Jana Duggar 13: I Don't Think She Will :(

[MaryOrMartha]

I stand by the assumption that Jana liked Chad Paine. Everything she has mentioned about what she wants in a partner fits his description, and Jana would have been around 22 or 23 when he married Erin Bates.... That's primetime in fundieland.


 

[GreenBeans]

9 hours ago, keen23 said:

Oh, and my husband and I are still happy together, and now are kids are 18, 17 and 14, and we're counting the days to our hopefully empty nest.

That’s the good thing about having kids early - you’re still pretty young by the time they are out the house!

I’m still happy we’re doing it the other way round - neither my career nor all of our traveling over the past 12 years  would have been possible with kids, and you never know what happens later (whether you will still be healthy/motivated enough for traveling off the beaten track, whether it will be possible at all due to general circumstances - pandemic, steep price increases due to climate change, political changes etc.). By the time baby boy moves out we will be in our mid to late 50s - hopefully still able to travel, but even if not, we did so before having kids and I’m so glad we did.

[CarrotCake]

I saw this TikTok the other day with a woman mentioning her 10-year anniversary with her boyfriend. Almost all comments were something like 'no ring yet?', 'it's not going to happen anymore', 'find someone who wants to commit' etc.

I was so surprised reading that. First of all, they were still very young, they probably got together in high school. So even if they want to get married it is still not strange they aren't. I got engaged after 8,5 years but I also have friends who did after 10 years. It really depends on what age you start dating.

Secondly, so many people I know do not get married at all. I know more people in my generation that have kids without getting married that do after getting married. Even in my parents generation I can name at least 5-10 couples that never got married. I am pregnant at the moment and when people talk to me that don't know my situation they will always say 'your boyfriend' when asking about something. I think at this point at least half of the kids here in the Netherlands are being born to unwed parents.

 

[Smee]

6 hours ago, MaryOrMartha said:

I stand by the assumption that Jana liked Chad Paine. Everything she has mentioned about what she wants in a partner fits his description, and Jana would have been around 22 or 23 when he married Erin Bates.... That's primetime in fundieland.


 

Even if that’s true, it’s what, a decade on? I doubt she’s still pining. Who among us hasn’t had an unrequited crush?

[GreenBeans]

3 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

I know more people in my generation that have kids without getting married that do after getting married. Even in my parents generation I can name at least 5-10 couples that never got married. I am pregnant at the moment and when people talk to me that don't know my situation they will always say 'your boyfriend' when asking about something. I think at this point at least half of the kids here in the Netherlands are being born to unwed parents.

 

Same here (Germany).

We did get married eventually after 10+ years together when I was pregnant and we wanted to buy an apartment together, but that was for practical / tax reasons, not because it felt really important to be married.

I think by now it’s completely normal here to have kids in a long term relationship without getting married first, and definitely not a sign of a “broken home” or “single parent” situation, and no social stigma associated with it anymore at all.

[MaryOrMartha]

46 minutes ago, Smee said:

Even if that’s true, it’s what, a decade on? I doubt she’s still pining. Who among us hasn’t had an unrequited crush?

I don't think she's pining - just might think back at what could have been if he was indeed her perfect man? He may have been, but no one will ever know, and nor does it really matter.  Speculation is a bit of fun to pass the time while my baby is angrily teething up a storm.

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

14 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I am 28 and living in the urban Midwest. Husband and I were college sweethearts and some of the earliest of our friends to get married, at age 25/26. Now my parents are asking about children but I don't feel hardly ready! Half of our friends are married, many are in good partnerships if dating, but there are still several friends who either want to settle down but haven't found the right person, or are actively against being in a serious relationship at this time. We are for the most part pursuing advanced degrees or jobs with multiple steps so we're in the marriage/career step. I finally know someone in my circle having a first child, but the mom-to-be is 31. I feel like within my peers, I have 3-4 before having kids is "normal" (which is the timeline I want), but to my parents in the rural midwest, what more could we be waiting for? Late 20s and married for 3 years it's time baby. (It is not time for us!!!) Additionally, I've known since I was very small that I want to be a mother to at least two children, but with Covid and everything else, I want kids less now than I ever have before. I am an only child because my parents had secondary infertility when my mom was in her 30s. I've had my AMH and other hormone levels tested and everything came back normal so I DO hope I can give myself a few more years for emotional and financial security before successfully having children, but I know it's never a guarantee.

