Maxwell 17: Life After John Left

[SPHASH]

13 minutes ago, goldbu said:

Christopher's family isn't in the picture. Interesting. So it's the Maxwells, (with or without the "Christopher Maxwell Family"??), one other family, and a smattering of old ladies? I bet Chelsy will be super excited to join... 

I'm going to assume Prissy Chris and family were out of town.  So that would make five families.  Sorry Maxwell's four out of the five came from Coward Steve's precious scrotum and Griselda Teri's uterus.

[MamaJunebug]

38 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Aunt Tami also has short hair.

Annnnnnd May I clamber up on my bandwagon to point out how much better Tami looks? I know it’s partly that she lives a life of self-determination with a husband who is very unlikely to be as controlling as Steve. But look at how your eye follows Teri’s lank  locks right to her jowls. Where with Tami the eye goes briefly to the jowls but then back up  again to the eyes and face....

Oh, never mind me. I really don’t care if Terifying wants to continue to wear her hair the way Stevovah likes it. I just had to say something with the two sisters side-by-side and looking so alike — and yet so, so different.

[Granwych]

16 hours ago, elliha said:

I took on his perspective here but yes, for the rest of us these are interchangeable. 

You're too kind to Stevehovah, elliha.  You're a much better Christian!

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

It’s funny that these days people expect adult children to stay at home for much longer. In Australia at least the average age to move out is around mid 20s. A bit earlier for women and later for men.

My brother and husband were both 28 when they left home after a decade studying (both lawyers) 

My sister and I were both 22. Both just finished university. 

We are building a house and assuming in the design that our two (baby and toddler now!) will be living with us until mid to late 20s. So ensuites and large bedrooms with a private lounge/study for them. 

I watched Gloriavale and saw how the families all live in the same compound once marrying and was glad my mum hadn’t seen that when we were kids or she would have joined the cult! She’s struggling that we are all overseas or interstate and would love us next door. Dad doesn’t mind though

I don’t think it’s unnnatural to want your adult children close by but I think it’s cruel to force them into staying close by. Like Steve Maxwell has. 

Oh and I will totally suggest my children leave home within a year of finishing university. I think it’s a bit pathetic when grown adults with full time jobs live at hone and expect their parents to feed them and provide for them. I’ll stop cooking I think. I hate it anyway. 

[nastyhobbitses]

2 minutes ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

Oh and I will totally suggest my children leave home within a year of finishing university. I think it’s a bit pathetic when grown adults with full time jobs live at hone and expect their parents to feed them and provide for them. I’ll stop cooking I think. I hate it anyway. 

In some cases, living at home is the best/only option some people have given their financial circumstances or goals. I lived with my parents for a little under a year while working full-time to save for grad school. But I also did my own laundry, grocery shopped, cooked/helped cook, and took care of the dog. And while it was nice to not have to pay rent and be with my family, it was hard to do normal twentysomething things because I lived pretty far from my other friends (my parents live in the suburbs, my job is/was in the city) and would have to really plan ahead if I crashed with one of them in the city. Plus it's hard to have your own space and schedule when you live with your parents. Would not do that arrangement again unless I was in some really dire straits. I don't think my parents would want it either, though my mom did joke that she misses having me around to do housework. 

[JermajestyDuggar]

I have a very laid back idea about leaving the nest. I think it's kind of silly for people to expect all 18 year olds to immediately move out on their own. But I detest the SAHD movement. There's a lot of in between. Living with your parents as a young adult makes a lot of sense. You could save a decent amount of money so you can save up for your first down payment on a house. But I also don't think it's ok or adult children to live at home, jobless, without helping around the house. I would expect my adult child to live in our home like they would live with a random roommate. They can't walk all over me because they came out of my vagina. 

[Jana814]

I lived at home till this past November. I'm 37. The difference is I was treated like an adult. I only moved to the next town over from my parents because I need to be close to my clients. If I had my business that I now 10 years ago I would have moved out then. 

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, Milly-Molly-Mandy said:

It’s funny that these days people expect adult children to stay at home for much longer. In Australia at least the average age to move out is around mid 20s. A bit earlier for women and later for men.

Like a lot of country kids I moved out at 18 to do tertiary study - none available where I lived! I stayed moved out when I finished because the jobs I were applying for were also not available in my hometown, and the casual jobs I did while looking were available in the city as well. Mind you it was also possible at that stage to be on Austudy, rent in a sharehouse near the university and pay bills/buy groceries etc - I have no idea how country families are managing it now.

[singsingsing]

I moved out at 22. I've been toying with the idea of possibly moving in with my mum again when she gets a house, on a temporary basis, but I'm really hesitant. It's hard when you've lived as an independent adult for so many years. And my mum is really laid back, if I were living with her she would treat me like an independent adult, we get along, we have similar lifestyles... I'm not coming in late all the time, I don't bring men home or bring friends around to party, blast my music, have animals, etc. Nothing that would cause issues between us. But the prospect still depresses me.

