John Shrader 18: Hell freezing over despite climate change

[DarkAnts]

John complained about the heat and how it impacted him health wise. No mention of Ester who is pregnant. I am sure she suffered more than John in this heatwave. 

[Ozlsn]

How many weeks is Esther now? And seriously, he couldn't even find her an anniversary trinket in all the time he was away?

[Palimpsest]

For those who are blocked:

Quote

Still On The Honeymoon!
(My 18th Anniversary gift to my wife)

I'd like to tell you a story,
It's enough to make one swoon
I love to say it quite often,
We're still on the Honeymoon!

I'm so glad we committed to Courtship,
Dating's a worldly invention so bad
And though many Christians use it,
Its failures are heartbreakingly sad

God gave us pre-marriage instructions,
In I Corinthians chapter seven
Seek the Lord without distraction,
If you want a marriage "made in Heaven!"

I'm so glad I finally listened,
And decided to trust my Lord
He's really the best matchmaker,
It's all there in His Word

So He took a family in Florida,
That ours didn't even know
And if I told you everything,
My how this poem would grow!

He brought a lovely lady,
A woman of completely purity
She had never even written a note,
Until engaged she wrote to me

We had our parent's blessing,
Honouring them and trusting our King
It was amazing the way He directed,
In every little thing

Eighteen glorious years ago,
And on this very day
My beautiful bride took my hand in hers,
And precious words did say

We vowed before our Holy God,
Our marriage was for Him
That We His Word would follow,
And in His presence live

My wife is so amazing,
She's so godly and loving you see
But the thing that totally thrills me,
She's wildly in love with me!

After eighteen years of marriage,
Our twelfth child will be born soon
I assure you I'm not kidding,
We're still on the Honeymoon!

"I can tell," you might say with a chuckle,
And that's just fine by me
For this lovely wonderful woman,
Is still "head over heels" for me!

We love to laugh together,
To talk for hours on end
I promise I'm not exaggerating,
This sweetheart is my closest earthly friend

She loves so very deeply,
Our children and the people here
Why to spend a few moments with her,
It fills your heart with cheer

She walks so close with Jesus,
A true "prayer warrior" is she
So many that have asked her to pray,
Clearly answered prayer they've seen

She truly loves our children,
Has taught them to love Christ
Just like one of her favorite Scriptures,
Christ truly is her life

I know of no godlier woman,
She with God truly walks
And brother she truly lives it,
With her it's not just talk

I rise and call her blessed,
I'm honored her husband to be
And it fills me with amazement,
This woman's in love with me!

Our marriage is so wonderful,
Mere words cannot describe
There's a priceless love between us,
God's Gift that we greatly prize

God's truly blessed our union,
It started all with Him
I'm so glad I let Him direct me,
Even now as He did then

There's so much more I could tell you,
The full story is amazing to hear
Some time you should ask me to tell it,
If you've a couple hours to "lend your ear"

But the thing I'll keep repeating,
It's enough to send me "to the moon"
Eighteen years and twelve children later,
We're STILL on the Honeymoon!

Loving written for my amazing, gorgeous, incredible, indescribable, unbelievable, and beautiful Bride on this day, the Third of November, In the Year Of Our Lord Two Thousand and Nineteen, the day of our Eighteenth Wedding Anniversary.

John Shrader
Zambia

And

Quote

My Darling Esther Joy
(My second gift to my precious wife on our 18th Wedding Anniversary!)

No words can ever describe her,
Though greatest dictionaries employ
The treasure that God gave me,
In my Darling Esther Joy

Her name so aptly given,
My wife and also my Queen
And wow this lady treats me,
As if I was a king!

And also I must tell you,
With this I can't be coy
Her middle name also suits her,
For she truly is my Joy!

We've served the Lord together,
These precious eighteen years
Today's our Anniversary,
At our wedding I cried tears

I still have that reaction,
She really loves this boy
And God so richly blessed me,
When He gave me my Esther Joy

I know I am no Shakespeare,
His words I'll not deploy
But this I'll gladly tell to you,
I love my Esther Joy!

