Lori Alexander 49: Immodest, Indiscreet, and Downright Inappropriate

[SilverBeach]

The movie was awesome!

10 hours ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

As I’ve mentioned before some things I agree with (mostly on how to treat your husband because for me it has actually worked, thank God) other things no.

It worked how? Mr. SB would never want me to treat him like the helpless, weak man that Laura promotes. He would not want me thinking I was responsible for his soul, because he knows that is not doctrinally sound. We treat each other lovingy and well, not like children. Nobody had to tell me how to love him, or vice-versa. It's wonderful. 

[SilverBeach]

10 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I'm Ok with submitting to your husband  long as he is not being abusive.

I "submit" to him on things where he is more knowledgable, and he "submits" to me on thins where I'm more knowledgable.  All of this is after respectful dicussion and is really consensus more than submission. I don't really like the word submit though, because it implies a parent-child relationship where because of the power imbalance compliance is compelled by the submitter. Abuse between equals is a lot harder.

[Frog99]

Spoiler

I generally take a growth mindset approach with my kids, and I really have no desire to break their spirits. It’s developmentally appropriate for young children to have potentially outlandish ideas about what they want to be when they grow up. Why ruin a child’s sense of wonder about the world? As mine have grown, learned, and had opportunities to experience new things, their ideas and interests have changed. And they will continue to do so, as they continue to learn, mature, and develop a deeper relationship with God. 

I know I’ve said this before- DH and I want the ceiling of our achievements to be the floor from which our kids start. I know they will change the world for good, because they already have. 

Of course, we also don’t spank- which is contrary to today’s blog post du jour. 

[Koala]

Today's post is about spanking...because, of course it is.    

She makes me want to vomit.  She is violent, brainless, and heartless.  

[Petronella]

9 hours ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

And what do you expect? She keeps coming for me! I’ve been nice to the people who are nice to me. At least I’m pretty sure I have. Too many posts for me to remember at this point, lol. 

To be fair, your very first act on arrival at FJ was to downvote a post in which she described her husband’s kindness to her and their mutual happiness. (At least, that was the first of your downvotes I noticed, and they came thick and fast thereafter.) It’s disingenuous to act surprised that she doesn’t like you.

It was a really odd choice on your part. It wasn’t a post tearing down Lori, it wasn’t sharing privileged info from the chat room, which you claim as your real concern; she was *describing her marriage*. You *downvoted her marriage*. (And then, ironically, you called us bullies. Also, you then criticized FJ for talking about “people [we] don’t know”—even though we actually know a GREAT DEAL about Lori, from her many, many public posts—while yourself downvoting the marriage of a complete stranger to you.)

I’m completely caught up on the thread and I see that things have become more civil. But c’mon—this “why didn’t someone TELL me people wouldn’t love me downvoting their marital relationship??” Is silly. You shouldn’t need to be told.

[Loveday]

10 minutes ago, Koala said:

Today's post is about spanking...because, of course it is.    

She makes me want to vomit.  She is violent, brainless, and heartless.  

As if we needed any more proof she's trying to 'go viral,' this post seals the deal. She's just flinging as much shit out there as she can now, and doesn't care where it lands.

[Petronella]

11 minutes ago, Frog99 said:

  Reveal hidden contents

I generally take a growth mindset approach with my kids, and I really have no desire to break their spirits. It’s developmentally appropriate for young children to have potentially outlandish ideas about what they want to be when they grow up. Why ruin a child’s sense of wonder about the world? As mine have grown, learned, and had opportunities to experience new things, their ideas and interests have changed. And they will continue to do so, as they continue to learn, mature, and develop a deeper relationship with God. 

I know I’ve said this before- DH and I want the ceiling of our achievements to be the floor from which our kids start. I know they will change the world for good, because they already have. 

Of course, we also don’t spank- which is contrary to today’s blog post du jour. 

Ugh! Ugh, ugh, ugh!

The fact that one has to have certain aptitudes/talents for certain fields has NOTHING to do with GENDER. It’s true for boys too. Does Lori think boys should also be discouraged, and protected from potential disappointment?

And what about children who DO have those talents/aptitudes? Does Lori think we should discourage everyone, just in case? Is she hoping upcoming generations have no scientists, etc?

Quite apart from her views being abhorrent, they are also nonsensical.

[Jessesgirl25]

8 minutes ago, Petronella said:

To be fair, your very first act on arrival at FJ was to downvote a post in which she described her husband’s kindness to her and their mutual happiness. (At least, that was the first of your downvotes I noticed, and they came thick and fast thereafter.) It’s disingenuous to act surprised that she doesn’t like you.

