Josiah and Lauren 14: Another Grand-Duggar on the Way (Miscarriage Content Warning)

[Sullie06]

On 8/30/2019 at 6:37 PM, LittleOwl said:

My sister lived for about 8 days, and I was born about 18 months later. My mother clung to me and as a small child I had a lot of issues being left etc.  Mother was suicidal and an alcoholic whilst I was growing up,  and my sister was always mentioned and it was always stressed that I wouldn't be here if she had lived. 

When I was a teenager my anxiety really manifested with bullying at a new school, and I will always remember my mother telling me how my sister was a fighter and I wasn't.  That cycle of never being wanted just kept on going, because my sister was the golden child. 

It took me until I was 25 to finally break free of the cycle.  I'm still struggling with the reversed parent child relationship, but I will get there. 

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that. My older sister passed away at 2 days old. I was born 20 months later. My Mom had said after the experience losing my sister (she was born at 25 weeks and vented. They chose to remove her from the vent and let her go) she didn't want anymore children. After her loss her cycles never regulated and she was completely shocked when she found out she was pregnant with me. They never really spoke about my sister until I was 7. My Mom had a tubal pregnancy and had to have emergency surgery. That's when they told my sister and I about our sister as well when they were explaining pregnancy loss. My Mom didn't really talk about it after that and a couple months later she got pregnant with my brother. When I was a teenager she sat my sister and I down and finally told us the whole story. Apparently my Dad didn't like to talk about it so, they didn't but once my parents divorced my Mom felt she could open up. 

I've had two losses myself. I've very open about them because that's just what helps me grieve but some people are super private and that's okay too. I have a tattoo on my foot memorializing my losses and one on my calf for my living children. My kids know about my tattoo but at 6 and 4 years old I haven't gone into much detail but I answer their questions when asked. 

For me my first loss continues to be the harder one. I suffered secondary infertility after and we had to go through fertility to conceive again. The whole process was terrifying. Plus my sister had a 6 month old and my best friend found out she was pregnant 2 months after my loss. It's still hard because our son (we found out due to genetic testing) would have been close in age to my niece and my best friend's daughter and the 3 of us all have 6 year olds and my friend and I both have 4 year old's. So it's like a constant reminder of what we lost. 

[Iamtheway]

17 hours ago, Sullie06 said:

The whole process was terrifying. Plus my sister had a 6 month old and my best friend found out she was pregnant 2 months after my loss. It's still hard because our son (we found out due to genetic testing) would have been close in age to my niece and my best friend's daughter and the 3 of us all have 6 year olds and my friend and I both have 4 year old's. So it's like a constant reminder of what we lost. 

At the time we did our fifth unsuccessful ivf my best friend and my sister was pregnant, both with their second child since we started trying, my husband’s best friend and brother were also both expecting. During the five years we were trying there were so many babies born around us (around 40, I made a list once that my husband threw away) and it got harder and harder to be happy for all of these people getting, seemingly without even trying, the only thing we wanted. 

Miniway could not have been here without my loss so I seldom think about it at all but I’m sure I would have found it very hard seeing my nieces, nephews and friend’s kids grow up if that weren’t the case.

Infertility is a bitch. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 8/31/2019 at 4:04 PM, singsingsing said:

Am I reading this right? It sounds like you blame this woman for causing her child’s death because she was too neurotic, but I know that can’t possibly be the case!

Oh shit, NOOO that isn't what I meant at all, I mean her being too neurotic kept her from trying having another baby.  The stress from the miscarriage and the stress she felt after her 1st child was born was too much for her so her and her husband figured they were a one and done family, for her sanity. I'm not belittling that either, I felt very badly for her after her son was born that she couldn't relax and enjoy motherhood.  She needs a lot of mental health help but refuses it most of the time, she'd rather be mean and hateful than medicated and happy.   

As for her not telling us the 3 of us had been friends since we were 11 years old, we weren't just friends we were like sisters. So her leaving us out of something like that really hurt us, as she'd never kept anything so private before, she told us right away when she was pregnant with her 1st, so we didn't get why she didn't tell us with her 2nd. And this was just the tip of the iceberg, it was after this that she really started to get weirdly private and not forthcoming with ANY details of her life anymore, so after 25 years of friendship it was just a wall. I shouldn't have posted anything, I'll be sure to keep my fingers shut in the future. 

