Dillards 49: Dull Dillards Dulling

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

Jill will be like Michelle, trying to nonchalantly insert herself into shots.

...while fawning over her children, who are cringing away from her???

 

lol

[luv2laugh]

I hate to sound mean but I don’t think Derrick wants to work in the corporate world. I think Derrick wants to live life as a college student interspersed with spring & summer break mission trips. I think this is why it was his idea to be a college missionary. I’m not sure why he didn’t just pursue a theology doctorate where he could be a grad student and study theology traditionally. Either TLC fame broke him causing him to lash out at people or he’s always been a secret asshole.

[CaricatureQualities]

22 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

I’m not sure why he didn’t just pursue a theology doctorate where he could be a grad student and study theology traditionally

I think pursuing a doctorate in theology would be way beyond Derick... he doesn't showcase any  ability to use reason or logic to make good arguments in the twitterverse so I can't imagine him holding his own in any academic setting or debate.

[SapphireSlytherin]

24 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

why he didn’t just pursue a theology doctorate

He wouldn't have time to both grift and study.

[CorruptionInc.]

25 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

I hate to sound mean but I don’t think Derrick wants to work in the corporate world.

Probably because you have to be there certain times and answer to others. Derick is an inconsiderate $!%@#@!$! who just wants to spout off all day and not be criticised. Because he's doing it in the name of God!

[VelociRapture]

3 hours ago, luv2laugh said:

I hate to sound mean but I don’t think Derrick wants to work in the corporate world. I think Derrick wants to live life as a college student interspersed with spring & summer break mission trips. I think this is why it was his idea to be a college missionary. I’m not sure why he didn’t just pursue a theology doctorate where he could be a grad student and study theology traditionally. Either TLC fame broke him causing him to lash out at people or he’s always been a secret asshole.

I don’t think that’s mean. Some people don’t do well in corporate settings for a bunch of reasons. My brother works for a local University to pay the bills, but he would love to find a job that lets him be outside most of the day. He’s miserable being cooped up inside all day, but he does it because he’s an adult and hasn’t figured out a legitimate alternative yet.  

Like others, I don’t think Derick would be able to handle the debates a theology Doctorate program may require. He doesn’t appear to handle disagreement or criticism very well and I don’t know if he’d be capable of adequately defending his opinion either. 

And I’m of the opinion that he’s always been an asshole, but that the instant fans* from TLC gave him an overinflated sense if importance. I don’t think he could resist preaching to the unwashed masses once he had the chance.

*Edit: I meant to write “instant fame” not “instant fans,” but I feel like it works either way. 

[CaricatureQualities]

48 minutes ago, CorruptionInc. said:

Derick is an inconsiderate $!%@#@!$! who just wants to spout off all day and not be criticised

Exactly, this is why twitter has become the cornerstone of the Dillard Family Ministry. He can post whatever tickles his fancy and when he is challenged he can respond however he wants, he doesn't have to respect any criteria, he doesn't have to make any well formed arguments, he doesn't have to try to understand any different points of view . He doesn't even have to provide any context. 

Did we ever find out where Jill actually was or what she was doing in that pic of her speaking to a group of  young women? 

I think that post was purposefully misleading in that a lot of people see her speaking in a classroom setting to "college students" and it looks good or adds some legitimacy to them as sought after speakers with important things to say.  But  we don't know where they are or what it is, if she was asked to speak or volunteered or what crap she's even speaking on or who she's speaking to.  My guess is she's spouting off exactly what she said about relationships etc.. during her book tour  to some people who aren't interested at some extra curricular christian women's group or something in a spare classroom the campus lets the community use.  

 

[CaricatureQualities]

Also, Cathy wouldn't be able to go to his classes with him to defend every POV he has and protect him from other students and mean proffs  who might not pass him just for being a speshul snowflake.  

[CorruptionInc.]

