Joe & Kendra 16: Praise - ing Their Brooklyn All the Day Long!

[SassyPants]

I just wonder if he helps out with the kids at all? The only 2 things I can remember about Joe is that per Kendra he licks his plate after a meal, and he ran through the Caldwell’s borrowed home and I believe ran into a small child during a scavenger hunt, all while Kendra was changing diapers.

They always seemed like they were playing mommy and daddy. It presents as such a depressing and oppressive life for all concerned.

[Nothing if not critical]

13 hours ago, Cam said:

There’s nothing passionate about Joe and Kendra’s relationship. He strikes me as the kind of guy to get his needs met quickly, maybe too quickly, and roll over to sleep. And Kendra is probably just fine with that as she has to be exhausted. Joe thinks having all the kids makes it look like he’s getting alot of nookie from his really cute wife (who may not have looked his way if he weren’t part of a Duggar TV show,) but I think it’s just the opposite. Anyway, that’s how they seem to me.

 

I think I've said it before - I write fairly explicit fan fiction in my free time. But my one rule is to stick to fictional characters only. And especially with fundies, I've never felt the slightest urge to imagine, visualise or speculate about what they do in their bedroom. Ugh..

Edited June 18, 2022 by Nothing if not critical

[Cam]

4 hours ago, Nothing if not critical said:

I think I've said it before - I write fairly explicit fan fiction in my free time. But my one rule is to stick to fictional characters only. And especially with fundies, I've never felt the slightest urge to imagine, visualise or speculate about what they do in their bedroom. Ugh..

Well good for you. For me, it’s kinds hard not to with these two when popping out all those kids is about all they’re known for.

[CanadianMamam]

Does Joe hang out with his brothers? Jed has a video up and he went camping with Joy and Austen, Jer and Hannah, JD and Abbie and Nathan and Esther Bates. I know they are all in medical but they all seem to do a lot together (plus James and Jason) and never Joe. 

[neuroticcat]

1 hour ago, CanadianMamam said:

Does Joe hang out with his brothers? Jed has a video up and he went camping with Joy and Austen, Jer and Hannah, JD and Abbie and Nathan and Esther Bates. I know they are all in medical but they all seem to do a lot together (plus James and Jason) and never Joe. 

IIRC Joe was really close with Jinger so maybe he had more of a sibling-dad connection with the younger lost boys? Joe and Kendra seem more in touch with the Caldwells too. I wonder if the show ending changes their interaction with the Duggars, or are they still living on the same property? Do we know?

[DalmatianCat]

11 hours ago, neuroticcat said:

IIRC Joe was really close with Jinger so maybe he had more of a sibling-dad connection with the younger lost boys? Joe and Kendra seem more in touch with the Caldwells too. I wonder if the show ending changes their interaction with the Duggars, or are they still living on the same property? Do we know?

Joe and Josiah both seem to prefer their in-laws to the Duggars. They were both also middle boys who were lost in the shuffle, and married oldest girls in their respective families. In addition, not just their wives, but the whole Caldwell family seemed to dote on Joe and ditto for Josiah and the Swansons. As far we’re aware they’re both still the only son-in-laws, so they have “favorite SIL” status by default.

(I realize the above is also true of Justin and Claire, but he lives in a different state than his family where Joe and Josiah are local and seem to be making a conscious decision to choose their in-laws).

[Snarkasarus Rex]

I also think it's because of the number/frequency of kids Joe and Giggles have...Kendra's been pregnant or they had a small baby for pretty much their entire marriage.  The other married couples have 1-2 kids and there have been breaks in between so camping trips, trips to see friends, etc. were much more doable for them.

[postscript]

18 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

Does Joe hang out with his brothers? Jed has a video up and he went camping with Joy and Austen, Jer and Hannah, JD and Abbie and Nathan and Esther Bates. I know they are all in medical but they all seem to do a lot together (plus James and Jason) and never Joe. 

My first thought when I saw the list of couples was that all of those women other than Hannah are confirmed/rumored pregnant or have just given birth (and based on a couple of glimpses of Joy in the video, she looks pregnant). Camping, even in an RV, doesn’t seem as if it would be comfortable during pregnancy. However, to each his own.

In true Duggar fashion, the RV runs out of gas during a 45-minute driver to the campsite. Don’t they ever gas up before they get on the road? 

[Cam]

5 hours ago, DalmatianCat said:

Joe and Josiah both seem to prefer their in-laws to the Duggars. They were both also middle boys who were lost in the shuffle, and married oldest girls in their respective families. In addition, not just their wives, but the whole Caldwell family seemed to dote on Joe and ditto for Josiah and the Swansons. As far we’re aware they’re both still the only son-in-laws, so they have “favorite SIL” status by default.

