Family Living on Purpose (FLOP) : Erika Shupe Pt 12

[JermajestyDuggar]

18 minutes ago, Lisafer said:

I think the number of people who say they waited until marriage is quite a bit higher than the number of people who actually waited. Horniness is a force to be reckoned with!

Haha! Did they use the loophole? Maybe. 

[Lisafer]

1 minute ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Haha! Did they use the loophole? Maybe. 

"I've never had sex! Wait, define sex..." 

We're starting to sound Clinton-esque now...

[smittykins]

"I did not have relations with that person."

[Georgiana]

1 hour ago, Lisafer said:

I think the number of people who say they waited until marriage is quite a bit higher than the number of people who actually waited. Horniness is a force to be reckoned with!

My friends claimed they were waiting until marriage up until the day they had to move their wedding up several months (after sending out save the dates!) because the bride was pregnant.

That was awkward, sure, but not quite as awkward as the fact that the maid of honor DOUBLED DOWN on that and gave her entire speech as if they HAD waited until marriage while the bride sat there, 20 weeks pregnant and very visibly so.  

[ActualReality]

I think the number of people who say they waited until marriage is quite a bit higher than the number of people who actually waited. Horniness is a force to be reckoned with!

So true! When I was young I was on team waiting for marriage. Then, well hormones.

I think it’s a valuable choice but honestly I’m glad I didn’t wait. I had a fabulous sexy time with some friends with benefits. I’m still friends with most of my former lovers - even the ones who are from the opposite political party as me. That seems like a miracle in this day and age!

[The Mother Dust]

On 5/7/2018 at 1:50 PM, Georgiana said:

Congrats to Karen and Nathan!

I know many people who had courthouse weddings.  Some because it's what they wanted in a wedding, some because they wanted other things more than paying for a wedding, and some because a courthouse wedding was what fit their wedding budget.  It's quite common for people not to end up with their "dream wedding" in the end.  As long as they end up with their "dream marriage", that's what counts.  

But really, it doesn't matter.  If you end up loving your small wedding, PERFECT!  If down the line you begin to wish you had a bigger to-do, have a vow renewal!  If you want something in the middle, have a big "reception" for your first anniversary.  I've been to all of these, and they were GREAT!  You absolutely can have a do-over of your wedding if you want, don't let anyone tell you any different!!  The only thing you can't double-dip on is gifts from your guests  

I had to pop in to say, I appreciate reading others' experiences that they were happy with or at least satisfied with their courthouse wedding. Thank you to those who talked about your experiences.  If I ever do get married, that method will probably be in my future, so reading these was encouraging.  I used to want the big traditional wedding when I was younger, but I recently realized I don't have the energy or patience for a big wedding nowadays, even if I had the money.  I think about starting the work of planning one, and I just want to go to sleep, haha.

[ActualReality]

On 7/5/2018 at 2:24 PM, mango_fandango said:

Someone called “KL” commented on Jessica’s post, and someone called “KL” used to pop up on LFOP. I’m guessing it’s the same person.

 

 Apparently KL and someone named Jean posted comments that got deleted.  Those posts also caused the author to change her comment policy.  Makes me wonder what she's trying to keep of her site. 

[Lisafer]

10 hours ago, The Mother Dust said:

I had to pop in to say, I appreciate reading others' experiences that they were happy with or at least satisfied with their courthouse wedding. Thank you to those who talked about your experiences.  If I ever do get married, that method will probably be in my future, so reading these was encouraging.  I used to want the big traditional wedding when I was younger, but I recently realized I don't have the energy or patience for a big wedding nowadays, even if I had the money.  I think about starting the work of planning one, and I just want to go to sleep, haha.

Oh yes, there's nothing at all wrong with a courthouse wedding. Maybe a party afterwards if you feel like it, with people you love and that you really want to be around  

It's what is in your heart that counts. I knew a lady who went with her fiance and their children and the officiant to an overlook over a lake and  got married right there. It was sweet, simple, and perfectly lovely. Big weddings, although great for some people, are totally not necessary.

[refugee]

26 minutes ago, ActualReality said:

 Apparently KL and someone named Jean posted comments that got deleted.  Those posts also caused the author to change her comment policy.  Makes me wonder what she's trying to keep of her site. 

