Maxwell 36: Wearing What Some Might Call an Outer Garment While Dealing with Cancer in the Family

[HerNameIsBuffy]

9 minutes ago, daisyjane1234 said:

Despite what the Maxwell's want to believe, family life does not fit into tidy little templates or spreadsheets.

I could be projecting (probably) but this reads like pure anxiety to me.   When my life is falling apart and things feel out of control the more massive and detailed my spreadsheets are for my to do lists.  

That's a sign for me to address my anxiety because the obsessive organization is just a band-aid; temporarily soothing and escapist but no real solution.

[Giraffe]

3 hours ago, Giraffe said:

Say you’re probably spot on. Is it wrong to hope he dies first so we can see if she lets loose?

I know this is stupid but it’s bugging me. The first word’s supposed to be “sad,” not say. 
 

 

Off to find chocolate. I’m in a mood and that might help...

Edited March 4, 2020 by Giraffe
Riffle. Just ignore me. ?‍♀️

[BlessingsVonFundiePants]

Hey Terri, How about a post for your daughter-in-law aimed along the lines of giving her permission to stop with the housework, “mothers, we don’t know what tomorrow may bring so lay down your chores and play with your kids tonight. Make a happy memory, the dishes can wait.”

[louannems]

I wonder what would happen if any of the unmarrieds would help themselves to an (unplanned, unscheduled) late night snack?  And leave their bowl or plate in the sink!!! Probably Steve would write a lengthy Steve's corner about the evils of snacking.

I'm guessing the adult kids are so well indoctrinated that it would never even occur to them to disobey their parents.  And think to themselves.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

12 minutes ago, louannems said:

I'm guessing the adult kids are so well indoctrinated that it would never even occur to them to disobey their parents.  And think to themselves.

This is what I want to understand - the mechanics of this.  I was a difficult child and it was so hard for me to obey even when I tried.  And once I was a teenager, forget it.  I don't see how you get 8 kids towing the same line well into adulthood.

[Notjean]

This post made me mad.  Admittedly I am the slacker stay-at-home-mom that doesn't clean the kitchen after supper very often.  Fortunately several of my kids got the clean gene from some relative so sometimes it happens without me.  I certainly learned it while I was growing up.  It looks like the clean kitchen trait just skipped my generation.  I'm going with the theory that I live to make the rest of you look good!   

[Alisamer]

Teri is so boring.

I think some of her advice is good... for people with depression. I get that - sometimes I say or do something and then realize that "normal" people don't have to think about that sort of thing, they just do it. 

Sadly, she doesn't realize that's what's going on. She thinks she's being helpful to all SAHMs.

And yeah, her daughters aren't going to need to worry about teaching their kids to do dishes, at this rate. They'll be doing Teri and Steve's until they both pass, and that's about it.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

A post on doing the dishes?? Even for the Maxwells this is "filler" and bad filler.

[not in the limelight]

PSA I'm crap at doing my dishes but pretty good with spending time with my kid. Memories over dishes any day.

[Can'tBelieveMyEyes]

5 hours ago, daisyjane1234 said:

I had (have) a very medically complicated child and he would often need care throughout the night.  Sometimes the only block of sleep I could get would be between about 7pm and 2am - so I slept then and left dishes and kitchen tidy-up until the morning when I had more energy and was more rested. These days we have a night nurse so I can sleep through the night so I am more likely to tidy up.  

Despite what the Maxwell's want to believe, family life does not fit into tidy little templates or spreadsheets.  

 

My son was born at 26 weeks and had a rough first year at home.   During that time, I made the mistake of reading MOTH as prep work for discussing the insanity of the Maxwells on my blog.   I was living on a highly regimented schedule - but it was based on the complicated feeding cycle of a micro preemie with reflux who also had a lovely habit of stopping breathing sometimes at random times so we needed one awake adult who knew infant CPR in the same room as him 24/7.    Oh, and a raft of medical professionals with appointments, in-home therapists/appointments and assorted other people who were sent to help us manage the medical professionals and in-home therapists....which was less helpful than it sounds.

If the Maxwells needed that insanely regimented of a schedule to manage 5 young(ish) kids when there were two parents plus three young adults/teens at home, the entire family would have crashed and burned if they had a child who had any substantial medical or developmental issues.  Because my life was highly scheduled - but the schedule routinely flew out the window due to issues outside of my control like a reflux flair leading to doctor tag or an emergency with a different patient leading to an appointment taking 3 hours instead of 45 minutes.

[Snarfblatt]

I hate doing the dishes. Growing up the rule was that whoever cooked didn't have to do the dishes. Now I'm an adult and I live alone so there isn't anyone else to do the dishes. I also suffer from depression and anxiety and so from that perspective dishes are something I really struggle with.  They become this huge Thing but then when I get around to doing the they never take as long as I think they will. 

