Maxwell 10: Following the 15 minute schedule and the monthly menu

[Palimpsest]

1 minute ago, Foudeb said:

I suppose seeing the bears confirmed to us that there were indeed bears in the area.

No shit, Sherlock. That's some impressive clue-interpreting right there.

It felt wonderful to be in such a beautiful place and disconnected from cell service.

Hmm, away from Stevus's calls you mean?

I don’t believe the pictures adequately communicate how pretty the scenery was.

Yeah, sucks to be a shit photographer.

 

Those were exactly the same quotes I was going to pull over here!

• Definitely freedom from Stevehovah checking up on them.
• Yeah, seeing bears would give you a tiny hint that there were bears around.
• They needed to provide photographic evidence for Steve that they were really backpacking and not at a brothel somewhere

Then there is this:

Quote

• Everything takes water—cooking, coffee, hydration—and it costs time and hand warmth to filter it.
• Trekking poles (with baskets for snow) are great tools to prevent unintentionally and frequently sitting down when traversing snow.
• Bears aren’t the only mammals interested in food items—marmots sure are too.
• Melting snow on the edge of water can break when stepped on.

Not shit, Sherlock!

Poor Jesse.  I'm glad he got to go backpacking and be "fully disconnected" for a week but the lad can't write his way out of a paper bag.

16 minutes ago, Coconutwater said:

What's with the "with our schedules and the rest of our life we had to plan it now?" Once married in Maxhell you can't go away for a weekend with your brother for a hike?

Have I missed something?  Is either (or both) of them courting?

[anjulibai]

I think Jesse is courting and/or already engaged. Two trips with siblings, talk of treasuring the time you have with your siblings, not having time later.... something is up. 

[CyborgKin]

15 hours ago, molecule said:

In other non-news, I accidentally ate cheese paper in my sandwich at lunch today. Unlike the Maxwells, I did not find it worthy of a blog post. Or even a tweet, for that matter.

No, just an FJ post

[Tater_Toddler]

"Trekking poles (with baskets for snow) are great tools to prevent unintentionally and frequently sitting down"

 

umm... does he mean falling? What a drawn out way of saying falling on your ass. 

[Palimpsest]

34 minutes ago, anjulibai said:

I think Jesse is courting and/or already engaged. Two trips with siblings, talk of treasuring the time you have with your siblings, not having time later.... something is up. 

Yes.  Now you point that out ...

Whilst only in Maxhell would appreciating and taking a short vacation with a sibling be fishy - I agree there is a distinct aroma of kippers.  

Has Jesse bought a house yet?  He's always the overlooked Maxhellion and I can't remember.  Perhaps they will finally evict Gigi so he can move in there, and poor Gigi will have to move in with Stevo.

If he takes some special time with Anna and Mary in the next few weeks, I'll predict the introduction of the new Mrs. Jesse Maxwell very soon.  After the super-sekret wedding, of course!

Perhaps we should start a pool.

[samurai_sarah]

2 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

 

Quote

Everything takes water—cooking, coffee, hydration—and it costs time and hand warmth to filter it.

 

Are they [redacted] kidding me?!? That's outdoor basics 101. Water is so, so important! And I can't find a font dramatic enough to stress this further. Everyone and their leashed pet- gerbil knows that! You can do way longer without food, than without water!

Apologies to my fellow FJers for the outbreak. I'm an outdoor enthusiast. I get alarmed, when someone presents something so basic, as a revelation.

[fundiefan]

1 hour ago, Palimpsest said:

Has Jesse bought a house yet?  He's always the overlooked Maxhellion and I can't remember.  Perhaps they will finally evict Gigi so he can move in there, and poor Gigi will have to move in with Stevo.

 

Their neighbors recently moved. It opened up a nice, close house for him so he can take a wife and become a relative.

[Darwinesque]

On 7/6/2017 at 3:18 PM, PennySycamore said:

@Palimpsest how could you forget Sandra Lee's name?

Here's her infamous Kwanzaa Cake:

There's a bunch of other videos on Youtube of Sandra cooking and drinking.  In many cases, she's obviously doing them at the same time!

This is a revelation to me. I have never heard of her! I am literally sat here with a (2nd) glass of vino watching a woman make a baked potato themed ice cream thing from 2007 - it's twilight zone bizarre!

[formergothardite]

6 hours ago, samurai_sarah said:

Are they [redacted] kidding me?!? That's outdoor basics 101. Water is so, so important! And I can't find a font dramatic enough to stress this further. Everyone and their leashed pet- gerbil knows that! You can do way longer without food, than without water!

They learned this on the trip?! I don't get it. I don't hike like that, but I do hike a lot and I've known this since I was a small child. You need water, lots of water. This is the most basic of basic things that I can't believe they act like they didn't know. They HAD to know this, they go on long hikes when their yearly non-vacation arrives. 

Quote

Melting snow on the edge of water can break when stepped on.

