Daniel Staddon and Kathryn Neely: the most convoluted courtship story ever

[snickerz]

On 6/6/2016 at 7:34 PM, JermajestyDuggar said:

courtshit

     

[ophelia]

18 hours ago, Kylolo said:

From Daniel's story: "On one of the mornings of that same conference, I could not find my Bible..."

What fundie loses their Bible???? Seems like that cements the path straight to hell. Or the prayer closet for several hours. 

I always thought fundies, especially men since they aren't caring around babies.all.the.time., have a bible attached to their palm.

13 hours ago, Mela99 said:

This has to be some kind of record. Are there any other fundies we know of engaged in less than a month? 

The ring story is kind of cringeworthy. Internally flawless princess... I wonder what that cost him. I'll give him credit for that ring though. Pretty. Most fundie rings I've seen though are either solitaires or three stones. Nice to see something outside that.

I still don't get the "I'm changing my name" thing. Isn't that offensive to your father who named you?

Yep - the record for the fastest engagement is set by Noah Sanders and Dorothy Morton. The parents claimed that the two had never ever talked to each other (for the sake of purity of course!!) and when Noah turned 20 he was released to search for a wife. His sisters suggested Dorothy. He wrote letters about theology to Pa Morton ("so he could better understand Noah's vision"). Then he drove to GA hung out with her for a couple of days (closely chaperoned of course!!) and then asked her to marry her. Romantic, isn't it?

9 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

www.robertlovesdavidbutgothardsaidno.com

I nearly peed my pants at work. Can we pleeeeaaaassseeee make a website with this URL and put yummie cookie recipes on it and funny memes?

[Iokaste]

This whole idea of there being a "one"; isn't even very Christian. There is no biiblical support to back up fundie fetishizing of "the one".
Ofcourse you can make interpretations that point in that direction, but really it is much more of an Greek mythology-idea, primarily known from Plato's "Symposion". 
Then again, that text is probably not deemed suitable for the SOTDRT.... 

[CyborgKin]

If soulmates were real... https://what-if.xkcd.com/9/

I feel a bit bad for pointing fingers at other people's silly methods of choosing a marriage partner, since my method so far has consisted of 1. rarely meet new people, most of which aren't even in my age range 2. be bad at getting to know people beyond the superficial 3. at age 30, finally start to develop some self-confidence... and then get cancer.  Oops.

I think I need to re-evaluate my approach.  But whatever I do it's not gonna involve crossing people off for petty doctrinal differences or avoiding talking to people in person like a rational adult.  And it better not be a long distance relationship.  I really don't want to do that again.  It's a good way of dragging out a mismatched mutual infatuation over a couple of years.  Hmm, I think that left me a bit jaded.

[CatNap]

I read the whole thing and, well, it’s absolutely revolting. And sad. I’m annoyed as well with their use of the word “love” with any regards to that thing they have. Love has absolutely nothing to do with the weird, awkward thing they call a relationship, which they don’t have either. They wouldn’t recognize love if it kicked them in their Godly asses. The two things that brought them together are 1) their fear of pretty much everything, and 2) their moronic and selfish parents, who don’t give a damn about their children’s wellbeing or future happiness, and are only concerned with the preservation of their cult.

They keep talking about how god brought THEM together, but the sad truth is that every one of the Staddons could have courted every one of the Neelys and they would all have sounded the same.

“God has laid it on my heart to pursue a courtship with______ (insert every fundy girl name here) because she is so pure etc. etc.”

 “My Daddy wisely encouraged me to accept the courtship request of______ (insert every fundy boy name here) because he is so godly etc. etc.”

All these Fundies, especially the Gothardite royalty (Staddons, Neelys, Wilkes, Stelzls, Wallers etc.) are so much alike that it really doesn’t matter who ends up with who, right? It’s not as if they actually have personalities. Just stick two of them together and it'll be fine. The most important thing is that they can’t get divorced and that they'll pop out as many arrows for Bill Gothard, errr, Jesus, as possible. Appalling.

BTW, Kathryn’s older sister, Amanda, also married a homely looking fundy (Matthew Wilkes). She is gorgeous and way out of his league. Their courtship story is as doleful and pious as Kathryn’s and Daniel’s, though not as convoluted. You can read it in their inactive blog: http://trustinghisgoodness.com/our-story/ I recommend keeping a barf bag near by.

