Gwen Shamblin 7: I am the Potato Chip of Life

[formergothardite]

9 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

Wine is totally biblical, luv.

I know.  Gwen has mentioned she tends to drink too much and  maybe she was drunk writing a devotional and that is why she decided that the ancient Israelites were whipping up Frito to offer God. 

[AmazonGrace]

Yeah I know you know

[smittykins]

Why didn’t she say Doritos instead? ?

[Briefly]

23 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I’m a chili purest. Just give it to me straight up in a bowl. No chili dogs, chili pie, or chili spaghetti for me. 

Chili is good in any form!  But it did take us a little while to get used to having it with spaghetti, which is a big thing in Oklahoma.  We make whatever kind of pasta we have on hand instead of spaghetti, if we want it like that.

@AmazonGrace, true.  Wine is Biblical.

But I do think we showed her up, and she has to regroup.  She's probably not used to being caught off guard like that.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 minute ago, Briefly said:

Chili is good in any form!  But it did take us a little while to get used to having it with spaghetti, which is a big thing in Oklahoma.  We make whatever kind of pasta we have on hand instead of spaghetti, if we want it like that.

@AmazonGrace, true.  Wine is Biblical.

But I do think we showed her up, and she has to regroup.  She's probably not used to being caught off guard like that.

I thought chili on spaghetti was a Cincinnati thing. I had no idea people eat it in OK. I just can’t get behind it. I tried!

[SilverBeach]

On 5/13/2019 at 7:01 PM, Briefly said:

It's also pretty easy to make.

Recipe please? We eat chili mac in my neck of the woods. And Gwen Shamblin is off her rocker. All carbs are bread, and Fritos were eaten in bible times. Ridiculous, who listens to this crap?

Edited May 15, 2019 by SilverBeach

[sajetime]

Curious why an engaged couple — both members of the church — would call off an engagement? 

A young couple that was engaged in January of last year never made it to the altar. Both are still members of the church.

Aren’t members taught its not about being with the right person (unless you’re Gwod SHAMblin Lara) — it’s about *being* the right person? 

How — given all the leadership and parental involvement in matchmaking — would that happen/be permitted?

Edited May 15, 2019 by sajetime

[OperationSunshine]

16 hours ago, quiversR4hunting said:

I've never made it but I love it! I think I need to try and make it now! 

Do you use regular Greek yogurt as the base?

Yep! We use 2 cups of greek yogurt, a few tbs of dill, 1 tbs minced garlic, one english cucumber grated, and then some salt/pepper/lemon juice to taste. It's delicious with pita bread!

[HerNameIsBuffy]

51 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

Recipe please? We eat chili mac in my neck of the woods. And Gwen Shamblin is off her rocker. All carbs are bread, and Fritos were eaten in bible times. Ridiculous, who listens to this crap?

Apparently I do since I bought Fritos today.  Also, thanks to another thread, Jello salad.

FJ is such a bad influence on me!

[formergothardite]

She has recovered herself enough to give out advice on food allergies today. Avoid food if you are allergic, but some allergies aren't real so also just take small amounts because you might find you aren't actually allergic to it. 

My daily advice, if you have shown any sort of allergy or sensitivity to food please consult a doctor. Gwen is not a doctor do not consult her. 

Quote

True food allergies should be respected. For instance, if you are allergic to certain sea foods, then by all means, do not eat them. If you know you have a milk sensitivity, listen to your body and limit your milk intake. You will know your own sensitivities, hungers, and nutritional needs. Use common sense. However, there are many more incidents of simple food sensitivities that are not true allergies. You might try tiny portions of these foods and see how your body responds. Let your body tell you if it wants or needs or does not want certain foods. By decreasing your portion sizes, you may discover that you will not experience reactions to foods like you did in the past. Any severe conditions that persist need to be treated by a physician.

 

[danvillebelle]

The verse she referenced in Leviticus is about the grain OFFERING...to God...and only Aaron & Co. were allowed to nibble at the leftovers.

