Lori Alexander 17: Pooping on Someone Else's Lawn

[crawfishgirl]

This is an area that I have struggled in.  My mother taught me that it was being 'loving' to basically become a doormat by always putting others before myself and just accepting it when I was treated inappropriately.  My childhood was not fun, and I struggled with it as a young adult.  A few years ago I read a great article about how acting like that was actually very unloving, because it taught others that it was ok to treat people poorly, and it would eventually come back to hurt them when they acted inappropriately in later relationships, in work situations, etc.  The article suggested that establishing boundaries is much more loving because the other person learns the appropriate way to act, so you are actually doing them a favor by not accepting their bad behavior.  

Lori does everyone a disservice when she wants people (only females, of course) to just accept being treated like dirt.  It amazes me that she actually has followers who buy into her shit.  Maybe if the wife in the scenario above had drawn the line with her husband initially, he would have become a better person without anyone having to suffer for twelve years, or at least would have moved on.

[louisa05]

Does this widow even exist? Because that sounds like a story made up by an evangelical pastor somewhere that then spread from church to church as a sermon illustration about how you can love someone into the kingdom. 

There are all kinds of stupid sermon illustrations floating around fundagelical land that are repeated from church to church and everyone pretends they are true. Some are stories about alleged real people. Some are insane interpretations of scripture based on false "historical" context. 

 

 

[onemama]

16 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Does this widow even exist?

Yes, and the story is heartbreaking... he left her more than thirty times!  http://conniehultquist.blogspot.de/

Anon:

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Oh my, thats a MASSIVE promise to never fight with him. If i felt my husband was being unreasonable i would really struggle to hold back the tears or being blunt. I dont really nag, i just tell him bluntly and leave it at that. I think i would really struggle during those times.

Lori:

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I encourage you to look up all of the verses about a quarreling and contentious wife, what God has to say about anger and strife and being peacemakers, and see if you don’t change your mind. Fighting never produces the righteous life that God desires from us!

Lori, how about you take your own advice? You might change your mind about the way you run that blog of yours,  how you handle negative reviews, and how you handle dissent..... 

[BlackSheep]

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Today’s “enlightened” women don’t want anyone to tell them what to do (except their bosses, of course).

What exactly should my husband be telling me to do?

"Go to the grocery store"... "Wash the dishes"... "Clean the house"... "Do the laundry"... We both do chores and errands.

"We're going to the Saturday service this weekend"... "We're getting new tile for the kitchen"... We make decisions together.

If my husband needs the dining room table to do bills, he doesn't say "Move your sewing. I need to do bills." He asks, "Can you move your sewing? I need room to do bills."

Lori will never convince me that any of the above is ungodly. Because it isn't.

If my husband tells me to do something, it's along these lines: "The garbage truck is here! Grab the bag in the kitchen and I'll get what's in the garage!"

[Koala]

Lori Alexander:

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I am very careful about ever criticizing someone who preaches Jesus and Him crucified

Lori made this statement back in 2014, in defense Joyce Meyer.   She was responding to a reader who was divulging a juicy piece of gossip about Joyce's financial dealings.

Of course, Lori was a Joyce Meyer fan back then.  Today she'd probably thank the reader for "alerting her", and dedicate an entire post to discussing her newest bit of gossip with her readers.

But back to her original statement:

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I am very careful about ever criticizing someone who preaches Jesus and Him crucified

If that is true, then I have to wonder how today's post (and the last post gossiping about Nancy Wolgemuth) ever came to be.

Lori acknowledges that Nancy is a believer, and that she teaches many good things:

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I believe that Nancy is a born again Christian and a sister in Christ

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 I still firmly believe she is a sister in Christ. She teaches many great things 

If those things are true, then why is Lori criticizing her (something she says she's careful not to do)?

In today's post, Lori says:

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After my post about Nancy Wolgemuth watering down the topic of keepers at home, someone alerted me to the fact that she teaches men. 

No one "alerted" Lori.  Lori was gossiping about Nancy via blog post.  Lori's readers were gossiping back in the comment section.  These "godly women" were (under Lori's mentorship) spending their day tearing down another believer and her ministry.

Alerting= gossiping.  

Have you noticed that Lori never really posts about gossiping?  It's because she would have to delete COUNTLESS posts if she acknowledged that she uses her blog as a vehicle with which to carry gossip from house to house.  She likes to tear other women down.

1 Timothy 5:13

And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

Lori used to be a fan of women like Beth Moore, Joyce Meyer, and Nancy Wolgemuth.  Now she uses her blog to "wander from house to house" tattling about the latest piece of gossip she's dug up on them.  She's a busybody.  She isn't using her time to help others...she's using it to tear down women she's jealous of.

