Dillards 35: Waiting on People Magazine

[SapphireSlytherin]

Wanted a girl more than anything. Military (back then) wouldn't tell you the sex of the baby - even if they knew. Said there were too many "mistakes" that showed up in the delivery room.

Got my girl. Wish granted.

Let me just say:  be careful what you wish for. She was hell.on.wheels.with.her.hair.on.fire and we're both lucky we lived through the teenage years. I wouldn't do it again, that's for sure.

[SassyPants]

2 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Wanted a girl more than anything. Military (back then) wouldn't tell you the sex of the baby - even if they knew. Said there were too many "mistakes" that showed up in the delivery room.

Got my girl. Wish granted.

Let me just say:  be careful what you wish for. She was hell.on.wheels.with.her.hair.on.fire and we're both lucky we lived through the teenage years. I wouldn't do it again, that's for sure.

This was me...my boy was so much easier. 

 

And the girl shoes from their first PG announcement.

[Cleopatra7]

55 minutes ago, karen77 said:

there are major differences between boys and girls that i've noticed, (this is obviously a generalization), boys are crazy, so much more all over the place. Girls will usually sit and color and be calm, and boys are typically jump off the couch and pretending to be ninjas and such. (this is my experience and I hear it from plenty of parents). And it's not like my son hasn't been exposed to 8 tons of princess/girly stuff, but still, cars, balls, transformers, etc are preferred.

With my brother and myself, it was the exact opposite. He was the one to sit quietly and behave, whereas i was the bouncing off the walls type. I also never liked stereotypical girl things; my parents gave me a girly pink room and as soon as I was old enough to verbalize, I said that I hated it and refused to sleep in it and I didn't until they redid it (dinosaur wallpaper to replace the pink butterflies) when I was in first grade. What a parent expects is not always what a parent gets.

[Snarkylark]

Emergent isn't the same as emergency though. For example, an induction or any labor can end up in a section after labor stalls. It may be a few hours before it's done so can't really call that an emergency. That's sort of what I wonder happened to jill. 

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

Odds are I'm not going to breed in this lifetime, but I've often thought I'd want fraternal boy/girl twins so that I already have one of each. Yeah, it would make for a lot of diapers, hard work, and sleepless nights, but I could go through pregnancy/birth once and be done with it.

That being said, in the alternate universe where I'm a mom, I'd want to be mindful of the influences of strict binary gendering on them. I'd even consider giving them gender neutral birth certificates. As they grow, their gender identity would develop on its own, and I'd support them however I could.

[SilverBeach]

3 hours ago, KelseyAnn said:

Are we really fighting about people using correct medical terminology? 

No one is being derogatory when they mention that Jill doesn't have a proven birth canal, or whatever. It's just a statement. 

It's not like posters here are saying that Jill isn't a real woman because of it. 

I was never fighting, and don't give a fluck about correct medical terminology. I never said the phrase was derisive either. I just found it odd, and still do, so I commented on it. FJ has always said that words have meaning. 

ETA: I can accept unproven birth canal as medical terminology. I wasn't aware.

[Elvis Presby]

17 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

Wanted a girl more than anything. Military (back then) wouldn't tell you the sex of the baby - even if they knew. Said there were too many "mistakes" that showed up in the delivery room.

Got my girl. Wish granted.

Let me just say:  be careful what you wish for. She was hell.on.wheels.with.her.hair.on.fire and we're both lucky we lived through the teenage years. I wouldn't do it again, that's for sure.

I have 2 of each.  Both my girls were horrible from 11-16.  However, their personalities are very different.  2 of mine are balls to the wall crash and burn type personalities and 2 are so laid back and utterly lazy that they need checking on for signs of life.  One girl and one boy of each type personality.  My oldest boy is in the throes of puberty now, and he is pretty much a jerk…but it is nothing like the girls.  So far, I have to agree that boys are harder at first and girls are harder at puberty.

 

eta: missing d

[PainfullyAware]

3 hours ago, KelseyAnn said:

Are we really fighting about people using correct medical terminology? 

Since I think it was my question that got this whole discussion going i just wanted to explain that I had no idea it was a medical term. Hearing it for the first time connected to the Duggars, I wondered if it was somehow related to their beliefs about home births being ideal and hospital births with medical interventions being lesser than. Like a woman was proven vs unproven in a moral character kind of way.

In no way was I trying to criticize anyone using the term (because I actually though maybe it was an FJ snark sarcastic term if it was actually being used the way I initially understood it). But that's why I asked because I felt pretty sure I was missing something. Turns out the fundie context of the forum made me see meanings that aren't actually there and sarcasm where there was none! 

[Four is Enough]

When One was born, Mr. Four and I had picked a boy's name and a girl's name, with the approval of the birth parents.. we didn't want to offend them with any names.. luckily, they liked our choices.

