Joy & Austin 15: Standing for the Fetus

[HarleyQuinn]

I guess I've always just hung out at the table if it's coffee afterwards. That way no one spills on my furniture.  

[Fun Undies]

Late/ontime thing . . . I'm usually right on time.  Unless I got my kids with me, then I'm either early, or a few minutes late (but I'm blaming kids on that one).  It's getting better now that they are (almost) 5, and 3.5.  I have ADD, so I have to have my calendar on the wall, a travel planner on me at all times, and alarm reminders on my phone sometimes to help me keep track of the time.  So it's possible for me to "appear" I got it all together, but quite a lot goes into it  

My mother in law on the other hand (bless her, I love her dearly), has ADHD, and can be HOURS late to an event.  No apologies, no explanations.  If we want her somewhere on time, say for her to watch the kids while we have counseling, we literally have her spend the night here, so we can help her wake up in the morning on time.  When it comes to family events, we will tell her for example, 4pm, if the event starts at 6pm - she has never showed up at 4pm.  A lot of times, she will stop somewhere on the way over, to pick up a few things (like say, milk), and get sidetracked and end up with like four bags of stuff, but other times she's empty handed so I don't know what the heck goes on.  Various family members have politely suggested medication because her ADHD affects her in all areas of life, but she doesn't feel she needs it.

As to cultural/how go . . . My Dad's from Florida, and my Mom's German, husband's Minnesotan (and we live in MN currently) and I can attest that a lot of dinner expectations are cultural.  What flies in one country, doesn't in another, or even state to state  It never hurts to ask   Speaking of dinners, I did want to share a cute story though from my Dad's time in Germany (he spent 15 years there).  He was missing his home around the holidays, so my Mom arranged a Thanksgiving dinner with her family to surprise him with.  He loved it!  And they had it every year at various sibling houses.  Of course, there's no turkeys, so they'd try to look around Bavaria for the biggest chicken they could find 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Audrey2 said:

@VelociRapture, I wonder if hanging out around the table to visit after the meal could have it's roots in the time when the kitchen would be the warm room, heated up for the cooking, but the parlor would be much more difficult to warm, as it was usually closed off, so it became the norm to linger in the warm room. I can see this being a factor in the Northeast, which later grew into a cultural norm.

I think it’s mostly just my family not wanting to end conversations though. Picking up and moving to a new room sometimes disrupts whatever is being discussed. We really like to talk apparently. 

My mom’s family (the side I was thinking of) has been in NE for a while. The first ancestors started coming over before the Great Famine and the last came over soon after if I remember right. So it’s entirely possible that the family originally started doing that due to the cold. 

23 minutes ago, Fun Undies said:

Late/ontime thing . . . I'm usually right on time.  Unless I got my kids with me, then I'm either early, or a few minutes late (but I'm blaming kids on that one).  It's getting better now that they are (almost) 5, and 3.5.  I have ADD, so I have to have my calendar on the wall, a travel planner on me at all times, and alarm reminders on my phone sometimes to help me keep track of the time.  So it's possible for me to "appear" I got it all together, but quite a lot goes into it  

My mother in law on the other hand (bless her, I love her dearly), has ADHD, and can be HOURS late to an event.  No apologies, no explanations.  If we want her somewhere on time, say for her to watch the kids while we have counseling, we literally have her spend the night here, so we can help her wake up in the morning on time.  When it comes to family events, we will tell her for example, 4pm, if the event starts at 6pm - she has never showed up at 4pm.  A lot of times, she will stop somewhere on the way over, to pick up a few things (like say, milk), and get sidetracked and end up with like four bags of stuff, but other times she's empty handed so I don't know what the heck goes on.  Various family members have politely suggested medication because her ADHD affects her in all areas of life, but she doesn't feel she needs it.

As to cultural/how go . . . My Dad's from Florida, and my Mom's German, husband's Minnesotan (and we live in MN currently) and I can attest that a lot of dinner expectations are cultural.  What flies in one country, doesn't in another, or even state to state  It never hurts to ask   Speaking of dinners, I did want to share a cute story though from my Dad's time in Germany (he spent 15 years there).  He was missing his home around the holidays, so my Mom arranged a Thanksgiving dinner with her family to surprise him with.  He loved it!  And they had it every year at various sibling houses.  Of course, there's no turkeys, so they'd try to look around Bavaria for the biggest chicken they could find 

Aw!!! That was so sweet of your mom and her family!

