Jinger and the Jock- I only wanna be with you!

[VelociRapture]

11 hours ago, VixenToast said:

Weddings weddings weddings. Lol. My single ass is sitting here, eating ice cream and hating my ex (still getting over him.).  It's so very nice to read about normal, nonabusive relationships. I'll get my turn one day maybe. In the meantime, Congratulations to all the newly married, soon to be married, or the freshly engaged. 

In the vein or registries and etiquette, I've never heard of it being thought that someone wastoo old for a registry. Seriously, like wtf? Is that similar to how a woman should only have one baby shower, for her first child?

I don't think anyone is ever too old for a Registry or Shower. You never know what someone's actual situation is like after all. 

I do have an issue with people who are greedy about it though. Like registering at a ton of stores for a ridiculous amount of stuff. Or throwing a temper tantrum because someone didn't buy you something super expensive.

As for Baby Showers for multiple kids - I don't want a Baby Shower because I'm awkward and I feel weird asking people to buy us stuff we could afford on our own. I don't have an issue with other couples deciding differently though (because, again, circumstances differ.) If a couple has their kids several years apart and a lot of stuff is no longer safe to use then I definitely see a case for having another Shower. If the spacing is close together though, I don't really see the point since a lot of stuff can just be reused.

[nausicaa]

17 hours ago, LawsonBatesEgo said:

That is pretty much exactly how my boyfriend and I feel about this. We'd like to get married in 2019 (we're the pragmatic type who discusses things, so it's not a surprised he is going to propose one day, but whatever, it means I'm getting the kind of ring I like. He has pictures of exactly what I want lol) but we already live together and have accumulated stuff to make a home. I know some people hate the idea of people asking for money, but honestly, we'd basically use it for the honeymoon which means that we'd end up putting the money we would have spent on the honeymoon towards a house deposit....which is basically setting up a home together anyway. Things are just a bit different these days then they were when the tradition first started. 

The idea is that if you want money and not gifts, to just not register anywhere and people will take the hint. The breach in etiquette that people have an issue with is when the invitation says "no boxed gifts" or "checks only please.
 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I don't think anyone is ever too old for a Registry or Shower. You never know what someone's actual situation is like after all. 

I do have an issue with people who are greedy about it though. Like registering at a ton of stores for a ridiculous amount of stuff. Or throwing a temper tantrum because someone didn't buy you something super expensive.

As for Baby Showers for multiple kids - I don't want a Baby Shower because I'm awkward and I feel weird asking people to buy us stuff we could afford on our own. I don't have an issue with other couples deciding differently though (because, again, circumstances differ.) If a couple has their kids several years apart and a lot of stuff is no longer safe to use then I definitely see a case for having another Shower. If the spacing is close together though, I don't really see the point since a lot of stuff can just be reused.

Baby shower gifts for 2nd or 3rd or 4th child, depends on the situation. If you just had a kid 2 years ago and are having another one, you don't need a shower, that IMO is greedy. If you have a kid that is 6, 7, 8 or older and are having another one, like my cousin who had her daughter 15 years after she had her son. She had a 2nd shower, there was no weird feelings about that except from my uptight mother and Aunt. Let me preface this with I do NOT like this cousin, she's a bitch, she had this daughter in early 08, as I was sitting there talking to another cousin about her upcoming wedding, the pregnant cousin says as she standing in the middle of the room "I hear you are voting for Hillary Clinton"  I was stunned I'm like "I don't think that is anyone's concern here OR business" and looked to my poor stunned cousin like HELP ME. Thankfully one of bitch cousins friends told her to shut up about politics and that was that. Sorry I derailed myself.  Anyway...I had a friend who found out she was pregnant with baby #4 2 weeks after having a garage sale to get rid of all her baby stuff because her & hubby were done.  She'd had 3 boys and wasn't trying for a girl anymore. baby #4 was also a boy, so several friends and her 4 sisters had a shower for her because she needed everything. 

[louisa05]

4 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I don't think anyone is ever too old for a Registry or Shower. You never know what someone's actual situation is like after all. 

I do have an issue with people who are greedy about it though. Like registering at a ton of stores for a ridiculous amount of stuff. Or throwing a temper tantrum because someone didn't buy you something super expensive.

As for Baby Showers for multiple kids - I don't want a Baby Shower because I'm awkward and I feel weird asking people to buy us stuff we could afford on our own. I don't have an issue with other couples deciding differently though (because, again, circumstances differ.) If a couple has their kids several years apart and a lot of stuff is no longer safe to use then I definitely see a case for having another Shower. If the spacing is close together though, I don't really see the point since a lot of stuff can just be reused.

