JinJer 48: California Love

[Smee]

I have both a potty and a toilet ladder thing. I’m toilet training my youngest at the moment and she uses the potty because it’s easier for her and more comfortable if she’s there a while and reading a book or whatever during #2s. Also because the ladder is really annoying to have to constantly take away any time one of the other 4 members of the household want to use the toilet and put back ready for her to use. But when she gets the hang of her urges and goes more consistently based on need rather than reminder, we’ll probably transition to the seat thing for easier cleanup and to get her used to using toilets.

My story about child #3 tantruming after an iPad at church is also very much a child #3 thing. Child #1 did not know what an iPad was at her age and was lucky to get 10min TV time. But with each kid, a few more parenting ideals are eroded.

Velocirapture, Anna would be scrambled eggs on toast, except when you start making them, you realise that you accidentally got a fertilised egg instead of a regular chicken period, and you cry for the chick it could have been.

[SilverBeach]

1 hour ago, Gnomewizard said:

Everyone is different. I am always amazed people have the time, but that is probably more a testament to my poor time management skills than anything else. I can barely stay on top of keeping the house clean! Tonight I went to vacuum and Gnome spouse and I ended up spending free time before dinner taking apart the vacuum. Then dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, shower, laundry and now wasting a few minutes online before I need to go to sleep. 

Good night!

Everyone is different, and at different phases of life. I'm nearing retirement. I would be bored to tears without TV. It was a different story when I was working full-time and raising a child. Now, I enjoy all it has to offer, from highbrow public television to guilty pleasures. Mr. SB is a workaholic, so he doesn't watch as much as me, but we love watching movies together. With the advent of cable and streaming services there is indeed something for everyone now. I like big screens, so computers and smartphones don't cut it for me, entertainment wise. I have found that many programs don't require just sitting and looking at the screen, I am usually doing other things, like right now I have on a movie and FJ. I read with the teevee on also. Actually, FJ cuts into my teevee (and book reading) time, LOL.

Edited April 20, 2019 by SilverBeach

[Audrey2]

Re: toilet seat

Until i got to know my friend's extended family, I never knew that they had family toilet seats! This is an adult size toilet seat that has a kids bottom size seat that folds down out of the lid. The child uses the toilet seat and then you can put the whole lid down which is how I like to have it to flush. If an adult is using the toilet, they just have to make sure the kids size seat is folded up into the lid. It is the coolest thing!

Spoiler

https://www.homedepot.com/p/TOPSEAT-TinyHiney-Children-s-Round-Closed-Front-Toilet-Seat-in-White-6TSTR9999CP/300591234?cm_mmc=Shopping|G|Base|All-Products|All|All|PLA|71700000014585962|58700001236285396|92700010802552517&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=Cj0KCQjw4-XlBRDuARIsAK96p3Dd9aZOO5FPltng8qsLwIgJnY2y9903vv-9TwEb2BKHQLDKJcwKG40aAtZ-EALw_wcB

Re: screen time

I figure the each parents knows their child the best, and can't determine what kind of screen time to give their child and how much.

I haven't owned a television set since I moved 8 years ago, and I really don't miss it. I do enjoy watching Top Chef and Hell's Kitchen, which I do with one good friend when we stream it online, and I have other shows I enjoy watching with another friend on Friday nights. For me, television has become more of a social experience, much like when I remember watching The Waltons when I was a kid, how the whole family would sit around the radio and listen together and talk about things. during the evenings, I read like most people watch television. I finish a lot of books that way!

Edited April 20, 2019 by Audrey2

[Lurky]

I know it was a few pages back, but re Jeremy only having 2 apps on his phone, and only using instragram on Jinger's phone:

I absolutely agree with everyone else re Jeremy not having to actually learn self control this way, and getting to blame Jinger if he slips up, but it also seems like a way of controlling Jinger's phone usage too.  So he can ask for her phone whenever he wants, which stops her communicating with other people, and also check out what's on her insta/who she's talking to etc.  I'd understand this if they were talking about how they do it because they both want to be accountable to each other (like all the fundies who have a shared Mr&Mrs facebook account) but the way it sounds like it was framed is set up all about Jeremy wanting this, because it's all about him, with the fact it is also a way of controlling Jinger left unspoken.