I also have a disability and I've struggled to support myself financially over the years, have had to abandon a lot of dreams, have a lot of trouble managing my day to day life, and can't drive, so I already feel that lack of independence, and let me tell you, as an almost-30-year-old woman, it stings. Moving back in with a parent would be like twisting the knife, you know? So I'm trying to keep living on my own as long as it's financially feasible.

I'm totally in support of children living with their parents for as long as all parties involved are happy with the arrangement. I know a man in his 50s who still lives in his childhood home and always has. I'm not sure why he never moved out, but it just happened to work for everyone. His dad got sick a few years ago, and he was there to help his mum. Now his mum is a widow in her 80s, and he takes care of the house for her and watches out for her. He is (as far as I can tell) a totally normal guy. Not sure if he dates, but he has plenty of friends, a job, his pilot's licence (no, it's not John David Duggar, lol). He has a full life and would be considered a 'successful adult' by society's standards.

But the key element, as with most of these things, is choice. The Maxwell daughters absolutely do not have a choice. So even if Sarah Maxwell is genuinely happy living at home in her mid-30s, it's still sad. If one day she were to wake up and decide she was no longer happy, there's no way they'd ever support her leaving. And she's probably too brainwashed to ever even seriously contemplate it.

[mango_fandango]

I went to university at 18 and graduated last summer at 22 (usually British degrees are three years but I did languages which required a year abroad). I’m still living at home. God knows when I’ll move out... London is expensive as fuck. I don’t even have a job yet, although I am slowly getting there (very slowly). I have ASD as well which complicates things, mainly anxiety (I managed fine when I was at university). I’m also somewhat of a homebody. In a perfectly ideal world where money was no object I’d stay in London. I do like my hometown but it’d be nice to move elsewhere. I could possibly manage moving to a different city with decent connections back to London. My year abroad was a disaster and it helped me realise how much I like being at home, or at least close to family. My family also live fairly nearby, either London or Surrey. My family are doing fairly well financially and they have said that they’d be OK with helping me with a deposit for a flat/whatever, but since that’s not going to happen for at least a couple of years we haven’t discussed it seriously. I also do best when there’s lots going on round me... I know lots of introverts would love living somewhere remote but that’s my idea of hell  I don’t even go out that much. I’m weird like that. I’m fine with staying in the countryside for a week on holiday but beyond that... nah. 

 

[Jingerale]

Interesting. I started a thread about their church here and had forgotten about it. I don't remember them calling it Amazing Grace Baptist Church at the time.

(Mods, I don't know how to link an existing thread with a snazzy preview like when you start a new thread and link to the last one. Can someone do that if they think that would be helpful? Thank you!)

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

5 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

In some cases, living at home is the best/only option some people have given their financial circumstances or goals. 

Good point! I suppose I just arrogantly assumed my kids would have degrees that pay well enough to leave home. And won’t have health or mental health issues that prevent it. 

Very arrogant of me, I regret writing that. I’m sure there are so many other reasons young adults stay at home. I admit I was thinking of a ex boy friend in particular when I wrote that so maybe that’s where the bitterness comes from. Narcissistic asshole. Nothing to do with him staying at home til 30 though! 

[ophelia]

On 28.1.2018 at 1:03 AM, Jana814 said:

You got the lunatic part right. I didn't realize their were so many other families that attend their church. I honestly thought after a few visits with Steve preaching it would turn people off from coming back. 

Well, people go to the PP's preaching several times a week. And even more people watch his sermons online. Steve seems quite harmless in comparison. 

[ScorpiousMalfoy]

It also depends on the culture. In America it is normal for a 18 year old to move out on their own, in my country it's a rarity. It is also pretty common for the university graduate to come back and live at home, and even for the young married couples to live at one spouse's parents' home. People often start build their houses for 10-15 years bc of the finances. My ex bf uncle lived in one room with his wife and 3 kids at his parents' until he build his house, bc the common thinking is "I want to live on my on and not pay rent to the landlord". I will probably graduate from university at 24/25 when I'm done with my masters (a BA means close to nothing here) and only then I will be able to support myself fully. So in US it would probably be pretty old? SAHD or 36 yo Sarah at home don't shock me in that, but their lack of opportunities and their parents' control over every aspect of their lives of course do.

[elliha]

In Sweden you graduate from the gymnasium at 19 and more or less all kids stay at home until they have graduated. Those that find a job right away and don't plan to go to university may move out more or less right after graduation but it is not uncommon to work for a couple of years and still stay at home. Some families allow them to stay at home for free while many ask for a low rent that covers food costs and perhaps a little more. Some moms and dads save the money and give it back to the kids once they have moved out. If you live in a university town or close enough to commute some parents offer their kid to stay at home and not pay rent so that they do not need to take out student loans. The government gives you a small sum each month if you go to university that you can apply for and that is usually enough to cover your costs for books and some spending money if you stay at home rent free. 

I live in a university town and I would be open to offering my kids the deal of staying at home rent free if they do not get any student loans but if they would choose to get student loans or if they worked more than very part time I would want them to pay for food either by paying for their own lunch and dinner (I would offer access to the pantry and breakfast for free) or by paying me a reasonable sum for food that I cook for them. Why? Because they are adults and adults do not live off other people when they have money. If they don't want to go to university I would offer one year rent free to find a job but as soon as they find a job they would have to pay for food and after a year they would be asked to pay rent as well. 