Oh! And I highly recommend moissanite rings. I have one and just adore it! The jeweler showed me both diamond and moissanite (per my request) without telling me which one was which and I preferred the moissanite every time. Sparkly, more affordable, and fewer ethical considerations! And no one who cares about "real diamonds" has been able to tell a difference when they look at it!

 

I'm an earth scientist (not really focused on gems);  I think I could pick out moissonite because it's reliably sparklier than diamonds. Diamond companies say moissonite looks "cold." Lol.

I'm also someone who just had a baby at age 38. It's great! You can do it. I only met my partner 4.5 years ago anyway but my mom and perhaps my partner's mom were quietly resigned to no grandkids so they are over the moon. Never has a baby been more loved! (The usual caveats that not everyone will easily get pregnant at 37 like I did.. And no guarantees I can have a second if we try...)

[SassyPants]

I think Jana is likely walking the fence line. Would it be great to find the man of her dreams ala Joy, sure. BUT, should she end up in a shit show like Anna or be reduced to a brood mare like Kendra, not so great. I do think for Jana to be so outwardly happy, she must be given a fairly large berth and quite a bit of autonomy/freedom from JB. I can’t see many nearly 32 year olds being satisfied with daddy calling all the shots and implementing too many restrictions.

[viii]

If there's no news by January 2022, then I think it's safe to say the relationship is over. Until then, I wouldn't rule it out. We might also not get any confirmation, either. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

2 hours ago, SassyPants said:

I think Jana is likely walking the fence line. Would it be great to find the man of her dreams ala Joy, sure. BUT, should she end up in a shit show like Anna or be reduced to a brood mare like Kendra, not so great. I do think for Jana to be so outwardly happy, she must be given a fairly large berth and quite a bit of autonomy/freedom from JB. I can’t see many nearly 32 year olds being satisfied with daddy calling all the shots and implementing too many restrictions.

I think Joy and Austin were arranged very young. They're not an ideal match imo.

If Jana doesn't marry Stephen, I hope she finds someone less fundie to marry.

Or stays single if that's what she desires.

[SassyPants]

9 minutes ago, Bluebirdbluebell said:

I think Joy and Austin were arranged very young. They're not an ideal match imo.

If Jana doesn't marry Stephen, I hope she finds someone less fundie to marry.

Or stays single if that's what she desires.

Beyond them being coupled at a young age (Joy), in what ways do you find them a less than ideal match? While I don’t agree with marrying people off young, I think Austin and Joy are a good match. They seem to enjoy one and another and have many shared interests and traits, including being hard workers.

[viii]

Yeah, out of all the couples, Joy and Austin seem like one of the most natural ones, imo. 

[breakfree]

I'll go further about Joy and Austin and say of all the Duggar couples they are the only one I truly think might have gotten together even if they weren't fundie, or at least stayed together for any length of time. 

[Idlewild]

Everyone has always said thatJana’s wedding would be the big ratings puller. Pure speculation but I wouldn’t put it past this family to be keeping it ultra quiet in the hope of at least scoring a high paying magazine deal, if not a TV special with a less discerning network. JB probably foams at the mouth at the thought of not getting a payout for it.

Edited October 13, 2021 by Idlewild

[meep]

On 10/12/2021 at 2:39 AM, CarrotCake said:

I saw this TikTok the other day with a woman mentioning her 10-year anniversary with her boyfriend. Almost all comments were something like 'no ring yet?', 'it's not going to happen anymore', 'find someone who wants to commit' etc.

I was so surprised reading that. First of all, they were still very young, they probably got together in high school. So even if they want to get married it is still not strange they aren't. I got engaged after 8,5 years but I also have friends who did after 10 years. It really depends on what age you start dating.

Secondly, so many people I know do not get married at all. I know more people in my generation that have kids without getting married that do after getting married. Even in my parents generation I can name at least 5-10 couples that never got married. I am pregnant at the moment and when people talk to me that don't know my situation they will always say 'your boyfriend' when asking about something. I think at this point at least half of the kids here in the Netherlands are being born to unwed parents.