John Shrader
November 3rd, 2001 to Nov. 3rd, 2019
Zambia

At least Shrader knows he is no Shakespeare and joy is a lot easier to rhyme than Esther.

 

[Gobsmacked]

I'm still reminded of Albert and the lion!!!

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

Some time you should ask me to tell it,
If you've a couple hours to "lend your ear"

John is so full of himself he can't even tolerate the idea that someone might ask Esther their "romance" story. 

 

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

His words I'll not deploy

Please use Shakespeare next time John. 

I'm pretty sure John views himself as better than Shakespeare. 

[Botkinetti]

I’m pretty sure John views himself as better than everyone who has ever lived and is pissed off that no one else does.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

4 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

He brought a lovely lady,
A woman of completely purity
She had never even written a note,
Until engaged she wrote to me

She wasn't allowed to write to him until they were engaged?  Or am I taking this too literally?

 

[Giraffe]

1 hour ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

She wasn't allowed to write to him until they were engaged?  Or am I taking this too literally?

 

I’m assuming he’s exaggerating, but yes, I took it that way, too. ?

Edited November 4, 2019 by Giraffe
Eta: my eyeroll is for him not you.

[Georgiana]

The Kellers, hands down, have the WORST courtship stories.  Like some fundie courtships are at least semi-cute or slightly heartwarming, if weird.  But not the Keller fam.  Every single one of them that chooses to court has a different flavor of sad courtship story.

Nathan's dating a Rodrigues, so that's just a mess.
Anna met Josh at a snack bar and fell in love with him because he correctly guessed her age.  Be still, my heart.  Then they had a hand-secks for TV engagement complete with a restaurant booth proposal and Josh smugly smugging over their superior purity.  Which of course was all just the set up for the Joshly Madison scandal.  
Priscilla's probably got the best Keller fundie marriage currently, but her courtship story with David is essentially "God moving us to marriage when we both had other dreams we wanted to pursue that we had to let die so we could fulfill the expectations of society".

And here's Johnny, talking about his "wonderful courtship" to Esther, which sounds like more of an arranged marriage than some of my friends' actual arranged marriages.  I know some happy and successful arranged marriages, so I'm more open to the model than some, but they don't try and pretend that there was "romance" in their parents selecting a spouse for them.  And they had a lot more knowledge and familiarity with their future spouse than Esther did with John, according to his account.

No Keller courtship should ever be bragged about, frankly.  This family is super bad at courting.  Kudoz to those members that identified that weakness and dated instead!

[thoughtful]

11 hours ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

She wasn't allowed to write to him until they were engaged?  Or am I taking this too literally?

 

The way he writes, it sounds like she had never written a note to anyone!

Man, that shit doesn't even deserve the word "doggerel," let alone "poetry." How does he do it? It's the literary version of watching someone bounce the knight around on a chess board, yelling "Go, horsie!" then declaring themselves the winner of the game.

[Ozlsn]

You from some people I'd consider a poem written as an anniversary present to be really special. They tend to write poems about how much their lover means to them. (They also write much better poetry.) Esther barely gets a look in in poem #1 until verse 6, and the verses about her after that focus a lot on how she loves John (I remain dubious that she's wildly in love with him. Kind of resigned, that I'd believe.)  The second poem is pretty much all about John, disguised as his love for Esther but mostly focusing on his reactions, with a brief "I love her" at the end. 

17 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

He brought a lovely lady,
A woman of completely purity

"Complete purity" John. You want the adjective not the adverb here. Also it scans better.

[Palimpsest]

23 hours ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

She wasn't allowed to write to him until they were engaged?  Or am I taking this too literally?

No, I don't think you are taking it too literally.  The Kellers were (are) steeped in Gothardism and probably played the courtship rules very strictly with their oldest daughter.  John Shrader was also deep into ATI and IBLP until he decided Gothard was a false prophet.

Shrader is now marketing Alatheia. Pity Alatheia doesn't have an art teacher.  And I assume "water-based canvas painting" means acrylic; the supplies aren't cheap.

Either people have been telling Johnny he only talks about himself or he's preparing her personal ad for Fundie Mingle.

