M is for Mama 3: B is for Baby Boy Born

[JermajestyDuggar]

2 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

Shaun looks like he is a photobomber in that picture of Abbie and co-parents. Braggie said on Instagram she is not a natural mother and in the next photo, showed the flower beds her mother planted in the front yard.

Braggie’s life would be much less enjoyable for her if her mother had had 8 children and wasn’t able to constantly help Braggie out with gardening, child minding, and teaching. I’m amazed that Braggie doesn’t recognize this. That if her mother had done what Braggie thinks is so noble, then she would be constantly overwhelmed and unhappy because she would get no breaks. She is benefiting greatly from her mother not having as many children as god gave her. Braggie will never have that relationship with her own grandkids either. 

[danvillebelle]

Not a natural mother?

Quelle Surprise!  I am shocked I tell you, SHOCKED!

ETA: it always startles me that she is NEVER holding her relatively newborn baby in the endless family photos.  Especially by the time I had #4, you couldn't pry her out of my arms at that age, because I knew how fast it would go by.  I wonder if she ever holds him except to nurse him (if she still is nursing him).

Edited April 24, 2019 by danvillebelle
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[luv2laugh]

So, basically she does not like being a mother but will keep having kids anyway because it’s her duty? Let the kids suffer because Braggie’s ego is the priority?

Who will help the kids out when they become adults and start seeking therapy to help with the issues Braggie gave them?

Also telling your kids “We are not worthy or deserving of anything” sounds emotionally abusive. They are not mature enough to understand the complex theology behind it. Telling a child this makes them believe they don’t deserve love...

Edited April 24, 2019 by luv2laugh

[mango_fandango]

Oh Braggie it is pretty damn obvious that you aren’t a natural mother.

[feministxtian]

Braggie, if you're not a "natural mother", then STOP HAVING KIDS!!! The very last thing our world needs are more (intentionally) fucked up kids. 

Shit, I'm not a "natural mother" either but loving my kids came easy. Holding them came easy. Caring for them came easy. (don't ask about the teen years tho). I quit having kids though. I mean, I wouldn't have minded one more (I hate odd numbers) but it didn't happen and I'm fine with that. 

Why do these horrid people keep having kids? They have no interest in the kids as people, probably couldn't pick out one POSITIVE individual personality trait, have no clue to the kids likes/dislikes/favorites. They're just numbers. To this day, I can tell you what my kids' favorite foods are, favorite colors, etc...why? Because I honestly adore my not-so-little brats and have since the day of their birth (says the old hag who's oldest will be 37 this fall).

[SuperNova]

"I don't deserve the incredible grace of 8 children to love."

For once, Abbie and I agree on something. 

"My answer to, "I don't know how do you do it" will always and forever be, "By the grace of a good God"

Easy to say when Abbie doesn't do any emotional heavy lifting. It should read, "By the grace of my Mom and Ezra, who bear the brunt of the work, changing diapers and giving lessons, planting my flowers and caring for the children's emotional needs because I don't have a shred of natural parenting instinct in my soul." 

[luv2laugh]

Do they care about the kids that get screwed up? The attention a Quiverfull mother receives and her ego is more important. 

Do they care about the quality of life a child receives? The only thing that matters is that they are born. The herd of older children can raise themselves and the younger ones. 

For Quiverfull fundie, it’s usually about the ego, status, and attention they receive. Think of JRod and Braggie Abbie. Some Quiverfull fundies may adore babies like Priscilla Waller but for others, the babies are just a means to an end.

Edited April 25, 2019 by luv2laugh

[PlentyOfJesusFishInTheSea]

12 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

For Quiverfull fundie, it’s usually about the ego, status, and attention they receive. Think of JRod and Braggie Abbie. Some Quiverfull fundies may adore babies like Priscilla Waller but for others, the babies are just a means to an end.