There is a LONG history between her and I  and I was thinking too many different thoughts/feelings when I typed the post and none of it came out right.

 

Edited September 4, 2019 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[Bobology]

7 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Oh shit, NOOO that isn't what I meant at all,

I appreciate your explanation. I pay attention to your posts and don't recall you sounding so bitter and judgmental before your recent post. It was kind of shocking, really. There have been times when my stuff doesn't come out like I intend it, and sometimes it is due to too many thoughts rattling around or me being in a hurry or something. When we are close to the experience it can be difficult for us to see how others interpret our reactions.

[bal maiden]

23 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

 She needs a lot of mental health help but refuses it most of the time, she'd rather be mean and hateful than medicated and happy.   

 

So compassion. Very empathy. Wow. 

 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

Just now, bal maiden said:

So compassion. Very empathy. Wow. 

So much misunderstanding, Lets just say when someone KNOWS they need mental health care but still refuses to get it, the empathy and compassion get worn thin pretty fast. Especially when the unmediated person starts berating you and calling you stupid, a loser, bitch, worthless, pointless and a drain on society. I no longer have compassion for them. But hey you keep on judging, if it makes you feel better.  

I have my own mental health issues, that I work on anxiety, depression, ADD & OCD that makes me hyper-focus on things and sadly right now it is the damn negative comments. Why I care what people I've never met and never will me think about it, I have no idea, but here I am giving you way more information that I want to because I can't get it out of my head if I don't. 

Now I'm going to be off here for a while, for my own mental health. 

[mollysmom]

@allthegoodnamesrgone if you need a mental break from here I totally understand. You gotta do what is best for you. I did want to say, for what it's worth, there are SO many times when I type something out & it makes complete sense in my head because I know the whole story, but it just doesn't come out how I meant it to. I feel like that's what happened with you. I've never known you to say anything even remotely "off the wall" so I took your story with a grain of salt. So for what it's worth, I totally get it & I understand. ❤️

[viii]

I think it's very easy to sit behind a screen and judge @allthegoodnamesrgone, but at the end of the day, she's going to know her friend better than we ever will. Sometimes it's hard to translate tone when it comes to text, and sometimes it's hard to get our thoughts across clear and concise. 

For what it's worth, I know respect and privacy and boundaries are valuable and important, but if I had a close friend suddenly throw up walls and block me out, I'd be hella hurt, too. Her friend was right to shut everyone out because she was hurting, but @allthegoodnamesrgoneis right to be hurt, as well. 

[Sullie06]

On 9/4/2019 at 3:36 AM, Iamtheway said:

At the time we did our fifth unsuccessful ivf my best friend and my sister was pregnant, both with their second child since we started trying, my husband’s best friend and brother were also both expecting. During the five years we were trying there were so many babies born around us (around 40, I made a list once that my husband threw away) and it got harder and harder to be happy for all of these people getting, seemingly without even trying, the only thing we wanted. 

Miniway could not have been here without my loss so I seldom think about it at all but I’m sure I would have found it very hard seeing my nieces, nephews and friend’s kids grow up if that weren’t the case.

Infertility is a bitch. 

Yes it is. We had a 3 year battle after our loss and did 9 IUIs before we had success. It seemed like everyone was pregnant during those 3 years. My best friend was pregnant twice in that time and was my sister. At first I tried to not let it bother me but like you it got much harder the longer it took.

[Thorns]

We've been TTC the last two years and have recently gone through IVF, now playing the waiting game to see if the blastocyst likes my uterus... We've not been at all stressed out, but the constant pregnancies all around (currently three pregnant friends) does take its toll and makes one think the "why us"-thoughts. It does affect me, even though getting a child could have waited 5 years if not for my partners age. So I can't imagine the effect it has on those whom having a child means everything right now, and my heart goes out to all of you!

Edited September 5, 2019 by Thorns
Affect and effect is not synonyms.