It was a really odd choice on your part. It wasn’t a post tearing down Lori, it wasn’t sharing privileged info from the chat room, which you claim as your real concern; she was *describing her marriage*. You *downvoted her marriage*. (And then, ironically, you called us bullies. Also, you then criticized FJ for talking about “people [we] don’t know”—even though we actually know a GREAT DEAL about Lori, from her many, many public posts—while yourself downvoting the marriage of a complete stranger to you.)

I’m completely caught up on the thread and I see that things have become more civil. But c’mon—this “why didn’t someone TELL me people wouldn’t love me downvoting their marital relationship??” Is silly. You shouldn’t need to be told.

Actually you are incorrect, that wasn’t my first downvote. Secondly upon further inspection, I did downvote what you say I did, but it wasn’t meant to be for her marriage part, it was meant for the quoted remark within her post. That was my mistake. And no I don’t feel they came “thick and fast” because I only downvoted 6 times. Unless of course your definition of thick and fast is different from mine. Thirdly, I don’t think 6 downvotes deserved the immediate fangirl and leghumper insults before I even typed a word, so forgive me for not taking kindly to them in my first responses. 

[Koala]

The title of today's post:

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STOP BELIEVING FALSE STUDIES ON SPANKINGS

Why?  Who says they are false?

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I know this isn’t true since parents have been spanking their children for centuries.

Lori, this does absolutely NOTHING to disprove the study.  Use your brain.

Quote

I thought I would share what others think about spanking children. 

It doesn't really matter what others think, but it's super interesting that all of the "others" just happen to agree with Lori.

Now watch some of the quotes that Puritanical Lori offers up:

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Whip her a** now, or get her out of jail later for being an entitled brat…”

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“I started spanking my son before he started walking

You go sit with those two Lori- violent, like minded idiots.

(sorry guys, I don't usually resort to name calling, but nothing makes me madder than someone hitting a kid)

[feministxtian]

56 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

I "submit" to him on things where he is more knowledgable, and he "submits" to me on thins where I'm more knowledgable.  All of this is after respectful dicussion and is really consensus more than submission. I don't really like the word submit though, because it implies a parent-child relationship where because of the power imbalance compliance is compelled by the submitter. Abuse between equals is a lot harder.

Same at our house. If it has anything to do with something mechanical, he "submits" to me. If it's dinner, I "submit" to him. Everything else, we discuss it. 

[Koala]

I predict she will be much quicker to delete the comments on this post.  Spanking is a subject near and dear to Lori's cold, dark heart.

[Alisamer]

My translation of that doodle from Lori-ese to plain English:
"Don't tell your daughters they can be anything they want! Some of them are really stupid like me, so your best bet is to teach them to do what I say so they can find some dumb stiff to support their lazy asses like I did. And don't use birth control because I ended up sabotaging mine so I could stay home. Because God."

On top of the child abuse, breast obsession, and kicking her cat, one of the things that blows my mind about Lori is that she freely admits she married Ken for his money. She says straight up she didn't love him, he just checked off the boxes on her meager requirements list so she married him on that alone.

@Jessesgirl25 About the "thick and fast" comment - for the record there are many people here for years who have never down voted anyone. I personally think I have down voted one or two posts (not yours!) the whole time I've been here. They're generally reserved for people who seem to be deliberately trolling, or posts that are really terrible - victim blaming, condoning child abuse, etc. I'm sure some people use them freely but that's really rare here.

[Loveday]

12 minutes ago, Koala said:

I predict she will be much quicker to delete the comments on this post.  Spanking is a subject near and dear to Lori's cold, dark heart.

I'm sure she'll leave this one, though:

Quote

My children are 19 months and everywhere we go, people compliment me on on how well behaved they are. I don't swat their butts much, but there is an obvious difference.

 

19 months. 

[feministxtian]

21 hours ago, feministxtian said:

I'll take my "non-biblical" marriage over their "biblical" marriages any day. Got up this morning, hubs handed me a cup of coffee with the creamer I like. He does the lion's share of the housework, between my fucked up back and returning to work full time, he has more time to do it. I will be paying most of the bills again and we'll be using "his" money for savings and entertainment. We even have separate checking accounts!!! 

I realize I'm quoting myself but why the fuck was this downvoted? Is it because I don't do housework? Is it because I'll be paying most of the bills again? Is it because we have separate checking accounts? 

Instead of downvoting, how about discussing? 

Now I have to go get ready for work...little nervous for the first day. 

[Lgirlrocks]

Wonder why ken married Lori? Was it for her parents money? If so they deserve each other. 

We’ve covered spanking a lot on her. I’d like to know what Lori’s kids think about the spankings they received. Both of my brothers, who got spanked a lot, think it’s okay to do. My younger brother said spanking worked the sam as time outs for him. My older brother said spankings worked when he was really little. 