I'm guessing must Quiverfull people expect women to be nurturing, natural mothers because it goes with their gender stereotypes. I suspect Abbie feels pretty insecure and judged by her peers for every moment she loses her temper, snaps at a kid, or acts ungrateful for them (which is a lot). I think these "motherhood is sanctifying" posts are her attempt to reconcile the illogical theology she's adopted and "justify" her feelings to her crowd. 

[SuperNova]

"...the older boys and I were having a discussion earlier about how cool it's going to be when they're all older and can hang out at each other's houses and play sports and board games together, and it was sweet to see the big grins of anticipation on their faces. 
Their response (I kid you not) was, "It's going to be even more fun to have a bunch of brothers and sisters!!" I surely do look forward to that day, but for now, I'll take all of the cuteness, please and thank you."

If this remark came from anyone but Abbie, it would be easy to dismiss but she's always finding a way to remind her readers that she really doesn't like parenting. I think she's trying to use her lack of maternal instinct as yet another attempt to one up other mamas. It's a way to say, hey, I don't even like being a parent and I'm still doing a better job than you!

Edited April 26, 2019 by SuperNova

[JermajestyDuggar]

4 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

"...the older boys and I were having a discussion earlier about how cool it's going to be when they're all older and can hang out at each other's houses and play sports and board games together, and it was sweet to see the big grins of anticipation on their faces. 
Their response (I kid you not) was, "It's going to be even more fun to have a bunch of brothers and sisters!!" I surely do look forward to that day, but for now, I'll take all of the cuteness, please and thank you."

If this remark came from anyone but Abbie, it would be easy to dismiss but she's always finding a way to remind her readers that she really doesn't like parenting. I think she's trying to use her lack of maternal instinct as yet another attempt to one up other mamas. It's a way to say, hey, I don't even like being a parent and I'm still doing a better job than you!

And it’s a way to be a Christian mommy martyr. 

Edited April 26, 2019 by JermajestyDuggar

[squiddysquid]

35 minutes ago, SuperNova said:

...the older boys and I were having a discussion earlier about how cool it's going to be when they're all older and can hang out at each other's houses and play sports and board games together, and it was sweet to see the big grins of anticipation on their faces.

Yeah, because all they do now is take care of the household for you and raise their siblings. No time for sports!

[milkteeth]

I hope that in the future all of Abby's kids do hang out with each other as adults in each other's homes, playing board games and reminiscing about the awful childhood they had, all with their awful narcissistic mother never being invited. I hope someone tells them that as an adult you have a choice about the people you allow into your life, and you can set boundaries within any relationship, even your parents! 

[SuperNova]

Today Abbie posts a picture of Honor with a pacifier in his mouth, perched on a chair in front of a bathroom sink that I've never seen before. 

"Blurry bc he never stops moving. 
Guilty-looking bc I caught him flooding the bathroom floor (again). Paci-obsessed bc I haven't had the heart or energy to take it away yet. 
This is two."

No Abbie, this is what two looks like in your house. How is this kid unsupervised long enough to "flood" the bathroom? Honor seems to get lost in the shuffle often because he was also the one that got hurt climbing on the trampoline while the older kids were jumping. Poor little guy. 

Edited April 28, 2019 by SuperNova

[danvillebelle]

8 hours ago, SuperNova said:

No Abbie, this is what two looks like in your house. How is this kid unsupervised long enough to "flood" the bathroom? Honor seems to get lost in the shuffle often because he was also the one that got hurt climbing on the trampoline while the older kids were jumping. Poor little guy. 

When your house is that ginormous, I imagine it's fairly easy for a little one to slip away and get into serious mischief before anyone finds them.  Which is worrying to say the least, particularly since we've concluded some of the rooms are fire hazards.

[JermajestyDuggar]

1 hour ago, danvillebelle said:

When your house is that ginormous, I imagine it's fairly easy for a little one to slip away and get into serious mischief before anyone finds them.  Which is worrying to say the least, particularly since we've concluded some of the rooms are fire hazards.

I completely agree. And Braggie likely doesn’t use baby gates or other baby safety locks because they are ugly and would ruin her Pinterest perfect pictures. We have to remember that the brother dads Ezra and Simon are still kids and will not be able to watch them every single minute. So the 2 and 4 year old likely get into a lot of mischief. 

