Dillards 35: Waiting on People Magazine

[Snarkle Motion]

Actual medical terminology can be stigmatizing. Mentally retarded was previously a medical term, and before that idiot, imbecile, and moron were "real" medical terms. Language, including medical language evolves.

I make an active effort to avoid terms like "borderline personality disorder" unless absolutely necessary and instead refer to it as difficulties with emotion regulation. Same with histrionic personality disorder which literally derives from "wandering uterus." I think these are sexist terms that contribute to mental illness stigma - (men have anger management problems but women are "hysterical") - and try to avoid them if possible but sometimes you can't.

Basically my long winded way of saying that maybe there is a middle ground in that using the medical terms is technically correct but that people can also find it offensive. 

[CorruptionInc.]

I was the absolute worst teenager to my parents. The fifth and the hardest!

When I was a teenager I was mentally ill (since about 12, so before teen years) and it didn't improve until I was put on medication at about 17 years of age. My parents didn't want to believe that mental illness had come to their daughter. Well my mum anyway, my dad's mum was bi-polar so he understood it more. Poor dad was at the end of his tether and ended up in therapy as I put him through so much. I feel so guilty still many years later and get teary thinking about it. 

At 24 I found out I had Asperger's (not called that now, known as ASD) which made a whole lot of sense, but was yet again, hard on my dad as he didn't want to believe this time. For my mum, it also made perfect sense. 

Fast forward many years, I don't have kids (never could, had problems, radical hysterectomy etc.) which I'm not sure how sad I am about it. I can't say I'm devastated or relieved 100%. We still have "what if" moments. I've been clinically depressed for many years now but I am a lot more calm then I was, have less panic attacks and don't cry as much. I still get overly anxious, but now I try either to deep breathe, walk or go to bed if I feel it coming on. I don't want people to have to go through it. It's not fair on them when it's my issue. However, thinking of 40 different scenarios before something actually happens DOES come with its benefits and opens your mind to so many things as you look at everything differently.

What I can say is that is DOES get better with girls.
 

[SapphireSlytherin]

15 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

Makes sense. Guess I'm hung up on the word "emergency." 

There are "emergent" issues in medicine, as well as "urgent." Emergent is more critical.

[Rachel333]

8 minutes ago, Snarkle Motion said:

Actual medical terminology can be stigmatizing. Mentally retarded was previously a medical term, and before that idiot, imbecile, and moron were "real" medical terms. Language, including medical language evolves.

I make an active effort to avoid terms like "borderline personality disorder" unless absolutely necessary and instead refer to it as difficulties with emotion regulation.

Ooh, I could go on for a while about this. I don't think the word "borderline" itself is offensive, but how people use it absolutely is. I think BPD is the new hysteria and is way overdiagnosed in women who get treatment in psychiatric hospitals. It's fairly well-established now that most women with a BPD diagnosis have a history of abuse and could be diagnosed with PTSD, and for those people who do have serious BPD symptoms there's a very effective treatment, but the disorder is still incredibly stigmatized and "borderline" is often used as a synonym for "annoying" or "difficult," both by medical and non-medical people.

[NotQuiteMotY]

On 7/24/2017 at 8:57 PM, Mela99 said:

This is better than when they replace "wand" with "penis" in Harry Potter. ... Can I send you a solid chocolate trophy@velocirapture??

See, I have the scene from Coupling where Jane mixes up "car" and "penis" while chatting with a guy about his sports car...

[Snarkylark]

15 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

There are "emergent" issues in medicine, as well as "urgent." Emergent is more critical.

I know. I'm the type that thinks that emergency room is for true emergencies but that word means different things to different people

[SapphireSlytherin]

2 minutes ago, Snarkylark said:

I know. I'm the type that thinks that emergency room is for true emergencies but that word means different things to different people

Yup. i sat in an ER with a toxic gall bladder while some dumbass with a hangnail showed up...

[jozina]

2 hours ago, mtc3659 said:

When I start spawning, I want a boy only to carry on my (almost) husband's family name(s).  

I know it's common but I hate that reasoning. Why assume a son will have kids? Why assume a daughter won't keep her name and pass it onto children? What if your hypothetical son has chiIdren with their same sex partner and they use the partner's name? It's so much more common now than 30 years ago for children to have both names. I know several guys who have not "passed on" their surname while their sisters have.

[PennySycamore]

@xlurker, I raised 4 daughters and, while we did have a few difficult times, the teen years weren't bad overall.  Three of my girls have children and of those 6 grandkids, five of them are girls!  I hope that their mothers have as easy a time with their daughters in the teens as my husband and I did.

