Dillards 35: Waiting on People Magazine

[AlternativeVoice]

1 hour ago, Voluminous Skirts said:

If you do have a sex preference, does anyone know whether it's easier to adjust if you learn the sex via ultrasound or wait until birth? I'd imagine the former, but maybe the birth hormones help with the latter, I dunno.

My second turned out to be another girl. We didn't know the sex until birth and i think it defintely helped to adjust even though deep down i felt it might be a girl I was guessing boy on the surface. 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

 Baby gender...I am SO glad that I had my first 2 before ultrasounds were so popular. I was happily surprised when they emerged...one girl, one boy. My third showed us the goods at my 20 week u/s. I was thrilled...not because he was a boy, but because he had all the right parts in the right places. 

We learned the sex at our anatomy scan. The most important thing was finding out everything was growing properly - but finding out our baby was a girl was wonderful because it allowed us to bond much better with the pregnancy, which had been difficult due to my previous pregnancy loss. It wasn't just "the fetus" at that point, it was "our daughter." Maybe it wasn't important for you to find out ahead of time, but it was for us.

(And I snipped your post, but I completely agree with your last paragraph. Healthy mom and healthy baby is most important - that includes physical, mental, and emotional health.)

52 minutes ago, bal maiden said:

"Healthy mother, healthy baby" is certainly the desired outcome for all expectant mothers. But I think that comment  (philosophy?) often misses the importance of  maternal mental health, not just physical. Birth trauma is real, and it doesn't just affect women who had a certain hope or expectation of how the birth would go. 

Absolutely. I had pretty much the most straightforward vaginal birth and, according to my doctor, a textbook perfect pregnancy. I went into it with no plan other than give birth in a hospital and have a healthy full-term baby. I still spontaneously went into labor prematurely and gave birth six weeks too soon.

Physically I was fine and baby was as fine as possible. Mentally and emotionally? I was a fucking wreck. And what we went through still haunts me sometimes and it's almost eight months later. I know no one was referring to a situation like mine, but it pisses me off when people so flippantly dismiss mental health of the mother post-delivery. Yeah, some women overreact to not getting to experience every single tiny little detail in their birth plans. But many women have legitimate reasons to be upset or regretful or traumatized. 

[Kjaerringa]

Just to reassure y'all...I wasn't seriously advocating that any of us go galloping down there. But we have suspected Duggars or friends lurk here, and I should have made my plea clear. Regarding the verse itself....unless you have ever known a person who searches the Bible for random advice...regardless of context....praying for guidance and opening the nook randomly, for whatever verse can be forced to fit, it might not seem so dire. But tbe vibe I got is that she either found this...or was given it...as an explanation. That her lack of faith in God was the reason she was torn apart and could not deliver naturally. 

Of course this is in NO way the intended meaning. But fundies say that ALL scripture...even badly translated scripture...is useful for teaching that is directed by God. Hence my revulsion. She may wish to to review a birth plan, oh, yes...but to think God smote her because of her lack of faith in HIM? That is just appalling.

[Bethella]

4 hours ago, Fluffy14 said:

Can you imagine after your own mother pushed out 15- 17 kids? (correct me if I am wrong)?

Michelle delivered 14 children vaginally (15 if you include Jubilee). She had 4 c-sections: Jana and John-David, Jackson, Jordyn and Josie.

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

Does it REALLY fucking matter how our children got here?

To the general public, no it doesn't matter. To the doctor, yes it does. Based on what you said, if your daughter were to have another child and attempted to deliver vaginally things could (or would) go very badly. Knowing that information allows the doctor to treat the patient properly and provide the correct advice. It is a medical term, plain and simple. If you really want to get mad at something, maybe direct your anger at society for placing value judgments on how women give birth.

[Rachel333]

I once ran across a gender disappointment forum, and it was one of the weirder places I've been on the internet. The "extreme gender disappointment" section was the most shocking, but it's private now. There were people who admitted that they didn't really want their new baby if it wasn't the right sex and who immediately started trying to get pregnant again because all they cared about was their hypothetical boy, not the girl they just had. (Or vice versa.) There are a lot of people trying to sort the sperm to get the sex they want too.

