Josh, Anna, the M' kids Part 20: Girl Needs Some Serious Therapy

[SweetJuly]

Concerning children conceived using donor sperm/eggs, the worst negative example I can think of is how the football player Cristiano Ronaldo and his family handled things with his eldest son. 

For those unfamiliar with the story, an unmarried and single Ronaldo one day appeared with an infant. It is not known whether the child was the result of a short affair or born using donor eggs and a surrogate, but the boy was raised by Ronaldo's family without any involvement of a mother.

I once read an interview where Ronaldo's sister said that the boy, who was 4 years old at the time, had started asking where his mother was. They told him she was 'travelling'. After a while the boy asked when the mother was going to return home. They then told him that she had died. According to the sister, the boy then went quiet and stopped asking. Based on the tone of the interview, it seemed as if they saw this as positive, were happy with the situation and felt they had handled things in a healthy way.

My heart breaks for the little boy whenever I think of this story.

[squiddysquid]

I have a darker theory about Ronaldo, there are multiple rape allegations against him, they just refiled a case.

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2019/jun/05/cristiano-ronaldo-rape-allegation-state-lawsuit-dropped

Edited June 6, 2019 by squiddysquid

[justmy2cents]

1 hour ago, SweetJuly said:

Concerning children conceived using donor sperm/eggs, the worst negative example I can think of is how the football player Cristiano Ronaldo and his family handled things with his eldest son. 

For those unfamiliar with the story, an unmarried and single Ronaldo one day appeared with an infant. It is not known whether the child was the result of a short affair or born using donor eggs and a surrogate, but the boy was raised by Ronaldo's family without any involvement of a mother.

I once read an interview where Ronaldo's sister said that the boy, who was 4 years old at the time, had started asking where his mother was. They told him she was 'travelling'. After a while the boy asked when the mother was going to return home. They then told him that she had died. According to the sister, the boy then went quiet and stopped asking. Based on the tone of the interview, it seemed as if they saw this as positive, were happy with the situation and felt they had handled things in a healthy way.

My heart breaks for the little boy whenever I think of this story.

That's awful. I thought he had his first son with an ex and she signed away her rights.

it's terrible to tell a small child their parent died to shut them up. When I was pregnant my grandmother suggested I tell my daughter her father died in the war. I was like 'what war'? I never wanted to lie. Right now my daughter is perfectly content with our situation. I always let her express her feelings. I didn't ever want her to think she has to keep them inside. I'm sure there will be some tough moments ahead but at less she knows she can talk to me.

Edited June 6, 2019 by justmy2cents

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, SweetJuly said:

My ex only found out during their divorce that his parents met (and conceived him) while his mother was married to another man. He was a teenager at the time, and it was quite a shock for him to realise that his parents had only got married 3 days before his birth.

While I have a lot of sympathy and understanding for people who keep difficult or traumatic family situations secret, I personally can't understand how this is possible. My family constantly talks about everything, every tiny detail is rehashed at least once a year on birthdays or anniversaries, and I know far too much about everyone's personal life. It genuinely confuses me how my husband didn't know that his mother had been on bed rest during her pregnancy with him, and it blows my mind how previous marriages could be kept secret. My family wouldn't know how to do this if they were ordered to ? 

Things I didn’t know about my dad’s family until I was older:

1. His older brother was conceived prior to his parents’ marriage. They divorced when dad was very young and he just never saw a reason to mention this fact prior to his niece (his older brother’s daughter) getting pregnant with her son without being married. He and mom were a bit upset about it until I mentioned to dad the baby could carry on his last name - his parents chose his dad’s last name, but by that point they were both pretty happy for her so it worked out perfect.

2. That one of my great-aunts was conceived prior to her parents being married. Dad didn’t mention this until I was 23, around the time my Great-Aunt died at 93. He didn’t see anything to be upset about because her parents were together so long prior to having their kids, but it was something that upset his Aunt so it just wasn’t mentioned out of respect for her.

3. That I have a half-uncle. My grandma remarried and had a third son by the time dad was 13. I had actually met him once when he randomly showed up for my first Christmas at our house, but he didn’t get along well with my dad* and wasn’t part of our lives. He also had the same first name as his father (my step-grandpa who we adored), so whenever his name was mentioned I thought they were just talking about grandpa. I wound up seeing him a second time when I was 11 or 12 for his father’s funeral and haven’t seen or heard from him since.