[Kittikatz]

One of my aunts was firmly in the had kids because it was just what married people did. She didn't seem to want kids at all, but after two boys was absolutely certain that her third was a girl. It wasn't. Baby 3 was a perfectly healthy little boy, and she wanted nothing to do with him to the point he was sent away to live with another family member. Husband wasn't game for another try, and they eventually divorced. He took full custody of Baby 3 and 50-50 custody of the other two boys. My aunt didn't even want to visit Baby 3 or hear about him. It was messed up, and she needed (IMO) serious psychiatric and/or psychological help. Being disappointed at the sex of a baby can be very real and very ugly. I never got it - I can see some minor "oh darn" type reactions, but as long as the baby and mother are healthy, sex seems like a minor issue. 

[Pinkdrink]

I had a vbac after 2 c-sections (1 emergency, 1 elective) so it can be done. I had my birth plan on my first down to a tee but it doesn't always go to plan. I was hoping for a vbac on my second but she was transverse and would not turn ( I still have nightmares about the consultant trying to turn her by manipulation) so I elected to get a c-section. Had normal enough labours on my third and fourth but had to have another c-section on my fifth after 50 hours of labour ( and this was in a hospital!). Had another vbac for baby six and that was the easiest of all.

Interestingly enough my 2 emergency c-sections were both boys who were under 8lbs and my easiest births were with 9lb girls

[DinglyDoll]

3 hours ago, PainfullyAware said:

I'm enjoying hearing about everyone's experiences with the kids in their lives. But just want to add a lesson that I learned about gender expression- it's a spectrum just like sexual orientation or gender identity. I'm sure this is already well-known! IMO, generalizing from a few anecdotes to gender expression for male or female children can too easily fall into stereotyping. We're all so messy and complex and unique! Some teenage girls are quiet, studious, and live in their heads while some boys are moody, antagonistic and sensitive.

This a million times! I really do hate the gender stereotypes that the modern church and modern "Christian" authors put on everyone.  I had a sensitive, kind, but very argumentative, masculine, strong, rough and tumble boy. He always liked boy toys, rough sports (BMX racing, skateboarding, snowboard) and broke many limbs numerous times. Imagine my suprise to find out only a few years ago when he was a young adult that he was gay! It just didn't fit the stereotype I had of gay men. I have learned since then just how complex, messy, unique, and lovely we all are. 

[candygirl200413]

So my sister was like prefect first born child but talked a lot and at times my parents were just like can she stop?!

With my twin brother and me, he was super chill growing up but also pretty sensitive which kind of concerned my parents a little I think cause of bullying and such but he ended up being fine. I on the other hand was loud and a little bossy. The teen years were fine for my siblings but not for me cause early puberty will mess you up a little bit ( started in 5th grade, and I honestly felt alone and just felt so bad about myself cause I was the only person I knew going through it). The slight pro for my parents though was that my "misunderstood" phase ended a lot sooner than my peers/friends.

[Greendoor]

On 7/26/2017 at 9:34 AM, Voluminous Skirts said:

I think the most likely scenario is they're considering a lawsuit for medical malpractice. I think something happened to Jill during the C-section that injured her or violated her consent. Maybe an infection?

If she sues for an infection that is grifting at it's finest.

I had a C-section, was released 3 days later, then back in three days after that and didn't get out for another nine days due to an infection.  Honest to Pete, there are side effects to just about anything, I think an infection fall in that category, it's not life changing. 

On the upside, we got out on my mother's birthday.

[Greendoor]

6 hours ago, Snarkylark said:

Emergent isn't the same as emergency though. For example, an induction or any labor can end up in a section after labor stalls. It may be a few hours before it's done so can't really call that an emergency. That's sort of what I wonder happened to jill. 

An emergency c-section  just means you didn't set  it up  ahead of time.  Ie  on Tuesday next week.

My emergency c-section took place when I had been there 7 hours. 

[coffeebean7]

57 minutes ago, Greendoor said:

An emergency c-section  just means you didn't set  it up  ahead of time.  Ie  on Tuesday next week.

My emergency c-section took place when I had been there 7 hours. 

Yep. Emergency c sections typically just mean unplanned ones and they are for a variety of reasons, like stalled labor or similar. Some people (like me) do have crash c sections though, which are true emergencies (as in needing to get baby out In less than minutes). No fun

[AlwaysExcited]

I was an easy kid, both as child and as teen. (To my parents, not necessary to myself.) My brother was hard-to-parent as a baby, as a child, as a pre-teen, as a teen, and he is still complicated and hard-to-parent at age 19. My parents are always saying he is going though some phase, but seriously it's just his personality. I'm almost relieved that he is my only bio-sibling. 