Fundie Mingle:  Only Courtship Allowed.  Absolutely No Dating or Letters before Engagement!

If interested in Alatheia Shrader please apply to her Father, Missionary John Shrader, Kafue, Zambia, Sub-Saharan Africa, the World, the Universe, and Beyond. 

Please Send:

1. Application for Courtship Questionnaire,
2. Your Resume, 
3. Testimony, and
4. Letters of Recommendation from a. your father, b. your Pastor, and c. God, for prayerful screening.

A non-refundable application fee of at least $500 is also hinted at (but not absolutely demanded because Shrader never asks for donations.)  

Quote

M.K.* Spotlights: Alatheia Shrader
(Getting to know your missionary family!)

Our Amazing Alatheia is quite the budding artist! She draws the Bible Story coloring sheets for the children each week (then we copy them), and the tree painting was her first free-hand (no tracing or copying) water-based canvas painting! I also included a couple greeting cards she painted. This delightful girl has completely taken the Sunday School program for her mother, along with the help of Cholwe (a dear young lady in our church here) and Agape, and she is such a blessing to our family! She is an amazing baker and cake maker, and helps so much with cooking, housework, dishes, and the "littles." She LOVES reading (just like her daddy!), and is also a budding writer as well! Her smile can light up the room, and she loves the Truth, which is what "Alatheia" means (it's from the Koine Greek)! We sure love our almost-sixteen-going-on-twenty-year-old daughter! Her middle name is Grace, and we thank God for blessing and gracing our family with her!!!

(She was gracious enough to let me take these pictures after a full day of ministry yesterday, and she had also just baked some Blondies for Esther and I to surprise us for our 18th Anniversary!)

*M.K. stands for "Missionary Kid(s)," who are also Kid Missionaries!!!

 

[Georgiana]

"We sure love our almost-sixteen-going-on-twenty-year-old daughter!"

aka

"Pay no mind to the fact that I am writing a courtship ad for my 15 year old.  I've decided she's mentally 19 going on 20, so this is very age appropriate.  We sure love this girl, and we hope you will too!"

[anjulibai]

Alatheia's middle name is Grace - good to know, since I always thought it was Joy. Fundie Wiki has it as Esther. 

I think someone told John that he could get more donations if he talked about his kids more. That's the only explanation I can see for him talking about them so much. 

I don't think this is a marriage ad for Alatheia. She's hands down his favorite because she worships him - I think he's going to have a hard time letting her go and I don't see it any time soon. Plus, she's needed to help her mother. 

It's the boys John will push to marry and move on. They'll have a hell of a time of it, though. 

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

My question of the day: How to pronounce Alatheia?

a-la-THAY-ah?

a-la-THEE-ah?

a-LAH-thee-a?

a-LAY-thee-a?

I'm assuming it's a th like "Theo" not "though" but heck if I know.

Also, seems like Alethea is the more common spelling; google tells me it should be a-LEE-thee-a, like Alicia (in Spanish) but with a lisp?

[Giraffe]

@PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea Your last one was correct. Uh-LAY-thee-uh

[thoughtful]

Quote

and is also a budding writer as well

And, also, as well!

Spoiler

 

[Bethella]

On 11/5/2019 at 12:50 PM, anjulibai said:

Alatheia's middle name is Grace - good to know, since I always thought it was Joy. Fundie Wiki has it as Esther. 

I also have it as Joy plus it’s been discussed several different times over the years. I’m wondering if John actually knows what her middle name is?

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/30426-john-shrader-15-welcome-to-poisonwood-caleb/?page=13&tab=comments#comment-1515209

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/29426-john-shrader-part-12-empty-baptismal-empty-brains/?page=16&tab=comments#comment-1393978

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/29270-john-shrader-part-11-gods-grifter-falling-apart/?page=24&tab=comments#comment-1362364

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/26031-john-shrader-lyin-king-part-7/?page=19&tab=comments#comment-1194650

[anjulibai]

27 minutes ago, Bethella said:

I also have it as Joy plus it’s been discussed several different times over the years. I’m wondering if John actually knows what her middle name is?