These people are just so…. Ugh. I won’t be surprised if in a couple of generations the Neely, Wilkes and Staddon families (and possibly the Wallers and Stelzls) will be inbred to a high degree. Hopefully they will become extinct like the Spanish branch of the House of Habsburg.

A little OT: every year these three families (Staddon, Neely, Wilkes) organize a conference. Its purpose is to encourage families and all that jazz. Looking at the pics, these conferences are so incredibly lame, with the same stupid skits, the same boring talks, the same off-the-scale smugness, and it seems like the only attendees are these three families and a handful of other Gothardite families. What in the name of TFSM is the point? They are preaching to the same zealous choir every year. They are all the same anyway: living the same "godly" lives, thinking the same "pure" thoughts, exposed to the exact same materials, Character booklets and all. WTF?

 

[Petrel]

The fundie notion of The One I think is related to their concern about God's Plan for Your Life, which extends to such details as what career to pursue (or not), what college to go to (or not), what job offer to take, etc.  The idea is you must choose which is part of God's Plan from the available options, and if you pick the wrong option God is up there going "dammit, they screwed that up--is this even salvageable?" For some God's Plan extends to whether to go to restaurant A or restaurant B, and comes with perks such as the last parking spot near the grocery store door. 

I'm still grateful to the professor at my evangelical/fundie-lite college who when I asked how to figure out God's Plan told me he thought it was not about decisions with no moral weight, but would sort itself out as you chose to pursue goodness day by day. 

[AuntK]

11 hours ago, CyborgKin said:

Is that a real turn of phrase?  Or a weird sotdrtism?

Either way, it would make a good post count title.

Actually, I've heard it used as someone WAS a "caution," meaning he or she was a real character!

[Palimpsest]

37 minutes ago, CatNap said:

BTW, Kathryn’s older sister, Amanda, also married a homely looking fundy (Matthew Wilkes). She is gorgeous and way out of his league. They’re courtship story is as doleful and pious as Kathryn’s and Daniel’s, though not as convoluted. You can read it in their inactive blog: http://trustinghisgoodness.com/our-story/ I recommend to keep a barf bag near by.

Ah yes.  I am reminded. Mr. Neely's marriage questionnaire is a mere 85 questions.  I doubt any of them are multiple choice.  We really should make it easier for these Princes to lasso the Daughters of the King.

1.  How would you describe yourself? (circle one)

a. Confident in my Salvation.  b. A godless heathen

2.  At what age were you Saved?

a. <5 b. 5 - 6 c. 6 - 7 d. other (please specify) ___________

3.  Are your parents Saved?

a. YES  b. NO

    3a.  If NO, why not?  Be specific: ____________________________________________

4.  Do you believe in submission?

a. YES  b. NO

5.  Will you accept all the children God gives you?

a. YES  b. NO

6.  If your wife was sick would you take her to:

a. Your PCP b. the ER c. Urgent Care d. the unlicensed midwife.

7.  If you and your wife have a disagreement would you:

a. discuss it   b. pray for her to remember she should submit    c. Beat her   d.  Shoot her.

and so on.

 

  

 

[Jana814]

5 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Ah yes.  I am reminded. Mr. Neely's marriage questionnaire is a mere 85 questions.  I doubt any of them are multiple choice.  We really should make it easier for these Princes to lasso the Daughters of the King.

1.  How would you describe yourself? (circle one)

a. Confident in my Salvation.  b. A godless heathen

2.  At what age were you Saved?

a. <5 b. 5 - 6 c. 6 - 7 d. other (please specify) ___________

3.  Are your parents Saved?

a. YES  b. NO

    3a.  If NO, why not?  Be specific: ____________________________________________

4.  Do you believe in submission?

a. YES  b. NO

5.  Will you accept all the children God gives you?

a. YES  b. NO

6.  If your wife was sick would you take her to:

a. Your PCP b. the ER c. Urgent Care d. the unlicensed midwife.

7.  If you and your wife have a disagreement would you:

a. discuss it   b. pray for her to remember she should submit    c. Beat her   d.  Shoot her.

and so on.

 

  

 

Oh my this was a questionnaire  for someone to court his children?  

I just had to fill one out pertaining to a car accident I had 2 years ago  I thought those questions were bad but this is so much worse. 

