Josie & Kelton 7: So Boring that No One Discussed Her Baby Shower

[Jackie3]

24 minutes ago, SorenaJ said:

A large part of the world live in overcrowded conditions: http://chartsbin.com/view/42112

https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/web/products-eurostat-news/-/ddn-20200422-1

The average Nigerian household is 5.0 people: https://www.statista.com/statistics/1124435/household-structure-in-nigeria-by-area/

Nigeria’s fertility rate is 5.32. 

Thanks for that interesting information.

However, Nigeria only accounts for 2.6 % of the world's population. So it's not particularly relevant to this conversation (in comparison, China has 20%)

[arareyeah]

22 hours ago, Jackie3 said:

Hmm, you are making some incorrect assumptions, particularly about China

1. China has 13% of the world's children, about 275 million kids. They are mostly only children because of the one-child policy. Only children generally have their own bedroom or sleeping space.

I have traveled extensively in China, particularly the cities. People do not live in crowded huts, as you seem to imply. They live in high-rise apartments, with a bedroom for the parents and a bedroom for the kid.

Most Chinese kids over 6 are only children (because of the one child policy). When this policy ended in 2016, couples continued to want only 0-2 kids (though the law now allows 3.)  It's unlikely extended family is living with them, because there's an average of 2.6 people per family. Families are small, quite small.

So 13% --okay, maybe 10%--of the world's kids have their own bedroom or sleeping space, simply because they have no siblings.

2. What about other countries? Well, in Europe, roughly 50% of families have one child.--far more than 1%.  In the US, 21% of families have an only child (in Portugal it's 58%!)  I don't have stats for Nigeria, Brazil, and Indonesia, but I am pretty sure that more than 1% of their population have only children.

 

 

 

Indonesian here. Most of us live in multi-generational household. It's pretty rare to only have 1 child, especially most people still live by the old adage of "a lot of luck by having a lot of children". It's common for people in big cities with lower income to live in a room of a boarding house for the whole family. When I say a room, I meant that 1 room serves as their bedroom, living room, kitchen, and everything else except toilet and bathroom. Those are communal for the whole building, no separation between genders to boot. 

The access for birth control is better in bigger cities, but the educational part about reproductive health is severely lacking because talking about sex as a whole is considered taboo still. Plus, using birth control when you don't have at least 1 offspring already is frowned upon. I just got married last Nov and we decided to wait at least a year before starting to expand our family, I've heard things like "oh if you put off having children now, later you'll have problem conceiving when you want to" more than I can count. 🙄🙄🙄

[JermajestyDuggar]

10 minutes ago, arareyeah said:

 I just got married last Nov and we decided to wait at least a year before starting to expand our family, I've heard things like "oh if you put off having children now, later you'll have problem conceiving when you want to" more than I can count. 🙄🙄🙄

It’s the same in the US. 
 

5 minutes after you get married: “so when will you two have a baby?”

5 minutes after you have baby #1: “so when will you be having another?“

5 minutes after you have baby #2 which is the same sex as the first: “so when will you try for a girl/boy?” 
 

5 minutes after you have at least one of each sex: “so you’re done right?”

[anjulibai]

5 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It’s the same in the US. 
 

5 minutes after you get married: “so when will you two have a baby?”

5 minutes after you have baby #1: “so when will you be having another?“

5 minutes after you have baby #2 which is the same sex as the first: “so when will you try for a girl/boy?” 
 

5 minutes after you have at least one of each sex: “so you’re done right?”

Two boys here. We've been pretty lucky to not recieve the "when are you trying for a girl" comments. The only one that's said anything is my dad, because now apparently he wants a granddaughter, but DH and I shut him down. Sure, would love a girl, but we can't afford to have another child. Plus, there's no guarantee we'd get a girl the third time around. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

Two boys here. We've been pretty lucky to not recieve the "when are you trying for a girl" comments. The only one that's said anything is my dad, because now apparently he wants a granddaughter, but DH and I shut him down. Sure, would love a girl, but we can't afford to have another child. Plus, there's no guarantee we'd get a girl the third time around. 

When I was pregnant with number 2, I made it loud and clear to everyone I encountered that it would be my last pregnancy no matter the sex. That shot down a lot of those comments. My dad also wanted me to have a third. He wanted my sister to have a third too. My dad just wants a ton of grandkids. Too bad dad! 

[anjulibai]

Just now, JermajestyDuggar said:

When I was pregnant with number 2, I made it loud and clear to everyone I encountered that it would be my last pregnancy no matter the sex. That shot down a lot of those comments. My dad also wanted me to have a third. He wanted my sister to have a third too. My dad just wants a ton of grandkids. Too bad dad! 

I'm an only child, so too bad to my dad, too, lol! My husband has a sister, but she's childfree, so my boys are the only grandkids on that side. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

3 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

I'm an only child, so too bad to my dad, too, lol! My husband has a sister, but she's childfree, so my boys are the only grandkids on that side. 