So if Jinger is doing something she enjoys on her phone, he can stop that, so he can instagram - but presumably if he's watching football on his phone, or whatever, she can't interrupt him.  In a normal relationship, maybe that would be fine, but coupled with him wanting extreme submission, it worries me.

[VelociRapture]

10 hours ago, Smee said:

 

Velocirapture, Anna would be scrambled eggs on toast, except when you start making them, you realise that you accidentally got a fertilised egg instead of a regular chicken period, and you cry for the chick it could have been.

I fully approve this. I’m not even sorry to say I laughed. This is just too perfect.

[SilverBeach]

14 hours ago, Audrey2 said:

I read like most people watch television

I am an avid reader, and if I'm not on FJ, it's what I do during commercials. I can't stand commercials.

[Audrey2]

1 minute ago, SilverBeach said:

I am an avid reader, and if I'm not on FJ, it's what I do during commercials. I can't stand commercials.

I will admit, it's a sickness. Without a spouse or children, I read 3-4 hours a night! Food is planned around a Free Jinger break.

[feministxtian]

since we got rid of commercial/cable TV, I'm probably more spoiled than I used to be. I can stream whatever I want to watch, whenever I want to watch it. Right now I'm watching a documentary on YouTube about Scott Kelly's year in space. Yes, I can geek to my little heart's content. 

My husband is more of a TV junkie than I am. I'm all about the geekumentaries, sci-fi movies and have my laptop available at all times, playing on FB or FJ or reading a book off my phone. 

I know, I'm just special

 

[AussieKrissy]

On 4/18/2019 at 7:20 PM, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

Does Jinger have log in and out of Instagram in order to post both his things and then her own things? How annoying that would be. (Clearly I have just solidified my millennial-ness ?)

I’m a xennial it would piss me off too. 

[socalrules]

I grew up watching a lot of television and playing Nintendo. I also played outside with my friends regularly. I was, and still am, an avid reader. As a kid I always took out the maximum books allowed from the library every week and I spent all my money on books. My mother would drive me all over town so I could go to the discount bookstores and maximize my money. I went to college/law school and am a fully functioning independent adult. I also spend about $180 a month on cable with the largest package that includes all the premium channels. I now max out the number of books I can get from the library and put on hold for my kindle.  I even read my kindle on my phone when in line at a store or if I am out and about and waiting for someone/something. I still have an active social life.

Honestly, people need to do what is best for their kid. Some kids are ok with a lot of tv/video games/tablets and some need less. The success of your parenting isn’t going to ultimately be determined by TV or video games. If that is the determining factor then you have likely already screwed your child up. I watched a lot of TV alone and with my mom and grandparents. Every night we watched the local news, wheel of fortune and Jeopardy together, plus whatever was popular on TV. Every week we rented movies to watch together. Those are some of my best memories. 

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, socalrules said:

I grew up watching a lot of television and playing Nintendo. I also played outside with my friends regularly. I was, and still am, an avid reader. As a kid I always took out the maximum books allowed from the library every week and I spent all my money on books. My mother would drive me all over town so I could go to the discount bookstores and maximize my money. I went to college/law school and am a fully functioning independent adult. I also spend about $180 a month on cable with the largest package that includes all the premium channels. I now max out the number of books I can get from the library and put on hold for my kindle.  I even read my kindle on my phone when in line at a store or if I am out and about and waiting for someone/something. I still have an active social life.

Honestly, people need to do what is best for their kid. Some kids are ok with a lot of tv/video games/tablets and some need less. The success of your parenting isn’t going to ultimately be determined by TV or video games. If that is the determining factor then you have likely already screwed your child up. I watched a lot of TV alone and with my mom and grandparents. Every night we watched the local news, wheel of fortune and Jeopardy together, plus whatever was popular on TV. Every week we rented movies to watch together. Those are some of my best memories. 

Are you married and do you have kids? There is no way I could read, watch tv, work, maintain a marriage, game/internet, social media, raise kids and  have a social life, simultaneously. Even now, retired and as a married empty nester, I can’t  Netflix, read and Internet. There’s just not enough time, especially if you factor in sleeping.