When Two was born, the ultrasound tech (I went to the appointment with the birth mother) said, "well, it looks like a boy, but this is not absolute.. it's usually more correct for boys than girls, but... be prepared.) It was a boy. That was good because we didn't agree on girl names.

Three and Four came with names.

 

[sta_sha]

I'm currently 19.5 weeks pregnant with identical twins. When I first got pregnant, we decided not to find out the sex. I was sort of hoping for a girl, and thought I'd be a disappointed with a boy. When we found out it was twins, we decided that was a big enough surprise and that we would find out the sex at the anatomy scan. We went last Friday and we're having boys! Turns out that I'm just so happy that they're both developing exactly as they're supposed to that it totally trumps any feelings I had about sex. Also, little boy baby clothes are adorable! 

[jozina]

25 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

Emergent isn't the same as emergency though. For example, an induction or any labor can end up in a section after labor stalls. It may be a few hours before it's done so can't really call that an emergency. That's sort of what I wonder happened to jill. 

No, medically that is still an emergency c-section. If it isn't elective then it's an emergency one. A "crash" c-section is a type of emergency c-section.

Any surgery that is not planned ahead of time with a date picked and theatre booked is emergency surgery.

[mtc3659]

My parents had 3 girls (I'm the oldest) and we were all awful during our various teenage years. I mellowed out in my early 20s, but my younger sisters are still pretty crazy. One of my younger sisters (the middle one) is in her early 20s now and can't be in the same room as my other sister for more than 5 minutes. We gave my parents  so much crap growing up. 

When I start spawning, I want a boy only to carry on my (almost) husband's family name(s).  

[PainfullyAware]

I'm enjoying hearing about everyone's experiences with the kids in their lives. But just want to add a lesson that I learned about gender expression- it's a spectrum just like sexual orientation or gender identity. I'm sure this is already well-known! IMO, generalizing from a few anecdotes to gender expression for male or female children can too easily fall into stereotyping. We're all so messy and complex and unique! Some teenage girls are quiet, studious, and live in their heads while some boys are moody, antagonistic and sensitive.

[busdrivingmom]

When I was pregnant with my daughter, they could not get a clear view of she was a girl or not during the ultrasound.  The tech said I don't see anything boy like but I'm not 100% sure.  We thought it was a girl cause we had three girl names and could not agree on a boys name   

When I had the ultrasound for my son a few years later, he made it very clear during the ultrasound he was a boy.   The tech laughed and was like oh he's all boy folks.   

[Eternalbluepearl]

10 minutes ago, PainfullyAware said:

I'm enjoying hearing about everyone's experiences with the kids in their lives. But just want to add a lesson that I learned about gender expression- it's a spectrum just like sexual orientation or gender identity. I'm sure this is already well-known! IMO, generalizing from a few anecdotes to gender expression for male or female children can too easily fall into stereotyping. We're all so messy and complex and unique! Some teenage girls are quiet, studious, and live in their heads while some boys are moody, antagonistic and sensitive.

Thank you for this! I cannot get over how often I hear from parents or grandparents how awful girls are. Girls are drama, girls are trouble, etc. My sister and I were both quiet, loved school and excelled at it, tried hard to please our parents and didn't even fight with each other. There were no blowouts over clothes or boyfriends. Our two brothers however both put our parents through hell several times. Yet, as a stereotype, i hear how "easy" boys are or how much fun. There was never anything easy about my brothers and my sister and I weren't "trouble." This stereotype needs to end. 

[Rachel333]

3 hours ago, bananabread said:

I've always envisioned having lots of boys, future hubby always wanted girls. So whichever we end up with, the child will feel very loved and wanted! But seriously, all kids are good kids and if I end up with 10 girls, they will never know I secretly wanted sons all along.

Side note: I don't plan on ever finding out the baby's gender before the birth, just because I know intersex people are very common. (If you've never seen the documentary Intersexion, it really is a must.) I'm totally cool with possibly having an intersex baby, but I wouldn't want to set the expectation of "the baby is THIS!" and then have to process any surprises later. I'd rather just meet them in person.

Intersex babies really aren't "very common." About 1 in 2000 babies have some noticeable intersex condition at birth--so not super rare but not exactly common either (in comparison, triplets account for about 1 in 1000 births)--and it's much more rare that a baby's genitals will be such that their sex isn't able to be visually determined.

That said, even though it's extremely unlikely that an individual baby will be intersex, those numbers make for a lot of people total, and it's good you're already willing to accept an intersex child! Apparently the AMA is now considering a proposal that would discourage genital surgery on intersex babies for purely cosmetic purposes, which is something that really needs to stop.

[MadeItOut]

9 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I feel like I'm weird. I almost prefer spontaneous abortion to miscarriage. To me, the word "miscarriage" implies I did something to cause the loss - whereas "spontaneous abortion" doesn't. That's just me personally though. I know a lot of people feel differently.

That was my feeling to (I'm para 16, grav 3).