My Dad was in the Marines during Vietnam and wound up deployed to several countries in Asia after his year fighting. He was in Japan for Easter one year so he and a few of the guys went to a Church service together. Not only did the Priest/Pastor give the service in English for them, but some of the parishioners invited them to have lunch with them afterwards so they wouldn’t celebrate alone. I always thought that was really sweet that they went out of their way like that for a few Marines they’d never met before.

[Gillyweed]

In my family, we go back to the living room after dinner, but stay at the table after desert. By that point we've usually been together for at least 6-7 hours (they LOOOVE to drag get togethers out, as opposed to my mom's side, where dinner parties rarely last more than 2 or 3 hours), and once we leave the dining table, it means we're leaving. 

Going to another part of the house after dinner allows whoever is on clean-up duty to have the space to maneuver, and lets everyone else entertain themselves however they want before desert is ready to be served. Honestly, we usually hurry away so we could finish our game of Settlers Of Cataan before desert.

[Audrey2]

My Mom's parents lived in a farmhouse in Ohio. After dinner, we'd clear the table, then the adults played cards all afternoon at the kitchen table, especially Euchre and Pedro (no idea how to play that).

[samurai_sarah]

2 hours ago, Fun Undies said:

(snip)

Speaking of dinners, I did want to share a cute story though from my Dad's time in Germany (he spent 15 years there).  He was missing his home around the holidays, so my Mom arranged a Thanksgiving dinner with her family to surprise him with.  He loved it!  And they had it every year at various sibling houses.  Of course, there's no turkeys, so they'd try to look around Bavaria for the biggest chicken they could find 

Aw, that's a sweet story!

Back in my student days, we used to do something comparable, though no surprises were involved. In my pretty international shared house, we celebrated each others' holidays. American Thanksgiving was usually pretty big in our house. The first year we did it, our American housemate was still struggling in the kitchen. So, the rest of us pitched in with the cooking. It became a tradition that we cooked Thanksgiving dinner together for our guests.

It also became a beloved tradition to call American housemate's mum at Thanksgiving. Because, well, we could have written down her recipe for devilled eggs, but she enjoyed hearing from all of us girls every Thanksgiving, and it made her feel involved. The devilled eggs, btw, were for the cooks only, consumed before the guests arrived, as a special little treat.

Since we no longer live together, not even on the same continent, each of us has kind of kept the tradition alive. We still cook the foods we came to love. And in my local group of friends do something similar. It's the annual Easter potluck. Everyone brings a food they associate with Easter, except me. The first year we did it, I made devilled eggs, because I wanted some. Since then, I'm strictly on devilled egg duty. One year, I didn't bring any and had a minor riot on my hands!

American housemate's mother's recipe is such a success that friends have said "it's not Easter, if you don't bring the devilled eggs". And thus, a new tradition was born, which I think is quite sweet. Not that devilled eggs are unknown in Europe, but a small group of people in Europe very firmly believe that the only good devilled egg recipe originates in a Midwestern kitchen. And that's sweet too.

[bekkah]

3 hours ago, Fun Undies said:

Late/ontime thing . . . I'm usually right on time.  Unless I got my kids with me, then I'm either early, or a few minutes late (but I'm blaming kids on that one).  It's getting better now that they are (almost) 5, and 3.5.  I have ADD, so I have to have my calendar on the wall, a travel planner on me at all times, and alarm reminders on my phone sometimes to help me keep track of the time.  So it's possible for me to "appear" I got it all together, but quite a lot goes into it  

My mother in law on the other hand (bless her, I love her dearly), has ADHD, and can be HOURS late to an event.  No apologies, no explanations.  If we want her somewhere on time, say for her to watch the kids while we have counseling, we literally have her spend the night here, so we can help her wake up in the morning on time.  When it comes to family events, we will tell her for example, 4pm, if the event starts at 6pm - she has never showed up at 4pm.  A lot of times, she will stop somewhere on the way over, to pick up a few things (like say, milk), and get sidetracked and end up with like four bags of stuff, but other times she's empty handed so I don't know what the heck goes on.  Various family members have politely suggested medication because her ADHD affects her in all areas of life, but she doesn't feel she needs it.

As to cultural/how go . . . My Dad's from Florida, and my Mom's German, husband's Minnesotan (and we live in MN currently) and I can attest that a lot of dinner expectations are cultural.  What flies in one country, doesn't in another, or even state to state  It never hurts to ask   Speaking of dinners, I did want to share a cute story though from my Dad's time in Germany (he spent 15 years there).  He was missing his home around the holidays, so my Mom arranged a Thanksgiving dinner with her family to surprise him with.  He loved it!  And they had it every year at various sibling houses.  Of course, there's no turkeys, so they'd try to look around Bavaria for the biggest chicken they could find 

Hello Fellow  MN! I would say we in MN are the punctual type of people to. It deals with all that German/Scandinavian blood. I would never think of being late to things, my dad has ADHD and it drove me up the wall that I was always an hour late for 1st grade.  Made me an extra punctual adult though. 