I mean, I do sympathize somewhat, but I feel bad for the kids who were the wrong sex. My mom is the fourth girl in her family and less than two years after she was born her parents had their first son and while her parents weren't as extreme as some of the parents I've seen on those forums, she felt like her brother was more important to her parents than she was. There are very few pictures of her as a child while there are lots of her brother, for instance.

[KelseyAnn]

Are we really fighting about people using correct medical terminology? 

No one is being derogatory when they mention that Jill doesn't have a proven birth canal, or whatever. It's just a statement. 

It's not like posters here are saying that Jill isn't a real woman because of it. 

[danni9242]

We were told at 20 weeks we were expecting a girl. When our daughter was born the midwife (we're UK, this is a properly trained person, no a Jillymuffinesque midwife) asked if she was what we expected as there had been about 5 or 6 'surprises' the few weeks beforehand. It's a good job she was a girl because my husband and I had ZERO agreement on boys names!

[karen77]

I had a little gender disappointment with my son, mostly for a few reasons, but got over it within a week or two (found out at 20 weeks of pregnancy) and we are good to go. Mostly just had to realign my vision of our family of 4, and get over my fear of wtf to do with a boy anyway (I grew up with just my mom mostly and no brothers or sisters, living and dealing with boys in a household is/was somewhat foreign). Also, the pregnancy was so similar to my first that I really expected to see the three little lines. 

[bananabread]

I've always envisioned having lots of boys, future hubby always wanted girls. So whichever we end up with, the child will feel very loved and wanted! But seriously, all kids are good kids and if I end up with 10 girls, they will never know I secretly wanted sons all along.

Side note: I don't plan on ever finding out the baby's gender before the birth, just because I know intersex people are very common. (If you've never seen the documentary Intersexion, it really is a must.) I'm totally cool with possibly having an intersex baby, but I wouldn't want to set the expectation of "the baby is THIS!" and then have to process any surprises later. I'd rather just meet them in person.

[candygirl200413]

My mom had the opposite where she was glad it was girl/boy twins instead of girl/girl twins just because she and my dad come from a very girl heavy family (3 boys on each side vs. 8 sisters for my dad, 9 for my mom). I was pretty obvious but my brother was shy till 7-7.5 months. I get it initially that some people might be disappoint but I would really hope it would get over it once said kid was born.

 

[xlurker]

I dont get it, sorry, I dont.  When I was having babies, I just wanted the final outcome to be health y baby healthy momma.  Didn't matter how they got here, as long as they got here whole.  Hell, even if they weren't whole, but stable with a good prognosis....I do understand the wanting the vbac, but, again, if the outcome is a healthy baby?  And I do get that maybe a girl is wanted and a boy shows up, that maybe there may be a bit of dissapointment for a moment.  And PPD is real, and all these feelings can be magnified 100000000x by it.  But I would still think, at least for me, there woulld still be a little speck of underlying joy that my baby was here, VBAC or not.  

 

I know that prob didn't come out right, but I hope you all get my sentiment

[BlessaYourHeart]

My uncle and his wife have 6 kids - now all adults. His wife wanted a girl from the beginning but had 5 boys in a row and the 6th was finally the girl she wanted. She always said she would keep going until she got her girl. Mum still thinks she's crazy until this day. 

My mum went through her whole pregnancy thinking I was a boy, she named me and everything (Josh was the name and oh boy am I glad now I was a girl). Said uncles wife kept pestering her (this was 3 years after she had her girl) asking if she was disappointed it was a boy and wouldn't she prefer a girl. Mum was just happy to be 40 and finally carrying a healthy baby, I'm her one and only. She bought everything for a baby boy and got the shock of her life when I came out as a girl. She was just elated we were both healthy and made jokes with the midwives that I would be gender confused for the first few weeks until she bought some little girl things 

Anyway said uncles wife and uncle were the only ones not to visit her in the hospital (all 8 of her other siblings and their husbands/wives came). Everyone thinks she was super jealous that mum had an unplanned pregnancy and got a healthy baby girl without caring about gender. 