[onemama]

From today's post. Again, women shouldn't teach men. Lori says:

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 I have even come to be convicted about not teaching women the Word (doctrine) because if one of the stipulations for women not teaching men is that they can be easily deceived, why should we be teaching women solid doctrine and may even be leading women into deception?

Have you? I see a lot of teaching (messed-up) doctrine on your blog. 

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you all must be Bereans, even with what I teach, and search the Scripture to see if everything we teach is according to His Word. It is the Bible that is our final authority, not a teacher/preacher.

Well, Lori, people have tried to "be bereans" and have quoted a lot of Scripture to support their stance, but those comments don't make it past your moderation or they are quickly deleted fro your facebook page.

[louisa05]

 

 

 

Yep. Been there, done that, got blocked.

 

She is the queen of the hypocrites. What kind of crown does one get for that?

[BlackSheep]

 Lori:

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As many of you know, I have even come to be convicted about not teaching women the Word (doctrine) because if one of the stipulations for women not teaching men is that they can be easily deceived, why should we be teaching women solid doctrine and may even be leading women into deception?

But in the paragraph just before that:

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This is what God’s Word has to say about it:

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression”(1 Timothy 2 :11-14). And “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law” (1 Corinthians 14:33, 34). 

And in the paragraph just after that:

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God is very clear what He wants women teaching women in Titus 2:4, 5. 

Lori, you're teaching the Word.

[December]

1 hour ago, BlackSheep said:

What exactly should my husband be telling me to do?

"Go to the grocery store"... "Wash the dishes"... "Clean the house"... "Do the laundry"... We both do chores and errands.

 

Well by this logic, he should be telling you to do all the chores yourself! 

Laughing at the part of the post where she suggests that women who work are okay with having their bosses tell them what to do (but not their husbands!)   Who the heck doesn't mind being told what to do by their boss? Or does it mean things like receiving assignments or coworkers giving feedback? If so, that's not being told what to do, that's just... work. Not to mention, plenty of jobs would fire you for not following the boss's instructions, so it's hardly an option for those who have bills to pay. 

[onemama]

I visited Connie Hultquist's blog and I'm not so sure I like the way she's using her story. Yes, it worked for her, but that doesn't mean every other woman in a similar situation will experience the same results.  Women have stayed in marriages that were bad for even longer than hers was bad, and they are still waiting for those husbands to turn around. 

She says:

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I stayed in my marriage when it was hard..and you can too.. 

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"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."
- 2 Chronicles 7:14 

This scripture promises us that our land of America can be healed..If we as Mothers seek His face and turn from our wicked ways..We need to pray for our husbands and our children..We need to rise when it is yet dark and pray and prepare spiritual meat for our households. .  We need to live in a quiet submission to our husbands..and let our works of righteousness be our testimonies..We need to let our husbands take spiritual authority in our homes..And yet we need to seek the Lord ourselves not just use our husbands for yes and no answers...We need to speak to our husbands out of a meek and quiet heart..when God tells us its the right time to speak ....

Like Lori, she seems to place the whole burden on the women, but they have to do so "in submission" to their husbands.  How does that go with being the "weaker vessel"? It sounds like women carry the heavy load of making things work.

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..its easier to let their wives take over..It may be easier but there will be a Hell and a destruction to pay in the end..

Where does the Bible say that men "not leading" will lead to hell and destruction?

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We Mothers need to fight our battles in our aprons..What if we could each be a Suzanna Wesley in our homes ..Suzanna's husband was a lot of the time in debtors prison. .She lost what ? i think 8 of her 19 children in death. . And yet she managed to cause revival in her country of England through her 2 sons she raised for the Lord. . John Wesley was an evangelist and Charles was the song writer..

Susanna Wesley was no quiet and submissive woman as Lori and Connie understand it.  

 - she rebelled and left her father's church when she was 13.

- she refused to say "amen" when her husband prayed for a king that she didn't support, which caused him to leave her and the children for a year.

- she organized services in her home when her husband was away, even though her husband had organized for a locum preacher because the man's preachings were on one topic only.  When the locum complained, her husband told her to stop but she refused to stop. 

Some of these "Titus 2 women" like to idealize Susanna Wesley, but I think they'd probably criticize her for being so strong headed and not bowing when she disagreed. 

 

[AlwaysDiscerning]

3 hours ago, onemama said:

Yes, and the story is heartbreaking... he left her more than thirty times!  http://conniehultquist.blogspot.de/

 

Thirty times huh? That sure sounds a lot like Sunshine Mary's claims that her husband had thirty affairs. I wonder if she pulled from that for her story. 