 

[justoneoftwo]

It drives me nuts how people stay at the table.  I always offer or suggest that people move into the living room but no one ever does.  No idea why.  I find it weird.  

Living in UT there is also a problem with drinks or coffee, so maybe thats it.  Normally I would serve drinks pre dinner in the living room, and coffee after in the living room, but when only one couple besides the host partakes even they tend to turn drinks and coffee down.

[JillyO]

3 hours ago, Fun Undies said:

As to cultural/how go . . . My Dad's from Florida, and my Mom's German, husband's Minnesotan (and we live in MN currently) and I can attest that a lot of dinner expectations are cultural.  What flies in one country, doesn't in another, or even state to state  It never hurts to ask   Speaking of dinners, I did want to share a cute story though from my Dad's time in Germany (he spent 15 years there).  He was missing his home around the holidays, so my Mom arranged a Thanksgiving dinner with her family to surprise him with.  He loved it!  And they had it every year at various sibling houses.  Of course, there's no turkeys, so they'd try to look around Bavaria for the biggest chicken they could find 

That's a really sweet story. I just want to point out that we most certainly do have turkeys in Germany. They are just most commonly known as "Pute", which many people don't realize is the term for a female turkey ("Truthahn"). Now personally, I prefer chicken, so I'm totes down with just buying the biggest chicken you can find.

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, samurai_sarah said:

American housemate's mother's recipe is such a success that friends have said "it's not Easter, if you don't bring the devilled eggs".

I think you need to share that recipe with us.  But not with the Maxwells - they would dub them picnic eggs.

When Mr. P and I met we lived in a similar shared house set-up with other students.  Some of our housemates guessed we were getting serious when I bought a turkey and wanted to coordinate with the others to cook a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for him.  It all turned very well except for my special labor of love.  That was probably the worst pumpkin pie in the history of the world!  

[onekidanddone]

I used to be almost neurotically early before I owned a car. Taking public transportation I used to pad my departure time to factor in a late bus or broken down subway train. Now that I own a car I still want to leave early because I think it is wired into my brain.  

Now with a family I feel as if I'm always herding cats. Daughter seems to take fucking forever to do her hair, close down her laptop and gather up her phone and ear buds.  Husband doesn't like to leave a second early and will sit in front of his computer for what seems like forever. 

[cascarones]

My first Thanksgiving with Mr. C we invited everyone from our grad school who'd transplanted to the same city, about 10, mostly international students. Mr. C decided in the middle of the night that I was thawing out the turkey wrong, stole it from its brine and declared he was going to cook the turkey so I could relax a bit. Very sweet, except he'd never cooked a turkey and as we were both working on not criticizing or just stepping in and doing things our way I watched in horror as he got very turned around in his recipe. Throw flour in the roasting pan, that's at gravy making, but no, he just threw handfuls of flour at the raw turkey (and the kitchen). 

He got weird flour bird in the oven and was very proud of himself until I asked for the giblets, he didn't know there was a little bag he needed to take out. So out the turkey came to be unstuffed and salvaged. It wasn't a pretty bird, but it tasted nice. He wants to try again this year, but is debating doing a duck, yet doesn't want to miss out on leftovers (sandwhiches and turkey tortilla soup). We'll see, I'm sure we'll keep making holiday mishap memories.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

8 minutes ago, cascarones said:

My first Thanksgiving with Mr. C we invited everyone from our grad school who'd transplanted to the same city, about 10, mostly international students. Mr. C decided in the middle of the night that I was thawing out the turkey wrong, stole it from it's brine and declared he was going to cook the turkey so I could relax a bit. Very sweet, except he'd never cooked a turkey and as we were both working on not criticizing or just stepping in and doing things our way I watched in horror as he got very turned around in his recipe. Throw flour in the roasting pan, that's at gravy making, but no, he just threw handfuls of flour at the raw turkey (and the kitchen). 

He got weird flour bird in the oven and was very proud of himself until I asked for the giblets, he didn't know there was a little bag he needed to take out. So out the turkey came to be unstuffed and salvaged. It wasn't a pretty bird, but it tasted nice. He wants to try again this year, but is debating doing a duck, yet doesn't want to miss out on leftovers (sandwhiches and turkey tortilla soup). We'll see, I'm sure we'll keep making holiday mishap memories.