Anything contrary to the legalistic “biblical womanhood” she espouses, most likely. (IOW, she’s looking for an echo chamber, not honesty or anything that might cause people to think or consider. Only blind followers allowed.)

Edited July 12, 2018 by refugee

[ActualReality]

1 hour ago, Lisafer said:

Oh yes, there's nothing at all wrong with a courthouse wedding. Maybe a party afterwards if you feel like it, with people you love and that you really want to be around  

It's what is in your heart that counts. I knew a lady who went with her fiance and their children and the officiant to an overlook over a lake and  got married right there. It was sweet, simple, and perfectly lovely. Big weddings, although great for some people, are totally not necessary.

We had a tiny wedding with only family and very close friends.  It was an amazing day with very little fuss.  We went to lunch at a night restaurant afterward.  I don't have the wedding gene so our courthouse wedding was just fine with me.  

[refugee]

1 hour ago, ActualReality said:

We had a tiny wedding with only family and very close friends.  It was an amazing day with very little fuss.  We went to lunch at a night restaurant afterward.  I don't have the wedding gene so our courthouse wedding was just fine with me.  

I always wanted to get married barefoot on a beach. Didn’t happen, but I still think it would have been more fun than the little hometown church wedding was...

[mango_fandango]

If I get married it'll be a small registry-office affair (equivalent to a courthouse I guess) with family and some close friends, and we can decamp to my place afterwards for food. IDGAF about paying for caterers, a band/DJ, centrepieces or a fancy-ass venue. I also don't care much about a professional photographer; I hate posing for photos, my smiles in them always look fake. I would also get a dress off-the-rack, rather than fork out hundreds or even thousands for a one-time-only dress. I also hate being the centre of attention, so the smaller the number of guests the better, particularly if I know them all well.

[ActualReality]

On 7/4/2018 at 4:36 PM, BunnyBee said:

Bolding is mine, because this is my experience too.

We've been dating since we were 16 and have tons of photos together. I have a terrible thyroid and put on weight in college when my thyroid function was at its lowest. His parents only have one picture of us displayed in their house and it was when I was at my skinniest in high school. My fiance's sister and mother are naturally tall and skinny. I also get frequent lectures from my future MIL about how I need to lose weight before we decide to have a baby, I have learned to brush her off at my fiances request but damn its hard to not feel accepted. Especially because my family is over the moon in love with my fiance and he is one of the family.

They sound like people who suck and you're likely better off without their approval!!  I used to work with a woman who began to dislike her daughter in law  after she gained weight.  The DIL got pregnant and had some other health issues.  As a result she gained 100 lbs.  My co-worker was tortured by her dil's weight.  I pointed out that this woman's weight was none of her business.  I think that she just needed something to be mad/upset about and she chose weight.  If it wasn't that it would have been something else.

In other news, I found this fascinating profile from a fundy christian who is also a trans woman.  Now THAT's a combination.  I'm DYING to read her blog!

https://safe.menlosecurity.com/https://en.gravatar.com/karencdbride

[Lisafer]

31 minutes ago, ActualReality said:

In other news, I found this fascinating profile from a fundy christian who is also a trans woman.  Now THAT's a combination.  I'm DYING to read her blog!

https://safe.menlosecurity.com/https://en.gravatar.com/karencdbride

The site is asking for a corporate email account to access, so I can't see it. I'm genuinely puzzled as to how someone is transgender and fundie???

[Alisamer]

My sister had the whole big wedding thing, and it was just what she wanted.

A good friend of ours, however, did not. For her wedding to her second husband she had the wedding in the church with the pastor, the dress, music, her daughter as flower girl, and NO GUESTS. My family was all there - I did the photography and makeup, my sister cued up the music, my other sister helped wrangle the daughter and did hair, my mom ran the video camera, and my dad and brother-in-law hung around before the ceremony with the husband to keep the nerves down. The bride had made her own bouquet with artificial succulents and flowers. The cake was very small and store-bought, and there was no reception. They left immediately for their honeymoon and my parents kept their daughter for those few days. None of his or her family were there, they all got photos afterward, however. It was beautiful and perfect for them, I think. Lower cost, low stress, but all the pampering and anticipation.

This is their rings, with her bouquet and her mother's pearls.