[socalrules]

@SassyPants No, I am not married nor do I have kids. I wasn’t aware I needed to add that qualification or lack there of. I am not even sure what that has to do with the fact that I like tv and reading when the majority of my post was about my childhood not adulthood. As a single, childless person I was not aware I am the only type of person who has any time to read and watch TV. I will let my married, with kids, friends and family who will not stop posting on FB about Game of Thrones that they are doing it wrong. I am sorry if I am being snarky but I just don’t get where the married and having kids part comes in. Does my response have less value or my life must be so much automatically be easier because I am not married with kids? 

Edited April 21, 2019 by socalrules

[VelociRapture]

5 minutes ago, socalrules said:

@SassyPants No, I am not married nor do I have kids. I wasn’t aware I needed to add that qualification or lack there of. I am not even sure what that has to do with the fact that I like tv and reading when the majority of my post was about my childhood not adulthood. As a single, childless person I was not aware I am the only type of person who has any time to read and watch TV. I will let my married, with kids, friends and family who will not stop posting on FB about Game of Thrones that they are doing it wrong. I am sorry if I am being snarky but I just don’t get where the married and having kids part comes in. Does my response have less value or my life must be so much automatically be easier because I am not married with kids? 

I don’t understand what being married with kids has to do with it either. Being a parent or spouse doesn’t mean you suddenly stop being interested in things outside your family and not being married or having kids doesn’t mean you necessarily have more free time to do things you enjoy (some people have extremely demanding jobs or act as caretakers for ill family members, etc.) When you’re a busy adult - whether or not that includes a spouse and kids - you learn to prioritize what’s most important to you so that you can hopefully live a somewhat balanced life. 

[SassyPants]

Single, childless people generally have more individual free time than people with spouses and children. 

[socalrules]

I have a high pressure, time consuming job that never lets up. Up until last summer when my mother passed away, I spent twelve and a half years taking care of her after her stroke. The majority of the last two years of her life was spent in the hospital. I am an only child who spent everyday she was at the hospital with her and saw her nearly everyday when she was in the nursing home. I had to agonize on every decision made about her care and fight to get her the best care. A lot of my “free time” was spent by her bedside, catching up on work, reading to her or watching TV with her. Don’t assume if someone is single and childless they have an abundance of free time or that their opinion somehow has less merit.

[SassyPants]

2 hours ago, socalrules said:

I have a high pressure, time consuming job that never lets up. Up until last summer when my mother passed away, I spent twelve and a half years taking care of her after her stroke. The majority of the last two years of her life was spent in the hospital. I am an only child who spent everyday she was at the hospital with her and saw her nearly everyday when she was in the nursing home. I had to agonize on every decision made about her care and fight to get her the best care. A lot of my “free time” was spent by her bedside, catching up on work, reading to her or watching TV with her. Don’t assume if someone is single and childless they have an abundance of free time or that their opinion somehow has less merit.

You’re the one who bragged about your ability to multi- task. I did not assume anything about you, other than what YOU shared. You probably should be more selective about what you attempt to share humble brag about.

[socalrules]

If you see it as bragging about multitasking that’s on you because it was never my intention. If mentioning anything about myself is bragging, then pretty much everyone on FJ is spending their time bragging. 

[treehugger]

@socalrules, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understood your original post to be about how despite watching a fair bit of movies/tv as a child, you still managed to grow up to be a functioning adult whose life wasn't ruined?  

Tldr, mommy shaming needs to stop because most parents are absolutely doing the best they can? 

Edited April 22, 2019 by treehugger

[socalrules]

29 minutes ago, treehugger said:

@socalrules, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understood your original post to be about how despite watching a fair bit of movies/tv as a child, you still managed to grow up to be a functioning adult whose life wasn't ruined?  

Tldr, mommy shaming needs to stop because most parents are absolutely doing the best they can? 

Yes, that’s all I was trying to say. Thanks!