I think that's as much a possibility as we've just had wrong information this entire time. 

[Palimpsest]

John revisits a funeral (Michael, who missed the Burning Fires of Hell by 41 Days) and reintroduces Mr. Phiri.  Without giving Johnny Veritaserum we will never know whether this is the same runaway Mr. Phiri who was married to Mrs Phiri, the midwife who delivered Stephen, and a former member of John's fake and failed Bible Seminary.   

Quote

A Stuck Vehicle, Michael's Funeral, and a Meeting Wonderful (How the first two led to the last one...TODAY! Praising God!!)

Around four years ago I got our Land Cruiser stuck as I was ministering during the rainy season, traversing the horrible mud roads in the Compounds of our town. It was too much even for the 4WD, so I had to winch myself out using a tree. I passed out the John and Romans and tracts that I had to as many as I could of the crowd that gathered. Unknown to me, a man named Mr. Phiri was in the crowd that day watching me.

A couple years after that, just over two years ago, that very same man was at a funeral I preached of one of my dearest Zambian Friends, a man God gave me the privilege of leading to the Lord just shortly before he stepped into Eternity! Michael Mulenga missed hell by only 41 days. His testimony is powerful, and if you're not familiar with it, feel free to search our page and read the posts. I have had the picture of us together as the "wallpaper" on my phone ever since. The fruits of repentance were so clearly evident in Michael's life. I miss him so much, he truly loved me, but I KNOW I will see him again!! Mr. Phiri was touched again by the Lord working through our preaching of the Gospel at the funeral.

A year later, he contacted me, but we never got together despite my invitations, as he was too busy. God burdened his heart yet again recently, and he contacted me once more, and as we began communicating, I invited him to meet, and today, we finally did!

Also joining us was Mr. Mwanza, who took my phone number off the door sticker on the vehicle and called me last night, and he also accepted my invitation to meet together this afternoon with Mr. Phiri!

We had a glorious two hours together before prayer meeting, as God helped me and allowed me to clearly show them from the Bible about Christ's Finished Work on the Cross, and our need for the Righteousness of God. They were both taught that we are born again through water baptism, so we clearly saw the Truth that we are Born Again by the Word of God, through the Grace of God, by being made the Righteousness of God in Christ alone!

Both men seemed truly attentive, and Mr. Phiri especially, the one who has known of me for about four years. They both were thankful, and indicated a willingness to meet again to continue.

Please pray with us for the salvation of these two men!

Bro. J. Shrader
Zambia

(As always, feel free to share!)

 

[Palimpsest]

Oops, missed a couple of new posts.  Phiri must be a very common name.

Quote

Please Pray for the Phiri Family!

Mrs. Phiri started doing some house help across the street from the house we rent, and as Esther was speaking with another lady who had visited our church services, she got to meet Mrs. Estala Phiri, who asked Esther if we "prayed for sick children?"

Esther explained that we do pray, but not like the Charismatics, and found out that their daughter, Rozaria, who is around 16 years old, has a growth or tumor on her side that was very painful. Esther prayed right there with her, then gave her some Magnascent Iodine, which we use to boost our Immune systems (which wonderfully keeps us from getting malaria), and we started praying for her (she's the one on the left with the purple top and pink polka dot chitenge).

What a blessing to have the entire family visit the church services last Sunday, also a rarity here in Kafue! They also shared that since she started taking the magnascent iodine along with us praying for her, the great pain she was experiencing had greatly decreased almost to the point of being gone. They are taking her to the University Teaching Hospital in the Capitol on the 20th for surgery.

Please pray for the salvation of this dear family! The husband was very thankful for the John and Romans with Gospel Tracts!

Bro. John Shrader
Zambia

Esther and John don't pray like Charismatics but they do hand out snake oil.  It probably didn't do much harm.  I hope Rozaria's surgery is successful.

And they are converting Christians again.  Seniors this time.  I hope Ambuya Rosina and Dominic Chisempu stay with their established church and are not beguiled by Scamming Shrader.

Quote

The Love of God Greatly Working in Lost Great-Grandparents!