4. My grandpa had a gambling problem. Apparently it was so bad the bookies threatened to break his legs once. His parents had to use the money they saved for a trip to Germany to save his ass - after my Great-Grandma had already gotten her shots (I guess you needed them back then?) Great-Grandpa had been before for work and was set to travel there for work again, but this was going to be her first time traveling there. Apparently, my Great-Aunt (the one I mentioned earlier) never forgave her brother for this or for the fact that he was the coddled youngest child and only son because there were no photos of him with her at her wake - she was pictured with pretty much everyone else in the family though. I didn’t learn any of this until I was an adult, partly because my Grandpa died two years before I was born. There wasn’t really a reason to mention it. 

*My parents seem to think this was because of my Grandma. She seems to have had a habit of considering my dad the golden child when he was younger because he was tall, handsome, athletic, and charming. She also appears to have compared his brothers to him a lot. He and his older brother are on pretty good terms, but his younger brother doesn’t really speak to anyone on our side. It’s a bit sad, but I can understand why he might feel resentful or angry still. 

None of that is really traumatic or earth shattering like some of the other stories shared. But yeah, it’s absolutely possible to have good relationships with family and still not know some stuff. 

Edited June 6, 2019 by VelociRapture

[SweetJuly]

13 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

But yeah, it’s absolutely possible to have good relationships with family and still not know some stuff. 

Not doubting or disputing this in the slightest - just hard for me to imagine as it's physically impossible for my family to keep anything secret. ?

[BachelorToTheRapture]

1 hour ago, SweetJuly said:

Not doubting or disputing this in the slightest - just hard for me to imagine as it's physically impossible for my family to keep anything secret. ?

Not only is it hard for my family to keep a secret, they also seem to enjoy telling upsetting stories. My grandma's coffee enema habit, my grandpa's submissions to playgirl,...

[Sullie06]

My parents had conceived me and my older sister (who passed away at 2 days old) before they were married. When I was around 10 or so I figured out that my parents were already pregnant with me when they married by doing some math (they were married in October 82 and I was born in March 83 and I post-term) and at that time my Mom also told me about my older sister. Prior to that they never spoke about her, once we knew they were much more open about it.  

[viii]

15 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

They went through how important it is to begin discussing with my future offspring how she was conceived.

I think today with the all the  types of families that are the norm things like donor conceived are more spoken about, my child should not feel to different.

We talk already about all the different types of families out there and how they come to be.

We have a children's book purpose written for the all types of families and how donor children come to be and we read those. 

My sister and her wife used a sperm donor to have their twins - it's amazing the books that are out there now to talk about all sorts of different blended families! The twins are only three, so they don't have much understanding, but my sister plans to be very open with them when they're older and have questions. Also, the donor (they used a clinic) signed an agreement that if the twins are curious about him once they are adults, they're able to contact him. 

[nausicaa]

5 hours ago, justmy2cents said:

 When I was pregnant my grandmother suggested I tell my daughter her father died in the war. I was like 'what war'?

I shouldn't laugh but that's so amusingly out of touch. Like it's 1915 and we don't have DNA tests, ancestry . com, social security numbers, military death benefits, and massive amounts of paperwork tracking military members, and poor soldier boys are just disappearing into the ether while their pregnant wives stare wistfully out windows. 

[FluffySnowball]

A famous German singer just released a song (in German - sorry non-German speaking FJ-sisters) about people being homosexual. In the video clip, there are blended families and POC. It’s beautiful and I love the message of acceptance and love. However, at least some radio stations decided against playing it so as not to expose young people to “such content”. It makes me angry! 

Heres the clip for anyone interested: 

 

[front hugs > duggs]

My brother was the ring bearer at my parents' wedding when he was 2 or 3, so it was never a big secret that he was conceived out of wedlock! But we did find out that my mom was still legally married to my sister's dad at the time of my brother's birth. My mom and her first husband had been separated for some time, but when my mom passed away we found her divorce papers in her safety deposit box and the divorce date was after my brother's birth date. My dad knew, but never felt it was worth mentioning (which I agree with!). 

My mom told me when I was in high school and she was in the middle of a severe mental breakdown that after my brother was born (he was unplanned, and honestly the reason my parents got married), my parents got pregnant again and ended up getting an abortion. Because my mom had mental health issues at the time (she would occasionally lie about stuff), I asked my dad if it was true and he got pretty upset that she had told me that without his knowledge. My dad seems to not regret their decision at all (my dad would have been 26 with a 10 year old step daughter, a 1 year old, and potentially a newborn, and not a steady job), but he definitely still seemed kind of shaken up almost about it, like he never let go of how difficult of a choice it was for them to make.