[JenniferJuniper]

15 minutes ago, PainfullyAware said:

I'm enjoying hearing about everyone's experiences with the kids in their lives. But just want to add a lesson that I learned about gender expression- it's a spectrum just like sexual orientation or gender identity. I'm sure this is already well-known! IMO, generalizing from a few anecdotes to gender expression for male or female children can too easily fall into stereotyping. We're all so messy and complex and unique! Some teenage girls are quiet, studious, and live in their heads while some boys are moody, antagonistic and sensitive.

My son must have Russian DNA.  He was the kindest, most thoughtful, easiest little boy but he's now a very moody and sullen teen who doesn't like me anymore.     Mixed bag with my two older who are both girls.  One's been very sweet-tempered but quietly rebellious since the day she was born.  Basically a kid after my own heart.  She probably gets to break the most rules. The other one has been a total dynamo - and a pain in my arse - since the day she was born. Billions of friends, straight-A student, drama award winner (best actress - yep, she is),  homecoming queen.  Basically not a kid after my own heart, personality-wise.  Even my father, who adores her, once said "She's not the kind of girl I (meaning he) would have liked in high school" ! 

Every kid is different and I firmly believe we are born with our basic personality types and we all relate differently depending upon our own personalities.  Boy or girl, odds are you aren't going to have a kid with the same  - or even a similar -personality to you or your partner.  That's part of the challenge - and the fun - of parenting.    

[MadeItOut]

8 hours ago, JillyO said:

I certainly do not want to encourage anyone to send any Duggars any stuff whatsoever. But I do feel that it's neessary to point out that sending a card or a stuffed animal to a celebrity (or "celebrity," as the case may be) is not stalking. It happens all the damn time and is most definitely not a crime. Stalking is very serious and I really dislike it when perfectly harmless things are labelled stalking.

Apologies. It classes as that here (been on the receiving end). Had assumed the states would be similar/tighter on it. Turns out that saying about assumptions is right.

[Nashville92]

I love hearing others stories.  If I have kids I've always one of each, I'd love to have boy/girl twins as I'm one myself.  My mom lucked out as she says we were both pretty good babies/kids.  I was more stubborn and he was more rambunctious.  I'm more quiet and shy than he is, I don't care for big crowds and it doesn't bother him.  

Slightly off topic but Sammy is too cute! I see Izzy and Derrick in him.  Hopefully he and Jill are doing great.

[KelseyAnn]

1 hour ago, SilverBeach said:

I was never fighting, and don't give a fluck about correct medical terminology. I never said the phrase was derisive either. I just found it odd, and still do, so I commented on it. FJ has always said that words have meaning. 

ETA: I can accept unproven birth canal as medical terminology. I wasn't aware.

My goodness, my post wasn't even directed at you. 

[xlurker]

Just for the record, I have girls. Wonderful beautiful girls.  Apart from low key kiddie tantrums, and a couple of teenage things...they have always been a joy. Never had the teenage angst, eye rolling etc.  I am lucky, I know.  They are grown now, and still bring me (mostly) nothing but joy.  

I will see myself out now before I start getting hit by thrown fruit!

Dont know how to get rid of that quote box--sorry

[MadeItOut]

1 hour ago, TeamDefraudinSquad said:

I once found a random used book at good will that discussed the sexual positions and kinds of foods to eat to increase your chances of concieving the sex you want when trying to get pregnant. According to that book, the nutrients in vegetables and fruit create a vaginal environment that's more hospitible to female sperm, whereas the nutrients in meat and breads are more hospitible to male sperm. That book also said to have sex daily in missionary position to make boys (since the penis gets closer to the cervix in that position and male sperm swims faster, but doesn't live as long), and to have sex every 1-2 days with the woman on top or in doggie style  to make girls (because penetration is shallower in those positions and female sperm swims slower, but live longer.)

It seemed kind of far-fetched to me when I read it though. I always wondered if that book ended up at goodwill because the advice worked, or because it didn't work. 

Hadn't heard this before, but without going too far into tmi territory, I'd say it's possible there's something in that. Though, very small cohort of about six and definitely an uncontrolled environment.

[SapphireSlytherin]

4 minutes ago, xlurker said:

They are grown now, and still bring me (mostly) nothing but joy.  

Mine is grown now too, and I'm glad. We also are very close, which I never could have imagined just eight years ago. I'm pretty pleased with the way she turned out (she takes no shit from anyone, has a great career, and is truly compassionate and helpful). She does still - very rarely - make me want to choke the living daylights out of her, though. LOL

[Snarkylark]

1 hour ago, jozina said:

No, medically that is still an emergency c-section. If it isn't elective then it's an emergency one. A "crash" c-section is a type of emergency c-section.

Any surgery that is not planned ahead of time with a date picked and theatre booked is emergency surgery.

Makes sense. Guess I'm hung up on the word "emergency."