Josie and Kelton 6: So Boring I Couldn't Find a Funny Quote

[JanasTattooParlor]

This must be why her and Kelton went on a small vacation recently. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage, but if I’d had one, I’d want to get away from everything for a bit too and find some joy again. My SIL did the same thing when she miscarried before she had her first kid. They left for a week and went to the mountains for a hiking and spa vacation. I can’t imagine what it has to be like to have a miscarriage as a fundie. When their whole life is wrapped up in being a mom and having babies, it must be devastating when they’re unable to fulfill what they think their “purpose” is. I’m glad another fundie is being born into the cult, but I’ll always sympathize with child loss. 

[Smoochie]

I was waiting for the announcement after they posted some pictures from a photo shoot, all of them usually post some of the other pics first, then the, he/she's gonna be a big bro/sis, here we grow again, etc. for the announcement.

[Tangy Bee]

So sorry to hear this?. It all appears so rushed at Josie's age. Exactly how long is their "waiting"? Doesn't appear to be very long. Well, they are young...really young. We will have another announcement by Christmas.

[Nikedagain?]

remind me... does Josie have the blood clotting disorder?

[marmalade]

1 hour ago, Nikedagain? said:

remind me... does Josie have the blood clotting disorder?

She's never said either way.

[Marly]

I keep seeing people here saying "but they said they wanted to wait/they were going to wait". These are fundies. Of course they are not waiting.
I assume they don't use any form of protection. For them, waiting means praying to God if he would maybe be willing to bless them next year/next month instead of right away. That's probably also why they are "surprised". They specifically asked God if he could bless them later, but here they are being blessed right now! What a surprise!

If you don't use protection, and I don't count pulling out as protection because honestly it's not, you are not "waiting". And barring infertility issues, you also honestly can't really be surprised when you find yourself pregnant when you have unprotected sex only. You didn't use protection, what did you think would happen?

Edited September 10, 2020 by Marly

[Paperplate]

Ugh, I can't believe I'm rolling my eyes at someone announcing that they suffered a miscarriage but ... really?!?!

They had to wait until they are somewhere scenic to take pics for the gram so it looks pretty when they tell the world? (And every single post before the announcement is full of insta-ready happiness even though they are supposedly heart-broken...)

They "never thought they would have to walk through this" even though everyone knows that miscarriages are very common and they personally know several people who have miscarried, some of them several times? Are they really this stupid???

Josie's heart felt "an unexplainable amount of excitement" totally unlike anyone else who has ever deliberately gotten pregnant? So she's unable to explain why she is excited about having a baby? REALLY???

WOW.

Of course I feel for them but still... their post rubbed me in several different wrong ways.

[FundMe]

1 hour ago, Paperplate said:

Ugh, I can't believe I'm rolling my eyes at someone announcing that they suffered a miscarriage but ... really?!?!

They had to wait until they are somewhere scenic to take pics for the gram so it looks pretty when they tell the world? (And every single post before the announcement is full of insta-ready happiness even though they are supposedly heart-broken...)

They "never thought they would have to walk through this" even though everyone knows that miscarriages are very common and they personally know several people who have miscarried, some of them several times? Are they really this stupid???

Josie's heart felt "an unexplainable amount of excitement" totally unlike anyone else who has ever deliberately gotten pregnant? So she's unable to explain why she is excited about having a baby? REALLY???

WOW.

Of course I feel for them but still... their post rubbed me in several different wrong ways.

I agree with all of the above.  What really gets to me is that everything is a photo shoot.  

[Melissa1977]

8 hours ago, Nikedagain? said:

remind me... does Josie have the blood clotting disorder?

She doesn't, but first trimester miscarriages are very common, unfortunately.

[OHFL2009]

3 hours ago, Paperplate said:

They "never thought they would have to walk through this" even though everyone knows that miscarriages are very common and they personally know several people who have miscarried, some of them several times? Are they really this stupid???

I agree with all your points, except for this one somewhat. I understand what you're saying, but even though miscarriages are common, I think most women, especially a young woman who had an uncomplicated pregnancy before, think it won't happen to them until it does. I've definitely had friends who are well-educated and know the statistics still feel this way after a miscarriage. 

[Paperplate]

58 minutes ago, OHFL2009 said:

I agree with all your points, except for this one somewhat. I understand what you're saying, but even though miscarriages are common, I think most women, especially a young woman who had an uncomplicated pregnancy before, think it won't happen to them until it does. I've definitely had friends who are well-educated and know the statistics still feel this way after a miscarriage. 

Yeah, I get it. No one ever thinks statistics apply to them personally. That's just human psychology.

But to me there's a difference between "I did not expect to miscarry because I'm young and have had a successful pregnancy before" and "I NEVER thought it would EVER miscarry even though I plan on getting pregnant a gazillion times throughout my life, I know the chances of having a miscarriage, and I personally know at least several, if not many, women who are in a similar situation and have suffered one or multiple miscarriages".