[Koala]

One of the MEN Lori teaches asks:

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 I know you're writing to women, but if I read your posts and learn something, doesn't that mean that you've taught me something? If so, is that wrong?

 

Surely Lori will tell him that it's not safe to learn from her because she's easily deceived.  

[onemama]

The conversation on her "winning your husband" blog  continues:
Reader asks
 

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Should a woman still pray for the return of her husband if he has since gone on to get remarried? Have children? I don’t think that is biblical. I also don’t believe there is scripture that supports that he stays unsaved/lost his salvation and will perish to hell.  I spent a long time on my knees praying for my husbands return. He did not. He remarried. I couldn’t continue to pray for another woman’s husband.

The scriptures quoted above speak about an “unbelieving” husband. Believing husbands get divorced too. As mine was a believer. Is there a scripture that says a person will lose their salvation if they are divorced? I don’t believe there is. I am not trying to be argumentative, just trying to get a biblical foundation for this.

 

Let's see what Lori replies.

Lori seems to believe that prayer and submission are magical weapons that will "win a husband back". A bit like word-of-faith preachers who teach that our words have power to make things happen.  They go as far as teaching that God waits for us to claim those things and can't give them to us until we claim them.  Lori believes 1st Peter 3:1 is a promise.  I do believe in the power of prayer, but sometimes the answer is not the one I was looking for.

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Lori will say the woman he remarried doesn't have a husband. That even if he legally remarries, in God's eyes he is still only the husband of the first wife. Therefore, you should keep trying to win him back. 

What I don't get of course is on the one a billion chance he goes back to the first wife, then another family is left in pain. But I guess that doesn't matter as it was never a real family anyway. 

[onemama]

9 hours ago, AlwaysDiscerning said:

Lori will say the woman he remarried doesn't have a husband. That even if he legally remarries, in God's eyes he is still only the husband of the first wife. Therefore, you should keep trying to win him back. 

Lori replied:

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I encourage wives to fight for their husbands until their husbands get remarried, then it’s over. He has abandoned his wife for another woman.

The ONLY unforgivable sin is the sin of unbelief. Anyone who doesn’t repent of their sin and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ is damned for eternity.

 

Which makes sense.

Submissive disagrees:

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. The man is living in adultery. According to Matthew 19:9 and Matthew 5:32. Also 1 corinthians 7. This is a salvation issue because if she were to remarry then she will be living in adultery as well.

I may be way off, but I think the largest problem we have in the church today is lack of love. We don't care for each other enough to help each other through difficult times, including difficult times in our marriages.  How many couples split because they didn't have the support of loving people who could help them work through their issues before it became too late? 

People like Lori or Submissive just point their finger at the sin, but I wonder how interested they are in knowing the background story.  Why did the wife choose not to "fight" for her husband any more? Why did the husband divorce his wife?  All they think about its SIN! SIN! SIN! 

Connie Ultquist's story is quite remarkable, but for her -or Lori, or the woman who posted it on her blog- to hold it up as the example that every other woman in a difficult or destructive marriage should follow, is not right.  

I know a woman who endured four decades of abuse, including abandonment, squandering money, physical abuse of their children, lying, tax fraud, alcoholism, drugs, etc... The man used his wife and his eldest son to enable his disastrous life.  She fought. She took him back, had eight children with him, nursed his aged mom until she died. She did a lot of the things Connie did. 

The man is a professing Christian and expert spiritual abuser. He knows how to use the Bible to get what he wants.  He hopped from church to church, leaving when people started to see through him, and even when pastors and elders tried to talk with him, he still went on doing his thing and intimidating everyone around him with his "headship". When things went wrong, he'd whine and pine until his son ran to his rescue. His son's marriage is currently on the rocks too. 

16 hours ago, crawfishgirl said:

Maybe if the wife in the scenario above had drawn the line with her husband initially, he would have become a better person without anyone having to suffer for twelve years, or at least would have moved on.

This. 

 

[jerkit]

What does "this is a salvation issue because if she were to remarry she'd be living in adultery" mean? That adultery is an unforgivable sin?

[onemama]

22 minutes ago, jerkit said:

What does "this is a salvation issue because if she were to remarry she'd be living in adultery" mean? That adultery is an unforgivable sin?

I think she's tying together the passages in Matthew where Jesus says that any man who divorces his wife and marries another is committing adultery, and 1 Corinthians 6:9, that lists "adulterers" among those who won't inherit the Kingdom.

But it is a bit far-fetched to think that every single divorced and remarried Christian is on his/her way to hell.  At the end of that passage, after telling them off, Paul says that they used to be such people who wouldn't inherit the kingdom, but they have been washed, sanctified and justified by the blood of Jesus.