My kids are the only grandkids on my husband’s side because his sisters are also child free. Being child free isn’t a thing in my dad’s family. There must be a genetic component or something. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Edited April 2, 2022 by JermajestyDuggar

[Nothing if not critical]

We have two girls. When people started asking whether we’d try for a boy, my husband shot them all down with a super dry “Nah, no point. I can only do girls.” Worked like a charm. 

[MaryOrMartha]

Our first kiddo is a boy, and our second is a girl. The amount of people who kept saying they were hoping we'd have a girl so we had a pigeon pair and got to experience both genders was insane.

I knew to expect it after hearing my sister (whose first 2 are boys and just a little older than my 2), share the things people would say to her. They were pretty certain they finished having more babies, but had a surprise little girl in December '21.

So many people were over the moon for them - not because of a new baby (third babies are old news.) But because she was *finally* having a girl. LOL.

She actually had hoped baby was a boy so she wouldn't get those comments.

Hubby and I are talking about a third and still undecided. I wonder if what comments I'll get seeing as I already have one of each?

[Melissa1977]

12 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It’s the same in the US. 
 

5 minutes after you get married: “so when will you two have a baby?”

5 minutes after you have baby #1: “so when will you be having another?“

5 minutes after you have baby #2 which is the same sex as the first: “so when will you try for a girl/boy?” 
 

5 minutes after you have at least one of each sex: “so you’re done right?”

Same in Spain. Plus a sad look if you have a boy and announce #2 is also a boy. 

[3splenty]

4 hours ago, Nothing if not critical said:

We have two girls. When people started asking whether we’d try for a boy, my husband shot them all down with a super dry “Nah, no point. I can only do girls.” Worked like a charm. 

You sound like me!  I always told people my body only produced girls, too.  If people would keep up the questions/comments, I would tell them the truth--I miscarried all three of my sons.  Then I'd watch the nosy Nellies squirm.  

[SunnySide]

17 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It’s the same in the US. 
 

5 minutes after you get married: “so when will you two have a baby?”

5 minutes after you have baby #1: “so when will you be having another?“

5 minutes after you have baby #2 which is the same sex as the first: “so when will you try for a girl/boy?” 
 

5 minutes after you have at least one of each sex: “so you’re done right?”

Way back in the day comedian/writer/actor Paul Reiser had a bit about this. It went something like “when you bring a boyfriend/girlfriend to a family gathering for the first time this is bound to happen.” 

“So when are you getting engaged?”

”When are you getting married?”

”When are you having kids?”

”When are your kids getting engaged…?”

 

His point was that the cycle never ends and someone’s always going to be nosier than they’ve got any right to be. 
 

It might exist somewhere on YouTube but I feel too lazy to check. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

5 minutes ago, SunnySide said:

Way back in the day comedian/writer/actor Paul Reiser had a bit about this. It went something like “when you bring a boyfriend/girlfriend to a family gathering for the first time this is bound to happen.” 

“So when are you getting engaged?”

”When are you getting married?”

”When are you having kids?”

”When are your kids getting engaged…?”

 

His point was that the cycle never ends and someone’s always going to be nosier than they’ve got any right to be. 
 

It might exist somewhere on YouTube but I feel too lazy to check. 

From a young age, these types of nosey questions have always bothered me. My nosey aunt would ask this kind of stuff and I was always so uncomfortable. I never ask people questions like this. What’s funny is most people tell me personal stuff anyway. They just offer it up for free. Probably because I come across as pretty non-judgmental about life choices. 

[CanadianMamam]

I am jealous of Kelton's new grill. I live in a cold weather climate and can't quite convince myself to invest in something I can only use 5 months of the year. 

[JDuggs]

1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

From a young age, these types of nosey questions have always bothered me. My nosey aunt would ask this kind of stuff and I was always so uncomfortable. I never ask people questions like this. What’s funny is most people tell me personal stuff anyway. They just offer it up for free. Probably because I come across as pretty non-judgmental about life choices. 

I think the asking and reaction to nosey questions are often just personality differences. I think that people sometimes ask personal questions not to judge, but to connect with someone on a deeper level and understand them better. But some people are more private and don’t want to share everything about themselves with just anyone.

[HeartsAFundie]

2 hours ago, 3splenty said:

You sound like me!  I always told people my body only produced girls, too.  If people would keep up the questions/comments, I would tell them the truth--I miscarried all three of my sons.  Then I'd watch the nosy Nellies squirm.  

I had a horrible vaginal forceps delivery for my almost 11-pound son-hemorrhaging, needed blood tranfusion, stuck on an IV for days, baby in NICU for observation due to dehydration and rapid breathing-it was an experience.  My husband and I agreed "no more" after this.  When even your father, a first-time grandfather, says "I know you wanted at least one more child, but please reconsider your family size", you know that's bad, and you better listen.

Anyway, no sooner do we have our son, my husband had to deal with idiot co-workers constantly badgering him about when we were having another baby, that we couldn't have just one child, etc.  So, after hearing it repeatedly for quite some time, my husband decided to give these nosebags all the gory details of my delivery, sparing nothing.  He said to me "You should see how embarrassed they look after I tell them everything and how apologetic they are for asking".  

Needless to say, he shut down the inquiries at work about our family size real fast.  

