Maxwell 36: Wearing What Some Might Call an Outer Garment While Dealing with Cancer in the Family

[Giraffe]

Sorry Terri, I’m only scheduled to clean dishes on Saturdays in months that have five weeks. Otherwise it’s just a waste of time. ?‍♀️
 

Did you really just write a blog post on the proper time to do the dishes?!? I can’t with this family! 

[usmcmom]

If Steve and Teri allowed their remaining four children to marry, they’d have SO FEW DISHES to wash. I doubt they would ever let the dishes wait until morning, but with just two adults in the house, it would be easy to do that. 
 

I always clean up after supper but I usually wait to wash dishes until after breakfast the next day. With just the two of us, we have so few dishes, especially since our meals are very simple these days. 

 

[HermioneSparrow]

3 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

If Steve and Teri allowed their remaining four children to marry, they’d have SO FEW DISHES to wash. I doubt they would ever let the dishes wait until morning, but with just two adults in the house, it would be easy to do that. 
 

I always clean up after supper but I usually wait to wash dishes until after breakfast the next day. With just the two of us, we have so few dishes, especially since our meals are very simple these days. 

 

Jesse WILL marry, then their daughters will do the dishes so no big deal.

[freejugar]

I'm not here for this housewife shaming when Teri is a subpar homemaker, she cooks shitty food and has her daughters do all the work.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 hours ago, BlessingsVonFundiePants said:

Terri is posting about the importance of washing dishes every night. Because how else will your daughters know they need to wash their dishes every night?!?!?!? Hey ? Terri. My mother made me clean her kitchen every night to “build my character”, and here I am, a single-female- working- homeowner - choosing not to wash my dishes tonight just  because I can, and you know what? It’s absolutely fine!!!! Because only god and Terri can judge me, and god doesn’t care.

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“Do you clean up your kitchen after dinner? If you didn’t grow up doing that, you might find it hard to do now. If you aren’t doing it, you know what? It is likely your daughters won’t either when they have their families, and so it will go generation after generation”

 

Kind of heartless of her to phrase it like that considering her daughter's are well on the path to never having families of their own.

[Giraffe]

9 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Kind of heartless of her to phrase it like that considering her daughter's are well on the path to never having families of their own.

That stuck out to me, too. I wonder if she wishes Steve would allow them to marry or if she supports his decision of spinsterhood.

(I’m sure I’m about to give Terry way more credit than she deserves) To me that post almost seems like a dig at Steve. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Teri has 5 other adults in the home to help with the dishes. It makes me roll my eyes for her to recommend to moms with possibly 10 little kids to ALWAYS do the dishes before bed. 

[Melissa1977]

37 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Teri has 5 other adults in the home to help with the dishes. It makes me roll my eyes for her to recommend to moms with possibly 10 little kids to ALWAYS do the dishes before bed. 

I think the more people, the more necessary is to keep things tidy. 12 dirty dishes, plus the 12 glasses, the cooking pots, the spoons... It must be depressing to.find next day and sooo hard to clean it adding to the breakfast items. I suppose that's why a lot of quiverfuls seem to use disposable plates and eat precooked meals.

Their way of life is difficult and exhausting even in the most ordinary things.

On 3/3/2020 at 2:16 AM, usmcmom said:

I’m confused by this photo. Is Ruthann wearing a dress under a dress? The blue dress looks very heavy; like fleece. Maybe I’m just not processing this picture correctly. Anybody else notice the layers? 

3 layers: (Too big) leggings +a dress +a heavy skirt. I wonder if the heavy skirt is used as a "coat" for playing outdoors in cold days. 

[MamaJunebug]

20 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I think the more people, the more necessary is to keep things tidy. 12 dirty dishes, plus the 12 glasses, the cooking pots, the spoons... It must be depressing to.find next day and sooo hard to clean it adding to the breakfast items. I suppose that's why a lot of quiverfuls seem to use disposable plates and eat precooked meals.

Their way of life is difficult and exhausting even in the most ordinary things.

3 layers: (Too big) leggings +a dress +a heavy skirt. I wonder if the heavy skirt is used as a "coat" for playing outdoors in cold days. 

I think the thin “skirt” beneath the quilt-like skirt is a slip, hopefully of polished cotton, so that the quilted-skirt doesn’t stick to the knit leggings. 