Around here, a bride over 30 is considered just too old, period. I remember a co-worker marrying at 31 and people yammering about how it seemed silly to have a whole wedding with a dress, reception, etc...and how we probably shouldn't do a shower at work. I was older than 31 and got some of the same push back. And you, apparently, have failed as a human being if you have not acquired every household item under the sun by age 30 on your own so you absolutely do not "deserve" wedding gifts. How dare you register for anything! And 30 is the magic age. My college roommate married at 29 and 11 months and all was well. Interestingly enough, she was the only first time bride I have known well who didn't need to register and didn't need gifts. Her family threw her an elaborate housewarming when she got her first job and the woman even had a KitchenAid. In spite of that, she had a huge registry which she used to upgrade everything. 

As for baby showers, my same college roommate has seven children. She had a huge baby shower for the first two (twins). No one did one for her after that, and, quite frankly, she probably needed it a couple of times. Her kids were born in June (twins), August (twins), May, FEBRUARY, and May. There is a reason February is in all caps. All of the hand me downs she had were the wrong season for most of his infancy and she had to buy nearly everything new. And by baby number seven, most of their stuff besides clothes was just plain worn out and they were buying new anyway. 

 

[sta_sha]

5 hours ago, nausicaa said:

The idea is that if you want money and not gifts, to just not register anywhere and people will take the hint.

We tried this. People just kept asking and asking. We finally made a small registry. It's mostly stuff we liked but wouldn't buy ourselves. 

[defraudedbychipendales]

16 hours ago, season of life said:

Unlike those married couples, we get to hog ice cream for ourselves! And we get the whole bed! Our time shall come.

Enjoy your alone in the bed time while you have it!

 

[luv2laugh]

3 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Around here, a bride over 30 is considered just too old, period. I remember a co-worker marrying at 31 and people yammering about how it seemed silly to have a whole wedding with a dress, reception, etc...and how we probably shouldn't do a shower at work. I was older than 31 and got some of the same push back. And you, apparently, have failed as a human being if you have not acquired every household item under the sun by age 30 on your own so you absolutely do not "deserve" wedding gifts. How dare you register for anything! And 30 is the magic age. My college roommate married at 29 and 11 months and all was well. Interestingly enough, she was the only first time bride I have known well who didn't need to register and didn't need gifts. Her family threw her an elaborate housewarming when she got her first job and the woman even had a KitchenAid. In spite of that, she had a huge registry which she used to upgrade everything. 

As for baby showers, my same college roommate has seven children. She had a huge baby shower for the first two (twins). No one did one for her after that, and, quite frankly, she probably needed it a couple of times. Her kids were born in June (twins), August (twins), May, FEBRUARY, and May. There is a reason February is in all caps. All of the hand me downs she had were the wrong season for most of his infancy and she had to buy nearly everything new. And by baby number seven, most of their stuff besides clothes was just plain worn out and they were buying new anyway. 

 

NOT the case around here. I live in a major metropolitan city up north and the average age to get married is around 30. Most of them are marrying men in late thirties or 40s. It is going to depend geographically based on the culture. Are you down south? They marry young. Is it a metropolitan city like Miami? They are career oriented and will settle later in life like LA NY Chicago and Detroit.

[louisa05]

15 minutes ago, luv2laugh said:

NOT the case around here. I live in a major metropolitan city up north and the average age to get married is around 30. Most of them are marrying men in late thirties or 40s. It is going to depend geographically based on the culture. Are you down south? They marry young. Is it a metropolitan city like Miami? They are career oriented and will settle later in life like LA NY Chicago and Detroit.

Upper Midwest. Early 20s to mid 20s--within a couple of years of college is the norm around here. I was at a bridal shower for a 26 year old bride once and some people commented on how she was getting married "just in time" and was an "older bride". My college roommate was referred to as "no spring chicken" by her mother and the mother's best friend during her bridal shower. She was 29. 

 

[VelociRapture]

4 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

Upper Midwest. Early 20s to mid 20s--within a couple of years of college is the norm around here. I was at a bridal shower for a 26 year old bride once and some people commented on how she was getting married "just in time" and was an "older bride". My college roommate was referred to as "no spring chicken" by her mother and the mother's best friend during her bridal shower. She was 29. 

 

I always find those comments odd when someone here mentions hearing it in real life. I mean, why not just be happy for the couple getting married? What's with the need to judge someone for marrying early or later in life? 

[nst]

34 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

I always find those comments odd when someone here mentions hearing it in real life. I mean, why not just be happy for the couple getting married? What's with the need to judge someone for marrying early or later in life? 

exactly - one of my dearest friends who is 72 and like a sister to me (44) got married at 50 

she is my inspiration - she and her farmer husband are still going strong !