36 minutes ago, CaricatureQualities said:

Also, Cathy wouldn't be able to go to his classes with him to defend every POV he has and protect him from other students and mean proffs  who might not pass him just for being a speshul snowflake.  

Cathy is just as bad as him for defending his abhorrent behaviour! 

[CaricatureQualities]

Cathy is as bad or worse than him period. When she shared that Planned Parenthood letter she got in the mail and went on a rant about how PP is only out to greedily make money off abortions I was truly disgusted by her and that was the end of my having or trying to have any sympathy or empathy for that silly woman.  

[Pete Pickles]

14 hours ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Derick HIMSELF has said neither he nor Jill will be on the show anymore.

Last we saw Jill on TV, she was still pregnant. I’m sure there’s plenty of footage shot between that time and the time Derick got the boot from the network. They can use that footage if they so choose and Derick doesn’t get to say much about it (except on Twitter).

 

Derick has also said HIMSELF that he has been employed since age 5. Guess we all take him at his word now.

[HarleyQuinn]

All those years of schooling and he still manages to get fired from a major TV network.

[Crazy Enough to Join]

Yeah. I think people just see oh isn't it awesome that Jeremy got Jinger away from the Duggars unlike how Derrick and Jill are still very enmeshed. But the thing is, even though Fjers see the Duggars very real flaws, they are Jinger's family. And I'm not saying anything about Jeremy specifically, but normally a controlling man's first move is to cut a girl off from her family. This allows controlling men (again not saying Jeremy is doing this!) to escalate into greater emotional or physical control or violence. While the Duggars have most likely been guilty of physical violence against their kids when they were young, I highly doubt they would ever be physically violent against one of their adult daughters. That said, a girl raised to be meek and obedient (like a Duggar daughter) would be excellent fodder for a husband who likes to be physically violent. While Derrick's twitter is annoying and everyone on FJ feels that Jill could have done much better in the husband department, my fear for the Duggars and all quiverful daughters is that one of them will marry a man who is not just annoying, but violent. With the covenant marriage and the anti-divorce teaching the girls will be stuck for life most likely.

16 hours ago, Pete Pickles said:

I'm a few pages behind on this thread but I saw you got some negative feedback on this post and wanted to chime in.  This is THE FREAKIN TRUTH.  Jeremy gives me so many controlling vibes I can't even ignore it.  His wedding episode was so telling.  He was even bossy toward his groomsmen. 

16 hours ago, Pete Pickles said:

 

 

[Jenn The Heathen]

I’m completely confused by your last post @Crazy Enough to Join.  Are you alleging that Jeremy is isolating Jinger from her family?  I think that’s a pretty big assumption with nothing to back it up.  You keep saying “I’m not saying Jeremy is doing this,” but he’s the only one you reference.  By your definition, one could argue that Derek was isolating Jill from her family when he took her to a totally different continent to play missionary or that Austin is isolating Joy because they don’t live in a Duggar owned home.

I think all of these people have horrible beliefs, the men and the women, but I don’t think we’ve seen anything to suggest what you’re saying.  Yes, Jeremy and Jinger live far from her family, but there’s nothing to suggest she’s isolated from them.  Plenty of young people move away from home when they get married.  Thank goodness for phones and computers so they can all keep in touch.

I also think it’s icky to tear down Jinger’s marriage to prop up Jill’s.  I’m pretty sure the sisters wouldn’t appreciate it, either.