[JordynDarby5]

There's been a few secrets I've learned over the years. I didn't know one of my cousins was technically a stepcousin his mom married my uncle long before I was born. Plus after they divorced he got custody of him and the son they had together. Its not really a big deal he's a cousin. The step part makes no difference. But learning my great-grandpa was technically a step was hard. I loved him and idolized him the idea we weren't blood related really stink. He was so cool. But then I got over it. He was the best father, grandfather and great-grandpa so it really doesn't matter. He was so smart and cool. He was religious but completely opened minded. Because he was so cool I've never had any interest in learning anything about the bio one. I have no interest in who he is or his family. I already had the best great-grandpa. Through his family a really cool great-uncles, great-aunt, great-great-grandparents etc. Their my family.

I do think it was cool that my great-grandma realized she was in a crappy marriage, with a crappy husband and left. She moved to the next state, took her daughters, got a divorce and ended up meeting a much better man. She wasn't going to stay in a crappy marriage just because you weren't suppose to divorce. My great-grandpa was also divorced. They met, married and had a great marriage. She might not have been her father's child. He was convinced his wife had an affair even though she denied it and really would be out of character for her. He was pretty much the only one who believes that. She turned out to be not the only woman in the family tree that bailed on a crappy marriage, left her husband, divorced him and kept their kids.  She also ended up meeting someone better, marrying and having a happy life.

I found out a few months ago that my cousin's father molested her as a child. My cousin and I've been talking a lot the last couple years through email bonding over medical problems and she kept mentioning going to the therapy to work out childhood issues. Which is great. But I wasn't aware any issues she had(although I'm pretty sure my aunt wasn't a good parent she was a crappy person in general). So I asked my dad if he knew anything that happened and he told me. I knew her father was a horrible person from every story I ever heard about him (I never met him, he and my aunt split before I was born) but had no idea he was even worse. It was hard to hear. My poor cousin. 

There also maybe one more sexual abuse on Dad's side. At my grandpa's funeral I overheard my aunt talking with another relative about two of Grandpa's sisters and the husband of one of the sisters. It sounded like he molested his wife's sister, but they never divorced or anything. I didn't ask anything on it. I'm not entirely sure I want to know. 

Edited June 6, 2019 by JordynDarby5

[Jana814]

My mother has a cousin who has 2 kids. She was never legally married to their father. They were never told them the truth. Everyone else in the family knows the truth. 

[xenobia]

My mother in law found out by accident - as an adult - that she was adopted.My sister in law took a field trip to the church that kept the public records for the parish. This was around 1985-86 when the church still did this in Sweden. They were encourage by their teacher to look up their parents in the old church books. It said that my MIL was born i a city around 2 hours away from where they lived. My SIL thought it was strange and asked her mother about it, and my MIL said there must be something wrong - she was born in the city where they lived. She had been there all her life, she said. But she did ask her parents about it. They also said something must be wrong. About a year later (long story) they finally admitted it was true. They adopted her when she was just a few months old from an orphanage. Her mother had died while giving birth to her. She also had two older siblings who had tried to get in touch with her, but the adoptive parents had said no. 

So at the age of 40 she got a new sister and brother. Unfortunately the brother died a few years later, but she and her birth sister are really close. There's also a twist about a half brother, but I'll leave it here for now

[viii]

The two biggest family secrets we had was:

1. We found out my dad had an older sister when my dad was around early forties. We never knew my Nana had a child out of wedlock until suddenly one day she reached out and contacted my Nana and wanted to know her family. Apparently when my Nana was young (I think she was around 19), she had a job as a secretary and got pregnant by her married boss. Her parents were horrified and sent her over to a neighboring town to work as a housekeeper until she gave birth. Once she gave the baby up for adoption, she was able to go home. She never told any of us until my aunt came looking for her once her adoptive parents passed away. 

2. My great aunt's son murdered her and is in a mental hospital and no one talks about it. I only found out by fluke. I'm not sure why it's brushed under the rug, but my grandpa's family is very hardcore Mennonite, so perhaps it's a cultural thing. 

[front hugs > duggs]

I have a friend who, in her 20s, found out that her uncle was actually her bio dad, and her mom was actually her bio aunt, her cousin was actually her full brother, and her five brothers were all her bio cousins.  Such a crazy story, and crazy she found out about it by accident from her bio full brother who had known the entire time.