[jerkit]

Just now, onemama said:

I think she's tying together the passages in Matthew where Jesus says that any man who divorces his wife and marries another is committing adultery, and 1 Corinthians 6:9, that lists "adulterers" among those who won't inherit the Kingdom.

But it is a bit far-fetched to think that every single divorced and remarried Christian is on his/her way to hell.  At the end of that passage, after telling them off, Paul says that they used to be such people who wouldn't inherit the kingdom, but they have been washed, sanctified and justified by the blood of Jesus.

This is a very strange theology if that is indeed what she means. One I have absolutely never heard even among crazier fundamentalists.

[usmcmom]

Matthew 12:31 [Full Chapter]

And so I tell you, every kind of sin and slander can be forgiven, but blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.

*******************

*sigh* We have been through this before. Lori keeps telling her readers that "unbelief" is the only unforgivable sin. That is NOT scriptural. 

Unbelief can be changed when someone converts and becomes a believer. Does Lori believe that all new Christians are going to Hell because they have a history of unbelief. 

She is literally writing her own scripture and nobody calls her on it. 

Her teachings are straight from the pits of Hell. 

[onemama]

26 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

Her teachings are straight from the pits of Hell.

Because she isolates bits and pieces and uses Scripture to support her ideas instead of submitting herself to the whole of Scripture and actually understanding the full message before going out and teaching it authoritatively. 

Perhaps we should start paying more attention to the command of Proverbs 31:6-7

6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.

7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

[freealljs]

I believe that Lori has been called out on her twisting and misuse of scripture, but she doesn't publish those comments (or if they wind up on her other social media, she deletes them).   

I also wouldn't be surprised if Lori does not have any retirement plans, besides her kids.   It wouldn't surprise me one bit if Ken and Lori haven't saved much over the years, despite their million dollar house and fancy cars. They're all for show and no substance.

[Koala]

Reader:

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So when you were ill did you ever complain?

Lori:

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 I am not a complainer. My family would agree. I decided that just because I was miserable didn't mean I would make others miserable by complaining.

Oh, really?

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Is wanting a potato so bad?  That is all I wanted.  After several days of excruciating pain and not hardly able to eat anything, I just wanted a potato, something soft and filling.  I asked my dad to stop by my favorite health food store and pick up some vegetable soup.

He brought me chicken noodle. No potatoes...I asked Cassi to buy me some potatoes.  The next day I went to put a potato in the oven and all the potatoes were green with brown spots all over them.  No potatoes...

The next day, she bought me some good potatoes and made a big pot of vegetable soup for me.  I couldn't wait to finally have some potatoes.  I went to get some soup and there was not ONE potato in the whole soup!!!  I almost lost it.  I did shed a few tears.  I wanted to text her, "Where are the potatoes???"  Make her feel bad, you know.  

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The day before, my dad was visiting me and gave me a foot massage and read some of My Utmost For His Highest to me as I sat with frozen peas on my head. 

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 I have already had a lot of pain in my life.  I have already had to miss many fun things in my life.

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Yes, I have a very bad neck.  I landed on my head doing a back hand spring in high school.  I ran into a plate glass window in college.  I was smashed between two semi-trucks when I was thirty.  I had my neck fused three years ago.  I have a very bad neck.  It flares up often causing me a lot of pain.

I just missed Steven graduating from dental school.  I just missed my best friend's son's wedding.  I have missed many Christmas celebrations, weddings, birthdays, etc. in my life.  I lay at home with an ice pack on my neck while everyone else is having fun.

However, don't feel sorry for me {but I do appreciate prayers!}.  

 

[jerkit]

Solution to most of lori's "problems": direct, polite communication.

"I am craving a potato, would you please get me one?"

problem solved

[usmcmom]

8 minutes ago, jerkit said:

Solution to most of lori's "problems": direct, polite communication.

"I am craving a potato, would you please get me one?"

problem solved

Exactly. Or, since she is often sick, she could keep on hand those foods she knows she will want to eat. A few potatoes might go bad now and then but she can cook them for something else before that happens and always have a few fresh ones in the kitchen. 

I went through a few years during which I was sick a lot and I kept my "comfort foods" stocked so that I usually knew I could reach for one of the few things that settled well. 

[December]

3 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

Exactly. Or, since she is often sick, she could keep on hand those foods she knows she will want to eat.

That almost sounds like something a super-prepared housewife would do! 

If someone's main job is homemaking and they're not anticipating situations like this one, and also unwilling or unable to demand that someone else pick up the slack when they're ill, that's just ridiculous. Like you said, there's no harm in keeping a few extra comfort foods on hand; it's not like they can't be frugally used up at other times.