Lori Alexander 17: Pooping on Someone Else's Lawn

[Koala]

Lori Alexander:

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Why should men marry if they can have sex with whomever and whenever they want? Why should they settle down, get a steady job, and support a family if they can get sex for free?

Because they value a woman for more than sex?  Because they are decent human beings who have work ethic?  Because they want to raise a family?  Because they can't imagine living a single day without the woman they love?  

Not all marriages are a straight up cash for sex exchange.

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Saving your virginity will cause a man to want to work hard and provide for you. Men like a challenge. 

That's the end game, right?  To make a man want to provide for you.  That way you never have to work.  

 

[smittykins]

34 minutes ago, SweetLaurel said:

If you are a blessed Godly fundie wife, you ought to have 5 under 5 and be pregnant with blessing 6 and while you do your absolute best, some of those babies will have to wait to get their needs met, too.   And if your husband is working 2 jobs and there is no one old enough to be a sister mom....yeah. I don't think those kids are any better off.  

Well, they're always saying that "kids need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, and the sooner the better"...

[louisa05]

8 minutes ago, Koala said:

Lori Alexander:

Because they value a woman for more than sex?  Because they are decent human beings who have work ethic?  Because they want to raise a family?  Because they can't imagine living a single day without the woman they love?  

Not all marriages are a straight up cash for sex exchange.

That's the end game, right?  To make a man want to provide for you.  That way you never have to work.  

 

If she weren't such a nasty bitch, I'd feel sorry for Lori. She and Ken really seem to believe that marriage is a contract where women exchange sex for a roof over their heads and some spending money. I'd explain to her that makes her nothing more than a well paid whore with a long term contract, but I've been permanently banned. 

This one really ticks me off. 

Thursday evening, we went to a visitation for a man my husband worked with for several years. He was the sweetest, most kind hearted person I have ever known. He literally gave people the clothes off his back. He died of cancer at 48 and was single. And I know this: he wanted to be married. 

We would sit with him at company events--this company  had two or three big events annually. He would comment on the way my husband and I interacted. He would say he wanted that. He wanted a wife to take care of him and to take care of--and he would say both parts of that. He wasn't looking for a maid or for sex--he longed for companionship. At his visitation, I felt bad for him that that desire was never fulfilled. Because at the end of the day, that's what a good healthy marriage is, intimate companionship. Sex is just one part of it, it is not the be all and end all of it. 

And when you get to the end, if the end is "death do us part", it often has nothing to do with sex. My mother cared for my father through terminal cancer. Being there for that, well, I'm guessing that it came to a point months before the end if not longer when sex was no longer part of the equation (no idea, and I'm certainly not going to ask). My mother's cousin lost his wife one month ago after 11.5 years of caring for her through Alzheimer's. He kept her at home to the very end. She was end stage on hospice for four long years. She could not communicate, feed herself or care for herself in any way for the last four years and he cared for her day in and day out through that. If he had only been married for sex, well, that wasn't what he signed up for, now was it? I'm thinking the man only in it for sex would have deposited her in a care center long before the end. 

Lori is a shallow bitch married to an asshole and should not think her experience speaks for the world. 

[usmcmom]

I have heard it said (ok, I think it was Dr. Phil. Don't judge) that if you have a fulfilling sex life you count it like 20% of your marriage. If you have a lousy sex life, you count it 80% and talk about it all the time. 

Do the math, Ken. Your wife is spilling all your secrets and insulting you in the process. 

[louisa05]

2 minutes ago, usmcmom said:

I have heard it said (ok, I think it was Dr. Phil. Don't judge) that if you have a fulfilling sex life you count it like 20% of your marriage. If you have a lousy sex life, you count it 80% and talk about it all the time. 

Do the math, Ken. Your wife is spilling all your secrets and insulting you in the process. 

I watch sometimes in summer when I'm home all the time, so I won't judge. He does have a few good things to say. The one I always remember him talking about in regard to marriage and family is that home should always be a "soft place to fall"--so your marriage should be the place where there is kindness, support and peace not a battle. Lori needs to hear that one, too. She would misinterpret it, of course. But home shouldn't be a place where one partner is focused on how to passively manipulate the other which is what she advocates wives doing in the name of submission. That is not a soft place. That is a place where you have to be on guard all the time and wonder what the other person is really trying to do. 