Edited September 10, 2020 by Paperplate
typo

[mstee]

I have a hard time blaming her for thinking a miscarriage would never happen to her. I think it can be shocking, no matter the circumstances. I’m pregnant and due in March like she was, though, so I’m sure I’m a little extra sensitive right now. 
I can agree that the photo shoot was over the top. Josie’s Instagram is definitely carefully manicured. Obviously her choice but it takes away the feeling of seeing her as genuine. But I guess a lot of accounts are like that. 

[Lgirlrocks]

I get that they have a tv show but why does kelly have to do a repost of josie’s miscarriage post? Why can’t they have anything private? Unless I had announced the pregnancy to instagram I wouldn’t announce a miscarriage. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

Quiverful women need to prepare themselves for miscarriage. It will likely happen to all of them at least once. Especially if you plan on getting pregnant in your forties. Then you have a 50/50 chance of miscarriage. I know they are young but if you choose to be quiverful, you really need to understand that this will happen. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I guess I see it like being prepared for a c-section or a hospital birth when you had hoped for a homebirth. Things do not always go as planned and we need to prepare ourselves mentally for it. I see it as Josie’s youth talking. Young people think they are invincible and nothing bad could happen to them. 

[neurogirl]

I have sympathy for her sadness. I was also rubbed the wrong way by "never ever thought we would walk through this" even though her mom, at least one sister, and SIL have all experienced miscarriages, sometimes multiple times, and another sister is experiencing infertility.

We also know Michelle Duggar, Anna, Jinger, Joy, and Lauren have all experienced pregnancy loss. Jill Rod, Courtney Rogers, etc.

It's sad and tragic. But it's also very common - I think fundies talking about it is actually making it seem the appropriate amount of common since for so long it was never something people discussed. I know "never thought it could happen to me" is so common and I'm probably guilty of it too, but in this instance it seems so...entitled?

I am an only child because my parents experienced secondary infertility after me that even some level of reproductive medicine could not fix. I was also born prematurely. Based on anecdotal family history, I know I may experience something similar and am already preparing myself for miscarriages, and I'm not even TTC yet.

Yes Josie, it CAN happen to you. I have no doubt you will have another baby on the way soon. Maybe you will appreciate your children for the tiny miracles they are and not just a number to take for granted. 

[HeartsAFundie]

4 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I have sympathy for her sadness. I was also rubbed the wrong way by "never ever thought we would walk through this" even though her mom, at least one sister, and SIL have all experienced miscarriages, sometimes multiple times, and another sister is experiencing infertility.

We also know Michelle Duggar, Anna, Jinger, Joy, and Lauren have all experienced pregnancy loss. Jill Rod, Courtney Rogers, etc.

It's sad and tragic. But it's also very common - I think fundies talking about it is actually making it seem the appropriate amount of common since for so long it was never something people discussed. I know "never thought it could happen to me" is so common and I'm probably guilty of it too, but in this instance it seems so...entitled?

I am an only child because my parents experienced secondary infertility after me that even some level of reproductive medicine could not fix. I was also born prematurely. Based on anecdotal family history, I know I may experience something similar and am already preparing myself for miscarriages, and I'm not even TTC yet.

Yes Josie, it CAN happen to you. I have no doubt you will have another baby on the way soon. Maybe you will appreciate your children for the tiny miracles they are and not just a number to take for granted. 

You are so right, especially since  Josie's own family has had their share of pregnancy losses.  Kelly, Erin, Whitney...and look at Michael's fertility struggles. So although miscarriage is a horrible thing to go through-I went through one myself before having my son-it's definitely not unfamiliar territory in Josie's world. 

Edited September 10, 2020 by HeartsAFundie

[Paperplate]

On 9/10/2020 at 8:22 PM, neurogirl said:

[...]

It's sad and tragic. But it's also very common - I think fundies talking about it is actually making it seem the appropriate amount of common since for so long it was never something people discussed. I know "never thought it could happen to me" is so common and I'm probably guilty of it too, but in this instance it seems so...entitled?

[...]

Josie's apparent sense of entitlement was also what bothered me about the post. Thanks for putting it into words. Like God loves her more than (for example) Whitney so he wouldn't let something like that happen to her?

Her post made it seem like she did not inherit the blood-clotting disorder. (If she did her attitude would seem bizarre to me.)

Anyway... I'm happy that it has now become pretty normalised to publicly discuss miscarriages. 

[Melissa1977]

On 9/10/2020 at 8:06 PM, Lgirlrocks said:

I get that they have a tv show but why does kelly have to do a repost of josie’s miscarriage post? Why can’t they have anything private? Unless I had announced the pregnancy to instagram I wouldn’t announce a miscarriage. 