My best friends dad, who was a pastor, believed in spanking. He took it past Lori though. If he thought my friend was lying, even if she wasn’t and could prove it, she was beat. He once used two belts on her and beat her until one broke. If it’s wrong to beat a child then how is it not wrong to spank? Why hit at all? I’m not a parent so maybe there is something that I am missing but there has to be a better way. I hardly ever got into trouble, not because I feared being spanked. No one really wants to be spanked as punishment. I was a people pleaser. 

[Jessesgirl25]

7 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I realize I'm quoting myself but why the fuck was this downvoted? Is it because I don't do housework? Is it because I'll be paying most of the bills again? Is it because we have separate checking accounts? 

Instead of downvoting, how about discussing? 

Now I have to go get ready for work...little nervous for the first day. 

As I explained above it wasn’t your comment I meant to downvote, it was what you quoted.  My fucking bad. There, I cursed without an asterisk. Are we fucking good now? There’s two.  Have a good fucking first day at work. Three. First days can be nerve wracking. But I’m sure from what I’ve seen, you’ll be fine. 

-Cunt Waffle

[polecat]

First of all, Lori, your anecdotal experiences in no way disprove actual scientific studies. 

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“Spanking properly with love is discipline in which in our society less children are receiving! Children are left to themselves to self indulge, and the lack of self control belongs to the child. There are adults who abuse, but calling every adult that properly disciplines one who lack self control is b**. A child properly disciplined and spanked if unruly, you’ll find a well behaved child that’s a joy to be around! A no brainer!” (Jennifer)

This either/or nonsense gets me every time. People seem to think that there's EITHER spanking or NO guidance whatsoever, complete chaos. So absurd. Parents who choose not to spank are not neglectful. They just choose other methods of discipline. Some might choose other punishments, like grounding or time-outs, while others choose positive discipline. I've seen the fruits of each of those methods. I've also seen the fruit of inconsistent discipline -- where parents punish or correct *sometimes* but not others and permissive parenting. Those are all quite different things, and you can't just lump them all under "non-spankers" and call it a day.

Lori, do some research and learn what a longitudinal study actually entails. You are JUST PLAIN WRONG here. (And so is Jennifer).

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“I’m not convinced. How is it that children who were raised getting a spanking they earned grew up with manners and respect? "

Did they really, though? I've seen some pretty entitled bullshit coming from people who grew up with physical punishment.

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I know this isn’t true since parents have been spanking their children for centuries. 

Not quite true, Lori. Some cultures spank; some do not. Historically, not all societies practiced spanking. And societies that DO spank are much different culturally than those that do not. And not because the non-spanking cultures are poorly disciplined, either. Ed. U. Cate. yourself.

http://www.tuw.edu/content/health/child-rearing-practices-different-cultures/

http://open.lib.umn.edu/sociology/chapter/15-5-children-and-parental-discipline/

http://www.open.edu/openlearn/history-the-arts/history/different-cultures-different-childhoods

 

11 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

I realize I'm quoting myself but why the fuck was this downvoted? Is it because I don't do housework? Is it because I'll be paying most of the bills again? Is it because we have separate checking accounts? 

Instead of downvoting, how about discussing? 

Now I have to go get ready for work...little nervous for the first day. 

Because you have the audacity to have a "non-biblical" marriage, I suspect. 

Funny thing, I'm pretty sure Jesus had something to say about serving others and love ... looks to me like your marriage is about 1,000 times more biblical than the game-playing that Lorken do.

[Petronella]

11 hours ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

Flicking a babies cheek? No. Swatting a child’s hand to keep them from something they’re not supposed to have yes, but NOT with a rod or anything other than my hand. This statement isn’t for pity but I was beaten as a child, my father went to jail once for 6 months because of it. I KNOW what it’s like to be hit with things other than a hand and I would never do something like to my child. That was actually a point of contention between Lori and I because I don’t believe in using a rod. 

It's really awful that you were treated that way.

You know what Lori says to people like your parents? "Hit harder." She has literally said that.

You know what gets said over here? Encouragement to be kind. Links to real resources. Examples of loving discipline that are effective without harming.

Where would you prefer your parents had gone for advice? To Lori, or to someplace like FJ?

[SongRed7]

21 hours ago, dairyfreelife said:

If you see a person who's a member of your family who is sick, exhausted and stressed, whatever and you are unwilling to help, you are an asshole to the max. Seriously, you are a terrible person. Man or woman, being "unwilling" or "not inclined" to help someone who obviously needs it and especially if it's your own family member or friend, that's just horrible. 

1000% agreed! I had foot surgery last Tuesday and due to being incapacitated, on serious pain meds, and generally feeling like crap -- my entire family ( 24 yo daughter, 22 yo son, 13 yo daughter, hubby and my sister (who came for 5 days to help)...worked together not only to take care of me but also keep the household running, laundry, meals, feeding the pets, keeping the house tidy, running errands, etc.