[JDuggs]

@HeartsAFundie I’m sorry you had to endure that traumatic birth experience and then make the difficult decision to change your plans and limit your family size. I know that you and your husband considered his coworkers’ questions intrusive, but it’s possible those questions came from a place of wanting more happiness for your family, not in judgment. If your husband had initially said that you’re limiting your family size based on personal reasons that he didn’t want to discuss or if he said that you’re limiting your family size for medical reasons that he didn’t want to discuss, and the questions kept coming, then his coworkers are jerks. His coworkers probably assumed they had a closer relationship with your husband that’s open to those kind of questions than he did. Instead of focusing on his coworkers lack of boundaries for asking those questions, focus on their apologies that came from a place of caring about your family.

[CaptainFunderpants]

5 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

I am jealous of Kelton's new grill. I live in a cold weather climate and can't quite convince myself to invest in something I can only use 5 months of the year. 

I felt this way about quality snow boots until I was gifted a pair.

Holy moly, I may only wear them 10 days a year, but those 10 days a year when my feet are warm and comfy while walking around and playing in the snow... Worth it. And I always think of things as the "per use" cost. So had I paid for them myself, in five years I've already gotten the cost down to $4 per wear. $4 to "rent" a pair of boots for ridiculously warm and comfy feet? So worth it.

I would think a grill could be like that. If you use it even once a week for those five months and think of it as a nice trip out to dinner, I feel like you could justify it pretty well -especially if you have a line in the sand where it goes in the garage so it doesn't get all rusty waiting for "one more use this year."

I'm not a griller yet, but I feel like it could easily get pretty addicting in the Summer "ah heck, I'm just gonna throw a burger/corn/hot dog on the grill." Quick, easy, healthy, delicious, minimal clean-up, and keeps the house cool by virtue of being outside.

[CanadianMamam]

35 minutes ago, CaptainFunderpants said:

I felt this way about quality snow boots until I was gifted a pair.

Holy moly, I may only wear them 10 days a year, but those 10 days a year when my feet are warm and comfy while walking around and playing in the snow... Worth it. And I always think of things as the "per use" cost. So had I paid for them myself, in five years I've already gotten the cost down to $4 per wear. $4 to "rent" a pair of boots for ridiculously warm and comfy feet? So worth it.

I would think a grill could be like that. If you use it even once a week for those five months and think of it as a nice trip out to dinner, I feel like you could justify it pretty well -especially if you have a line in the sand where it goes in the garage so it doesn't get all rusty waiting for "one more use this year."

I'm not a griller yet, but I feel like it could easily get pretty addicting in the Summer "ah heck, I'm just gonna throw a burger/corn/hot dog on the grill." Quick, easy, healthy, delicious, minimal clean-up, and keeps the house cool by virtue of being outside.

I feel that way about most things. I have good quality ski pants because when I do use them, I want them to be good quality. 

The grill is different because our current grill is functional and I would have to sacrifice other house projects to pay for a $2000 grill. Plus our dog is food-obsessed and constantly goes after the grill and we.have agreed to wait until she passes to get a new one. 

[Mama Mia]

On the housing density and availability issue — my local housing authority bases the allowable housing size for a housing subsidy on 1 bedroom for the head of household, and one bedroom for every two household members after that. Regardless of age, relationship, or sex. So - some examples - a single mom with a 12 year old son and a dependent grandmother would qualify for a 2 bedroom. A married mom and dad with 16 yr old girl, 15 yr old boy, 3 yr old boy, 1 yr old boy would qualify for a 3 bedroom. And so on. You can get a smaller unit — and people often do, because that’s what they can find - but you can’t get a larger unit paid for.  When housing was more available they allowed for housing size to be based on sex and -sometimes- age differences as well. 

[CarrotCake]

I’m just surprised by the amount of chicken they grilled. How many guests did they serve? You can easily feed 10 adults with 3 whole chickens.

[CanadianMamam]

7 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

I’m just surprised by the amount of chicken they grilled. How many guests did they serve? You can easily feed 10 adults with 3 whole chickens.

It looked like Kelton made 10 potatoes, so they might have had a decent amount of company. Leftover chicken is also awesome and really great for salads, etc.

[JermajestyDuggar]

7 hours ago, CarrotCake said:

I’m just surprised by the amount of chicken they grilled. How many guests did they serve? You can easily feed 10 adults with 3 whole chickens.

My husband always makes extra. It’s good for using in other things for the next few days. 

[Hazelbunny]

Now compare that amount to Jill R portions... 

[JDuggs]

Kelton has rubbed me the wrong way a few times, but lately he’s started to grow on me. He seems to have such a genuine enthusiasm for his family, his business and his cooking. Josie shows herself working a lot, so they seem to be in agreement that Josie will not only be a SAHM. She actually seems to work so much that I’m wondering if they are contemplating not homeschooling. Their relationship seems very balanced and happy. Willow seems to be a firecracker and they seem to love and encourage that spirit in her. Maybe they’re just better at making videos, in my opinion, but their kids don’t come off as props compared to her sisters’ videos.