They are a fertility cult. Everything about pregnancy must be shared. It's the only thing that matters. While a loss is hard, they see God's will there. God gave them a baby... for a short time, but a baby anyway. 

And there's another point: social networks are getting over the top. Long posts about miscarriages, miscarriage photoshoots, *celebrating* the miscarried baby's birthday, etc. Until recently, parents grieved privately. Now, even the worst moment need to be public and with a full make up face... Sorry if I sound harsh!

 

[SassyPants]

19 hours ago, Melissa1977 said:

They are a fertility cult. Everything about pregnancy must be shared. It's the only thing that matters. While a loss is hard, they see God's will there. God gave them a baby... for a short time, but a baby anyway. 

And there's another point: social networks are getting over the top. Long posts about miscarriages, miscarriage photoshoots, *celebrating* the miscarried baby's birthday, etc. Until recently, parents grieved privately. Now, even the worst moment need to be public and with a full make up face... Sorry if I sound harsh!

 

And I do really wonder if the, at times, over.the.top acknowledgment of a loss is actually therapeutic? As an example, was having a big brother Asa cake at Bella’s baby shower actually healing for Lauren? I will say that motherhood has seemed to have stopped the infusion of Asa into everything associated with Bella.

[lumpentheologie]

I agree that Josie's instagram is pretty fake (as are many) but picking apart a barely 21 year old's miscarriage announcement is very harsh. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

I think what rubs me the wrong way about her announcement is that they never ever thought they would have to deal with something like this, despite having plenty of close family who did.  It just seems really insensitive, like you should know as well as anyone that it can just happen.  It almost gives the impression that they felt they were better people or better Christians or God should love them more.

I had a miscarriage about a year ago after over a year of TTC and it was devastating.  I spent a few days on the couch and in bed crying and took off work.  I knew it was a risk at the time and it did take away some of the joy of learning I was pregnant with my current (so far healthy) pregnancy which for me was actually the biggest sorrow.  It just sucked for me, and it sucks for Josie and Kelton.  I do not minimize their loss just because they had a previous healthy delivery, but I think their wording was insensitive and highlights that they are very young and can be thoughtless.  I don't care how carefully curated their instagram is - that's kind of how social media is for a lot of young people these days and it's fine to present yourself how you want.  I am far, far too lazy to care and my social media is a series of sleeping animals taken on my cracked phone camera because I think they're unappologetically adorable and no one can tell me different.

[lumpentheologie]

10 hours ago, GuineaPigCourtship said:

I think what rubs me the wrong way about her announcement is that they never ever thought they would have to deal with something like this, despite having plenty of close family who did.  It just seems really insensitive, like you should know as well as anyone that it can just happen. It just seems really insensitive, like you should know as well as anyone that it can just happen.  It almost gives the impression that they felt they were better people or better Christians or God should love them more.

I mean, don't most people her age think nothing bad will ever happen to them? It's pretty normal for young people's perception of risk to be total shit, especially when they're having lots of intense feelings. Isn't that because their prefrontal cortex is still developing?

So if we're just highlighting that she's young, fine, but it rubbed me the wrong way for people to be taking her to task for doing something developmentally normal in a moment of grief. 

[GuineaPigCourtship]

@lumpentheologie you may very well be right about young people on that count.  I'm in my mid-30s but honestly I feel like a grouchy old person based on the amount of time I've spent truly adulting.  I personally don't care how she expresses her grief in pictures or whatever and I'll agree there was some bitch eating crackers starting to creep in.

Nevertheless, I do feel for her and Kelton and I hope their grief enables them to both appreciate Willow for the unique child she is and enables them to grow closer together as a couple.  I couldn't believe how wonderfully my husband and I grew together from the miscarriage, it really was a big silver lining we remarked on after a month or two had passed.

[SassyPants]

On 9/16/2020 at 4:30 AM, lumpentheologie said:

I mean, don't most people her age think nothing bad will ever happen to them? It's pretty normal for young people's perception of risk to be total shit, especially when they're having lots of intense feelings. Isn't that because their prefrontal cortex is still developing?

So if we're just highlighting that she's young, fine, but it rubbed me the wrong way for people to be taking her to task for doing something developmentally normal in a moment of grief. 

I think many of us tend to forget that she just turned 21. Like many of these ladies/men, we expect better ( or just think that they are far older than actually are) of them because they are parents, but heck, what were most of us doing when we just turned 21? Well, I was an RN and working, but in my free time...nope, I wasn’t worried about babies, babies and more babies. I was far more concerned with not having any babies for a good long time, and I didn’t.
 

The Bates women just seem far older than their chronological ages. Heck at 21, Erin looked 30 (massive amounts of make-up, older hairstyle and fashion attire). Same with Alyssa, and Josie’s on that same path. Maybe it’s because they were forced to be adults from childhood,  they want to look older too?