 

[feministxtian]

Since I have no imagination...for things like baby showers, I go for the practical...diapers, wipes, maybe a cute stuffed critter. Well...except for my own grandchildren...then I go utterly apeshit and buy out the baby departments in every store I come across. 

Wedding gifts/bridal showers...I don't go to any these days. 

I've already "announced" what I want for Christmas or our anniversary in October...A tortilla press, a Keurig and a food processor. 

 

[nst]

5 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Since I have no imagination...for things like baby showers, I go for the practical...diapers, wipes, maybe a cute stuffed critter. Well...except for my own grandchildren...then I go utterly apeshit and buy out the baby departments in every store I come across. 

Wedding gifts/bridal showers...I don't go to any these days. 

I've already "announced" what I want for Christmas or our anniversary in October...A tortilla press, a Keurig and a food processor. 

 

I have already wrapped the xmas presents for the folks 

[OrchidBlossom]

On 9/23/2016 at 11:31 AM, sj3339sta said:

I guess he could be considered fundie-lite.  But as a born again Christian myself, I just don't see the flags.  The definition of what fundie-lite is can vary I guess from person to person.  Is he evangelical?  Yes.  Is he politically evangelical?  Most likely yes.  Is he blind to the cult from which his bride to be is coming?  No.  

He is trying to respect JB.  You see that when he invites him to Laredo as well as to look at rings.  But even at this courtship stage, Jeremy is doing what he and Jinger want.  Not what JB wants.  He isn't answering JB's inquisitions.  He is already setting boundries.  

As for the magazine, I forgot about US Magazine.  That could change things.

I really don't understand why his politeness to JB or his setting boundaries means he isn't a fundamentalist. Fundamentalist refers to his religious beliefs and inclinations, not his relationship with his in-laws. At least on FJ, but I think also generally, the common definition which I personally ascirbe to is that a fundamentalist sees things black and white. There is no room for other religions, other interpretations of the bible, other political/social views, or other ways of living. Fundie-lite is like, believing all the same things as a fundamentalist, but seeing a little more gray area and being willing to accept or tolerate certain deviation.

One glance at Jeremy's website and YouTube videos is enough to tell me he is a fundie, let alone that he is courting a Duggar. I'm glad he is a little more willing to stand up to JB, but his willingness to do so doesn't negate what appears to be a very fundamentalist ministry and mindset.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

 

2 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Upper Midwest. Early 20s to mid 20s--within a couple of years of college is the norm around here. I was at a bridal shower for a 26 year old bride once and some people commented on how she was getting married "just in time" and was an "older bride". My college roommate was referred to as "no spring chicken" by her mother and the mother's best friend during her bridal shower. She was 29. 

 

So many of my family members bugged and bugged me about being single it was so annoying, the "your not getting any younger" "when are you going to g settle down" "you need to not be so picky" I FINALLY got married at 26, yes 26. I was raised in very conservative catholic family, I have 2 siblings and 23 cousins on my moms side (dad is an only child).  We are in the in the Midwest. What really sucks is my siblings didn't get this same treatment and my sister was 35 and my brother almost 37 when they got married. 

[season of life]

I'm in New York and I see a lot of educated women waiting until their early thirties to marry and or have kids. Which is very interesting to me because I've been raised to think 30 is too old to be a wife/mom. But it's different now because a lot of Muslims in our small community are waiting until their mid-twenties to get hitched. Financial security is more important than jumping into marriage these days.

[SilverBeach]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I always find those comments odd when someone here mentions hearing it in real life. I mean, why not just be happy for the couple getting married? What's with the need to judge someone for marrying early or later in life? 

No kidding, I first got married at 50!

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

12 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

snipped for space

As for Baby Showers for multiple kids - I don't want a Baby Shower because I'm awkward and I feel weird asking people to buy us stuff we could afford on our own. I don't have an issue with other couples deciding differently though (because, again, circumstances differ.) If a couple has their kids several years apart and a lot of stuff is no longer safe to use then I definitely see a case for having another Shower. If the spacing is close together though, I don't really see the point since a lot of stuff can just be reused.

(More than one person made the same point about not needing a second baby shower when the kids are close in age, VelociRapture. I just picked yours first.  )

My kids are 2 years apart, but there was one thing I needed when Thing 2 was born; a double stroller. My family let our circle of friends and family know that if they wanted to get something for our new baby, we were all set with cute clothes, crib, car seat, swing, etc., but a group gift of a double stroller would be immeasurably useful. I am so thankful to all the friends and family who got that for us. We got to go so many more places and have so much more fun because we had that stroller.