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

6 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Are you married and do you have kids? There is no way I could read, watch tv, work, maintain a marriage, game/internet, social media, raise kids and  have a social life, simultaneously. Even now, retired and as a married empty nester, I can’t  Netflix, read and Internet. There’s just not enough time, especially if you factor in sleeping.

No one said you had to do all of them at the same time.  It honestly isn't that hard to do all those things through out the course of a week.  Unless you are a person who spends a lot of time being busing looking busy.   Many people can accomplish all these tasks and do other things to boot. I have a good friend, who works full time has 3 kids, writes books, cooks all the family meals from scratch, as she has 2 kids  (twins) with severe celiac disease, plus she manages to have an active social life, and on line presence. I don't know how she does it but she does.  There are just some people who have meticulous time management skills. 

[nvmbr02]

I don't consider time management to be my strength, but I do have 3 kids (2 teens and a 9 year old with VERY busy schedules) a husband that has a part time job in addition to his full time job and I work full time. I actually feel I have more time for reading and the internet than I did when I was single (well, the internet wasn't a huge thing way back then, lol!). When I was single, living on my own I worked 60+ hours a week. When I had time off I slept, ran errands, cleaned and visited my now husband (who lived 7 hours away). I did read about the same and watched TV when I was getting home from work after an evening shift, but I didn't really have any shows I followed religiously like I do now. When I had kids I stopped working for awhile. I didn't have a lot of free time for the first few years, when I had a toddler and a newborn or 3 under 5 because by the time the kids were in bed and I caught up on laundry and dishes I was ready for bed myself (especially when I was getting up to feed a baby or with a toddler that just wouldn't sleep) but by the time the kids were all in school I realized I now had all sorts of time and energy. Don't get me wrong, I still have drive kids all over the place and pick them up from practice and take them to doctor appointments, and I do most of it because of the particular hours my husband works but I still read 2-3 books a week, spend plenty of time online on forums or SM (and monitor my kids' accounts) and have a few shows I watch on TV. I bring a book or my kindle with me everywhere so I am often reading while I am waiting for practice to finish, etc.. I also spend a lot of time on my phone while waiting for the kids to finish something or while getting my oil changed, etc... In the evenings now that I sleep all night pretty much every night I have no issue watching 2-3 episodes of a show while I fold laundry or even watch on my laptop with my headphones on while the kids do homework if dinner is already done and they don't need my help (and they rarely need my help these days).

I do think it is a bit easier now to keep up with shows, etc.. when you can just stream something whenever as opposed to having to watch at a certain time or hope that you hooked up the VCR to record correctly (I can remember one show my mom missed when I was a kid because my dad set it to record the wrong channel. oops!).

And for what it is worth, I am sure my kids have too much screen time at times. They also probably started on TV too young. But they are mostly well adjusted and good students and they work really, really hard sometimes. For example, we got back from vacation Friday morning at 5am. My 15 year old took a shower and caught the bus a 6:20am (after traveling for 19 hours) so that she wouldn't miss another day of school. When school was over she spent 4 hours at the beach at paddling practice, came home showered, ate, played on her phone for 2 hours and went to bed. She was up the next morning to be at the beach at 4 am for a meet. Once her meet was done she spent most of Saturday on her phone and napping. But it is Monday morning here now and she is back at school and caught up on the 4 days of school she missed already and back to straight A's so I am not going to harp on too much screen time or how much time she spends on social media. 

[nst]

6 hours ago, SassyPants said:

Single, childless people generally have more individual free time than people with spouses and children. 

does blowing bubble gum count

 

9 hours ago, socalrules said:

I grew up watching a lot of television and playing Nintendo. I also played outside with my friends regularly. I was, and still am, an avid reader. As a kid I always took out the maximum books allowed from the library every week and I spent all my money on books. My mother would drive me all over town so I could go to the discount bookstores and maximize my money. I went to college/law school and am a fully functioning independent adult. I also spend about $180 a month on cable with the largest package that includes all the premium channels. I now max out the number of books I can get from the library and put on hold for my kindle.  I even read my kindle on my phone when in line at a store or if I am out and about and waiting for someone/something. I still have an active social life.

 

I also grew up watching tv (child of the 80's ) Never played a video game. 