They were not cranking out oily loaves of sacrificial bread for the tens of thousands of Israelites as their daily diet.  

[smittykins]

Okay, one of our FJ lyricists needs to put words to “I Am The Potato Chip Of Life.” 

[danvillebelle]

3 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Okay, one of our FJ lyricists needs to put words to “I Am The Potato Chip Of Life.” 

Reminds me of Tim Hawkins' take on "I Can Only Imagine" -

 

[smittykins]

I recently discovered this routine:

 

[danvillebelle]

We love Tim in this house, we have all his DVDs but one.  I know them all by heart and still LOL every time.  

Here's another one for Gwen:

 

[formergothardite]

28 minutes ago, danvillebelle said:

We love Tim in this house, we have all his DVDs but one.  I know them all by heart and still LOL every time.  

Here's another one for Gwen:

 

Maybe Gwen does actually think God changes the molecular structure of her junk food and turns it into something healthy. 

How to properly pray for food. 

 

Edited May 15, 2019 by formergothardite

[DaisyD]

On 5/13/2019 at 8:49 AM, formergothardite said:

I would gain weight like crazy if I tried to follow her advice. It must be awful in that church to gain weight back because you are being told to follow and impossible diet and if you can't you are a sinner rejecting God. 

Me too. If I ate every time my stomach growled, I'd gain weight. As I've said, I've been calorie counting to try to lose some of the weight I've gained in the last couple of years. I probably should eat more, but until I can get back into yoga to offset it, I'll gain if I eat every time my stomach growls. If I ate what I craved I'd be living in potatoes and bread (or just bread if you're Gwen, I guess). What a crock. 

[AmazonGrace]

My son's anaphylactic milk allergy  was cured when he was ten. He was given tiny drops of diluted milk daily and when he could tolerate that the dosage was increased. But the doctor said it doesn't work with all allergies. 

[Hane]

6 hours ago, smittykins said:

Okay, one of our FJ lyricists needs to put words to “I Am The Potato Chip Of Life.” 

I am the Chip of Life

If you growl, then that means that you’re hungry

If you don’t, then just sit and starve

Nobody gets to eat

Unless I Gwod say so

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

Till your last day.

The orders that I give

Are the way that I rule your world

And if you have any flesh

And are not just skin and bones 

You won’t get to go to church here.

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

Till your last day.

(Even though I’m a UU now and no longer a Catholic, mangling that lovely hymn makes me sad.)

 

Edited May 15, 2019 by Hane
Added link.

[SuperNova]

5 hours ago, formergothardite said:

Maybe Gwen does actually think God changes the molecular structure of her junk food and turns it into something healthy. 

How to properly pray for food. 



 

Haha! If it requires dressing, it doesn't require a blessing. If it comes in a cup, no need to look up. 

Gwen really let me down today with her devotional. I was hoping for some more biblical junk food.

 

[smittykins]

31 minutes ago, Hane said:

I am the Chip of Life

If you growl, then that means that you’re hungry

If you don’t, then just sit and starve

Nobody gets to eat

Unless I Gwod say so

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

Till your last day.

The orders that I give

Are the way that I rule your world

And if you have any flesh

And are not just skin and bones 

You won’t get to go to church here.

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

Till your last day.

(Even though I’m a UU now and no longer a Catholic, mangling that lovely hymn makes me sad.)

 

Another former Catholic here(now Episcopalian), and I still love this one.

[throwaway9988]

1 hour ago, Hane said:

I am the Chip of Life

If you growl, then that means that you’re hungry

If you don’t, then just sit and starve

Nobody gets to eat

Unless I Gwod say so

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

Till your last day.

The orders that I give

Are the way that I rule your world

And if you have any flesh

And are not just skin and bones 

You won’t get to go to church here.

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

And I will f*ck you up

Till your last day.

I can't stop laughing.  There are so many good lines!  The part about Gwen saying "And I will f*ck you up" is the funniest, even if it is a little bit too real.  Is there some sort of FJ award I can nominate this post for?