No one pulled the "I'm a man card" or stated that only the women had to do these tasks.   Everyone worked together and NO ONE complained.  that's how normal families operate.  We help one another!

 

 

 

[Jessesgirl25]

Good Morning. I’m moving on from the downvoting nonsense, I can’t explain it anymore than I already have. If downvotes are so detrimental, I should be a puddle right now but I’m not and I’m moving on. If you feel the need to argue about it go find a mirror and have at it, I won’t be discussing it further.

Now to Lori, I can’t with the spanking posts. It’s been a point of contention between her and I before and private messages ensue. 

Someone further up asked what helped my marriage that Lori has suggested...mostly not expecting anything from him, a lot of keeping my mouth shut and not nagging, doing nice things for him even if he was being a pain in the butt...just to name the most important. He doesn’t believe in God while I do so it’s a unique challenge. 

 

 

[Loveday]

19 minutes ago, Jessesgirl25 said:

As I explained above it wasn’t your comment I meant to downvote, it was what you quoted.  My fucking bad. There, I cursed without an asterisk. Are we fucking good now? There’s two.  Have a good fucking first day at work. Three. First days can be nerve wracking. But I’m sure from what I’ve seen, you’ll be fine. 

-Cunt Waffle

Did you by any chance read the announcement Curious--the owner of this forum, by the way, in case you were unaware of that-- posted that appears at the top of EVERY PAGE on this forum? It's about you, and how we should all maybe give you a second chance. I was considering that, and I'm sure others are as well, but with comments like this, that second chance is about to go out the window. I'm fairly sure you don't care, but it's pretty damned rude to throw Curious's plea back in her face like this.

--Miss Queen Sh*t on Turd Island 

 

 

@feministxtian, good luck on your first day! You got this! 

 

[feministxtian]

Girlfriend don't learn. 

@SongRed7 hope you heal quickly with minimal pain. Take care of you and let everyone else take care of everything else. 

[Jessesgirl25]

11 minutes ago, Petronella said:

It's really awful that you were treated that way.

You know what Lori says to people like your parents? "Hit harder." She has literally said that.

You know what gets said over here? Encouragement to be kind. Links to real resources. Examples of loving discipline that are effective without harming.

Where would you prefer your parents had gone for advice? To Lori, or to someplace like FJ?

My mom would have came straight to Lori, she was the Christian who didn’t believe in divorce and even though my father was an alcoholic abuser, emotionally and physically, I was a mouthy kid so therefore I deserved some of it. Since then however my Mom has divorced him, remarried and apologized to me for a lot and what she allowed and all has been forgiven. Preference would have been to come here because as I’ve said, I don’t agree with lori about everything. 

[Frog99]

 

18 minutes ago, Lgirlrocks said:

Wonder why ken married Lori? Was it for her parents money? If so they deserve each other. 

We’ve covered spanking a lot on her. I’d like to know what Lori’s kids think about the spankings they received. Both of my brothers, who got spanked a lot, think it’s okay to do. My younger brother said spanking worked the sam as time outs for him. My older brother said spankings worked when he was really little. 

I think he married her because she was attractive, and I would guess that her father’s money and/or connections were appealing. Regarding her children, didn’t she post something that indicated that one of hers sons is, at minimum, overbearing and inappropriate in terms of discipline? And those with kids allow Lori access to their children, which is also mind boggling. 

It’s a shame that these people don’t have any knowledge of developmental milestones. And if you are spanking an infant or toddler, quite honestly, you are doing it all wrong. 

[usmcmom]

14 hours ago, usmcmom said:

@Jessesgirl25, I have a sincere question for you. 

What are some of the things you admire about Lori? You have stated that you disagree with some of what she teaches but there must be some things you strongly agree with - things you truly admire and respect about her. I ask because it seems your feelings must be pretty strong for you to register and make comments here.  

I'd also like to point out that I, personally, have received great encouragment from the members of this group lately.  My family has suffered tremendous loss in the past year and these friends here have shown a lot of compassion and love. 

In fact I have seen a lot of compassion and worry about the people we discuss here, when their own families seem to have none to give.  For example, when Lori was hospitalized about a year ago, FJ members expressed concern for her, dropped the snarking and openly wished Ken would be kinder to her.  

I think maybe you just have not been here long enough to see that this is a VERY supportive and compassionate group.  I wish you would have given us a bit more of a chance.   I hope you will answer my question about Lori.  I think we'd all like to read your response.  

 

Quoting myself because I'm wondering if you, @Jessesgirl25, have had time to give any thought to my question about Lori.