So my first reaction to Teri's post was basically "screw you." 

 

[Wolf in Sheeples’ Clothing]

I couldn’t believe that a blog post about washing dishes was even written. Why did it need to be conceived, written, and posted online? What was the point? But then I reminded myself that it’s the Maxwells... I know I’ve said this before but they are so bizarre!

Psst... Hey Teri, guess what? In my house, regardless of who cooks, my dad always cleans the kitchen. Always. 

[SassyPants]

5 hours ago, louannems said:

I wonder what would happen if any of the unmarrieds would help themselves to an (unplanned, unscheduled) late night snack?  And leave their bowl or plate in the sink!!! Probably Steve would write a lengthy Steve's corner about the evils of snacking.

I'm guessing the adult kids are so well indoctrinated that it would never even occur to them to disobey their parents.  And think to themselves.

Can a 38 or 26 YO actually disobey their parents? How about a 60 something YO, asking for a friend?

[Black Aliss]

Godwin's Law is actually the end result of a reductio ad hitlerum. In other words, say someone compares an action or idea to something Hitler did or might have done. That's reductio ad hitlerum.  According to Michael Wayne Godwin, internet pioneer, the longer an internet discussion goes on, regardless of topic, sooner or later someone will make a comparison to Hitler or the Holocaust. At that point, by internet common law, the discussion is over. A couple of years ago Godwin stated that  his law is suspended when you are discussing the alt-right, white supremacists, or any of the fascist dictators currently in power.

Edited March 5, 2020 by Black Aliss

[Can'tBelieveMyEyes]

6 hours ago, louannems said:

I wonder what would happen if any of the unmarrieds would help themselves to an (unplanned, unscheduled) late night snack?  And leave their bowl or plate in the sink!!! Probably Steve would write a lengthy Steve's corner about the evils of snacking.

Weight gain in the family is evil because Steve has serious issues around food.   The offender would be castigated for having an illicit appetite for food.   In fact, I think that's the only time Jesse is referred to in the Maxwell's writings because Steve harps on how some of his children have had the same evil appetite for food that Steven does - and Jesse's the only one that might qualify as having a build that is slightly stocky - which is different from being obese or even overweight.

Of course, Steven's the one who is going whole-hog on a vegan, sugar-free diet to control his heart issues; his heart issues were caused by his weakness around food - not the untreated high blood pressure or the untreated bad cholesterol score.  "Ignore the man behind the curtain, peon!  Food is the root of ebil, not failure to get preventative medicine!  I am your god!"

[MamaJunebug]

I’d like to comment on PSarah’s March 2 blog entry. 

It’s SO badly written!

I’m back to calling her Poor Sarah because anyone who writes like that, doesn’t like writing. And yet she’s gotta do it. Daddy says so.

Contrast it to Anna’s recent post about her medical condition. There’s no comparison, only contrast. Anna’s is to the point, logical, clear. 

I’m intrigued by the way the family rallied to help Anna & Chris take a week away for the surgery.  Sarah misses the chance to point out how compound life works favorably in an emergency situation like that. She mentions calling the fathership by its street number (oh. How clever.) (not really) but everything past that is jumbled. Who stayed with Anna & Chris’s Children in their house overnight? Did they have any time at the grandparents’ other than meals? 

I dunno, it just annoyed me. Talk of AnnaAndMary “tracking back” made no real sense. Sarah seriously does not read other writers’ work, I guess. Her vocabulary is so limited that she fumbles the facts she tries to convey.  

Or maybe she wanted that. Can’t let people know that two GYW stayed under their absent brother’s  roof without the father’s umbrella o’protection.  Nor, horrors!, that possibly three unmarried siblings - one of them a GYM! - had a sleepover outside their parents’ domicile. 

Effed. Up. So effed up. 

And I’m just SURE Mary loved those middle of the night feedings. Maybe that was by design: let her know that Daddy’s doing her a favor, preventing her from icky motherhood. 

I just dunno, I just do not know.

Edited March 5, 2020 by MamaJunebug

[scoutsadie]

  <--------- for you, @Giraffe, with an internet smooch.

@Snarfblatt, I happened to rewatch The Little Mermaid about a month ago, and over the past few weeks, there have been several references to Buddy Hacket as Scuttle in the JRod threads! So your username made me giggle. [But as someone who also struggles with anxiety and depression, I can relate to the dishes becoming a big Thing (mine is laundry) so here's an internet hug for you. And what the heck, here's a chocolate bar for you ? - just don't tell Giraffe that I had one left...]