 

I'll have been with my fiancé for over  8.5 years total when we get married. I get the "oh you're not married yet?" from people. Fiancé's grandma even laughs and says, "what's the point of getting married after all these years? (She's old and sick, so she gets a pass.) Over the years, co-workers and acquaintances have pulled me aside, with concerned faces, and asked, "Are you guys okay? Are you sad? Is this not the right guy for you? What are you waiting for?" just based on the fact that we've apparently been together "sooooo long." 🙄

Like...I was 21 when I met him (not to mention just two years out of leaving conservative Christianity). That's so, so, so young imo. And honestly, our first few years together were rough. He was my first serious relationship, I didn't have all these previous relationships where I learned all the standard relationship lessons. I learned my lessons with him! Both of us wanted to go to college but weren't sure, and it would take many years for us both to finally do it. And I'm still in school! We don't ever want kids, so we're not in a rush but even if we did, damn. Let us take our time! We still have so much time (I hope)! What's so wrong with that? This isn't Victorian England, we're living in the 21st century! 

[christiane87]

I am in my mid thirties and single after the end of a 5 year relationship. That was my first serious relationship and before it started I had already experienced all the "When are you going to find a boyfriend?" questions by family and acquaintances, just as if partners were on supermarkets shelves and you just had to walk in and take one. Now there's the age factor bonus: there is one cousin in particular who told me I should not be very picky in choosing a new partner because I am getting old and "time is running out". The very same cousin - who is just a few years older than me - is now going to therapy after his girlfriend found out he had repeatedly cheated and lied to her while she was pregnant with their child...!

I don't know why many people feel so concerned about a woman being single and feel like singleness is a condition to be avoided at all costs, especially when they would better focus on their own lives and relationships, like the above cousin. Personally, in these months I have been discovering so many things about myself and enjoying life on my own, and I could never consider this like a waste of time waiting for the next one to come around.

So I just wish Jana is happy with her life, with or without a man next to her   

[raayx01]

On 10/11/2021 at 11:25 PM, MaryOrMartha said:

I stand by the assumption that Jana liked Chad Paine. Everything she has mentioned about what she wants in a partner fits his description, and Jana would have been around 22 or 23 when he married Erin Bates.... That's primetime in fundieland.


 

I do wonder if this is true. She would be so much better with Chad, I feel like Erin takes advantage of Chad all the time, while Jana wouldn't do that. She'd just build it herself. Chad had to move away from his family to be with Erin, which is unusual because usually the girl moves away, but we all know in Bates land that Kelly must hav all her grandchildren 5 minus away from her. At least Arkansas would have been closer to Oklahoma than Tennessee. 

[justmy2cents]

26 minutes ago, raayx01 said:

I do wonder if this is true. She would be so much better with Chad, I feel like Erin takes advantage of Chad all the time, while Jana wouldn't do that. She'd just build it herself. Chad had to move away from his family to be with Erin, which is unusual because usually the girl moves away, but we all know in Bates land that Kelly must hav all her grandchildren 5 minus away from her. At least Arkansas would have been closer to Oklahoma than Tennessee. 

I believe the plan was for them to be near his family but those plans changed once Erin started to have all the miscarriages.

[SassyPants]

I tend to agree with the notion that perhaps Jana thought Chad was her “one”. And if this was true, I could see how that might present difficulty for Jana in terms of establishing a relationship. If she is fully on board with the “one” philosophy, perhaps she just can’t move pass that ideal. These folks are neither flexible nor critical thinkers.

[nellautumngirl]

On 10/11/2021 at 8:41 PM, mango_fandango said:

I am mid 20s. People I went to school/university with are just starting to do things like get engaged/married and have kids. It’ll start happening more and more in the next few years. I have never had any kind of relationship ever, no kissing no dating no nothing. (Thanks, hideous anxiety!)

I know it sounds ridiculous but I do feel like I’m just falling behind other people and that I’ll never catch up. I know there are people who don’t get married/have kids until their 30s and 40s, but those people have already had a few relationships before that point. I’ve read a few stories by people who were in a similar situation to me, and they all say how the longer their situation goes on for, the harder it gets. It is somewhat embarrassing to admit I’ve never even kissed a guy at my age, which is something most people manage in their early teens. Sure, there are people we discuss on here who’ve never kissed anyone or had sex, but they’ve been brought up in strict religious families where that kind of thing is severely frowned upon! 