[Satan'sFortress]

Mr. Fortress and I were both married briefly to other people.  I never really thought to tell my kids about it because it just wasn't something I ever spent time thinking of myself.  I think the older one was around 8 or 9 and asked if we knew anyone who was divorced & I said that both Daddy & I had been married before.  He was really shocked, and I felt bad that I had blurted it out like that.  I had no idea it would impact him, because in my own mind, it was so insignificant.  At some point when we told the other child, he was also surprised.  For many years afterwards, whenever it came up, the #2 child would say "You were married before?!"  as if it were the first time he'd heard it.  Eventually, that turned into something of a family joke.

My dad found out in his 50s that he'd been conceived before his parents were married.  I believe it was pretty much a deathbed confession by his mom.

 

Edited June 6, 2019 by Satan'sFortress

[EyesOpen]

Oooh family secrets... fun. My granny was married to someone before she married my grandpa back in the 40s. Quite the scandal I guess but he was physically abusive and so she divorced him. I found out as an adult and when she died I found their wedding picture and divorce decree in her things. She also probably had PPD after having my mom but in the 50s they didn’t call it that and apparently they institutionalized her briefly and she got shock treatments. This would have been good to know when she was having panic attacks about having an MRI Or being in any sort of hospital setting, but yeah, didn’t find out about that till after her death. Of course, I don’t know if my mom knew about any of that cause she passed away before granny...

i was married briefly prior to my now husband and family. I’ve wondered if I’ll tell my kids about him or what...

[AussieKrissy]

Aylssa and Josie rocking some seriously headship approved short shorts (not really, but for them they are). Poor Katie still in her modesty parent approved modest jeans skirt. 

13 hours ago, SweetJuly said:

Concerning children conceived using donor sperm/eggs, the worst negative example I can think of is how the football player Cristiano Ronaldo and his family handled things with his eldest son. 

For those unfamiliar with the story, an unmarried and single Ronaldo one day appeared with an infant. It is not known whether the child was the result of a short affair or born using donor eggs and a surrogate, but the boy was raised by Ronaldo's family without any involvement of a mother.

I once read an interview where Ronaldo's sister said that the boy, who was 4 years old at the time, had started asking where his mother was. They told him she was 'travelling'. After a while the boy asked when the mother was going to return home. They then told him that she had died. According to the sister, the boy then went quiet and stopped asking. Based on the tone of the interview, it seemed as if they saw this as positive, were happy with the situation and felt they had handled things in a healthy way.

My heart breaks for the little boy whenever I think of this story.

That is horrifying on the upside his father has plenty money for future  therapy.... 

Poor little man.....

[QuiverFullofBooks]

2 hours ago, AussieKrissy said:

 That is horrifying on the upside his father has plenty money for future  therapy.... 

Poor little man.....

Also, Ronaldo is allegedly a rapist. It’s mentioned in the June 3 issue of the New Yorker (and presumably it’s been in the tabloids).

[squiddysquid]

A friend found out that his mom cheated and his brother is actually his half brother. We just did blood groups in school and the topic came up during the Christmas holidays.

He didn't have the heart to tell his brother and dad. (His dad has had a girlfriend for years, he's quite open about it - to his kids. Their mother isn't the nicest person out there, to put it mildly.)

[19tacos&counting]

Picture from the gender reveal they did for the kids. Based on Mac’s face, I definitely think girl. I’m guessing we will see the video tomorrow. She said after they edit it? Why not just film showing the kids and post it 20 mins later. What do I know. 

[BachelorToTheRapture]

On 6/7/2019 at 10:05 PM, 19tacos&counting said:

Picture from the gender reveal they did for the kids. Based on Mac’s face, I definitely think girl. I’m guessing we will see the video tomorrow. She said after they edit it? Why not just film showing the kids and post it 20 mins later. What do I know. 

It's a beehive volcano gender reveal for science! I certainly hope that they learned why the baking soda and vinegar reacted, or at least that bee hives dont really erupt. But with Anna teaching I'm not confident about even that

[Sullie06]

My son is about to be 6 (June 21st) and I'm pretty sure the last thing in the world he wants is a gender reveal party for his birthday. My kid wants to go to the bounce house and a movie. Feel bad for poor Marcus. Just another arrow in the quiver. 

[Glasgowghirl]

When it comes to Ronaldo, I am no fan of him myself, prefer Messi and the original Ronaldo but we don't know if he really did tell Christiano Jr that his mother died or if the rape allegations are true. A lot of footballer's have had multiple allegations against them and they have turned out to be false, their was a case in the UK where a Welsh player, Ched Evans was convicted and his career was in ruins only for it to be overturned and the accuser was proven as a liar. 

Not saying he's guilty or innocent, it definitely needs invesitagated.