[Lurky]

21 hours ago, Lisafer said:

I think the number of people who say they waited until marriage is quite a bit higher than the number of people who actually waited. Horniness is a force to be reckoned with!

I am laughing my head of every time I remember the Shoshana Pearl thread, where she's all smug about how she's had her third wedding...  The Pearls were advocating for no legal marriages, but her financial advisor said WTAF??? and so she got actually married...  while admitting that 6 weeks before her "wedding", she and her boyfriend had a very meaningful discussion with God, and decided that meant they were married, so it was *completely fine* to be represented as the perfect virginal Fundy bride by her nasty father...

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/31337-mike-pearls-daughter-shoshanna-pearl-easling-gets-legally-married/

 

[Lisafer]

9 minutes ago, Lurky said:

I am laughing my head of every time I remember the Shoshana Pearl thread, where she's all smug about how she's had her third wedding...  The Pearls were advocating for no legal marriages, but her financial advisor said WTAF??? and so she got actually married...  while admitting that 6 weeks before her "wedding", she and her boyfriend had a very meaningful discussion with God, and decided that meant they were married, so it was *completely fine* to be represented as the perfect virginal Fundy bride by her nasty father...

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/31337-mike-pearls-daughter-shoshanna-pearl-easling-gets-legally-married/

 

Just goes to show how fundamentally dishonest (pun intended) some of these fundies are! 

I was still a pretty conservative Christian when I got married, but I made no claim one way or the other about my virginity, because it was nobody's damn business but mine. I let my father "give me away," but we never asked permission from any of our respective parents--it was just a way for my dad to be involved. 

And the preacher slipped up and said: "Who gives this man in marriage to this woman?" I didn't notice at the time. My dad did; he hesitated, then said, "I do," and sat down. 

So my husband got given to me at my wedding! 

[pandora]

24 minutes ago, Lurky said:

I am laughing my head of every time I remember the Shoshana Pearl thread, where she's all smug about how she's had her third wedding...  The Pearls were advocating for no legal marriages, but her financial advisor said WTAF??? and so she got actually married...  while admitting that 6 weeks before her "wedding", she and her boyfriend had a very meaningful discussion with God, and decided that meant they were married, so it was *completely fine* to be represented as the perfect virginal Fundy bride by her nasty father...

https://www.freejinger.org/topic/31337-mike-pearls-daughter-shoshanna-pearl-easling-gets-legally-married/

 

I think it's bullshit that fundies chaperone their kids every single second of courtship/engagement, but Shoshana's example is just about the only reason I think it would make sense for never allowing your kid to be alone with a significant other, so the lovebirds can't just declare themselves married in God's eyes. It's a hole they've dug themselves. 

Zsu and PP eloped after knowing each other about a week so they could jump each other, but they got married legally.

[Chocolatedefrauded]

3 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

If I get married it'll be a small registry-office affair (equivalent to a courthouse I guess) with family and some close friends, and we can decamp to my place afterwards for food. IDGAF about paying for caterers, a band/DJ, centrepieces or a fancy-ass venue. I also don't care much about a professional photographer; I hate posing for photos, my smiles in them always look fake. I would also get a dress off-the-rack, rather than fork out hundreds or even thousands for a one-time-only dress. I also hate being the centre of attention, so the smaller the number of guests the better, particularly if I know them all well.

You can do this or any combination of wedding things if you want! I may have mentioned this before but my wedding was small - 36 people. I got a long dress off the rack ($77) and my friends contributed flowers from Sam’s Club, photography and other bits. My dad did not want to be the center of attention nor did I so he did not walk me down the aisle. We just all went together. Just 2 witnesses in nice clothes they picked out. Reception was at a small restaurant that closed to everyone else that night. They provided the cake & played classical music. Dinner for 36 was around $1,400. We did pay for an organist during the ceremony. No DJ or dancing cause my husband has 2 left feet. We just mingled & talked. Dinner was great - duck, steak or fish. People still rave that it was simple & classy.

of course it helps to have talented friends. Just having them do the flowers & photos saved us tons of money. It was their gift to us. I got the photos developed myself & picked out what we liked to put in an album. I still have the negatives (proof that I’m old.)