[nelliebelle1197]

12 hours ago, EscapedCardinal said:

Hey now—I know they just got on our radar, but I'd still take a chance on disc golf and what's in Crockpot #3 at the Staddons' over forced-smile photography and bean burritos at the Maxwells'.

The Staddons have been around forever. They are just booorrring.  And sort of sad and hidden in at Headquarters with the world's most boring blog. The Neely family is old school FJ too.

[Palimpsest]

30 minutes ago, Jana814 said:

Oh my this was a questionnaire  for someone to court his children?  

I just had to fill one out pertaining to a car accident I had 2 years ago  I thought those questions were bad but this is so much worse. 

No.  That was pure snark.

 We do have a couple of actual questionnaires preserved in the Archives and they are really awful.  They are open-ended questions though.   Think answering 85 questions with a minimum of 5 pages for each question and enough God-speak to sink a battleship.

[Jana814]

15 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

No.  That was pure snark.

 We do have a couple of actual questionnaires preserved in the Archives and they are really awful.  They are open-ended questions though.   Think answering 85 questions with a minimum of 5 pages for each question and enough God-speak to sink a battleship.

Glad it was snark. But it seemed so real it would surprise me if a Fundie father would do that to a potential suitor. 

[Mela99]

Yep - the record for the fastest engagement is set by Noah Sanders and Dorothy Morton. The parents claimed that the two had never ever talked to each other (for the sake of purity of course!!) and when Noah turned 20 he was released to search for a wife. His sisters suggested Dorothy. He wrote letters about theology to Pa Morton ("so he could better understand Noah's vision"). Then he drove to GA hung out with her for a couple of days (closely chaperoned of course!!) and then asked her to marry her. Romantic, isn't it?

OKay. Someone has to point me down this rabbit hole.

[usedbicycle]

Oh wow, I just realized my mother-law-law lives exactly 35 miles from the church they're getting married in. I thought it was close but not this close. Western NC is a super hick and religious part of the country... My MIL lives alone and doesn't go to church, but she volunteers all the time with the VA and her town's food pantry. She recently broke her ankle and not a single person came to help out or bring a meal. When she asked her neighbor for help walking her dog, they said "Well isn't your Church family helping you out, honey?". A bunch of true Christian assholes. You couldn't pay me enough to live there.

But now I'm daydreaming of a plan to visit her for the weekend and check out the wedding crowd. 

 

[Jana814]

7 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

Oh wow, I just realized my mother-law-law lives exactly 35 miles from the church they're getting married in. I thought it was close but not this close. Western NC is a super hick and religious part of the country... My MIL lives alone and doesn't go to church, but she volunteers all the time with the VA and her town's food pantry. She recently broke her ankle and not a single person came to help out or bring a meal. When she asked her neighbor for help walking her dog, they said "Well isn't your Church family helping you out, honey?". A bunch of true Christian assholes. You couldn't pay me enough to live there.

But now I'm daydreaming of a plan to visit her for the weekend and check out the wedding crowd. 

 

1) Hope your mother-in-law feels better soon. 2) that is horrible that someone would say that to her. & 3) I'm a dog walker if I lived by your mother-in-law I would walk her dog for free just because someone said something like that to her. 

[HereticHick]

21 minutes ago, usedbicycle said:

Oh wow, I just realized my mother-law-law lives exactly 35 miles from the church they're getting married in. I thought it was close but not this close. Western NC is a super hick and religious part of the country... My 

But now I'm daydreaming of a plan to visit her for the weekend and check out the wedding crowd. 

 

"super hick"  -- Does that mean us mountain folks are hicks with magical powers?? 

 

[usedbicycle]

Just now, HereticHick said:

"super hick"  -- Does that mean us mountain folks are hicks with magical powers?? 

 

Lol, making moonshine is kind of a magical power, right?

[princessmahina]

13 hours ago, snowflake said:

My question boils down to the same question everyone else has. How do "fall in love" with someone after just a month? You can't truly know a person a month.

They fall in love with an ideal- prays x times a day, reads Bible x times a day, Loves the LORD, wants eleventy children, okay with voluntourism, etc. I don't think the actual person matters at all. 