[singsingsing]

44 minutes ago, Crazy Enough to Join said:

Yeah. I think people just see oh isn't it awesome that Jeremy got Jinger away from the Duggars unlike how Derrick and Jill are still very enmeshed. But the thing is, even though Fjers see the Duggars very real flaws, they are Jinger's family. And I'm not saying anything about Jeremy specifically, but normally a controlling man's first move is to cut a girl off from her family. This allows controlling men (again not saying Jeremy is doing this!) to escalate into greater emotional or physical control or violence. While the Duggars have most likely been guilty of physical violence against their kids when they were young, I highly doubt they would ever be physically violent against one of their adult daughters. That said, a girl raised to be meek and obedient (like a Duggar daughter) would be excellent fodder for a husband who likes to be physically violent. While Derrick's twitter is annoying and everyone on FJ feels that Jill could have done much better in the husband department, my fear for the Duggars and all quiverful daughters is that one of them will marry a man who is not just annoying, but violent. With the covenant marriage and the anti-divorce teaching the girls will be stuck for life most likely.

But where are you getting this idea that Jeremy is isolating Jinger and cutting her off from her family? I've seen no evidence of that whatsoever. Jeremy already had a job and an apartment in Laredo when he and Jinger got engaged. Why would he have given up his job and moved to Arkansas to live near the Duggars? That makes no sense. People often move away from home when they get married (or go to university, or get a job). They live far away from his family, too. They've been back to Arkansas several times already to visit the Duggars, some of the Duggars have gone to Laredo to visit them, they've seen each other at other events elsewhere, and Jinger seems to keep in regular contact with her family. If anything, I'd argue that Jinger sees her family more than the average person living at the same distance might.

[Crazy Enough to Join]

26 minutes ago, Jenn The Heathen said:

I’m completely confused by your last post @Crazy Enough to Join.  Are you alleging that Jeremy is isolating Jinger from her family?  I think that’s a pretty big assumption with nothing to back it up.  You keep saying “I’m not saying Jeremy is doing this,” but he’s the only one you reference.  By your definition, one could argue that Derek was isolating Jill from her family when he took her to a totally different continent to play missionary or that Austin is isolating Joy because they don’t live in a Duggar owned home.

I think all of these people have horrible beliefs, the men and the women, but I don’t think we’ve seen anything to suggest what you’re saying.  Yes, Jeremy and Jinger live far from her family, but there’s nothing to suggest she’s isolated from them.  Plenty of young people move away from home when they get married.  Thank goodness for phones and computers so they can all keep in touch.

I also think it’s icky to tear down Jinger’s marriage to prop up Jill’s.  I’m pretty sure the sisters wouldn’t appreciate it, either.

Haha, yeah. I doubt any of the Duggars would appreciate anything said on FJ.  And there were some things after the wedding/during the wedding (correct me if I'm wrong!) where Jeremy and Jinger said stuff, I think, about it had to be a certain amount of time before family was allowed to visit. Additionally, they seem to miss a lot of Duggar special events that the rest of the family attends and they don't have a horde of little sisters coming to their place to do all the work like the other Duggar married women seem to. To me, Jinger seems sad in her instagram and Jeremy's posts about her seem patronizing. To me, Derrick seems to treat Jill as an adult when he posts about her and Jill's post have a very distinct Jill-flavor (often in an unflattering way). It's not as if Derrick's personality is consuming Jill even to the way she posts about the kids. Jinger's post on the other hand seem more like "Oh, I'll post this because Jeremy wants me to." You don't get any unique Jinger flavor from her posts, imo.

[Georgiana]

16 minutes ago, Crazy Enough to Join said:

Haha, yeah. I doubt any of the Duggars would appreciate anything said on FJ.  And there were some things after the wedding/during the wedding (correct me if I'm wrong!) where Jeremy and Jinger said stuff, I think, about it had to be a certain amount of time before family was allowed to visit. Additionally, they seem to miss a lot of Duggar special events that the rest of the family attends and they don't have a horde of little sisters coming to their place to do all the work like the other Duggar married women seem to. To me, Jinger seems sad in her instagram and Jeremy's posts about her seem patronizing. To me, Derrick seems to treat Jill as an adult when he posts about her and Jill's post have a very distinct Jill-flavor (often in an unflattering way). It's not as if Derrick's personality is consuming Jill even to the way she posts about the kids. Jinger's post on the other hand seem more like "Oh, I'll post this because Jeremy wants me to." You don't get any unique Jinger flavor from her posts, imo.