I don't have money to help my kids buy an apartment so I have done what I can to help them get a place to live after school, they are already in the cue for apartments that are owned by the town we live in (and they own the majority of all rentals ). My son will have almost 19 years of cue time and my daughter 15 years when they finish the gymnasium and right now you can easily get a good apartment with 5 years cue time so even if cues are longer then they would probably still be able to get a decent place. 

[Captain Obvious]

8 hours ago, MamaJunebug said:

Annnnnnd May I clamber up on my bandwagon to point out how much better Tami looks? I know it’s partly that she lives a life of self-determination with a husband who is very unlikely to be as controlling as Steve. But look at how your eye follows Teri’s lank  locks right to her jowls. Where with Tami the eye goes briefly to the jowls but then back up  again to the eyes and face....

Oh, never mind me. I really don’t care if Terifying wants to continue to wear her hair the way Stevovah likes it. I just had to say something with the two sisters side-by-side and looking so alike — and yet so, so different.

There are more recent photos of Tami (2014) here, at Grandpa Rex's funeral. She looks more like Teri here, but also nothing like her. Almost like a hippie, even.

http://memorycatcherbykmc.blogspot.com.au/2014/06/promoted-to-glory-rex-frazer-1931-2-14.html

It's also noticeable a. how much younger Teri looks even 3 years ago (is she wearing makeup?) and b. Gigi seems like an awesome lady. Probably because she is an actual Christian, instead of what passes for it in Maxwelland.

FYI the photographer is Kristina Cowan, whose sisters and parents helped set up the rehearsal dinner with the Maxwell girls. The Maxwell friend circle really is that small. 

[kpmom]

How do Baptist Churches work? 

What I mean is, can anyone start a church and call it a Baptist church?

Is there a way of telling if the Maxwell's church is an "official" Baptist church, or an independent church?

I know Steve has referred to himself as a pastor in the past, and Teri as a pastor's wife. 

Does he have any training to be a pastor?  Aside from the School of Theology in Steve's Mind, I mean.

[ophelia]

You have to be a white fundie male and can basically just call yourself pastor. Some of then have degrees from bible schools or other theological institutes, but a lot of them just brag how they have memorized large portions of scripture. PP even rejects pastors that have studied theology and I'm sure he is not the only one.

[fellowunfundie]

Hmm, so I guess they are completely denying that there is a Nathan/Melanie wedding post on the blog now? I thought it was interesting that they re-directed us, but now they are acting like it’s completely non-existent. Think they’re embarrassed?

[VodouDoll]

Same with Steve. He says studying theology is like eating food someone else has already chewed. According to him, all you need to be a pastor is to read the Bible. Any further pastoral education is backwash.

[Four is Enough]

6 minutes ago, VodouDoll said:

. According to him, all you need to be a pastor is to read the Bible. Any further pastoral education is backwash.

Does he insist on the KJV?? The mere IDEA of VERSIONS speaks to interpretation, and translation. So any fool with a SODRT education can become a preacher? Ass.

[Four is Enough]

OK, with the moving out thing. I totally understand local and cultural differences, and I understand choice. Mr. Four and I have worked hard to make sure the Four have educations that they can support themselves. One and Four are finishing up; One, graduate school, and Four, an associate's degree. We support and will support them while they get on their feet.

Two was in a trade school, dropped out and turned to other stuff... he doesn't live with us.

Three was in a trade school, dropped out and does absolutely nothing, he does live with us, and I can't persuade Mr. Four that the leech should go. I'd drive him to a homeless shelter. Maybe it would make him see that working around here and getting SOME sort of job would be preferable to living like that.

[Granwych]

I lived at home till I married due to finances.  I was a little hard-nosed about it, too, because parents didn't believe in paying for college, and I couldn't figure out how to do it all and work at the same time.  I did end up going to nursing school, and mom let me live home rent-free.  I don't know how I managed to work and study at the same time; I was exhausted.

Now wychling was encouraged to live at home during her college years.  We couldn't affor to help her with tuition, but when I had a few dollars I would pay for her gas, books, whatever.  We also had future SIL at our place whenever he wanted, which was most of the time.  I was happy to cook and do laundry for them.  They did move out the year that they graduated and got married.  I only wish that dd had studied something more lucrative instead of history.  SIL majored in accounting and minored in economics, graduating magna cum laude, and worked too.  Oh, and they paid for most of their wedding too.  I can't imagine inviting my 18 yr old to leave home, unless of course, she was just lying about the house and doing nothing.

[IReallyAmHopewell]

But what we are discussing and what the Maxwells do are different things. There is CHOICE involved. The Maxwells do not have a CHOICE in moving out or staying at home.

[HereticHick]

Do we think that the Maxwells will stop by the Duggar compound en route to Ft Smith, Ark for their Energize!!!!!! conference? And wouldn't they get better conference attendance if they had roped in a Duggar as a special guest?