Fucked up thanksgiving dinners always make the best thanksgivings, because all you can do is laugh at that point and have fun.

[louisa05]

For all of you who can’t stand people being late, I give you my sister-in-law:

If you are meeting her somewhere , you will stand around waiting for 45 minutes to an hour before she calls or texts to cancel. Typically her explanation will indicate that her decision to cancel was made some time before you left to meet her, but she just didn’t have time to call you then.

We stopped making plans with her a long time ago.

[samurai_sarah]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

I think you need to share that recipe with us.  But not with the Maxwells - they would dub them picnic eggs.

(snip)

LOL and a problem: You have to find the right kind of pickle juice. Not too sweet, not too tart, not too mustardy, not lacking in dill, and so on. It's a fine art to get those "picnic eggs" just so.

[SapphireSlytherin]

55 minutes ago, onekidanddone said:

Daughter seems to take fucking forever to do her hair, close down her laptop and gather up her phone and ear buds.

GryffindorDisappointment tried that shit with us when we were in the UK a couple of years ago. We told her we were leaving the hotel at 8:00am sharp, and going to the Queensway tube station. At 8:05 I texted her that we were leaving - and that we'd see her at our destination and we went to the Queensway tube station to go to Tottenham Court Road (because the BEST Primark is there). When we emerged from the tube station at Tottenham, our phones blew UP with the delayed texts. She was frantic because she came downstairs at 8:30 and we were GONE.

She managed to get herself to Primark. She was PISSED. She was also 25.

After that, when we told her we were leaving ANYWHERE at a specific time, she beat us there by 5 minutes. lol

[PennySycamore]

@VelociRapture,  I wish my family would all stay at the table for dessert.  One of the nicest Thanksgivings ever was the one we had in Manomet, just south of Plymouth, Mass before my husband and I got married.  My aunt, uncles, cousins, and paternal grandmother were all there and we sat around the Auntie B's table after dinner, ate a number of wonderful desserts, and talked.  I was listening to their wonderful Boston Yankee accents and they were listening to my Southern one.  (I don't think I have much of one, but it is noticeable enough to non-Southerners.)  I'm thinking about making Auntie B's tomato soup cake this Thanksgiving.  

@Marly,  your comment about people not being able to pay attention during movies or TV shows makes me realize that I pay closer attention to movies in the theater than I do when watching them at home.  It's because the theater is dark and you basically only pay attention to the film. (Need I say that I love going to the movies!)  I'll have to ask my son-in-law whether he finds it easier to pay attention to a movie at the theater.   I'm another one who always has about 5 or 6 books going and usually have several things going on at one time.

[Fun Undies]

3 hours ago, JillyO said:

That's a really sweet story. I just want to point out that we most certainly do have turkeys in Germany. They are just most commonly known as "Pute", which many people don't realize is the term for a female turkey ("Truthahn"). Now personally, I prefer chicken, so I'm totes down with just buying the biggest chicken you can find.

Haha, thanks!  I only remember the German get togethers from my childhood, and people talking about the non- American non- turkey being served (and specifically eating chicken), so I just assumed they couldn't find any, because there were none.  I need to Google these things before trying to make definitive statements . . . I can't even share this with my mom, she'd probably slap me upside the head (the irony being, she's in Germany right now, visiting family. So it'd be a long reach, but somehow she'd pull it off 

And yes, she's always on time, which to her means being fifteen minutes early.  

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

For all of you who can’t stand people being late, I give you my sister-in-law:

If you are meeting her somewhere , you will stand around waiting for 45 minutes to an hour before she calls or texts to cancel. Typically her explanation will indicate that her decision to cancel was made some time before you left to meet her, but she just didn’t have time to call you then.

We stopped making plans with her a long time ago.

I have tentative lunch plans with 2 long time friends tomorrow, this will be the 1st time in probably 2 YEARS we've tried to meet up. They are both notorious for bailing at the last second, because A. something came up they had no intention of ever coming, B they forgot  really had no intention of showing up.  Friend A will at least text with some lame excuse "something came up" B friend just won't answer her phone for 3 months.  I'm leery about this because I'm the only one who has to put any effort into this meet up. I have to drive 45 minutes away to meet them, they live in he same city, and are only 10 minutes from the chosen spot. I've got my day planned out just in case they bail so I didn't drive all that way for nothing.  There are a couple shops up there that I want to stop into and I can stop and see my brother as well.  I've been friends with these two since childhood, we talk once and a while, but they are both very selfish people who only make time for things THEY want and screw everyone else. I'm not doing anything tomorrow and if they bale I have other things I can do so it will only be a minor waste of time.  

