Political Memes, Comics, and other Shenanigans, Part 17

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3 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

Just what my son did this morning!!

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"Tumpy's Little Bunny"

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Can you believe Donald Trump’s approval rating has actually risen since the start of the pandemic and approval of the way he’s handled it is around 60%? Yes, this despite the fact he made the government less prepared for a crisis of this sort, denied it was happening, lied repeatedly about it, called it a hoax, and gave the public very bad information that’s actually dangerous. Yes, Donald Trump’s approval has risen despite the fact he’s a fucking moron.

Do you know why former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called Donald Trump a “fucking moron?” It’s because Donald Trump’s a fucking moron. The only thing that probably surprised Rex Tillerson more than the stupidity of Donald Trump was the fact he was working for him.

And as much of a Darwin Award candidate as Donald Trump is, the only people dumber are those who follow him. A couple days ago, Trump endorsed chloroquine as a treatment for Covid-19, which is a drug approved by the FDA to treat malaria, lupus and rheumatoid arthritis, but not the coronavirus. A man is now dead in Arizona and his wife is in intensive care after they both took a form of chloroquine used to clean aquariums. The couple didn’t have the coronavirus but took the aquarium cleaner because they were “afraid of getting sick,” according to the woman. She said, “I had (the substance) in the house because I used to have koi fish. I saw it sitting on the back shelf and thought, ‘Hey, isn’t that the stuff they’re talking about on TV?'” What do you want to bet she killed those fish too?

Yes. That was the stuff they were talking about on TV. Unfortunately, the person talking about the stuff on TV is a fucking moron. People, do not listen to anything Donald Trump says. This is a guy who stares at eclipses.

Donald Trump said this is a “Democratic hoax.” Before anyone died, he said the number of people having it would go down to zero. He’s blamed Obama for it. He said “anyone who needs a test will get a test.” He claimed it’ll disappear in April. Now, he’s leading Americans, his supporters, to ingest shit intended to clean fish tanks. People, don’t do that. The only people you have to tell, “don’t eat fish tank cleaner” are MAGA-hat-wearing fuckers.

Trump also said he’s not responsible for any of the government’s failures in combating the coronavirus. Yesterday, New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, who’s responding to the crisis like an adult, complained that the federal government sent him 400 ventilators when he needs 30,000. Trump basically said that wasn’t his problem. I wonder if Donald Trump will take any responsibility for the Arizonans who ate aquarium cleaner.

Now, Donald Trump says he wants the country “raring to go,” opened by Easter, and the churches “packed.” I mean, Mr. Two Corinthians will be on a golf course, but his supporters should be packing those churches on Easter Sunday.

India announced a “complete lockdown” of the country’s 1.3 billion people. The Olympic Games in Tokyo were postponed for a year. Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a lockdown in Britain. And Cuomo said cases of Covid-19 were doubling every three days, with a peak expected in the third week of April, when an expected 140,000 New Yorkers would need to be hospitalized. And Donald Trump is saying, “Hey, let’s party.”

Trump said he did not examine any data when he picked Easter for when we should start infecting each other even more than we are now. He said. “I just thought it was a beautiful time.” He probably did examine the data for how his hotels are faring without any business. How can foreign diplomats give Donald Trump money so they can receive preferential treatment if his hotels are closed? Help a pretend billionaire out.

Trump isn’t worried about how this affects people. He believes staying home and not spending money will kill more people than the “flu,” which is still what he thinks the coronavirus is. And this guy is talking to Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Brix on a daily basis and he still doesn’t understand it. In case you’re a Republican, the coronavirus is NOT the flu.

In Mississippi, the governor is refusing to shut anything down and believes prayer is the answer. He wants to pray for God to give Donald Trump wisdom. If you believe there’s any chance of Trump gaining wisdom then you’re probably a candidate to eat aquarium cleaner. Texas hasn’t imposed any restrictions either and the lieutenant governor says old people should be willing to sacrifice themselves for the economy.  And they accused Obama of installing death panels.

The only three things in the nation that haven’t been shut down are Mississippi, Texas, and Wrestlemania.

There are no health experts suggesting the nation can reopen by Easter, despite the inconvenience of people not going to Donald Trump’s shitty golf resorts. Responsible governors, even the Republicans in Maryland and Ohio, are shutting their states down and not listening to Donald Trump. Dr. Fauci himself has said it was possible the country would see a peak in the number of cases around May 1. In case you’re a Republican, May comes AFTER April. Maybe we should just postpone Easter. We’re out of eggs anyway.

When Donald Trump talks, the stock market crashes. Now, when Donald Trump talks, people die. He says “chloroquine” and then stupid fucks eat chloride. He says he wants the churches “packed” on Easter, and they will be packed with stupid fuckers…for funerals.

Don’t listen to Donald Trump and don’t be like Donald Trump because he’s a fucking moron.

Creative note: One of my proofreaders, Laura, busted my chops a little this morning asking where an open bar is located for this rabbit, and how is he smoking inside one? I don’t need that much creative license. Maybe the rabbit is in Mississippi or Texas where they haven’t shut anything down and smoking in bars is still allowed. In fact, there are still 16 states where you can smoke in a bar. Surprisingly, they’re not all in the south.