[jqlgoblue]

4 hours ago, louisa05 said:

Upper Midwest. Early 20s to mid 20s--within a couple of years of college is the norm around here. I was at a bridal shower for a 26 year old bride once and some people commented on how she was getting married "just in time" and was an "older bride". My college roommate was referred to as "no spring chicken" by her mother and the mother's best friend during her bridal shower. She was 29. 

 

Let me guess, Minneapolis? I lived there at 23-24 and was single. People were absolutely floored and actually quite rude about it. I considered starting to wear a ring just so people would treat me "normal". However, for my 25th birthday managed to get myself a new job in NYC. In NYC no one in their 20s did anything but hook up. That was total whiplash.

[Gobbles]

Average age at marriage is around 30/31 in Germany. When I was born in 1991 it was 26 if I remember the statistics right. Tendency is that it will continue to get higher. I went to a Christian themed school for a few years and interestingly, two of my friends from there who are in fact very religious for German standards have already married. One below 25, the other at 26. 

Some people also live together for years and have children together and only decide to marry after 20 years or so. 

[faraway]

Reading a lot of these stories makes me happy to live in a larger European city. A lot of people marry somwehere between 30 and 35. I have friends in their 40ies and late 30ies living together unmarried. It's all perfectly fine. Wedding and baby showers don't really exist here. Givinig money at weddings is pretty much normal. I would hate to live in an environment where things must be done one way or another or you're the odd one out. 

[VelociRapture]

6 hours ago, WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo? said:

(More than one person made the same point about not needing a second baby shower when the kids are close in age, VelociRapture. I just picked yours first.  )

My kids are 2 years apart, but there was one thing I needed when Thing 2 was born; a double stroller. My family let our circle of friends and family know that if they wanted to get something for our new baby, we were all set with cute clothes, crib, car seat, swing, etc., but a group gift of a double stroller would be immeasurably useful. I am so thankful to all the friends and family who got that for us. We got to go so many more places and have so much more fun because we had that stroller.

See, that makes a ton of sense to me. It's practical, it's something you had a legitimate need for, and it lets people feel involved. My only real issue with second showers close together is when the registering couple gets really greedy about it. Otherwise I'm more of a live and let live type person.

[HereticHick]

For those interested in average marriage ages in the United States: https://mic.com/articles/92361/the-median-age-of-marriage-in-every-state-in-the-u-s-in-two-maps#.a40ODbA2G

"

The oldest-marrying states are New York (28.8 for women, 30.3 for men), Massachusetts (28.8, 30.1), Rhode Island (28.5, 30.2), Connecticut (28.2, 30.0) and New Jersey (28.1, 30.1). But D.C. politicos seem to have the hardest time settling down, with the median age of first marriage at 29.8 for women and 30.6 for men.

As for the youngest-marrying states, Utah takes first place with the median age of 23.5 for women and 25.6 for men. Others include Idaho (24.0 for women, 25.8 for men), Wyoming (24.5, 26.8), Arkansas (24.8, 26.3) and Oklahoma (24.8, 26.3)."

[elliha]

You can guess the norm in Sweden: My four year old is angry with us for getting married before she was born so that she could not take part in our wedding (like normal kids). Many people never get married or get married after being together for many years and after having all the kids they want. We got married when I was pregnant with my oldest kid because I wanted to be married when the baby was born, it was just something that became important during the pregnancy. Our original plan was to get married at the same time we baptized our child. I was 29 when I got married and I had my baby the day before my 30th birthday. My sister who lives in a small town thought I was so old when I had my first baby and urged me to have another soon because god knows how long you can get pregnant (she had her 4th baby at 38 and mom had her 5th at 37 so my guess is that I would also be fertile at least that long). I didn't follow her advice and had my second at 34. I dream of a 3rd child but not so much my husband so we will see what happens. 

[Casserole]

14 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I always find those comments odd when someone here mentions hearing it in real life. I mean, why not just be happy for the couple getting married? What's with the need to judge someone for marrying early or later in life? 

I had a patient the other day tell me I was drying up and needed to find a man and get married. She softened the blow by telling me I was stunningly beautiful and the boys must be blind not to be lined up to marry me. She threw another blow when she followed up with how I shouldn't call myself Dr. in public, I should go by Ms. so they knew I was available... and I should really dumb myself down because my intelligence was probably intimidating to those good ole' boys. 

Fortunately for her, she is a 95 year old, adorably precious Irish Catholic woman who regularly brings me vegetables from her garden and I can't stay mad at her for more than a minute. Any other patient would have been referred out  

[sadiZ]

Anyone heard of the Perez family? Elizabeth Perez (instagram name elli.harper) and Whitney Bates had this interesting exchange the other day. Do we think this could be JinJer's wedding?