Edited March 5, 2020 by scoutsadie

[anachronistic]

I don’t understand how they deal with life at all. Stuff comes up that you are unprepared for. How do they cope without it being preplanned? I think that internally, Terri is melting down a lot, and has been for years. She can’t show that, though, so she throws herself into schedules and doing dishes exactly correctly so that the energy goes somewhere and she doesn’t show her real feelings.

Today and yesterday I planned, among other things, to make bran muffins and wash the floors. Instead, I’m spending hours (literally, currently entering hour 3) playing phone games with State Health and State Dental insurance, trying to get coverage for my teeth cleaning in a week. Health said call Dental. Dental said it’s Health. I call Health back, Health said nopeity nope, call Dental. Each call requires inputting all my information into an automatic system, being on hold 10-60 minutes, confirming my info verbally. Currently on hold with Dental, again. This isn’t hard exactly, it just requires a lot of patience and knowing when  to say firmly, I need to talk to your supervisor. I don’t see the kidults having this basic skill. I think the male Maxwells protect the females because they have to. The women don’t know how to speak up for themselves or fight back when necessary. But within the cult nobody will hurt them so they are safe. 
 

Finally reached a human again, who.....put me on hold. Sheesh.

[AverageGiraffe]

With everything they have going on (a large family nearby they spend lots of, admittedly weirdly scheduled, time with, a family member with cancer who just had a baby, etc) why they feel the need to make the most MUNDANE posts continues to baffle me. The worst part is that this could actually be a potentially useful post if they included some actual information-- who does what task, how it's gotten easier or harder as people have left, how they handle cleanups when they're cooking for all eleventy thousand family members at big gatherings, favorite cleaning products... literally anything. It's some sad little bit of commentary about how it's good to clean at night and a bunch of pictures of the family cleaning.  It's not helpful or useful or providing any real insight. Why bother? if you need a filler post, post a few pics of the cute kids and call it a day. This is an ongoing problem with the Maxwells-- there's never really any content in their posts. Ever. 

Mom's corner that came out a few days ago was a big push for using MOTH and schedules, so I feel like this post was supposed to be in line with that and help reinvigorate what I imagine to be falling MOTH sales. 

[Austrian Atheist]

Hi guys,

I'm a long time lurker but I haven't dared to write because English isn't my native language and I'm not living in an English speaking country - obviously.

However, I'm from Austria and I'm taken aback by their oncoming visit to Austria.

Christian fundamentalism is very rare here. Especially their brand of christian, quiverful, homeshooling fundamentalism. Most people are catholic (as already mentioned above) but there are not many "true believers" - most just stay in the catholic church for social and cultural reasons. Religions and believe systems in general just don't have the same impact or role in society than in the USA. Even believing catholics are cherry picking rules they want to follow (or not). Most people I know either left the church or just don't attend or only moderately believe.

Also homeschooling is extremely rare. We have around 1.1 million school students in Austria - only around 2,200 are homeschooled. Rules for homeschooling are strict: children have to do an exam at a public school at the end of the school year. You actually cannot avoid some touchy topics with homeschooling

Usually christian fundis and homeschoolers only get attention if there is some sort of scandal. Recently a couple was sentenced because they let their 13year old daughter die of pancreatitis without calling a doctor: https://www.taiwannews.com.tw/en/news/3875507 (sorry that's the only English source I could find). That case led to a public debate whether homeschooling should be banned.

Just to give you a little bit of background.

Tltr: Why the f... will they visit Austria? Fundamentalism and homeschooling are nearly inexistent. We certainly don't need them here.

Edited March 5, 2020 by Austrian Atheist

[Melissa1977]

22 minutes ago, Austrian Atheist said:

Tltr: Why the f... will they visit Austria? Fundamentalism and homeschooling are nearly inexistent. We certainly don't need them here

I leave near Barcelona. Your description of religion in Austria is exactly the same here. A couple times I have seen US fundies by the street, with the same looks than David Waller!!! They didn't approach people on the street. I had the feeling they were just on holidays, but using religion as an alibi. So when I read of fundies going on "missions" I'm a bit doubtful, sorry.

[SassyPants]

21 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

This!  I didn't need these kinds of tips when I was home with my kids.  What I need now is tips on how to do after dinner clean up without mild swearing because it's after working a full day and 2 hour commute...making dinner, eating and I can barely keep my eyes open by the time it's time to load the dishwasher.

For work, my husband typically travels 3-4 days a week, which leaves me alone. I am retired, so I do not have the work piece in my life, but cooking and clean up for one is such a waste of time. What I usually do is cook bigger portions when the hub’s is I town and freeze the remainder for days when he is gone. I eat a lot of  soup. I also eat  copious amounts of salad. I hate kitchen clean up, as that’s usually a shared task when the husband is home. 

[Palimpsest]

37 minutes ago, Austrian Atheist said:

Tltr: Why the f... will they visit Austria? Fundamentalism and homeschooling are nearly inexistent. We certainly don't need them here.