Now, I'm no Jeremy fan, but I think the examples you gave are completely reasonable behavior. Jinger's family struggles with boundaries. They are overwhelming in numbers and known to be heavily enmeshed with their married children. MOST families back off for a time after a couple weds to give them space to adjust, but the Duggars often send children to them. It's perfectly normal to want more alone time as newlyweds, and because the Duggars are the Duggars, Jeremy and Jinger had to make that explicit. 

And the thing is, they've had PLENTY of family visits since those 6 months have been up. 

And it seems normal that they miss family events. Jeremy has actual employment, and they live states away. He can't plan his life around the Duggar schedule like Josh, Derick, and Ben can. Plus there are A WHOLE LOT of family events. Jinger and Jeremy would hardly have their own lives and hobbies if they went to every one. Heck, even I've missed family events since moving out and my family is 20 minutes away. It's normal when you have your own, unique life away from your family. 

[Crazy Enough to Join]

1 minute ago, Georgiana said:

Now, I'm no Jeremy fan, but I think the examples you gave are completely reasonable behavior. Jinger's family struggles with boundaries. They are overwhelming in numbers and known to be heavily enmeshed with their married children. MOST families back off for a time after a couple weds to give them space to adjust, but the Duggars often send children to them. It's perfectly normal to want more alone time as newlyweds, and because the Duggars are the Duggars, Jeremy and Jinger had to make that explicit. 

And the thing is, they've had PLENTY of family visits since those 6 months have been up. 

And it seems normal that they miss family events. Jeremy has actual employment, and they live states away. He can't plan his life around the Duggar schedule like Josh, Derick, and Ben can. Plus there are A WHOLE LOT of family events. Jinger and Jeremy would hardly have their own lives and hobbies if they went to every one. Heck, even I've missed family events since moving out and my family is 20 minutes away. It's normal when you have your own, unique life away from your family. 

That's the thing though, did Jeremy and Jinger make that decision or did Jeremy? And yes, I agree that it is normal for normal people to make boundaries with their family, which is why it doesn't naturally raise warning bells. But it is ABNORMAL for Duggars to have any boundaries with family. And I highly doubt that Jinger created those boundaries since she seems to be more of a follower and not someone who would purposefully tick off her parents by making boundaries. So I think it's safe to assume that Jeremy made boundaries with her family. Did he cut off Jinger's interfering family to give her freedom? Or did he cut off Jinger's interfering family so they couldn't interfere in how he intended to control Jinger? I'm definitely not saying that Jeremy is abusing Jinger. He could be an amazing husband. I'm just saying if you look at the warning signs list of things domestic violent perpetrators do, Jeremy has done every one of them.

[CaricatureQualities]

Could you direct us to this list of warning signs and/or things domestic violent perpetrators do?

 

[Georgiana]

19 minutes ago, Crazy Enough to Join said:

That's the thing though, did Jeremy and Jinger make that decision or did Jeremy? And yes, I agree that it is normal for normal people to make boundaries with their family, which is why it doesn't naturally raise warning bells. But it is ABNORMAL for Duggars to have any boundaries with family. And I highly doubt that Jinger created those boundaries since she seems to be more of a follower and not someone who would purposefully tick off her parents by making boundaries. So I think it's safe to assume that Jeremy made boundaries with her family. Did he cut off Jinger's interfering family to give her freedom? Or did he cut off Jinger's interfering family so they couldn't interfere in how he intended to control Jinger? I'm definitely not saying that Jeremy is abusing Jinger. He could be an amazing husband. I'm just saying if you look at the warning signs list of things domestic violent perpetrators do, Jeremy has done every one of them.

But even then: THATS NORMAL. If you have two people with different boundaries, sometimes one party has to give. People do things like that for their spouse in very healthy relationships. Heck, maybe HE said 1yr and she said none, and they compromised at 6 months.