I refuse to call this woman my aunt because she is always horrid to me, dislikes me and makes it known. She talks down to me and will never congratulate me on any achievement. Heck she even blocked me on Facebook. All I did was be born a girl 

[Daisy0322]

I'm having a boy and I'm excited about it don't get me wrong but I just always thought I would have a girl for whatever reason so I had to adjust what I saw in my mind when I pictured my baby. But honestly there's not a big difference in boys verses girls when you really think about it... other than the clothes. Don't judge me but I just love all the little dresses and bows and such for little girls . As far as boy clothes go I have bought things that I found cute but they just don't get me as excited but that doesn't mean I love my son any less. 

[karen77]

there are major differences between boys and girls that i've noticed, (this is obviously a generalization), boys are crazy, so much more all over the place. Girls will usually sit and color and be calm, and boys are typically jump off the couch and pretending to be ninjas and such. (this is my experience and I hear it from plenty of parents). And it's not like my son hasn't been exposed to 8 tons of princess/girly stuff, but still, cars, balls, transformers, etc are preferred.

[VelociRapture]

8 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

I'm having a boy and I'm excited about it don't get me wrong but I just always thought I would have a girl for whatever reason so I had to adjust what I saw in my mind when I pictured my baby. But honestly there's not a big difference in boys verses girls when you really think about it... other than the clothes. Don't judge me but I just love all the little dresses and bows and such for little girls . As far as boy clothes go I have bought things that I found cute but they just don't get me as excited but that doesn't mean I love my son any less. 

You never know. Your son could be a stereotypical boy or he could enjoy stereotypical girl stuff. Or maybe he'll like a combination or neither. You won't know who your little love is until he starts telling you.  

[Daisy0322]

11 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

You never know. Your son could be a stereotypical boy or he could enjoy stereotypical girl stuff. Or maybe he'll like a combination or neither. You won't know who your little love is until he starts telling you.  

True my friend who does my nails has a son who's 4 and he wants to go to cosmetology school and he loves painting nails ... he's actually pretty good 

[foreign fundie]

4 hours ago, breakfree said:

However, also in general, since every individual is different, once there have been 2 precious c-sections without any vaginal births, it becomes extremely unlikely that a vaginal birth will ever succeed.

I am not the spelling police, but this is another too fun mistake to ignore. You must have had Jill in mind when you wrote the above. 2 precious c-sections. Lol. Could be a thread title.

[metheglyn]

5 hours ago, VineHeart137 said:

Did Jill state that she really wanted a girl? Or is that just speculation? Just curious. There are entire forums dedicated to the subject of gender disappointment. I've always found it an interesting topic from a psychological standpoint.

I don't remember if Jill specifically stated that she wanted a girl, though as another poster noted, she did guess girl before they had the ultrasound. I think Cathy, on the other hand, specifically said that she wanted a granddaughter. So there's that.

[Snarkle Motion]

28 minutes ago, karen77 said:

there are major differences between boys and girls that i've noticed, (this is obviously a generalization), boys are crazy, so much more all over the place. Girls will usually sit and color and be calm, and boys are typically jump off the couch and pretending to be ninjas and such. (this is my experience and I hear it from plenty of parents). And it's not like my son hasn't been exposed to 8 tons of princess/girly stuff, but still, cars, balls, transformers, etc are preferred.

Well of course this is highly stereotypical, and I'm not sure where I first read it, but the joke is that boys are unpredictable terrors for parents for the first 9 years....and then girls become preteens and are unpredictable terrors for the next 9 years. Something like that.

Basically boys are tough in he beginning because they are prone to be more active and distractible but girls are tougher to parent later on because being/parenting a teenage girl is hell.