[polecat]

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Don't give away our virginity for free. Don't not risk an unwanted pregnancy, abortion, STDs, and heartbreak. Those are NOT sexual freedom. Sexual freedom happens in the confines of a marriage relationship, period. Teach your daughters this while they are young.

 

But not our sons? They can give it away as much as they want, eh, Lori? No harm, no foul? Does this mean your sons weren't virgins when they wed? (Not that it's my business nor that I care, but I think it's pretty damn obnoxious that this old shrew is carrying on about how women should be pure).

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Men have sex with promiscuous women, yet want to marry virgins.

Says who? KEN? Please. Ken is hardly the expert. Ken is gross. 

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Women release oxytocin when they have sex.

So do men, you dipshit.

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Saving your virginity will cause a man to want to work hard and provide for you.

She really doesn't understand how utterly vile this statement is, and she'll never understand it.

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 They like to hold their woman on a pedestal.

I don't want to be on a pedestal. I don't want to be worshiped. I want to be my husband's helpmeet, his partner in life and love, his mate, his friend. I guess if a woman wants to be worshiped for her hymen, more power to her -- but no thanks. Not my thing.

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It is much easier for a woman to say "no" and stay pure than it is for men

 

 

She really needs to speak for herself. Everyone's sex drive is different. Saying "no" wasn't and isn't easy for me, and staying a virgin until I married at almost 30 wasn't something I was willing to do. Able? Maybe. But willing? Oh hell no. And given the fact that I met my husband as a ONS, I have no regrets, either. 

[usmcmom]

Hasn't Lori encouraged women to ask a man if he has a history of viewing porn?  Hasn't she encouraged wives to ask their husband each evening if they had sexually impure thoughts throughout the day?  

I guess I am just wondering why it is not important to ask the man you plan to marry if he has had sex, if that is an important standard for a relationship. 

I also don't understand why she continues to minimize men and assume that it is JUST SO DIFFICULT for them to remain sexually pure before marriage. She words it as though they should not be expected to abstain since it is a difficult thing to do. She gives men absolutely no credit and I think Ken is quite the oaf for allowing himself to be characterized this way. There is NOWHERE in the Bible that says a difficult direction does not need to be followed.  

And I'll just add, I have seen absolutely zero evidence that Ken puts his wife on a pedestal. 

[Seahorse Wrangler]

Putting women on a pedestal makes it easier to look up their skirts.

[Free Jana Duggar]

I hate to say it, but I was "kinda" OK with Lori's post on virginity. I have a teen daughter and son, and I'm teaching them to wait.  Then there is no sorry about STDs or unwanted pregnancy.  

Before my daughter ever went out alone with a boy, I made her research forms of birth control and find the failure rate of each. Then I had her look up different STDs.  I will do the same with my son when he is a little older.  They may or may not wait, but they will have as much knowledge as possible to make their choice.

Now the dumb part was her saying waiting will make a man want to provide and take care of you.

It reminds me of my old school grandma saying, "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?" Though I suppose there could be some truth to that in that in some cases.  

 

[onemama]

Trey is baaaaaaack!!!!!! 

This is just a fragment of his post. Nice to see him around again. I was getting a bit worried there. 

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If you are a wife who calls herself a Christian yet refuses to submit (in everything) to your husband then you are living in SIN. It’s just that simple. Quit thinking you are holy, your not. Quit thinking you are Godly, you’re anything but. Quit thinking you are serving Christ; He is not fooled, the only person you are fooling…. is yourself.

If you do not live daily in complete submission to your husband, what you’re really doing is blaspheming, maligning, bringing shame upon, reviling, discrediting, dishonoring, and slandering the Word of God. 

.... God only speaks directly to wives in a few places in the Bible and in almost every place, He instructs (commands) them to submit to their husbands. How can any wife call herself a Christian while refusing to obey the PRIMARY command that God gives her? I would submit that she can’t.

 

 same old, same old.... 

Of course, Lori is relieved too. 

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Excellent, Trey. I will use this for a post in a few weeks. Thank you.

 

[Koala]

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.... God only speaks directly to wives in a few places in the Bible and in almost every place, He instructs (commands) them to submit to their husbands. How can any wife call herself a Christian while refusing to obey the PRIMARY command that God gives her? I would submit that she can’t.