This is prompting memories of a skirt I had that was made of a heavy, quilty material. It was fun to dance and pirouette around in, because the fabric tented out and I looked like a spinning top! 

[SassyPants]

Dear Terri-

Thanks for your thoughts on post meal kitchen cleanup. Yes, I agree that no one wants to come into a dirty, smelly kitchen, first thing in the morning. Praise hands that most of us have common sense and just clean as we go, and realize that doing the dishes after meals really doesn’t take much thought or grand planning. This is not rocket science.

Here’s a quick addition to your chore list. Scrub the sink and spray down the counters every night after you do the dishes. 
 

Signed, 

A pants wearing

Working outside the home

Still can cook meals and maintain a clean home

Wife and Mother

Liberal Leaning

Sassy Pants

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 hour ago, Giraffe said:

That stuck out to me, too. I wonder if she wishes Steve would allow them to marry or if she supports his decision of spinsterhood.

(I’m sure I’m about to give Terry way more credit than she deserves) To me that post almost seems like a dig at Steve. 

I don't think Teri could take a dig at Steve if you gave her a shovel and a map.

Don't get me wrong, I think she resents the f out of him, but has probably learned a long time ago it's not worth it.

54 minutes ago, Melissa1977 said:

I think the more people, the more necessary is to keep things tidy. 12 dirty dishes, plus the 12 glasses, the cooking pots, the spoons... It must be depressing to.find next day and sooo hard to clean it adding to the breakfast items. I suppose that's why a lot of quiverfuls seem to use disposable plates and eat precooked meals.

Their way of life is difficult and exhausting even in the most ordinary things.

This.  I can't even imagine waking up, having to get breakfast going for eleventy kids but needing to deal with dishes first.

That said...that's just me and it's only one out of a million reasons I couldn't have had a mega-family.  Teri should shut it with her sanctimony...if the kids are loved, fed, sheltered, clothed, educated, supervised and otherwise cared for then whatever works for that family.

[LilMissMetaphor]

"...visiting the dishes of the fathers on the children, to the third and fourth generation..."

 

[Giraffe]

8 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

I don't think Teri could take a dig at Steve if you gave her a shovel and a map.

Don't get me wrong, I think she resents the f out of him, but has probably learned a long time ago it's not worth it.

 

Say you’re probably spot on. Is it wrong to hope he dies first so we can see if she lets loose?

[EmmaWoodhouse]

I never wash dishes in the evening.  My work schedule doesn't start until after noon several days a week (and goes well into the evening), so I spend my mornings reading and doing all the appropriate housewifely things.  Nights are for fun or rest around here, not housework.

As a side note, my homeschooling mother almost always left a clean kitchen in the evenings (especially once she was past the littles-only stage).  Just goes to show that you can do all the right things and the next generation can still fall into disarray.  But she never used a MOTH schedule, so maybe that's where things went wrong.

[Giraffe]

What percentage of Terri’s “life advice” posts are a direct result of her never having proper treatment for depression? As @EmmaWoodhouse pointed out, some of it is just “good” sahw advice, but some of her advice is extra special. 

Edited March 4, 2020 by Giraffe
Adding snark

[SPHASH]

Why don't they get a fucking dishwasher?  Or do they?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

33 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

What percentage of Terri’s “life advice” posts are a direct result of her never having proper treatment for depression? As @EmmaWoodhouse pointed out, some of it is just “good” sahw advice, but some of her advice is extra special. 

I think it's just defensive.  They do nothing productive, they have failed their daughters by not allowing them to live the one life they've prepared them for so she looks around and finds something that makes her feel superior and posts about it.  

Just supposition.

[Black Aliss]

I wanted to comment on the blog but I knew ofSteve would just delete it, so I'm blowing off steam here. Bear with me.

I do not clean up the kitchen after meals. I plan out, put in, and tend to the vegetable garden, and harvest from it. I plan menus and shop for groceries accordingly. I cook the meals. My husband (not my headship) cleans up after dinner and has for 40 years, even on the nights when he was also able to cook. Cleaning the kitchen and loading the dishwasher is one of the few tasks he can still manage so, even if I do have to discreetly re-wash something before I can use it again, I'm not about to take over. My daughters learned this habit from me and their husbands also do after-dinner cleanup. Take that, Teri. Oh, yeah, one of the photos shows Steve rinsing dishes so it's not quite true that you and you alone are responsible for cleanup.