[3splenty]

"I surely look forward to that day".  

In a way, I do, too.  I want my kids to be self-sufficient, hard workers.  I want them to be happy, to find joy in the little things.  However, I enjoy the moments I have with them now--if its sitting in as a speech meet judge, freezing my butt off at a track meet, or helping with poultry chores.  

That's the difference.  I want my kids to succeed and be successful in their own ways, and one of those ways is moving on in life.  Not because I don't like my kids and see them only as props in pictures.  Not because I get head pats and praises for being a "great mom".  Because, even though I'm flawed, I want to give my kids the best start I can, and I can do that by being a mom who is involved in her kids' lives!

[feministxtian]

Parenting is essentially a time-limited job. You have 18 years to produce a reasonably self-sufficient, hopefully well-adjusted adult. Yes, parenting goes beyond that, but once they're adults it becomes more of an advisory role. It seems the fundies we follow don't do that. They think they will be "parents" for the child's entire life. 

My kids are grown, so parenting is no longer a day to day thing. I guess I did something right though because they think mom is the fountain of knowledge and good advice (if they only knew....). I was involved in their lives then, freezing or roasting at baseball games, band performances, wrestling, dance team, gymnastics, school plays, field trips, I'm involved in their lives now as the mom who loves and supports them, cheers them on, commiserates with them. Being involved as adults wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been involved when they were children. 

Braggie, listen, you want to be a part of your kids' lives as they become adults and grow up and away from "the nest"? Then be involved NOW. Love them. hug them, teach them, be there when they tell you never-ending silly stories even if your eyes glaze over. Be INTERESTED in the little people you created. Honest to God, it'll be the best thing. 

[bea]

Isn’t that part of the reason why the fundies have so many babies, though? So the job will never ever ever end?
Until they go through menopause, that is, and by THAT time the older kids will be able to give their kids to Grandma to raise while they keep reproducing like mad.

[feministxtian]

39 minutes ago, bea said:

Isn’t that part of the reason why the fundies have so many babies, though? So the job will never ever ever end?
Until they go through menopause, that is, and by THAT time the older kids will be able to give their kids to Grandma to raise while they keep reproducing like mad.

Why would you want to parent infants and toddlers for 25-30 years straight??? Why???? I love my kids, I love my grandkids. BUT I don't wanna be a full-time parent anymore. Just no. Nope. Find me the nope desk and get me the fuck outta here. 

[danvillebelle]

7 hours ago, feministxtian said:

Why would you want to parent infants and toddlers for 25-30 years straight??? Why???? I love my kids, I love my grandkids. BUT I don't wanna be a full-time parent anymore. Just no. Nope. Find me the nope desk and get me the fuck outta here. 

PREACH!  

I know everyone has different paths as to when they have their kids, but I am SO GLAD I had mine from ages 25-31.  It was the best time for me.  And now I'm 50 and they're all adults and it just rocks.

[mango_fandango]

Given how many of our fundie moms seem to have just checked out and rely on sister moms, I don’t think they actively WANT to parent full time. I think it’s a case of “we’ll have as many kids as God gives us”, and for the second generation fundie girls it’s all they’ve been raised with, all they’ve been told they’re allowed to do, marry and become a mother. And in many cases it’s an addiction to pregnancy, because they get all the attention as it’s all they’re valued for. They’re successfully fulfilling their role.

[JermajestyDuggar]

My youngest is four and the thought of another baby makes me want to run far far away. I hate pregnancy and I’m not a fan of the newborn stage. That’s an entire year of my life (or more) that sucks. No thank you.

[feministxtian]

7 hours ago, danvillebelle said:

PREACH!  

I know everyone has different paths as to when they have their kids, but I am SO GLAD I had mine from ages 25-31.  It was the best time for me.  And now I'm 50 and they're all adults and it just rocks.