They are edging awfully close to:

A.  A works based salvation 

B. Making the gospel literally revolve around submission.  Anyone notice how quickly these men equate themselves to God/Jesus?

Submission has become Lori's singular focus.  Might as well toss out the rest of the book.

 

[BlackSheep]

Interesting how 24 hours later, Lori's Easter post - The Precious Blood of Christ - doesn't have a single comment.

Her followers are quick to say "amen!" to her submission posts, but no one bothers when she's talking about Christ.

[louisa05]

2 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I hate to say it, but I was "kinda" OK with Lori's post on virginity. I have a teen daughter and son, and I'm teaching them to wait.  Then there is no sorry about STDs or unwanted pregnancy.  

Before my daughter ever went out alone with a boy, I made her research forms of birth control and find the failure rate of each. Then I had her look up different STDs.  I will do the same with my son when he is a little older.  They may or may not wait, but they will have as much knowledge as possible to make their choice.

Now the dumb part was her saying waiting will make a man want to provide and take care of you.

It reminds me of my old school grandma saying, "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?" Though I suppose there could be some truth to that in that in some cases.  

 

Abstinence is not a bad thing. But teaching women that virginity is "power" and that they can use it to bribe a man into financially supporting them is really disgusting. Basically, Lori sees sex as a commodity to be traded for housing, food and cash.

I think a lot of people of faith who value chastity and abstinence prior to marriage make the mistake of never wanting to disagree with any distorted reason that someone comes up with for advocating it and that is a mistake. 

As for "why buy the cow..."--do you really want to communicate to your daughter that a spouse will be purchasing her in the same way that a farmer would purchase a dairy cow? I would think not. Again, that reduces sex to a commodity to be traded. And the last thing we should communicate to kids is that sex is something to be sold in any sense. 

We can't teach virtue by reducing women to property or whoredom. 

[crawfishgirl]

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.... God only speaks directly to wives in a few places in the Bible and in almost every place, He instructs (commands) them to submit to their husbands. How can any wife call herself a Christian while refusing to obey the PRIMARY command that God gives her? I would submit that she can’t.

So does that mean that we can ignore the rest of the bible??  The rest must not apply to us - wish we had been informed earlier.

[TeddyBonkers]

I may not have a 1828 edition of Webster's Dictionary, but I know hypocrisy when I see it.

Lori:

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We don’t have to have a perfectly toned body like they show on all of the magazine covers and television shows.

Also Lori:

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. Young Christian girl, if you are not getting approached or asked out, it’s probably because you’re not attractive enough, you’re not nice enough or you’re not available enough. You need to work on this. You need to lose weight, grow your hair out, wear nice clothes and some decent makeup.

Lori:

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We also don’t need to be entertained every second of every day. We don’t have to check Facebook every few minutes and see how many “likes” we have received. Let’s care a whole lot more about pleasing our LORD, instead of gaining the approval of men.

 

I know this may come as a shock to you all, but Lori had a Facebook post that went VIRAL!!!

Lori:

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We don’t spend a ton of money on ourselves. We adorn ourselves with modest apparel, meaning we don’t spend a lot of money on clothes.

Wait, I thought "modest" meant covering your unholy fanny and dirtypillows.

Lori:

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Why do women need 20 pairs of shoes, ten purses, drawers full of makeup and hair stuff? We don’t! It’s wasted money that could be used for better and eternal things.

I present to you a sampling of Lori's favorite things:

Jane Iredale makeup: $48 for foundation

Miele vacuums : $649 for a mid-range one (and remember she has TWO)

Her reupholstered couch: $1500

 

[onemama]

1 hour ago, BlackSheep said:

Interesting how 24 hours later, Lori's Easter post - The Precious Blood of Christ - doesn't have a single comment.

Her followers are quick to say "amen!" to her submission posts, but no one bothers when she's talking about Christ.

I've noticed that too.  Her Sunday posts rarely get comments.  I think Koala is right when she says:

2 hours ago, Koala said:

They are edging awfully close to:

A.  A works based salvation 

B. Making the gospel literally revolve around submission.  Anyone notice how quickly these men equate themselves to God/Jesus?

Submission has become Lori's singular focus.  Might as well toss out the rest of the book.

 

I remember an article that called husbands the "prophet, priest and king" of their homes.  These people's understanding of the Bible is extremely twisted.  