[The Mother Dust]

2 hours ago, Chocolatedefrauded said:

You can do this or any combination of wedding things if you want! I may have mentioned this before but my wedding was small - 36 people. I got a long dress off the rack ($77) and my friends contributed flowers from Sam’s Club, photography and other bits. My dad did not want to be the center of attention nor did I so he did not walk me down the aisle. We just all went together. Just 2 witnesses in nice clothes they picked out. Reception was at a small restaurant that closed to everyone else that night. They provided the cake & played classical music. Dinner for 36 was around $1,400. We did pay for an organist during the ceremony. No DJ or dancing cause my husband has 2 left feet. We just mingled & talked. Dinner was great - duck, steak or fish. People still rave that it was simple & classy.

of course it helps to have talented friends. Just having them do the flowers & photos saved us tons of money. It was their gift to us. I got the photos developed myself & picked out what we liked to put in an album. I still have the negatives (proof that I’m old.)

@alisamer those are beautiful rings.  Thanks to those who have added their anecdotes to this topic.  General question.... if you were to have a courthouse wedding (in the U.S.) does the officiant still make you go through the "dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... blahdy blahdy blah to have and to hold.... if anyone objects...."  speech?  Or could you ask them to simplify it down to "are you willing to marry him/her....congratulations!"    I know it might only be a difference of 10 minutes time saved, but just curious.

[Lisafer]

1 hour ago, The Mother Dust said:

@alisamer those are beautiful rings.  Thanks to those who have added their anecdotes to this topic.  General question.... if you were to have a courthouse wedding (in the U.S.) does the officiant still make you go through the "dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... blahdy blahdy blah to have and to hold.... if anyone objects...."  speech?  Or could you ask them to simplify it down to "are you willing to marry him/her....congratulations!"    I know it might only be a difference of 10 minutes time saved, but just curious.

As far as I know, courthouse weddings are on the very short, formal end of things. I don't think they ask if anyone objects, or anything like that. When you go to get your marriage license, ask the people there in the registrar's office. They should know. 

[CaptainFunderpants]

On 7/4/2018 at 1:36 PM, BunnyBee said:

Bolding is mine, because this is my experience too.

We've been dating since we were 16 and have tons of photos together. I have a terrible thyroid and put on weight in college when my thyroid function was at its lowest. His parents only have one picture of us displayed in their house and it was when I was at my skinniest in high school. My fiance's sister and mother are naturally tall and skinny. I also get frequent lectures from my future MIL about how I need to lose weight before we decide to have a baby, I have learned to brush her off at my fiances request but damn its hard to not feel accepted. Especially because my family is over the moon in love with my fiance and he is one of the family.

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances. Them telling you to get your health together, particularly your weight, is caring -not rude. They want you to have a healthy pregnancy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, particularly in regard to not going into an already dangerous activity at a high risk from something completely preventable.

[Ausje]

9 hours ago, Lisafer said:

And the preacher slipped up and said: "Who gives this man in marriage to this woman?" I didn't notice at the time. My dad did; he hesitated, then said, "I do," and sat down. 

So my husband got given to me at my wedding! 

I'd love to think that that was deliberate and he actually does it at every second wedding just to even things out!

Quote

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances.

What? Please elaborate!

Edited July 13, 2018 by Ausje
Never mind.

[ActualReality]

Honestly, pregnancy is horrifyingly dangerous for both mother and baby under the best of circumstances. Them telling you to get your health together, particularly your weight, is caring -not rude. They want you to have a healthy pregnancy. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, particularly in regard to not going into an already dangerous activity at a high risk from something completely preventable.

With all due respect this comment, IMO, is very overstated. I’m a plus size woman who has had 3 healthy and boring pregnancies. A woman’s health is between her and her doctor. If her medical professionals are worried it’s time to worry. The opinions of all others is irrelevant.

[Foudeb]

Driving a car is dangerous at the best of times. It gets more dangerous when the driver is tired. That does not mean I go around telling people who look tired to me to not drive and go get some sleep and what are they thinking being so sloppy as to get behind the wheel with faves that look tired and if they just went to bed at 8pm like I do their face would look more rested and here's a sleeping pill, tired faces like yours need drugs because you just don't have the self-control to go to bed at 8pm. 

We're all grown ups. We can manage our own lives, bedtimes, and weights. And if we cannot we go to someone with actual knowledge, not a meddling mother in law.