Alyssa & John 9: It’s All About Dressing Up and Looking Perfect on Instagram

[QuiverFullofBooks]

In the last thread someone said that Alyssa had said something about having free time in her forties after her kids grow up. Was that online somewhere? I finally watched the episode where Maci was born, and she talked about being young enough to enjoy her grandchildren, but didn’t say anything about expecting to have an empty nest at that point.

[Tatar-tot]

Alyssa seems extremely insecure & has some serious issue about how she was raised.  The matching outfits, balloon bouquets, spending money on general crap is her outlet.  What she really needs is some therapy to address the issues she carries from her childhood and how that is translate to her parenting her children.  I honestly think she hates homeschooling her children.  I think she would be 10 times happier sending them to a Christian Academy where she can hang with other moms, plan class parties, or go excercise during the day.  Alyssa is an attractive young woman who has so much potential.  The homeschooling mommy thing just doesn’t seem to be working for her. 

[MomJeans]

Even though Alyssa and John go to a very conservative church, I'm sure there are plenty of other young marrieds there that either don't have a gaggle of kids yet, or are sending their kids to a Christian school.  I wonder if Alyssa is a bit envious.  I still think she'd love being an elementary room mom.  

[Jackie3]

6 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

Absolutely not! They ate the cheapest processed food in small quantities. Kelly didn't know how to cook at all and they hadn't a kitchen garden despite Gil having been taised in a farm. Alyssa was just 10 years old when she became the main cook of the family, making miserable recipes. The kind of food they ate made me sad when I watched the videos.

 

I actually think the Bates ate the worst. Kelly doesn't even seem to try. I've spoken about how her idea of "breakfast" was a basket of instant oatmeal packets. (As though putting it in a basket makes it better, somehow). And someone else mentioned a "recipe" that had only two ingredients and sounded really gross--I forget what it was, now. I think the combination of lack of money plus lack of interest may mean that the Bates win this particular contest.

58 minutes ago, Tatar-tot said:

Alyssa seems extremely insecure & has some serious issue about how she was raised.  The matching outfits, balloon bouquets, spending money on general crap is her outlet.  

I think she had nothing growing up, absolutely nothing. Something like a balloon bouquet is super exciting to a 3-year old, and much less exciting to older people, who've seen them before. I think Alyssa is like that 3-year old.

A birthday in a house of 19 kids was probably a marked-down cake, so she goes all out on celebrations to compensate (I realize this was an anniversary and not a birthday). It seems she gets a lot of joy out of giving her kids the things she didn't have. "Look, Allie, choose from these 9 pink dresses for your daddy-daughter date!" (This really happened.) I bet the child Alyssa would've loved to have had 9 pink dresses, and time alone with her dad.

Unfortunately, she's going to find that kids don't appreciate things the way their compensating parents want them too. The Barbie you wanted so much as a kid is left lying under the sofa. The pretty dresses are scorned by a child who wants jeans and a tshirt (this hasn't happened yet at the Websters, but they're young). It usually doesn't end well when you go overboard with your kids because of what you didn't have. A little bit is fine, but she is really overcompensating.

[Lgirlrocks]

The whole point of being a stay at home fundie mom is to home school and make delicious meals from scratch. Just asked Lori Alexander. 
Alyssa may not enjoy cooking but she needs to be feeding her kids well balanced meals. She has the money to do it. Even if it’s a pb&j, some apples, carrots, and milk. She could also make some steamed frozen veggies in the microwave along with chicken nuggets and Mac n cheese or potatoes. both are easy and cheap. She can also meal prep one day a week then not have to worry about it. Having kids means she has to feed them and take care of them. 
Alyssa chooses to homeschool. She also chooses one of the easiest methods of homeschooling. I’d like it slightly better if they did interactive software like switched on school house. They are little kids and she should be doing fun things with them. Sadly her children aren’t enough of a blessing to put energy into it. If you can’t homeschool properly then you shouldn’t be allowed to homeschool. 

[AliceInFundyland]

I would disagree that homeschooling for these 2 is a choice. Unfortunately.

Or at least they don't think it is. I bet Bates parents would be okay with it if headship was..John probably has a line in the sand with his dad's beliefs and this is part of it (for now)

[nelliebelle1197]

Um, why did no one notice I misspelled Instagram and make fun of me for it? Now that I have changed it, no one will notice!

[AliceInFundyland]

2 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Um, why did no one notice I misspelled Instagram and make fun of me for it? Now that I have changed it, no one will notice!