(I realize the above is also true of Justin and Claire, but he lives in a different state than his family where Joe and Josiah are local and seem to be making a conscious decision to choose their in-laws).

 

2 hours ago, Snarkasarus Rex said:

I also think it's because of the number/frequency of kids Joe and Giggles have...Kendra's been pregnant or they had a small baby for pretty much their entire marriage.  The other married couples have 1-2 kids and there have been breaks in between so camping trips, trips to see friends, etc. were much more doable for them.

Both of these things. Birth order of both husband wife I believe plays a big factor in a couple’s relationship to each other and to the extended family. Lauren has to play second fiddle in the Duggar camp but in her own family, she can be more of a Queen Bee. The same with Kendra and Claire. They all married middle children who usually learn to go along with someone else’s direction. The middle kids no doubt like being in a situation where through close association with an oldest child, they have a bit more clout that they wouldn’t ever have in their family of origin. So all these couples gravitate most often to where they have the most power and say-so.

I think Kendra and Joe’s rapidly increasing family also plays a part of them not joining other Duggars as often.

I’m not surprised Joy is pregnant. She and Abbie seem to pal around in friendship groups, and no doubt Hannah is pregnant by now, too. I think the camp bonding factor here is all the women are pregnant at the same time. Not necessarily unusual with this tribe.

Edited June 19, 2022 by Cam

[Guanabana]

2 hours ago, postscript said:

Don’t they ever gas up before they get on the road? 

They don’t before they get on the road or when the fly, as evidenced by JD’s crash. 

[CanadianMamam]

The medicorps wives seem to be a pretty tight group, both Duggar wives and not. I noticed Hannah joined the group easily as soon as she and Jer got married. 

[Bluebirdbluebell]

Just pointing out that the baby at lunch could belong to someone not pictured like Josiah and Lauren. We know Joe and Kendra have at least 3 kids. It wouldn't surprise me if that's their baby, and it wouldn't surprise me if that wasn't their baby.

Edited June 19, 2022 by Bluebirdbluebell

[Satan'sFortress]

5 hours ago, Cam said:

Both of these things. Birth order of both husband wife I believe plays a big factor in a couple’s relationship to each other and to the extended family. Lauren has to play second fiddle in the Duggar camp but in her own family, she can be more of a Queen Bee. T

Do me next!! I am very interested in birth order and how it affects personality, relationships, and parenting. And how does gender affect it all? Let me know if you have any good resources. 

I'm the youngest of 5 (4 girls, 1 boy) all very close in age. Mr. Fortress just has 1 younger sister. My mom is also a youngest married to an oldest.

We have 2 kids and I definitely think our birth order has influenced how we raise them. Could also just be our personalities,  who knows.

[clueliss]

@Satan'sFortress Years ago I read a book on the subject by doctor Kevin Lehman. At least I think that’s his name.

[DalmatianCat]

1 hour ago, Satan'sFortress said:

Do me next!! I am very interested in birth order and how it affects personality, relationships, and parenting. And how does gender affect it all? Let me know if you have any good resources. 

I'm the youngest of 5 (4 girls, 1 boy) all very close in age. Mr. Fortress just has 1 younger sister. My mom is also a youngest married to an oldest.

We have 2 kids and I definitely think our birth order has influenced how we raise them. Could also just be our personalities,  who knows.

Check out the book “The Birth Order Book” by Dr. Lehman. Pretty fascinating.

Some things I remember are middle children tend to make good spouses. An oldest child marrying another oldest child will have typically have the most challenges. One of the better pairings is an oldest female and a youngest or middle male.

Edited June 19, 2022 by DalmatianCat
More info

[Cam]

4 hours ago, Satan'sFortress said:

Do me next!! I am very interested in birth order and how it affects personality, relationships, and parenting. And how does gender affect it all? Let me know if you have any good resources. 

I'm the youngest of 5 (4 girls, 1 boy) all very close in age. Mr. Fortress just has 1 younger sister. My mom is also a youngest married to an oldest.

We have 2 kids and I definitely think our birth order has influenced how we raise them. Could also just be our personalities,  who knows.

The Birth Order Book by Lehman recommended by Clueliss and DalmationCat would be a good resouce.

I’m no expert, but it’s fun to look at how birth order influences a person’s life. As  DalmationCat said, first born and youngest in the family are very compatible, regardless of which gender is which. 

