A right-wing lawyer who was on Donald Trump’s legal team and now works for Doug Mastriano and for some reason, has a show somewhere, said Lizzo “is basically famous, I think, for being one the most morbidly obese people in the world. This is just desecration purposefully of America’s history.”

First off, did Ellis ever notice Donald Trump’s obesity while she was gooning, I mean, lawyering for him? Did she ever notice what a fat lying fuck Rush Limbaugh was while he was still alive? Now my question for Ellis is: How does Lizzo playing this flute you never heard of before (because I seriously doubt you’re a flute expert) desecrate American history?

What I believe desecrates history, Ms. Ellis you racist goon, is outlawing teaching American history. By the way, Ellis helped Trump try to steal the election and has been subpoenaed by a Colorado court. Let me give you one tip for prison, Ms. Ellis: If you meet any large black inmates who share your cell block, call them “Obese.” They love that.

But, hey. Let’s give white privileged butt-hurt America more shit to get upset with. Did you hear Chris Rock was wearing George Washington’s wooden teeth? Did you know that Obama took Thomas Jefferson’s entire library to the south side of Chicago? I bet you didn’t know that Whoopi Goldberg was allowed to fly Ben Franklin’s kite.

Tami Sawyer tweeted an excellent point: “James Madison was the author of the 3/5 compromise. He’s lucky Lizzo didn’t break that flute into five pieces and throw it off the stage. Stay mad.”

They will, Tami. They will stay mad. The only question is: What shit will they make up next to be mad about.

 

[47of74]

[47of74]

[47of74]

[GreyhoundFan]

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[47of74]

[47of74]

17 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

Hell I’d propose that for office holders above a certain level period.  And if they can afford it pay for it out of pocket. I say if because occasionally you do have candidates who don’t make enough to pay for an exam themselves in which case it should be pro-rated. 

[47of74]

[47of74]

Something most GQP members never learned 

[GreyhoundFan]