 

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"Goodbye Granny"

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In case you haven’t noticed by now, Republicans are in a contest with each other to see who can be the vilest, most despicable, horrid person in their party. Keep in mind, this is the party that lied and said President Obama was creating death panels as part of Obamacare. The story here, who’s biggest advocate was Sarah Palin, was that there would be panels deciding which old people to kill off.

The irony is that the GOP can stomach a lot of death. They value semi-automatic weapons over the lives of children. Kim Jong Un kills an American college student and the best Donald Trump can say is that the communist dictator “feels bad about it.” They don’t care about immigrant children dying in the desert or in the custody of Border Patrol. They don’t care if people in this nation die because they can’t afford medical treatment and are uninsured. Now, the Lieutenant Governor of Texas, Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), has advocated that old people should be willing to die in order to get the economy going.

Patrick is a Texan and a proud member of the party of “if you’re not rich, fuck you.” Now, the position is becoming “fuck off and die.”

Donald Trump wants everyone filling churches by Easter Sunday, which is May 12. He said “we can’t let the cure be worse than the problem.” Patrick is taking that to heart and has gone on television to endorse old people risking their lives for the economy. Patrick, who is 70, said to Tucker Carlson, “No one reached out to me and said, ‘as a senior citizen, are you willing to take a chance on your survival in exchange for keeping the America that all America loves for your children and grandchildren?’ And if that’s the exchange, I’m all in.”

He carried on with his nonsense and said, “And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that. I just think there are lots of grandparents out there in this country like me… that what we care about and what we love more than anything are those children.”

Republicans are not taking this seriously. Texas is a state without a stay-at-home order from the governor. There are other states too that aren’t taking the pandemic seriously, such as Mississippi, where the governor’s answer to the virus is that they’ll pray really hard.

As the pandemic was rising across the globe, Donald Trump thought denial and lies was the cure. He called it a hoax and yesterday, he still claimed the media was using it to defeat him. He uses it himself politically in calling it the “Chinese virus.” And, he still thinks it’s the flu.

It gets worse.

In Pennsylvania, Republican state Representative Stephanie Borowicz introduced legislation (I swear I’m not making this up) calling for “A State Day of Humiliation, Fasting, and Prayer” in response to the coronavirus crisis. The legislation states, “We know that, by His divine law, nations like individuals are subjected to punishments and chastisement in this world” and the current pandemic may be “punishment inflicted upon us for our presumptuous sins.” It claims Pennsylvanians “have forgotten God” and thus need to “confess our national sins and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.” Why do I hear that in my head with a heavy southern accent? If anything, some Pennsylvanians have sinned by electing stupid fuckers to represent them.

Louisiana, which is becoming the next epicenter for the virus, has Senator John Kennedy, who downplayed the pandemic by claiming “poverty, hunger, and losing the entire economy” could also kill people. Likewise, Trump says suicides over the economy will outnumber deaths from the virus.

TV preacher Jim Bakker is hawking a fake coronavirus cure which I’m sure involves sending him money. Texas-based Evangelical preacher Kenneth Copeland claims he can cure the virus if you watch him preach on TV, which also probably involves money.

A Miami megachurch preacher, Guillermo Maldonado, has told his followers to pack his church and that fear of the virus is a “demonic spirit.” He asked the few people at his megachurch last Sunday, “Do you believe God would bring his people to his house to be contagious with the virus? Of course not.” So, if you’re afraid enough of the virus to stay home and not attend his sermon, you’re going to Hell.

Baton Rouge pastor Tony Spell is refusing to comply with a state order banning gatherings of over 50 people and said, “The virus, we believe, is politically motivated.” He passed out anointed handkerchiefs which are probably a lot easier to get now than Purell.

A pastor in Indiana, Paul Begley, believes the virus is a sign of the “end times.” A pastor in Pennsylvania (who probably voted for that nutjob state rep) says the virus is “demonic” and if you have it, then you are “healed in Jesus’ name.”

These politicians and preachers are willing to risk your life for their benefit. In the preachers’ case, it’s more revenue. In Trump and other GOP politicians, it’s their political hide. Donald Trump knows a recession hurts his chances of being reelected. What’s he going to say after people go over 30 days without a paycheck? Is he going to blame Obama, China, and the media? Probably. And the deeper we’re in a recession the harder it will be for a dumbass like Donald Trump to pull us out, and the majority of the nation knows that.

The most vulnerable to dying from the coronavirus is the elderly. The real irony in their willingness to sacrifice seniors for cheeseburgers, sermons, baseball games, and Trump rallies is that seniors, specifically the white ones, vote for Donald Trump (I’m not beating up on your if you’re a senior and you don’t vote for Trump. I’m a 53-year-old white male and my demographic is strongly pro-Trump. I’m the minority). But other than killing off their base, they’re putting themselves in extreme danger.

Donald Trump is 73. He can say he feels like a 30-year-old all day long but he’s still 73. He wants to relax the federal recommendations on social distancing and he doesn’t care if it kills people as long as it helps him. And people in his cult, like Dan Patrick (not the ESPN guy), they don’t care either.

The Republican Party doesn’t care if you die as long as it helps the economy. If you’re old, maybe you can help them even further by booking a cruise before you die.

But if you wanna stick around a bit longer, take some advice from your friendly neighborhood ink-slinging cartoonist: Don’t get into a car with a Republican. You may not come back.

 

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