[imokit]

In the UK emergency sections are ones which haven't been planned in advance and put on the elective list.   There are categories depending on how much of an emergency it is though different groups put the limits slightly differently;

Classification of Caesarean sections according to urgency

Category 1    Requiring immediate delivery - A threat to maternal or foetal life 

Category 2    Requiring urgent delivery – Maternal or foetal compromise that is not immediately life-threatening. 

Category 3    Requiring early delivery – But no maternal or foetal compromise.

Category 4    Elective delivery – At a time suited to the woman and maternity staff.

Category 1 sections should be delivered within 15 minutes and category 2 sections within 30 minutes. 

http://www.frca.co.uk/article.aspx?articleid=100645 - anaesthesia UK

NICE says Cat 1 within 30 mins, Cat 2 asap ideally within 30-75 mins - https://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg132/chapter/1-guidance

In my experience - cat 1 means crash section and usually alarms & crash bleeps involved - people come running.  Cat 2 means urgent phone calls and go quick straight away.  Technically categories 1-3 are all emergency C sections, but obviously a cat 1 & cat 2 will feel a lot different to a cat 3 which may well wait overnight on labour ward before going to theatre in the morning.

[vienna]

16 hours ago, HarleyQuinn said:

The irony of Jill Duggar suing a hospital for malpractice when she puts herself and her babies in danger with her poorly attempted home births. 

I do think they're strategizing about something. They're way too attention seeking to go this long without the need for it. 

Poor Sam, another Duggary looking baby. 

I also can not see the Dillards suddenly  discovering the value of privacy. Maybe, due to an extraordinary delivery, a special episode will be teasered soon and hence - no information before the show?

[meee]

I know this is back in speculation-land, but how could Jill sue for an infection? Wouldn't GBS or whatever only have gotten out of control and dangerous because SHE didn't seek proper prenatal care?

[JenniferJuniper]

2 hours ago, meee said:

I know this is back in speculation-land, but how could Jill sue for an infection? Wouldn't GBS or whatever only have gotten out of control and dangerous because SHE didn't seek proper prenatal care?

Without knowing what - if anything - went wrong, we can't guess as to why or what she might make claim for.  But in the US, you can pretty much sue anyone for anything, including doctors and medical facilities.

If emergency decisions were made by doctors that will or may impact on her childbearing chances in the future, I can absolutely Jill being angry and upset over those decisions, even if they were done out of medical necessity. Whether that leads to an actual lawsuit is a huge open question, but I can see her staying quiet while an attorney tries to figure out what happened and explores her legal options.  

 

[mtc3659]

9 hours ago, jozina said:

I know it's common but I hate that reasoning. Why assume a son will have kids? Why assume a daughter won't keep her name and pass it onto children? What if your hypothetical son has chiIdren with their same sex partner and they use the partner's name? It's so much more common now than 30 years ago for children to have both names. I know several guys who have not "passed on" their surname while their sisters have.

I mean it's a crap shoot we are even going to have a boy tbh. We each have 2 sisters and most of the extended family members are girls. So I'm going into this completely open actually. I know that my family name is going to be passed down, but my fiance is the last male in his family to have his last name. It would be nice to see it passed down regardless of gender. However fiance shares a name with his dad and grandpa. So it would be super cool to pass down a first and last name to a boy (we have picked a different middle name than what fiance has). 

[rosastrohhut]

I just saw the weird video clip in which Jessa introduced Samuel. I now, too believe something went wrong. 

 

[Snarkle Motion]

10 hours ago, Rachel333 said:

Ooh, I could go on for a while about this. I don't think the word "borderline" itself is offensive, but how people use it absolutely is. I think BPD is the new hysteria and is way overdiagnosed in women who get treatment in psychiatric hospitals. It's fairly well-established now that most women with a BPD diagnosis have a history of abuse and could be diagnosed with PTSD, and for those people who do have serious BPD symptoms there's a very effective treatment, but the disorder is still incredibly stigmatized and "borderline" is often used as a synonym for "annoying" or "difficult," both by medical and non-medical people.

This exactly! It is often associated with trauma and extreme suffering but clinicians hear it and think "difficult person who's not going to get better" and this affects treatment. It's also going to make anyone who sees the diagnosis discount the person's experiences like somatic symptoms and feelings of victimizations that may be very legitimate. But they are discounted because of the high intensity emotional responses. 

[NotQuiteMotY]

The gender disappointment discussion is fascinating. When I was pregnant with my son I was sure he was a boy (decided not to find out beforehand), but would have been happy with either. I did tell my husband that if we were going to have both I'd rather have the boy first, but that's mostly because I loved having older brothers, and having a girl first would not have been the end of the world.

If i were to get pregnant again, I suspect I'd be disappointed if it were a boy, especially because we're on the fence as to how many to have and I want at least one girl. That said, it's mostly based on gender norms in the US and when you come right down to it, health is most important.