I was 18 when #1 was born and 26 when #3 was born. So by the time I was 44-ish, I was DONEZO! That worked well for me. I'm 55 and cannot see myself with kids still at home. Just no. Yes, #3 lives with us but it's a whole different scene. He doesn't need a mama to do things for him. He lives here and has his own life. Yes, I love having him around, but it's not the same as having to be a parent. I can't see me dealing with teenagers at my age. I do not have the patience (what little I did have) anymore to deal with them. I told my kids the only reason they made it to adulthood was I didn't want to go to prison (joke, mostly). Now, I'm not so sure prison would be a real deterrent. I mean, no kids, 3 meals a day, no cooking, cleaning, taking one here, picking up one there. Yeah...no. I had easy pregnancies and even easier deliveries...but cannot see me doing it over and over and over. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

6 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

My youngest is four and the thought of another baby makes me want to run far far away. I hate pregnancy and I’m not a fan of the newborn stage. That’s an entire year of my life (or more) that sucks. No thank you.

Yeah, I'm currently pregnant with our second and probably last. Babies are adorable and all, but they are HARD, and so is being pregnant, at least for me. I may want more viscerally (because cute! and adorable!), but intellectually I know there's a limit to what I can handle, especially with a history of postpartum depression. I know there are a lot of stages I'll miss when they're done, but at the same time there are a lot I won't. First smiles, laughs, etc.? Awesome! Trying to comfort the minorly hurt kid without giving into the urge to ask, "But WHY did you think that was a good idea?!" Not so much. Potty training? In the thick of it now with the first and absolutely positive that if there was a way to skip it with the second I would do it in a heartbeat.

A lot of the quiverfull moms we talk about here, once they have a few and can use the older kids on the toddlers and up, seem perpetually stuck in the "cute baby!" stage. Like, don't you realize there's more to your children than that? My kid was the cutest baby ever, at least as far as I'm concerned, but as a toddler? The pride he has in mastering something, the ability to play by himself, the phrases he comes out with? Incredible. And he's still cute doing it.

@SuperNova, that's unnerving that he got "lost" long enough to accomplish that, especially with that many pairs of eyes. That's not two, that's caretakers being overwhelmed or distracted for way too long.

[SassyPantswithASideofClass]

I'll admit when I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't excited at first. It was a traumatic situation that resulted in a pregnancy. It wasn't the actual pregnancy that scared me half to death. It was the fact I was going be a mama and the fear of being a failure to her. Does that make sense? However once munchkin was born, I immediately fell in love, and have taken motherhood into stride. Far from perfect, I mess up and I know I will as she grows up. Thankfully I have had and do have amazing women in my life who love, care for and about, and are helping me raise my sweet girl into a strong independent individual.

3 minutes ago, NotQuiteMotY said:

Yeah, I'm currently pregnant with our second and probably last. Babies are adorable and all, but they are HARD, and so is being pregnant, at least for me. I may want more viscerally (because cute! and adorable!), but intellectually I know there's a limit to what I can handle, especially with a history of postpartum depression. I know there are a lot of stages I'll miss when they're done, but at the same time there are a lot I won't. First smiles, laughs, etc.? Awesome! Trying to comfort the minorly hurt kid without giving into the urge to ask, "But WHY did you think that was a good idea?!" Not so much. Potty training? In the thick of it now with the first and absolutely positive that if there was a way to skip it with the second I would do it in a heartbeat.

A lot of the quiverfull moms we talk about here, once they have a few and can use the older kids on the toddlers and up, seem perpetually stuck in the "cute baby!" stage. Like, don't you realize there's more to your children than that? My kid was the cutest baby ever, at least as far as I'm concerned, but as a toddler? The pride he has in mastering something, the ability to play by himself, the phrases he comes out with? Incredible. And he's still cute doing it.

@SuperNova, that's unnerving that he got "lost" long enough to accomplish that, especially with that many pairs of eyes. That's not two, that's caretakers being overwhelmed or distracted for way too long.

aww congrats on baby number 2! Here's to a smooth pregnancy and a sweet bundle of cuteness.