I live in the South where schools close for flurries and I know this. How dumb are they? Did they really go stand on snow at the edge of water? How have they survived this long in life if you need water on long hike/camping trips and that melting snow will break are new things that they learned? 

The Maxwells are always baffling. 

[nastyhobbitses]

21 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

I live in the South where schools close for flurries and I know this. How dumb are they? Did they really go stand on snow at the edge of water? How have they survived this long in life if you need water on long hike/camping trips and that melting snow will break are new things that they learned? 

I'm convinced at this point that the Maxwells are like the Incredibles, but the Obviouses. Because their shared familial superpower is being Captain Obvious.

It does crack me up, though, when they have new "discoveries" or "life hacks" to share with us.

[samurai_sarah]

59 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

They learned this on the trip?! I don't get it. I don't hike like that, but I do hike a lot and I've known this since I was a small child. You need water, lots of water. This is the most basic of basic things that I can't believe they act like they didn't know. They HAD to know this, they go on long hikes when their yearly non-vacation arrives. 

(snip)

I quoted @Palimpsest, but that oh so great revelation comes straight from the Maxwells: https://blog.titus2.com/2017/07/08/a-backpacking-trip-for-john-and-jesse/

Like you, I don't get it. This is the basest of basic stuff.

 

ETA: I asked some fellow outdoor enthusiasts about water. On a scale from one to ten, ten being the best, how important would you rate water? They all said "Eleven!".

[formergothardite]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

I'm convinced at this point that the Maxwells are like the Incredibles, but the Obviouses. Because their shared familial superpower is being Captain Obvious.

They remind me of Trump when he acts all happy to share "new" information and it is something everyone else in the entire world already knew. 

They went on a pretty amazing hiking/camping trip and the things they learned are things most people who never even go on those sorts of trips already know. 

It looked like an amazing trip. I would love to do something like that. Not with the Maxwell's though. Their pearls of wisdom would me me want to want to feed them to those bears. 

[samurai_sarah]

5 minutes ago, formergothardite said:

(snip)

It looked like an amazing trip. I would love to do something like that. Not with the Maxwell's though. Their pearls of wisdom would me me want to want to feed them to those bears. 

The scenery looks wonderful! But since I'm still grumpy: Their backpacks look badly balanced, their trekking poles are badly adjusted to height, and that tent is a bad idea.

Oh well, what do I know? I'm a mere feeble female, what do I know without the goodly guidance of Stevehova?!?

 

(P.S.: Yes, I'm still pissed off about the water thing)

[formergothardite]

12 minutes ago, samurai_sarah said:

and that tent is a bad idea.

I've only day hiked, but why is the tent a bad idea? 

[danvillebelle]

Isolating yourself from everyone else in the world (but more importantly all media and newspapers) for 20+ years is the reason for their Captain Obviousness.  They think they made up things like tossing leftovers together, or taking a family vacation to the same spot every year, or building a play structure in the backyard for the grandkids because THEY NEVER FUCKING INTERACT WITH ANYONE.  Which makes the "great conversationalist" thing even more insane, because they only ever talk to themselves.  

I was thinking earlier today - unless Steve seriously squirreled away some funds during their heyday (which he may very well have since he's a devious bastard), I don't understand how they're still living in the style to which they are accustomed.  I used to drink the kool-aid and be in that milieu; 18 years ago I bought MOTH at a state homeschool convention when it was the bee's knees.  Now it is SO hopelessly out of date that I wonder if maybe some of the fundie homeschooling set still buy it for the same reason homeschoolers buy the Pathway Readers; for sheer nostalgia's sake.  (And I'm not knocking Pathway Readers, my kids cut their teeth on them and adored them.  For those not in the know, they are the readers used in Amish schools).  

[WonderingInWA]

Bears and snowshoes aside, did Jesse and John have Bible time each morning whilst enjoying their freedom from the compound?

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, samurai_sarah said:

The scenery looks wonderful! But since I'm still grumpy: Their backpacks look badly balanced, their trekking poles are badly adjusted to height, and that tent is a bad idea.

Can you explain why.  I thought the backpacks looked lumpy in the wrong places but that is all I've got!

The Maxwells are convinced they are geniuses protected by God.   They are here to teach others not learn from them.

In that free chapter of Moodys in Colorado, Molly, Max, and Mitch went on a hike without a first aid kit or a change of socks.  They had to grift bandaids and dry socks from other hikers, handing out tracts in return.  

I'm damn sure that happened to the Maxwells at some point!  Sarah does not write fiction.

[freejugar]

If they had had some kind of serious accident on the mountain, I wonder if they would blame themselves on their lack of preparation or what.

[VodouDoll]

20 hours ago, Tater_Toddler said:

"Trekking poles (with baskets for snow) are great tools to prevent unintentionally and frequently sitting down"

 

umm... does he mean falling? What a drawn out way of saying falling on your ass. 