I played outside as well for hours in my local neighborhood. 

We didn't get a vcr until 1988 - intermediately my parents did take the tv away sometimes. Although I always got it back. Loved to read and of course barbies till I was like 11....

my best friend the one with the five kids has two tv's of her own (one in the kitchen and one in her woman cave) each child has their own tv. 

it's all relative. 

 

[Smee]

I go through phases of reading in every minute of spare time but not watching tv for days, and binge-watching shows where I’ll spend hours in front of the tv but not pick up a new book for a week. Same happens with my creative outlets: right now I’ve been writing lots and am only a few chapters from the end of my current WIP, but I haven’t sewn anything in months or done any drawing since last year. In winter I play soccer, in summer I swim. You can fit a lot in life if you don’t try to do it all at once.

I do also have the benefit of a husband who doesn’t think childcare and cleaning are 100% my responsibility, so, y’know... there’s more free time in my life as a mother of 3 than I bet the married Duggar girls get.

End the mommy-shaming! Resume the fundie-shaming!

[nickelodeon]

Resuming fundie shaming:

On 4/20/2019 at 6:20 AM, Lurky said:

I know it was a few pages back, but re Jeremy only having 2 apps on his phone, and only using instragram on Jinger's phone:

I absolutely agree with everyone else re Jeremy not having to actually learn self control this way, and getting to blame Jinger if he slips up, but it also seems like a way of controlling Jinger's phone usage too.  So he can ask for her phone whenever he wants, which stops her communicating with other people, and also check out what's on her insta/who she's talking to etc.  I'd understand this if they were talking about how they do it because they both want to be accountable to each other (like all the fundies who have a shared Mr&Mrs facebook account) but the way it sounds like it was framed is set up all about Jeremy wanting this, because it's all about him, with the fact it is also a way of controlling Jinger left unspoken.

So if Jinger is doing something she enjoys on her phone, he can stop that, so he can instagram - but presumably if he's watching football on his phone, or whatever, she can't interrupt him.  In a normal relationship, maybe that would be fine, but coupled with him wanting extreme submission, it worries me.

I was thinking something similar. My first thought was that by requesting that Jinger monitor him, Jeremy could authorize any future invasive/controlling demands he wants to make of her time or privacy. (It’s only fair that she lets him limit x, or supervise y, because he lets her control his phone use!) Not that I think that this is Jeremy’s intent; I just think that their arrangement is messy and there are too many ways it could go wrong.

[Sullie06]

On 4/17/2019 at 5:03 AM, StraightOuttaArkansas said:

We did this for a while. I don't really go out so much (like parting or just hanging around outside) so most of the place I went had wifi (school, uni, even the grocery store lol) or did not and I was there to be there not on my phone. I had a pre-pay plan with minutes because I have held the notion (and the tiny bank account) that one day, internet will just magically appear on my phone. Bus stops where super boring, but I had a few non-wifi games and tried to carry a book with me. What was really crap was not being able to check the app that for the public transport to see if the bus was still coming or not. I am not kidding, just as I was about to give up on this notion and was a bit better off financally, the provider I was with started offering a free data plan for minimal messaging service (e.g. it was supposed to just be enough for FB messenger and Whatsapp, but worked really really reallly slowly for anything). I won and it is now impossible to not have access to any data from the provider I had. Oh and we started Little Outta one out on an old school Nokia and slowly worked our way up. He is now at an Iphone 4 because if he wants to rely on us, then he just has to wait until we upgrade (also he is 14 and being that far behind was fine until a month ago when practilly every app stopped working, so he may finally get his own choice phone as a birthday gift).

Hey if you can do it, nothing wrong there. Just don't be like my in-laws. My sister in law and brother in law are in their mid 30s and have zero internet access. They do not have internet in their home and they only have TracPhone flip phones for cellular. By choice. They always act so self righteous because they are not "slaves to technology" like we are. But I have to laugh because they always seem to show up at our house (30 minutes away) with their IPad whenever they need to "breakdown" and use the internet, and it's often  . Also my poor sister-in-law recently was up for a really good job but was not a candidate because she failed the typing requirement.