Edited May 15, 2019 by throwaway9988

[SilverBeach]

17 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Apparently I do since I bought Fritos today.  Also, thanks to another thread, Jello salad.

FJ is such a bad influence on me!

What I meant was eating Fritos is fine, thinking folks ate them in bible times and using that to justify Gwod's junk food addiction is crap. I was wondering why folks listen to Gwod's crap that are in her congregation, not us!  I like my jello with cool whip. Nothing wrong with jello or Fritos, and FJ is a good influence, LOL! 

Edited May 15, 2019 by SilverBeach

[AmazonGrace]

This one is probably blasphemous.

 

 

Is this the real bread?  Is this just potatoes?
When I am unfed   don't give me no tomatoes
I'm eating your fries,  that way it does not count
they're just carbon, and other chemicals
Because my liver will break it up, a little wine fills the cup
Proper nutrition  doesn't really matter to me, to me

Fritos never killed a man
They're exactly like the bread the priests in Israel ate instead
Fritos,  I had just begun But now I'm done and threw the bag away
Fritos oh oh oh,  Didn't mean to spill the wine
If I'm not back blogging this time tomorrow
Carry on, carry on, as if my words really matter

Kool Aid,  your time has come
There's hunger down the line, stomachs growling all the time
Goodbye chubby bodies you've got to go, gotta leave the fat behind and lose the weight

Spilling, oh oh  cabernet on my clothes
I don't want to eat, sometimes I wish I never had dined at all

I drink a little Amaretto and a can  of diet coke diet coke, can I have the burrito
vitamins and fiber, not in my diner - me!   jalapeno jalapeno jalapeno jalapeno jalapeno risotto cappuccino

I'm just skin and bones and nobody loves me,  she's just skin and bones, her muscles atrophy
Fighting my war against obesity
Eating disorder  will you let me eat, tortilla, no we will not let you eat, let you eat, tortilla no we will not let you eat, let you eat, tortilla, no we will not let you eat, let you eat,  (Will not let you eat) let me eat (never, never let you eat) let me eat (never let me eat)
Oh oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oh bulimia, bulimia, bulimia let me go
KFC has a bucket put aside for me for me for me

So you think you can see me and spit in my wine, so you think you can weigh me and steal my fries
Oh baby can't do this to me baby, Just gotta get chips just gotta get chips outta here

Oh oh oh yeah, oh oh yeah Skinny really matters
Anyone can see Skinny really matters, Skinny really matters to me
any time I hear growls

[Briefly]

21 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

Recipe please? We eat chili mac in my neck of the woods. And Gwen Shamblin is off her rocker. All carbs are bread, and Fritos were eaten in bible times. Ridiculous, who listens to this crap?

Frito pie is basically fritos in a bowl, pour warmed chili over it and then top with shredded cheese and chopped onions.  Sliced jalepenos optional.  You can use canned chili or homemade.

If you are asking about chili, ours is pretty easy.  Use ground turkey or beef, we've made it with buffalo before.  Brown the beef, stir it to break it up.  We usually chop up bell pepper and onion, put it in the pan and cook the meat.  When it's cooked, drain as much grease out of the meat at possible and I usually take a paper towel to it to get more grease out.  Add a can of Rotel tomatoes (they are small cans), a can of chili beans (some people don't like beans in their chili but we do), chili powder and 4 oz water.  The chili powder is hard to say an amount for, we use a boatload** of it.  You might want to start small, taste and then add more as you need it.  Over medium heat, simmer about 5 minutes or so and then stir.  Let it simmer until it's warm enough for you.  You can also use more or less water, we just use about 4 oz.

**I think we use about 1/2 - 3/4 of a cup because we like it very spicy hot.  The Rotel tomatoes also come in mild and hot, as do chili beans.

20 hours ago, OperationSunshine said:

Yep! We use 2 cups of greek yogurt, a few tbs of dill, 1 tbs minced garlic, one english cucumber grated, and then some salt/pepper/lemon juice to taste. It's delicious with pita bread!

That sounds really good!  I might have to try that.