I know there will be people saying “oh, relationships/marriage/having kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be”, which is a rather annoying statement if I’m honest. I understand that’s the case, but I’d like at least some experience of relationships etc before making that decision. I know there are plenty of women who are happy to be permanently single, and I may well end up being one of them myself, but I do not feel I can make that decision for myself unless and until I’ve had a few relationships.

I met my first boyfriend last year at age 30. I had kissed men before, but he is my first and only sexual partner. Don't give up on meeting someone. The stupid saying is really true, the moment you stop looking for a partner, you find one. I tried online dating a few times and while it was not bad I knew in my heart I didn't want to spend my life with any of them. He is different. I was afraid of emotional closeness before, moreso than sexual, but he makes it so easy. We both have mental health issues, so he gets me and I never have to explain my symptoms to him because he knows them

[AussieKrissy]

14 hours ago, Idlewild said:

Everyone has always said thatJana’s wedding would be the big ratings puller. Pure speculation but I wouldn’t put it past this family to be keeping it ultra quiet in the hope of at least scoring a high paying magazine deal, if not a TV special with a less discerning network. JB probably foams at the mouth at the thought of not getting a payout for it.

maybe Jb is foaming at the mouth for the payout because his perverted fucktard son is bleeding him dry 

[Smee]

14 hours ago, christiane87 said:

I don't know why many people feel so concerned about a woman being single and feel like singleness is a condition to be avoided at all costs, especially when they would better focus on their own lives and relationships, like the above cousin. Personally, in these months I have been discovering so many things about myself and enjoying life on my own, and I could never consider this like a waste of time waiting for the next one to come around.

I separated from my husband about 6 months ago (counting down til I can file for divorce… here is Aus you have to be separated for 12mths first) and apparently people are telling him he has to be prepared for “when I find a new man”. Fuck that, no thank you. I love being single. My sister is also recently a single parent, so we’re going to move in together and raise our kids alongside their cousins. A second adult in the house sometimes will be good but I don’t need romance or sex (& let’s be honest, if I did want sex, I wouldn’t need a relationship for that).

[GuineaPigCourtship]

Any article they write about a Duggar from here on will heavily focus on Josh. So they can do them for the money, but no chance of sweeping it under the rug. Not that there is anyway, but who knows what they think.

[just_ordinary]

On 10/12/2021 at 1:09 PM, GreenBeans said:

Same here (Germany).

We did get married eventually after 10+ years together when I was pregnant and we wanted to buy an apartment together, but that was for practical / tax reasons, not because it felt really important to be married.

I think by now it’s completely normal here to have kids in a long term relationship without getting married first, and definitely not a sign of a “broken home” or “single parent” situation, and no social stigma associated with it anymore at all.

I agree. Even in rural areas, many couples get children before getting married now.

I married in my early twenties and everyone thought we were insane/naive. Children are definitely an around thirty thing and so we were married a long time till we started trying. Not having children is quite acceptable, but U do think parents sometimes put on some pressure in regards to grandchildren. From the I know one couple married before child (early thirty) and two others plan to marry after children but of because tax/financial reasons. One couple doesn’t plan on marrying even though they have a child together and one couple doesn’t want children and don’t want to marry. I think more will marry when old age/health issues and such arrive but than it’s more for practical reasons. Out if my friends group I think I am the only one that actually found marriage and the idea behind it important for us as a couple and also having a church wedding as well (church is optional, civil ceremony has to be done to be legally married). Not that we are very religious it’s more a tradition we just like. 
People from rural areas are often are a bit younger and tend to do the traditional church wedding thing more often but the divide isn’t as big and obvious anymore. Same for people that go into trade at 16-18.

[Bluebirdbluebell]

On 10/13/2021 at 2:11 PM, nellautumngirl said:

I met my first boyfriend last year at age 30. I had kissed men before, but he is my first and only sexual partner. Don't give up on meeting someone. The stupid saying is really true, the moment you stop looking for a partner, you find one. I tried online dating a few times and while it was not bad I knew in my heart I didn't want to spend my life with any of them. He is different. I was afraid of emotional closeness before, moreso than sexual, but he makes it so easy. We both have mental health issues, so he gets me and I never have to explain my symptoms to him because he knows them

I'm older than you and still looking for a partner. Also quite a few people I know met people on-line. I'm glad things worked out for you, but that's not true for everyone. Some people would be happier finding someone on-line and actively looking. Women in particular have been told not pursue men, but let them pursue you.