[TeamDefraudinSquad]

I once found a random used book at good will that discussed the sexual positions and kinds of foods to eat to increase your chances of concieving the sex you want when trying to get pregnant. According to that book, the nutrients in vegetables and fruit create a vaginal environment that's more hospitible to female sperm, whereas the nutrients in meat and breads are more hospitible to male sperm. That book also said to have sex daily in missionary position to make boys (since the penis gets closer to the cervix in that position and male sperm swims faster, but doesn't live as long), and to have sex every 1-2 days with the woman on top or in doggie style  to make girls (because penetration is shallower in those positions and female sperm swims slower, but live longer.)

It seemed kind of far-fetched to me when I read it though. I always wondered if that book ended up at goodwill because the advice worked, or because it didn't work. 

[SassyPants]

3 minutes ago, metheglyn said:

I don't remember if Jill specifically stated that she wanted a girl, though as another poster noted, she did guess girl before they had the ultrasound. I think Cathy, on the other hand, specifically said that she wanted a granddaughter. So there's that.

The 2 things I remember specific to Jill's first pregnancy regarding having a girl were:

1) When they announced that they were PG they had the 3 sets of shoes-his, hers and little girl shoes in the middle.

2) After the U/S results Jill mentioned that Derick was right, it was a boy. She had guessed girl. She did seem less than her usual overjoyed self at that revelation.

[Elvis Presby]

My oldest was the only one I didn't know the sex before birth.  I had been told she would be a boy (because of how I was carrying and boys were more common in my ex's family, etc).  I did not have an ultrasound.  I really, really, really wanted a girl. When she was born, she was occiput posterior and my doctor wore glasses.  I could see her face reflected in his glasses.  I was sure she was a boy!  She was basically bald and it looked like a linebacker was coming out of me!  Once she was out, it took a second for the cord to be moved to one side and be cut.  We were all shocked to learn she was a girl.  

I knew ahead of time with the other 3.  That was much better. 

[dpndetfarm]

So I understand that proven birth canal is a medical term, but does that mean that until your baby successfully makes it through the original "slip'n slide" the medical term is "The Theory of Birth Canal"?  And if so I'm afraid it belongs in the same category as "The Theory of Evolution and Global Warming". Now I'm off on a tour to the edge of the Earth. Anyone want to tag along? Don't worry, we'll be on belet (spelling impaired) in case the Theory of Gravity ends at the bottom the the dome.

Yes, I am an ass, but in my defense I am waiting helplessly for enough time to pass to take another migraine med and I am finding my comment hilarious. I acknowledge that it may not even make complete sense and it is said in fun only. Not making fun of anyone. Also Slip'n Slides are the bomb.

PS. If you really want to snark on my lack of brain function give me a call in about 1/2 an hour after I take my second med and listen to me attempt to form words. Also if we Skype I am not trying to leer at your breasts, that's just where my eyes will slide to. Embarrassing! 

[jozina]

Odds of a VBA2C succeeding are actually pretty good. It depends on the reasons for the first 2 c-sections but around 70% succeed. It's just that the risks are unacceptably high for most at that point.

Healthy mother, healthy baby is great but some women go through terrible things. I've never heard someone tell a guy they shouldn't be traumatised over a surgery that went wrong or had  severe complications because they ended up healthy yet so many people seem to say it to women who've had equally traumatising things happen in birth. You can have a boatload of terrifying, traumatising and potentially life threatening things happen during pregnancy and birth but still come out "healthy" at the end of it.

[Coconut Flan]

10 hours ago, Snarkylark said:

Do we know whether Jill's section with SSD was actually an emergency C? Or just one after 40 hours? There is a difference. 

It would be considered emergent because it was unplanned.  You have scheduled, emergent, and crash as the options.  I think many times people think crash is the emergent one.  So I was told by the OB at any rate.

Seconding the proven birth canal being medical terminology that isn't meant to imply judgement. 

ETA: My apologies, I didn't realize how far behind on reading I was.