I'm not sure wishing for abuse as a mod is a good thing ?

[SorenaJ]

4 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

A birthday in a house of 19 kids was probably a marked-down cake, so she goes all out on celebrations to compensate (I realize this was an anniversary and not a birthday). It seems she gets a lot of joy out of giving her kids the things she didn't have. "Look, Allie, choose from these 9 pink dresses for your daddy-daughter date!" (This really happened.) I bet the child Alyssa would've loved to have had 9 pink dresses, and time alone with her dad.

Unfortunately, she's going to find that kids don't appreciate things the way their compensating parents want them too. The Barbie you wanted so much as a kid is left lying under the sofa. The pretty dresses are scorned by a child who wants jeans and a tshirt (this hasn't happened yet at the Websters, but they're young). It usually doesn't end well when you go overboard with your kids because of what you didn't have. A little bit is fine, but she is really overcompensating.

I don't think the Webster kids have a say in what they wear. They aren't wearing jeans and a t-shirt, because they must be obedient, and if obedience means wearing pretty matching dresses, then that's how it is. Teaching instant obedience is easier when you have archaic child disciplinary methods to use. 

[Green bean satan]

12 hours ago, FrumpyAtheist said:

No need to be so hostile, @nelliebelle1197. 

I also think it's pathetic that Alyssa uses box mixes for something as simple as muffins, but I very much agree with previous posters that it's pretty normal for middle class American families not to bake from scratch and to assume baking from scratch is harder than it is. My mother hardly ever baked and when she did she only used box mixes and made it seem like it was some giant, ridiculously hard task. As an adult I learned to bake and was shocked at 1) how easy it is compared to how my mother portrayed it, and 2) how much better the taste is of most homemade goods compared to box mix. I will never ever go back.

In short it's not just Alyssa, but I agree it's a real shame and ironic given that fundie women are homemakers. I give credit to women like Erin who grew up that way but have educated themselves and gone on to become accomplished home cooks and bakers.

Ok, I used to grow up eating mashed potatoes from a mix and when I moved out, I did the same. One of my friends told me to just peel potatoes, mash them (with milk or pot liquor) and it tasted a million times better. Never went back. Only thing I never gave up is whipped cream from a canister? I think you call it. Still don’t bake bread (but that bc the bakery 50 yards away is sooooo good) but cakes, muffins etc I do. 

[Jackie3]

4 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

I would disagree that homeschooling for these 2 is a choice. Unfortunately.

Or at least they don't think it is. I bet Bates parents would be okay with it if headship was..John probably has a line in the sand with his dad's beliefs and this is part of it (for now)

Maybe. But we really don't know. I know Webster is really pro-homeschool, but we actually have no idea whether he is so controlling that he'd insist that John follow along. We also don't know whether John would obey any "commands" from his father. It's possible they homeschool because John would lose his job otherwise, but that's just one possibility among many. Maybe Dan Webster doesn't believe in interfering with his adult kids' lives.

In other words, it's possible that they homeschool because they want to homeschool. It's all they've known. They've drunk the Koolaid. Perhaps they both think they got wonderful educations homeschooling [snort].

It's possible that Alyssa doesn't know she'd be happier with the kids in school. She has no idea, because she's hasn't known moms who've done that, and because she's not accustomed to seeing happy moms who have time for themselves. All the moms she has known have been harried and overworked, passing out worksheets and going over them late at night with an exhausted eye.

Now that I think about it, I'd be surprised if Alyssa knew her life could be better and happier (and her kids lives as well) if she sent her kids to school.  She doesn't know this because she's never seen it in the families around her.

[AliceInFundyland]

Did you miss the part where I said "they don't think it is"?

or "for now" - indicating that, like everything else, this is a position that can change.

ie-they don't think its their choice to go against the grain on this one because of his Dad's outspoken positions.

You are really bad at reading subtext. And awesome at being condescending.

If you need clarification on the condescending tone part:

Many of your posts begin with "Well, actually" or include phrases like, "nobody does this where I live" "I've never seen this before" "I don't know why anyone would do this"

It's absolutely disingenuous to come on this board and claim that you've lurked here and/or have any familiarity with any of what we discuss here (which she has) and do the bait and switching in your posts that's going on here.

A lurker would be versed enough to know that different people in different states and parts of the world live... differently? And also that stating their own opinions as fact on the board comes off as bad as Jrods make-up.

Possibly also a few things about leaving cults and that doesn't really go smoothly. And that we don't all qualify every single sentiment with "based on what we've seen on TV and social media" plus our various levels of knowledge of the fundie in question.