The pairing of two oldest could cause friction with both wanting to lead. Tho my sister in law, a 1st B is married to a 1st B….they are celebrating 50 years together!  They have always been a dynamic couple, highly popular, even into their 70s. So there are exceptions to all pairings.

 I came from a large Catholic family, not quite double digits. I am somewhere in the middle, kind of a lost girl. Having older, bossy sisters was like having a bunch of moms, which I did not like. As a young adult, I took note that several of my closest friends were the youngest of their families. Hm. I wasn’t surprised when later down the road, the man I married was the youngest in his family. 

And as it turns out, middle child and youngest is a good pairing. It’s not without its problems. Mr. Cam always thinks someone else will take care of things and doesn’t always want to deal with serious stuff. Still, he’s pretty easy going, a big plus for me. But I can see why I didn’t marry an oldest born, because of the potential for me to be bossed around like my sisters did.

SatansFortress, how would you describe the dynamic between you and the Mister?

An oldest and a middle child are also compatible. 

A youngest child married to another youngest can pose problems. They often both want babied!

IIRC, two middle children can be kind of a wishy washy union. But, there are exceptions, so please don’t call me out on this!

As for how birth order affects parenting style, I’m not versed on it but off hand I’d think an oldest would be more regimented and a youngest would be more fun loving.

Edited June 20, 2022 by Cam

[marmalade]

5 hours ago, CanadianMamam said:

The medicorps wives seem to be a pretty tight group, both Duggar wives and not. I noticed Hannah joined the group easily as soon as she and Jer got married. 

On another board, we've started calling them The Real Housewives of Mediccorps. 😀

[GuineaPigCourtship]

My husband is an only child who became a middle child of a blended family at age 12.  I'm the youngest of two in my family.  He is stubborn but not bossy and I'm flexible but highly motivated.  We are a pretty good pair as long as I'm functioning because if he doesn't agree with what I want, I just do it myself.  There was a lot of tension when I broke my foot a few months ago and wasn't able to drive or do much physical activity and he needed me to convince him why I wanted things done the way I like.

[AussieKrissy]

10 hours ago, Guanabana said:

They don’t before they get on the road or when the fly, as evidenced by JD’s crash. 

wait, what? Does JD fly? Is he a pilot doesn't sound like the best one though lol 

I swear I didn't know there was any pilots in the family 

[Father Son Holy Goat]

On 6/18/2022 at 5:26 PM, neuroticcat said:

IIRC Joe was really close with Jinger so maybe he had more of a sibling-dad connection with the younger lost boys? Joe and Kendra seem more in touch with the Caldwells too. I wonder if the show ending changes their interaction with the Duggars, or are they still living on the same property? Do we know?

I remember when Joe was graduating from Alert Jinger reacted very weirdly 

[neuroticcat]

I think, too, birth order starts over if there is a gap of 4+ years between children. So if you had two kids then a gap then three. You’d have oldest and youngest, then oldest, middle and youngest.

We have something like that and it’s amazed me how the younger set shares birth order traits with the oldest.

IIRC, colloquial understanding says oldests tend to be disciplined, ambitious, orderly, achievement oriented, doing things the “right” way and parent pleasers. Middles have a wild fun loving energy, curious and rule breakers. Youngests expect to have attention/energy directed at them and less externally motivated. There’s a funny instagrammer TJ somebody  who does TikTok videos with oldest, middle & youngest tropes. 

[clueliss]

I believe you can also sort of have resets of a sorts in a large family when there’s a four year gap between sex.  Using the Duggers as an example Johanna coming after that long line of boys probably is a combination of a middle child and an oldest because she is the first girl after all those boys.

[Cam]

Yes, and then from there it morphs out into other other things affecting your personality and parenting style. Mr. Cam thinks mechanically, so something either works or it doesn’t. You either like someone or something or you don’t. Black or white. No grays. What you decided about something years ago means you still think the same way. No changing your mind. 

 I see possibilities. If plan A doesn’t work, I have a general Plan B, C and D up my sleeve. Skilled at pivoting. One main way I ever get anywhere in life is learning to work around people and things in my way. I see all the gray areas and am comfortable living in those spaces if I need to.

When parenting, Mr. Cam wants to step in to fix things so he looks like the hero. Has a harder time letting go. My parenting priorities lean towards teaching: life skills, critical thinking, independence.

Edited June 20, 2022 by Cam

[OldFadedStar]

So what would an only child considered? Oldest? 

[clueliss]

43 minutes ago, OldFadedStar said:

So what would an only child considered? Oldest? 

I believe there’s sort of a super oldest but I could be misremembering.