Yeah, that's definitely Maxwell-speak for "I fell on my butt."

[Fluffles]

What about John, "The Stud" I was sure he would be the next one courting. I reckon he already has a house somewhere far away but they're not saying in case we get suspicous.

 

[samurai_sarah]

12 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

Can you explain why.  I thought the backpacks looked lumpy in the wrong places but that is all I've got!

(snip)

I take back what I said about their trekking poles. I looked at the wrong picture for that assessment. In the others they seem fine.

Spoilered the rest, because loooong:

Spoiler

 

Regarding the backpacks: They should rest on the waist, but in at least one picture look as if they are adjusted in such a way that the main weight rests on the shoulders. Quick and easy way to make your own life a misery. Plus it means that the weight works against you. In one picture, you can see a badly adjusted waist strap.

I think they are badly balanced because of the way they lean against the trees. Looks either top-heavy or as if they packed them in such a way that they put the heaviest stuff on the outside. The heaviest stuff in a decently packed backpack goes into the middle, on the inside, so it rests against you back, and doesn't unbalance you. Balance is important for comfort, and for safety. If the weight you carry pulls you into a different direction, your footing becomes shaky. Needless to say, that makes it dangerous.

All in all, it's unsafe not to adjust a backpack, and balance it out properly. While mostly it just means discomfort for whoever lugs the thing about, it can make all the difference in a hairy situation. Say, you lose your footing and need to manoeuvre quickly. If the weight on your back pulls you in a different direction, things can go very, very badly.

The tent: Well, I'm a bit biased there and it's not about the Maxwells. It's one of those tents where you have to pitch the inner tent first. Not the world's worst thing, and the Maxwells' looks decent enough, but I still think those tents are a bad idea. With tents that pitch like that, you have a big enemy: rain.

If it rains, your inner tent with get wet. That means that your gear has a good chance of getting wet, or at least damp, once you started unpacking in your now-wet inner tent. Not a problem, when you have a tent where you pitch the outer tent first!

So, I think the Maxwells' tent is a bad idea, as a tent, not because of any flaws in terms of gear. I don't like those tents, because the weather in the mountains can change so quickly that I prefer quickly pitched shelter. Just seems safer to me.

Sorry for the preachy novel. Hiking is a wonderful hobby, and you don't have to know every little thing to enjoy it, but safety always comes first. You are never only a danger to yourself, you always endanger others into the bargain. Safety has to come first.

 

 

12 hours ago, Palimpsest said:

(snip)

In that free chapter of Moodys in Colorado, Molly, Max, and Mitch went on a hike without a first aid kit or a change of socks.  They had to grift bandaids and dry socks from other hikers, handing out tracts in return.  

I'm damn sure that happened to the Maxwells at some point!  Sarah does not write fiction.

Says a lot about the kindness of the hiking community, but doesn't speak for the Moodys! Mr ss and I have helped out fellow hikers, and have been helped out, when things went pear-shaped. Never received a tract. We once got a bottle of champagne though.

[SPHASH]

Guess this hiker didn't have the Lord's protection.  Did he know where he was going when he died.  http://www.dglobe.com/news/4291710-nd-hikers-drowning-death-reason-caution-wilderness

[Palimpsest]

Thanks @samurai_sarah.  That was very clear.  I hope Steve is reading here and taking notes.

So their back packs are top heavy, which would not only hurt their shoulders but also contribute to their falling on their butts sitting down unexpectedly so often.

Technology has improved.  I've never heard of tents where you pitch the outer one before the inner one.  However, I haven't been camping for years.

To go back to another point (and ignoring the idiocy of not knowing hydration is incredibly important and needs water) can you unscramble what Jesse meant here: 

"Everything takes water—cooking, coffee, hydration—and it costs time and hand warmth to filter it."

So they did take some sort of portable water filter (giardia is nasty) but discovered they had to take their gloves off and it took time to filter the water.  

Or, Jesse's writing is so bad, were they thawing snow and "filtering" it through their fingers!

[nastyhobbitses]

51 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

So they did take some sort of portable water filter (giardia is nasty) but discovered they had to take their gloves off and it took time to filter the water.  

Or, Jesse's writing is so bad, were they thawing snow and "filtering" it through their fingers!

Considering they seemed surprised that you need to stay hydrated when hiking in the wilderness, I'm pleasantly surprised they realized they needed to filter it. Though I'd love to read a Maxwellian "discovery" or "life hack" about stopping unending torrents of poop.

[formergothardite]

Thank you @samurai_sarah. That makes sense about the tent. I haven't tent camped in around a decade. 

I've been Googling water filters and I can't figure out what they are talking about with hand warmth. How are they filtering their water?! Maybe they were scooping snow and boiling it to filter it? But that doesn't explain why it would cost them hand warmth unless they didn't bring gloves and scooping snow got their hands all cold. 

They take pretty long hikes every year, how do they not have basic hiking/camping knowledge by now?