That qualifier *usually goes without saying.

Either you accept Alyssa and John (and others) do a large percentage of what they still do because they're still linked to their fundamental roots or you don't. But you can't fight us on every other point and say "well, we don't know whhhyyy"

 

For the second time. Done.

Edited May 31, 2021 by AliceInFundyland

[AussieKrissy]

I use box mixes when I bake. I bake so rarely that having all the ingredients on hand to bake from scratch they would go off or stale or get weavels. I like that box mixes have no wastage. 

[CanadianMamam]

I love to cook and bake, it’s my hobby. I still sometimes buy boxed muffin mix because it is faster, especially when my kids want to “help”. It is also a lot less dishes. 
 

I think of all the Bates girls, Alyssa is the one who wishes she could be doing something else. The other girls seem content with the mom life, though except for Erin, they all have less kids. I agree that she would likely be much happier if she put the kids in school. 

[VineHeart137]

My mother was an excellent cook but she never really baked. I used to think baking from scratch seemed complicated and required lots of technical skill (now I know it's really not that serious lol) so I always bought box mix. Then I found a baker on Instagram who is all about using "doctored" boxed cake mixes in her recipes. So you use cake mix (she prefers Duncan Hines) with a few added ingredients like sour cream, buttermilk, etc. It seemed less intimidating than baking completely from scratch so I've tried a couple and they came out really good! Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to a cake completely from scratch lol.

Edited May 31, 2021 by VineHeart137

[CanadianMamam]

2 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

My mother was an excellent cook but she never really baked. I used to think baking from scratch seemed complicated and required lots of technical skill (now I know it's really not that serious lol) so I always bought box mix. Then I found a baker on Instagram who is all about using "doctored" boxed cake mixes in her recipes. So you use cake mix (she prefers Duncan Hines) with a few added ingredients like sour cream, buttermilk, etc. It seemed less intimidating than baking completely from scratch so I've tried a couple and they came out really good! Maybe eventually I'll work my way up to a cake completely from scratch lol.

Elevated cake mixes are a great place to start! And honestly if the cake is going to be complicated, I will use a mix. I made a rainbow cake this weekend and I used a box mix because I honestly didn’t need the extra steps of making the cake from scratch. 

[FrumpyAtheist]

Can I just say usually I hate thread drift where we all talk about our lives (sorry) but I'm actually enjoying hearing all the various perspectives on box mixes. ?

[MomJeans]

Any other pool owners cringe seeing the glass candleholders on the pool deck in the video?

(I will say, I've never put that much effort into my anniversary. No balloon bouquets for Mr. MomJeans!)

I can't believe it's only been 7 years.  I remember when Alyssa's wedding was featured on 20/20.  It seems like it's been so much longer!

[JermajestyDuggar]

6 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

Elevated cake mixes are a great place to start! And honestly if the cake is going to be complicated, I will use a mix. I made a rainbow cake this weekend and I used a box mix because I honestly didn’t need the extra steps of making the cake from scratch. 

If I ever made a rainbow cake, I’m positive it would be made with box mix! 
 

My favorite cake recipe from scratch is a depression era cake my great grandma always made. She was married in 1932 when certain items were not always available during the depression. It’s a delicious moist chocolate cake that doesn’t use butter or eggs. It was a favorite when I was growing up because grandma would make peanut butter icing to go on top and it was amazing. If I’m going to make a cake from scratch, it’s a “Wacky Cake.”

[pupper]

Sending the kids to Christian school can be pricey. Maybe they’d rather use the money for clothes, makeup and decor.

[Jackie3]

9 minutes ago, pupper said:

Sending the kids to Christian school can be pricey. Maybe they’d rather use the money for clothes, makeup and decor.

I actually think they would! 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I could see Alyssa joining a Christian home school co-op.

[Lgirlrocks]

9 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I could see Alyssa joining a Christian home school co-op.

I can’t. That would be too much work for her. She was asked if she was in a co op in the comment section of one of her pictures and she said she was sure that there were co ops in Florida. 

[treehugger]

I love cooking. Hate baking.  Even box mixes are too much work.  I will spend hours making a fancy dinner and buy a cake for dessert. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

12 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

I can’t. That would be too much work for her. She was asked if she was in a co op in the comment section of one of her pictures and she said she was sure that there were co ops in Florida. 

I guess I figured she would do it for the socialization. I could see her doing the organizing of all the classes and scheduling but not any of the teaching.