[Cheetah]

On November 1, 2017 at 11:49 AM, Jinder Roles said:

Question for the hella punctual folks: when you're on vacation, do you plan things as meticulously, or are you more lax? I sometimes find that people who are used to precise schedules have issues with just 'being'. 

 

@Jinder Roles - It depends.  On vacation usually I'm traveling with my immediate family and we are all staying together in one condo, so it's really easy to decide the night before, 'we are going to be lazy tomorrow morning and just get going when we all feel like it' or 'I booked this tour and we have to get picked up at 8am'.    We are also all morning people (even the teens, although not quite as early as the rest of us) and would rather make a prompt start to do sightseeing activities and then come back and veg around later in the day when we are tired, most of the time.

[neurogirl]

I come from a midwestern family with strong German heritage and a bunch of anxiety. There was no hope. I still remember the mad dash on Christmas Eve to get lunch put away, get dressed, and get to church "on time," which meant an hour early. Grandpa was already sitting in the car by the time the ladies were done, and then we sat in the church balcony for a good 30 minutes before the church showed any signs of life! 

I've learned from my mom to arrange my grocery shop list by aisle, and I'm with the poster who has color-coded to-do lists for days! And my mom always made a vacation itinerary that went hour by hour, and almost to the minute. This is my normal.

I'm realizing this neuroticism now that I'm planning a honeymoon (and wedding). My fiancé is MUCH more laid back, and since I have primary control of the wedding, he chose the honeymoon locale- England and Wales! I'm super excited but trying to reign myself in because if I planned our honeymoon to the minute I might not be married for very long!

[nastyhobbitses]

11 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

My Dad was in the Marines during Vietnam and wound up deployed to several countries in Asia after his year fighting. He was in Japan for Easter one year so he and a few of the guys went to a Church service together. Not only did the Priest/Pastor give the service in English for them, but some of the parishioners invited them to have lunch with them afterwards so they wouldn’t celebrate alone. I always thought that was really sweet that they went out of their way like that for a few Marines they’d never met before.

I was in China for Thanksgiving, and my students offered to go get a turkey from one of the farmers further up the mountain near our village and kill it for me so I could have turkey for Thanksgiving. My students also gave me apples on Christmas Eve (because the Chinese name for Christmas Eve is Ping An Ye, or Peaceful Night (like Silent Night), and the character for "peace" (Ping) is also the first character in "apple"), and I told them that I was happy to be eating Chinese food on Christmas, because that's what Jewish people do. Celebrating holidays abroad can be hard, but also a lot of fun, especially when you see how other people celebrate.

[PreciousPantsofDoom]

3 hours ago, neurogirl said:

I'm realizing this neuroticism now that I'm planning a honeymoon (and wedding). My fiancé is MUCH more laid back, and since I have primary control of the wedding, he chose the honeymoon locale- England and Wales! I'm super excited but trying to reign myself in because if I planned our honeymoon to the minute I might not be married for very long!

Lol!

I'm only mildly organized in most of my life (I like color coded lists and doing things in efficient order, but Im pretty laid back about it,) but OMG how I love planning a vacation schedule!  I swear it gives me hours and hours of extra pleasure to fully research a destination and develop an itinerary.  Almost as much pleasure as executing said itinerary.  Luckily my husband is happy to just follow the plan.  I do get his input on things he might want to see, and I do try to build in some down time and be flexible when things don't work out, but I don't think a schedule for a vacation is a deal breaker at all. 

[Demonfan]

I am definitely very organized. It is the only way to fit in everything I want and need to do. In my profession there are  students and residents who are from other countries. I always have several of them over to my house for Thanksgiving. My children enjoy hearing about their lives in their home countries.  My parents who are immigrants from a different era swap stories about experiences. We also have a double menu as my parents have strict religious guidelines for food.I don't follow that anymore with my own family, but prepare it for holidays.

[Percy]

I am always early.

This dates back to grade 1 in primary school and the end of school concert.

My class had worked very hard on our piece and, as we were the youngest we went first, we were old to be early for the concert.

Mum was sick so Dad had to wrangle 4 kids aged 5-11 to the concert and we were late.

My class was already on the stage when we got there and this had me in tears.

Luckily they had not opened the curtains yet, so I got to go on stage.

I now have anxiety about being on time, to the point where I am often 2 hours early or more for a flight.  This does not bother me as I can read to pass the time but it drives my family nuts.

My eldest has inherited this unfortunately but my youngest just goes with the flow.