[Giraffe]

44 minutes ago, Black Aliss said:

Oh, yeah, one of the photos shows Steve rinsing dishes so it's not quite true that you and you alone are responsible for cleanup.

She’s not exclusively responsible for anything. It adds to the ridiculousness of her advice. If I didn’t know any better I’d think she were a single childless woman with a full time job outside the home who’s giving advice to others like her. I’ve learned some time management skills from people online, but they tend to be from people who work full time, whose kids are in day care and whose partners work full-time, too. I don’t understand Terri!

Edited March 4, 2020 by Giraffe
Wasn’t done ranting

[nokidsmom]

2 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Don't get me wrong, I think she resents the f out of him, but has probably learned a long time ago it's not worth it.

ITA.   Sadly I think it's to be expected as part of the Maxwellian family dynamic.  I cannot imagine someone as controlling as Steve would not be resented by members of his family, and especially the spouse, over time.  Unfortunately I saw this in my own family.

Teri may have gone along with Steve's crazy initially but over time, as she sees the effects on herself and her kids, even if she gives up on pushing back on it, resentment is guaranteed.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

14 minutes ago, Giraffe said:

She’s not exclusively responsible for anything. It adds to the ridiculousness of her advice. If I didn’t know any better I’d think she were a single childless woman with a full time job outside the home who’s giving advice to others like her. I’ve learned some time management skills from people online, but they tend to be from people who work full time, whose kids are in day care and whose partners work full-time, too. I don’t understand Terri!

This!  I didn't need these kinds of tips when I was home with my kids.  What I need now is tips on how to do after dinner clean up without mild swearing because it's after working a full day and 2 hour commute...making dinner, eating and I can barely keep my eyes open by the time it's time to load the dishwasher.

[usedbicycle]

The last post is so typically Teri: condescending and totally clueless at the same time. Most functional adults, men and women, clean their kitchens after meals... and they don't need a reminder or a block in their schedule to do so.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

The last post is so typically Teri: condescending and totally clueless at the same time. Most functional adults, men and women, clean their kitchens after meals... and they don't need a reminder or a block in their schedule to do so.

Yep.  And I've never once cleaned my kitchen for posterity, I clean it because a tidy kitchen is pleasant for me and my family.

 

[daisyjane1234]

On 3/3/2020 at 9:08 AM, smittykins said:

Is this the same as Godwin’s Law?

 

I believe so, but would have to check.

[daisyjane1234]

The cleaning the kitchen post is crazy.

How will my daughters know to clean the kitchen if I don't do so?  Well, first, I only have sons, and yes, they clean the kitchen.  And second, my children know to clean the kitchen because they have critical thinking skills and a helpful spirit - not only learned by modelling their parents (mother and father), but also while at places like church, school, summer camp, and so on.  In fact,  at (a faith based) sleep-away camp where my kids are now counsellors all summer long, washing the dishes is one of the more fun activities for staff.  Kids are allowed to play music (it has to be appropriate, Disney is popular, as are folk tunes) and much dancing, singing along, laughing, and hilarity, ensues.  My kids now make "washing the dishes" playlists.  

When they were younger, like many here, I often did not clean the kitchen before I went to bed.  I had (have) a very medically complicated child and he would often need care throughout the night.  Sometimes the only block of sleep I could get would be between about 7pm and 2am - so I slept then and left dishes and kitchen tidy-up until the morning when I had more energy and was more rested. These days we have a night nurse so I can sleep through the night so I am more likely to tidy up.  

 

Despite what the Maxwell's want to believe, family life does not fit into tidy little templates or spreadsheets.  Thriving families do not blindly follow the rigid and mindless drivel of some isolated family on a blog, but rather find strategies and solutions that work for their unique needs.  And what I really want to say to the Maxwells is that their hotbed of dysfunction, arrogance, narcissism, and toxic enmeshment, is the last place I would look for advice on anything - even something as mindless as cleaning the kitchen.

 

Edited March 4, 2020 by HerNameIsBuffy
Edited out empty quote box