And he's not isolating her. She's not isolated. She just isn't as enmeshed as most of her family, which may be healthy. She still attends events, socializes, sees her family, etc. What the Duggars do isn't healthy, and there's nothing abusive about Jeremy identifying his wife's family's toxic behaviors and not allowing them in his life (and by extension the life he and Jinger share). That's actually GOOD. YOU SHOULDN'T allow that toxic behavior in your life, even if it is family. 

[Crazy Enough to Join]

5 minutes ago, CaricatureQualities said:

Could you direct us to this list of warning signs and/or things domestic violent perpetrators do?

 

here's one list found through a quick Google search. It seems to have the main stuff on it, though I'm sure there are better lists. http://www.saltandcaramel.com/the-signs-of-controlling-behaviour-the-red-flags-and-how-to-spot-them/

[CaricatureQualities]

Thank you for that reference @Crazy Enough to Join but do you not see the problem with saying that Jeremy has done every single thing on a behavioral list of violent domestic perpetrators is problematic when you have no such list in mind?

And of the list you did present I can only see Jeremy being quilty of a few of these behaviours as far as we know. Those are:

-He is extremely attentive, phones, emails or texts constantly (like they all do)

-He gets serious fast. Talks about the love of his life, or moving in together. (like they all do)

He is jealous – which might flatter you at first. ‘It is only because I love you so much’   (maybe true can't think of an example of him being jealous)

 

1 hour ago, Crazy Enough to Join said:

 And there were some things after the wedding/during the wedding (correct me if I'm wrong!) where Jeremy and Jinger said stuff, I think, about it had to be a certain amount of time before family was allowed to visit.

During Jinger's wedding dressing selection/ cryfest with her sisters I believe she she was telling everyone she would miss them and wanted them to visit but after a few months. Then a sister said they would wait 6 months.

[PainfullyAware]

Personally I don't subscribe theory that Jeremy is abusive or controlling. To me he seems like a guy with a big ego, who likes to hear himself talk, to be right, to be praised, to be considered cool, (in the hipster pastor sense). He doesn't give me the creeps the way he does for some people here. I think he's just kind of annoying. I believe he cares for her in his own way and vice versa.

But, I do think that in general, a spouse who moves to a new place, far from family and friends, who is financially dependent on her husband/spouse, is pretty vulnerable to someone who is controlling and abusive. We never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

 

[LacyMay]

I think we need to be *very* careful about making insinuation that a spouse is abusive, trying to "diagnose" an abusive relationship gives me the same discomfort when I see people trying to diagnose certain Duggars with mental illness. 

We have absolutely zero hard evidence to believe that Jeremy is emotionally, spiritually or physically abusive towards Jinger. What we see of them is either selected by them to be made public (ie instagram or facebook posts) or heavily edited by TLC to make for "good" television. 

True, abusers are often isolating and controlling. But how can we say that Jeremy is either of these things when we have never seen him and Jinger interact in a natural and unfiltered environment? And isolating is a lot more complicated than not having the family visit for 6 months. It would mean restricting phone and skype calls, restricting her access to the show etc. The same goes for controlling, we have *never* seen a "real" interaction between these two. We have no idea what they are like when they are alone together, really we don't even know much about what any Duggars unfiltered personality is like. People act differently when they are alone, in a small group, in a large group or being broadcast on television. Not only that but our perceptions are totally painted by observer bias, we believe/have been shown that Jinger is meek and a follower so following that we hone in on things that support that view point. 

Please don't assume that I'm fawning, I'm well aware that Jeremy and Jinger have terrible hateful awful beliefs. But it's a huge jump to assume that someone is an abusive spouse from watching them on TV together for a couple seasons. 

 

 

[Dogalog]

Plus plenty of people get married and move away from their family. That, in itself, doesn't make him controlling. Maybe she wanted to move?