[polecat]

3 hours ago, Free Jana Duggar said:

I hate to say it, but I was "kinda" OK with Lori's post on virginity. I have a teen daughter and son, and I'm teaching them to wait.  Then there is no sorry about STDs or unwanted pregnancy.  

Before my daughter ever went out alone with a boy, I made her research forms of birth control and find the failure rate of each. Then I had her look up different STDs.  I will do the same with my son when he is a little older.  They may or may not wait, but they will have as much knowledge as possible to make their choice.

Now the dumb part was her saying waiting will make a man want to provide and take care of you.

It reminds me of my old school grandma saying, "Why buy the cow when he can get the milk for free?" Though I suppose there could be some truth to that in that in some cases.  

 

I have no problem with people choosing to wait. Where my problem comes in is people using sex to manipulate others -- like Lori and Ken do. Lori uses sex as a bargaining chip, and then she shames other women for enjoying it. 

tbh, I don't think too many people actively teach their kids to be *promiscuous. I think most of us just want our kids to make safe, healthy, wise choices. 

[FundieCentral]

1 hour ago, louisa05 said:

Abstinence is not a bad thing. But teaching women that virginity is "power" and that they can use it to bribe a man into financially supporting them is really disgusting. Basically, Lori sees sex as a commodity to be traded for housing, food and cash.

^ this. In my opinion, everyone has the right to decide whether to have sex (or not), who with, and how. When I was younger, I wanted to be abstinent until marriage, but I have since moved away from that. I decided to do so when I met my current boyfriend (who I intend to marry) and I saw for the first time what real love is like. In a loving relationship sex should not a commodity, pressure point, or power tool. If that's how you see sex and build your relationship on that, you create the groundworks for unhappiness, mistrust, and if worse comes to worst, abuse. 
 

Ironically, the Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God, and it teaches that marriage is a relationship of love and mutual service (at least in my reading). Whether or not you have sex before the wedding date should not affect the loving, trusting relationship underneath. In fact, the Bible instructs abstinence because that is supposed to put the focus on building discipleship with God and one another before marriage. But Lori has this all twisted. Taking sex as the bargaining chip for love and nurturance is a setup for disaster. What she is teaching is not just dangerous, but also unbiblical. 

[polecat]

I will never for the life of me understand why Lori has two vacuums when she chose her carpet specifically because it didn't "have" to be vacuumed often (quotes because ew). 

[louisa05]

2 minutes ago, FundieCentral said:

^ this. In my opinion, everyone has the right to decide whether to have sex (or not), who with, and how. When I was younger, I wanted to be abstinent until marriage, but I have since moved away from that. I decided to do so when I met my current boyfriend (who I intend to marry) and I saw for the first time what real love is like. In a loving relationship sex should not a commodity, pressure point, or power tool. If that's how you see sex and build your relationship on that, you create the groundworks for unhappiness, mistrust, and if worse comes to worst, abuse. 
 

Ironically, the Bible teaches that sex is a gift from God, and it teaches that marriage is a relationship of love and mutual service (at least in my reading). Whether or not you have sex before the wedding date should not affect the loving, trusting relationship underneath. In fact, the Bible instructs abstinence because that is supposed to put the focus on building discipleship with God and one another before marriage. But Lori has this all twisted. Taking sex as the bargaining chip for love and nurturance is a setup for disaster. What she is teaching is not just dangerous, but also unbiblical. 

Amen. 

I agree with emphasizing abstinence for teens because, frankly, after working with them for 20+ years, I have rarely seen healthy relationships at that age and most lack the maturity to make wise decisions about sex. There is also often a power balance in teenage relationships as teen guys tend to want to date younger girls and the girls want to date the older guys (in part because boys still tend to mature a bit later). Our still patriarchal culture also teaches teen girls to try to please a boy in order to keep him (often indirectly) so that gives the boy the power as well. We need to empower girls to make their own decisions about sexual activity but I don't think we are doing a very good job of that as of yet. 

But teaching anyone, especially teen girls, that sex is a something that you give to a partner to get something from him or her is absolutely disgusting. It totally distorts sexuality and will lead to dysfunctional relationships. Something I think every word Lori writes about her own marriage demonstrates quite well. 

 

[Koala]

From today's post:

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 We don’t have to check Facebook every few minutes and see how many “likes” we have received. Let’s care a whole lot more about pleasing our LORD, instead of gaining the approval of man.