Those that keep up with us may remember me mentioning Ambuya (Grandmother) Rosina recently. She's the one that received the Bilingual John and Romans together with our Gospel Tracts that I write and we print here. She started reading the tracts and was compelled to come, and has been regularly attending with their granddaughter and great-grandson, even coming to the ladies Bible study on Saturday. She gave Esther the opportunity to go through the Gospel with her, and we are praying for her salvation.

A few weeks ago her husband, Mr. Dominic Chisempu also came, and has not missed a Sunday since! He is very open and attentive to the preaching, and I am seeking an opportunity to go through the Gospel one-on-one with him as well.

It's so priceless to see the clear softening and drawing work of the Holy Spirit in this dear precious older Zambian couple. Truly rare here, as older people rarely even consider leaving their long established church/religion. Please pray with us for their salvation, and the salvation of their family!

Bro. John Shrader
Zambia

 

 

[NoneIsEnough]

John started his recent post with some unintended innuendo ???

Quote

"Norman Rockwell," Missionary Style!

Pulling out early this morning for the second "bus" route (praise the Lord that: 1) We need a second route and 2) I am able to drive again here!), and as I started to head out we saw our two youngest (not counting the coming baby of course), Isaiah (3) and Caleb (22 months) seeing us off (the house is literally joined at the corner to the church plot, so they just go over to church). It was so cute I literally had to back up and get the shot. Gotta love the slouch with the hand in the pocket, right? Just love our kids.

The post was a cute pic of the youngest 2 boys standing in the doorway while John started his bus route. 

[Giraffe]

I’m glad he clarified their unborn was not there to see them off. ?

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 11/5/2019 at 12:50 PM, anjulibai said:

It's the boys John will push to marry and move on. They'll have a hell of a time of it, though. 

I would be surprised if John didn't start pushing Alatheia to marry as soon as possible. Knowing John he is going to do what he can to marry his children off to those he "converted" in Zambia. I would be interested in seeing how his children were to adjust to life in the U.S. The daughters may be okay as they are raised to be submissive to their husbands. However, the sons have no work experience (except preaching and grifting) and minimal education, they may have a tougher time providing before taking the route their dad took. 

[NancyDrewFan1989]

On 11/4/2019 at 1:42 PM, Georgiana said:

The Kellers, hands down, have the WORST courtship stories.  Like some fundie courtships are at least semi-cute or slightly heartwarming, if weird.  But not the Keller fam.  Every single one of them that chooses to court has a different flavor of sad courtship story.

Nathan's dating a Rodrigues, so that's just a mess.
Anna met Josh at a snack bar and fell in love with him because he correctly guessed her age.  Be still, my heart.  Then they had a hand-secks for TV engagement complete with a restaurant booth proposal and Josh smugly smugging over their superior purity.  Which of course was all just the set up for the Joshly Madison scandal.  
Priscilla's probably got the best Keller fundie marriage currently, but her courtship story with David is essentially "God moving us to marriage when we both had other dreams we wanted to pursue that we had to let die so we could fulfill the expectations of society".

And here's Johnny, talking about his "wonderful courtship" to Esther, which sounds like more of an arranged marriage than some of my friends' actual arranged marriages.  I know some happy and successful arranged marriages, so I'm more open to the model than some, but they don't try and pretend that there was "romance" in their parents selecting a spouse for them.  And they had a lot more knowledge and familiarity with their future spouse than Esther did with John, according to his account.

No Keller courtship should ever be bragged about, frankly.  This family is super bad at courting.  Kudoz to those members that identified that weakness and dated instead!

I just wonder what Pa and Ma Keller think about the matches now. Anna got publicly humiliated through Josh. Esther got shuttled off to Zambia because John couldn't hold down a job. Don't even get me started on Priscilla marrying David Waller. Rebekah got divorced and is now remarried. Daniel, Susanna, and Rebekah are living outside the fundie world. Then there is Nathan who is marrying Nurie Rodrigues. So he is going to have to deal with Jill as mother in law. The Keller's have managed to prove why trusting in your parents to make all of the decisions in your life until marriage doesn't work.