[Dandruff]

David Waller claimed to have gotten a "caution" just prior to PecanGate.  I believe it was a momentary, unfamiliar flash of common sense that he assumed had come from outside.  When opportunities for common sense aren't involved with these folks' cautions, I'd bet it's just the heebie-jeebies.  Since the bible says "fear not", and they want to believe, they figure it must be some sort of nudging from the Lord (who should know better than to use subtlety on any of them).  They choose a path that makes the nervousness go away, which is likely what they wanted to begin with, and then they find out whether they obeyed or not.

So (IMO):

- David and Priscilla approach someone else's land, with the intent of gleaning pecans.  David picks up a faint "this is stupid" signal from within but doesn't fathom it.  Pecans are gleaned, cops are called, and Priscilla gets upset.  David realizes he had disobeyed the prompting of the Lord.

- Kendalyn tells her dad that she wants to go to medical school.  This would involve her leaving home and associating with non-Gothardite people, some of whom will be naked.  He receives a caution and acts on it.  Kendalyn is allowed to get a Gothard-approved home health care degree and the Lord sends Robert (whom Daddy likes) to marry her/deal with any future bright ideas.  Dad realizes he had obeyed the prompting of the Lord.

[libriatrix]

2 hours ago, princessmahina said:

They fall in love with an ideal- prays x times a day, reads Bible x times a day, Loves the LORD, wants eleventy children, okay with voluntourism, etc. I don't think the actual person matters at all. 

In fact, it's emphasized and preached that any two Christians can marry each other bc personalities are not important, only whether you love the Lord. When you think about the level of personality that all these fundies, especially the Gothard variety, and especially the women, are allowed to express, it's unbelievably low. The screeds about how wonderful my husband is because x or how wonderful my wife is because y are incredibly generic and make it clear that these spouses don't really know each other at all. How can they when none of them are allowed a personality? Men at least get to choose some type of vocation that may be in line with their interests and talents, but wives aren't allowed to have any non-homemaker interests or talents at all, and are forced to have homemaker "interests". 

[HermioneSparrow]

5 hours ago, Mela99 said:

Yep - the record for the fastest engagement is set by Noah Sanders and Dorothy Morton. The parents claimed that the two had never ever talked to each other (for the sake of purity of course!!) and when Noah turned 20 he was released to search for a wife. His sisters suggested Dorothy. He wrote letters about theology to Pa Morton ("so he could better understand Noah's vision"). Then he drove to GA hung out with her for a couple of days (closely chaperoned of course!!) and then asked her to marry her. Romantic, isn't it?

OKay. Someone has to point me down this rabbit hole.

I wanna go down that rabbit hole too. 

[hoipolloi]

@Mela99 & @HermioneSparrow:

The recent/ongoing Morton thread has lots of good links but you can find a LOT more in FJ's archived threads. Enjoy!

N.B. -- There may not be enough rescue ferrets if you people go down these rabbit holes all at once!

[Naga Viper]

6 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

The Staddons have been around forever. They are just booorrring.  And sort of sad and hidden in at Headquarters with the world's most boring blog. The Neely family is old school FJ too.

Yeah, I should've said "as a couple." Not sure I've run into the Neelys before—there are still too many families for me to keep track of—but I've definitely enjoyed every Staddon-Waller meme that's crossed my screen.

[CyborgKin]

1 hour ago, libriatrix said:

In fact, it's emphasized and preached that any two Christians can marry each other bc personalities are not important, only whether you love the Lord.

Is this by the same people who talk about finding The One, or a different bunch?  Cos this seems like the opposite extreme to that.

7 hours ago, CatNap said:

BTW, Kathryn’s older sister, Amanda, also married a homely looking fundy (Matthew Wilkes). She is gorgeous and way out of his league.

I don't really like this kind of thinking, by which someone needs to be attractive enough to be in a relationship with a certain person.  It's not much different to saying someone is too low class, or the wrong ethnicity.  Plus, it's a subjective judgement.  I don't think it's anyone's place to tell a man or woman that their physical appearance either does or does not entitle them a certain level of attractiveness in a partner.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

7 hours ago, Petrel said:

The idea is you must choose which is part of God's Plan from the available options, and if you pick the wrong option God is up there going "dammit, they screwed that up--is this even salvageable?" For some God's Plan extends to whether to go to restaurant A or restaurant B, and comes with perks such as the last parking spot near the grocery store door.  

Sounds like some sort of supernatural game show.