Funny, because less than a month ago she released a "Youtube" saying that one of the ways she "spends her days as an older woman" is by being "available in the chat-room all the time" and that she has " the majority of the day to monitor it".  She also says she has a lot of time to "read, and explore, and find new blog material".  In other words, she spends a lot of time on the internet.

She continues:

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How did I study this word, moderation? I went to my 1828 Webster Dictionary, of course! “Restraint of violent passions or indulgence of appetite. Eat and drink with moderation, indulge with moderation in  pleasure and exercise.” Wow! The last word stood out to me. Many in our culture are addicted to exercise and spend countless hours and money to get in shape.

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We don’t need to exercise for hours every day. 

Spoiler

I can't help but wonder if this is (yet another) dig at her daughter.  If so, just wow.

Then there's this bit:

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 We don’t spend a ton of money on ourselves. We adorn ourselves with modest apparel, meaning we don’t spend a lot of money on clothes. In the chat room, a number of us are not buying any new clothes for a year because we all have more than enough. 

Wonder when that started, because it seems like just yesterday that Lori was posting a picture of herself in her brand new $70 denim skirt.  Oh yeah...that's right.  

https://thetransformedwife.com/called-to-moderation-in-a-culture-of-excess/

http://www.zappos.com/p/jag-jeans-florence-skirt-republic-denim-in-indigo-steel-indigo-steel/product/8814359/color/576712

Finally, what is Lori's new obsession with asking for pictures of other people's houses?  She just posted a picture of her neighbor's (yes, her neighbor's) closet on FB.  

[AlwaysDiscerning]

Does this neighbor even know who Lori is? That she has this blog and book, etc? I  would love to know. Did she give approval to post that?

[crawfishgirl]

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The Transformed Wife This is all of her clothes and she was telling me that some of the jackets on the left are her children and husband's!

I have a difficult time believing that an upper-income woman only has these few clothes as shown in that FB picture.  Even if she is not a fashionista, does she not have shorts and short sleeve shirts / tank tops to walk on the nearby beach?  Jeans or casual pants for a quick shopping trip?  Gardening or exercise clothes?  I am a middle-income SAHM who is definitely just into shorts and t-shirts, but even I have many more items than that that I have accumulated over the years.  I suspect that Lori is stretching the truth, or that her neighbor forgot to tell her about the items that she folds into drawers instead of hangs in the closet (not that she has to tell Lori anything, but if they are close enough that she gives Lori pictures of her closet...).  

[usmcmom]

Lori writes that she "asked her about it" when relating how she saw her neighbor's closet. That just seems odd. What did she ask? "Why do you have so few clothes?"  "Why isn't your wardrobe larger?" "How can you possibly get by with this?"  

Seriously, I can't think of a way to ask about somebody's "small" wardrobe without it sounding judgmental. 

Why was her neighbor showing her the house anyway?  My neighbor (a very dear  friend) recently moved and I did not take a tour of her house as she moved out. I had been in her house a gazillion times, though less frequently upstairs in the bedroom area (unless I was watching her little ones and putting them to bed) but I felt no need to have a tour of her master suite. That just seems so intrusive to me. 

Interestingly, Lori did not choose to show us HER closet as an example of modest living. 

[Koala]

She referred to her as a neighbor, not a friend (which doesn't surprise me...can you imagine Lori as a "friend"?).  

Which brings me back to....what the hell was Lori doing in that woman's closet?  How does that even happen?  And then to take a picture? 

I also find it very strange that she's asking members of the chat room to send her pictures of various parts of their houses.  
 
I have 1 friend who lives out of state.  She has great taste in home decor, so *if* I am redecorating I will sometimes send her a picture to get advice or show her how it's coming along.  We've known each other for almost 20 years, though....and she's never seen the inside of my closet.

I will say this. I TOTALLY get the "I don't want tons of clothes" thing.  I have: 2 pair of jeans, 5 pairs of black leggings, 1 pair of navy leggings, 1 pair of black dress pants, 3 t-shirts, 3 sweatshirts, and 5 dressy shirts.  That's it.  20 items.  I don't like clutter, and I only keep items that I absolutely love.  It's nothing for me to wear an outfit one day, wash it that night, and wear it again the next day.