Hi, thanks for delurking and welcome to FJ.  Your English is excellent so please don't worry about that.

Why are the Maxwells coming to convert Austria?  I think they have been invited by a long-term follower who once sent them a cherry stoner and won a giveaway. 

From Titus2 a year ago (my emphasis):  https://blog.titus2.com/2019/02/09/announcing-the-titus2-blog-giveaway-recipients/ 

Quote

Introducing you to Susi: I’m Susi, and I have 7 children, 4 of them are still homeschooled. I’ve been married for 24 years to a missionary and live in Austria. My biggest dream is to bring Teri and Steve to Europe. I have been blessed for years through their ministry and specially through the investment from Teri and the time she took to coach me through emails. This is the first time ever that I won something. I feel very blessed. Thank you, Maxwell Family! Susi

There are a lot of American Fundie "missionaries" to Europe.  As you admit yourself, Austria, and Europe in general, are in dire need of conversion to the True Gospel!  There are so many atheists and agnostics running around who have not been exposed to the Right Type of Christianity.  And for those who are still Catholic (cherry picking or not) that is a False and Pagan religion.  (I'm joking, but that is what many Fundies really believe.) 

I get a lot of laughs over the Fundie missionaries to Godless Europe, especially the ones to Scotland and England.  Some of them do all the tourist spots as they hand out tracts and try to plant churches.  Not many of them are very successful in their conversion attempts though.

I don't think I have found Susi's missionary blog, if she has one, but I am willing to bet that it would be amusing.  

Edited March 5, 2020 by Palimpsest

[HerNameIsBuffy]

14 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Can a 38 or 26 YO actually disobey their parents? How about a 60 something YO, asking for a friend?

For normal people yeah, I guess, if they are still living in their home.  Their house, their rules.

For the Maxwells, no.  Because the reason they are home is due to having been deliberately emotionally crippled by their parents Steve and Teri deserve no such consideration for the rules of their home.

 

10 hours ago, scoutsadie said:

and over the past few weeks, there have been several references to Buddy Hacket as Scuttle in the JRod threads!

Some of them NSFW.  My apologies  

1 hour ago, anachronistic said:

I think that internally, Terri is melting down a lot, and has been for years. She can’t show that, though, so she throws herself into schedules and doing dishes exactly correctly so that the energy goes somewhere and she doesn’t show her real feelings.

Serious question, do you think it's all internal?  How much yelling and actual verbally abusive meltdowns happen in that house.

My money is on it happening on the reg.

54 minutes ago, Austrian Atheist said:

Hi guys,

I'm a long time lurker but I haven't dared to write because English isn't my native language and I'm not living in an English speaking country - obviously.

However, I'm from Austria and I'm taken aback by their oncoming visit to Austria.

Christian fundamentalism is very rare here. Especially their brand of christian, quiverful, homeshooling fundamentalism. Most people are catholic (as already mentioned above) but there are not many "true believers" - most just stay in the catholic church for social and cultural reasons. Religions and believe systems in general just don't have the same impact or role in society than in the USA. Even believing catholics are cherry picking rules they want to follow (or not). Most people I know either left the church or just don't attend or only moderately believe.

Also homeschooling is extremely rare. We have around 1.1 million school students in Austria - only around 2,200 are homeschooled. Rules for homeschooling are strict: children have to do an exam at a public school at the end of the school year. You actually cannot avoid some touchy topics with homeschooling

Usually christian fundis and homeschoolers only get attention if there is some sort of scandal. Recently a couple was sentenced because they let their 13year old daughter die of pancreatitis without calling a doctor: https://www.taiwannews.com.tw/en/news/3875507 (sorry that's the only English source I could find). That case led to a public debate whether homeschooling should be banned.

Just to give you a little bit of background.

Tltr: Why the f... will they visit Austria? Fundamentalism and homeschooling are nearly inexistent. We certainly don't need them here.

Please accept our apologies to Austria...and thanks for taking them for a little while so America can have a break from their tediousness.

And your English is wonderful, please don't let that inhibit you from posting.  I'm glad you came out of lurkdom!

22 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

For work, my husband typically travels 3-4 days a week, which leaves me alone. I am retired, so I do not have the work piece in my life, but cooking and clean up for one is such a waste of time. What I usually do is cook bigger portions when the hub’s is I town and freeze the remainder for days when he is gone. I eat a lot of  soup. I also eat  copious amounts of salad. I hate kitchen clean up, as that’s usually a shared task when the husband is home. 

If I didn't have kids to cook for I'm be living on bagged salads, spaghettios, and pop-tarts.  

[scoutsadie]

27 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Some of them NSFW.  My apologies  

At least you seem to be a lovable weirdo.