[HereticHick]

I'm so glad that Si and his other fundy wannabe superheros czeched in with the Bohemian authorities.

[Jinder Roles]

9 minutes ago, HereticHick said:

I'm so glad that Si and his other fundy wannabe superheros czeched in with the Bohemian authorities.

??‍♀️ I really cannot stand these fundies and their saviour complexes. Ugh. 

I don’t trust them to coordinate anything responsibly. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

On 9/4/2019 at 3:36 PM, mollysmom said:

@allthegoodnamesrgone if you need a mental break from here I totally understand. You gotta do what is best for you. I did want to say, for what it's worth, there are SO many times when I type something out & it makes complete sense in my head because I know the whole story, but it just doesn't come out how I meant it to. I feel like that's what happened with you. I've never known you to say anything even remotely "off the wall" so I took your story with a grain of salt. So for what it's worth, I totally get it & I understand. ❤️

Thank you. 

[Angelface]

Per Lauren’s Instagram story, the baby’s name will be Rhea Lana. Not a name that anyone has predicted and not typically fundie. 

[Satan'sFortress]

That is odd--when I Google Rhea Lana, I get a link to "The Nation's Leading Children Consignment Store." Interesting choice, if it holds.

[Arkfundy]

It’s a sale going on right now....The first photo I came across said “Rhea Lana here we come” I took it as “here we are coming to shop”

 

[Snarkasarus Rex]

5 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

That is odd--when I Google Rhea Lana, I get a link to "The Nation's Leading Children Consignment Store." Interesting choice, if it holds.

There’s one in Springdale.  Jilly Muff was shilling it the other day and Jessa has done it too.

I think she’s trolling.  That can’t possibly be the baby’s name.  That’s like naming your kid Charlotte Russe.

 

[VBOY9977]

30 minutes ago, Angelface said:

Per Lauren’s Instagram story, the baby’s name will be Rhea Lana. Not a name that anyone has predicted and not typically fundie. 

It’s a children’s clothing store that Lauren was visiting 

Edited September 7, 2019 by VBOY9977

[Angelface]

Oh dear, I’m mortified. My excuse is I’m British and have never heard of Rhea Lana.  But, it is quite a nice name and not overly fundie!

[tabitha2]

I wonder if someone will inform her Rhea was a pagan Goddess...

Edited September 7, 2019 by tabitha2

[Markie]

I actually didn’t mind Lauren in the Instagram stories of her and Si shopping for the baby. She was excited to get a deal and happy and not preachy. 

[feministxtian]

I'm 3 for 9 when it comes to pregnancies vs. live births. 1 later term loss (27 weeks) and the rest were all first trimester. I occasionally think about the ones I lost, especially the later term loss, I mean, I got to see and hold him, but all these years later it doesn't take up a whole lot of space in my mind or emotions. It doesn't mean I've forgotten, it means that it was a LONG time ago, I'm damn thankful and THRILLED for the 3 crazy kids I was able to take home with me and watch grow into interesting, fun, smart, good-looking adults who are, God help us, just like me. 

But then again, i wasn't part of some psycho fertility cult. I'm sorta like "shit happens". I can tell you from experience, the pain from those losses doesn't begin to compare to the pain I'm in right now. I can't describe the difference, but there is a HUGE difference between the two. 

[MathQueen]

Our hearts goes out to you, Feministxtian. I’m wishing you comfort and strength in this difficult time.

[JordynDarby5]

12 hours ago, tabitha2 said:

I wonder if someone will inform her Rhea was a pagan Goddess...

That was my first thought! Really Rhea? are we talking about the mother of Romulus and Remus or wife of Cronus and mother of Poseidon, Hades, Demeter, Hestia, Hera and Zeus? Then again his brother and sister-in-law chose Marcus Anthony so it wouldn't surprise me.  

Or maybe for Rhea Perlman! 

Edited September 8, 2019 by JordynDarby5

[TheOneAndOnly]

Did Josiah land a helicopter in his yard? https://www.4029tv.com/article/man-lands-helicopter-at-his-neighborhood-home-in-lowell/28724502 the r/duggarssnark reddit seems to think so.