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Daniel Staddon and Kathryn Neely: the most convoluted courtship story ever


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8 minutes ago, CyborgKin said:

Is this by the same people who talk about finding The One, or a different bunch?  Cos this seems like the opposite extreme to that.

Not sure what you're thinking of by "finding The One," but it makes me think of the idea that God has picked someone out for you and you're just waiting around (girls) or looking (guys) until you find that person and marry them. Could take a long time but there's sure to be someone out there eventually and no, you couldn't marry just anyone, you'll only marry the one that God destined you to marry. Does that sound like what you're thinking of? 

Counter-intuitively, the mix'n'match any godly man and woman that I was referring to actually fits just fine with "the one God has for me" mentality. The key is that the one God has for you isn't necessarily specially suited to your personality, because, again, personality is not really thought of as something important at all. It's just the one you're supposed to marry, whether they match you particularly or not. It's not so much "soulmate" as it is "fate". Consequently you should consider any godly man or woman who crosses your path as potential without necessarily caring about how you get along with them, just about whether they check all the godly boxes and whether you get a leading from the Lord to pursue  them (guys) or whether they get a leading to pursue you (girls). 

Did I explain that coherently enough?

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32 minutes ago, CyborgKin said:

Is this by the same people who talk about finding The One, or a different bunch?  Cos this seems like the opposite extreme to that.

I don't really like this kind of thinking, by which someone needs to be attractive enough to be in a relationship with a certain person.  It's not much different to saying someone is too low class, or the wrong ethnicity.  Plus, it's a subjective judgement.  I don't think it's anyone's place to tell a man or woman that their physical appearance either does or does not entitle them a certain level of attractiveness in a partner.

I'm the one who brought up that Kathryn is out of Daniel's league a few pages back. I prefaced that I wasn't proud of my comment but it's true. You can look at studies. People tend to marry people who similar in attractiveness. Kathryn is stunning. Daniel is very average looking. I also get the sense through looking at pictures that he is a little awkward while she is not. Like I said earlier in the thread, if they met at a college keg party, she wouldn't give him the time of day. I stand by that even if I was just making a joke. They just really look like a mismatch.

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So these people literally spent 20 times more time deciding whether to talk than actually talking? Yikes.

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1 hour ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I'm the one who brought up that Kathryn is out of Daniel's league a few pages back. I prefaced that I wasn't proud of my comment but it's true. You can look at studies. People tend to marry people who similar in attractiveness. Kathryn is stunning. Daniel is very average looking. I also get the sense through looking at pictures that he is a little awkward while she is not. Like I said earlier in the thread, if they met at a college keg party, she wouldn't give him the time of day. I stand by that even if I was just making a joke. They just really look like a mismatch.

 

bbm -- This isn't strictly true. 

http://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2015/06/when-attractive-people-do-or-dont-choose-equally-good-looking-mates.html

ime, you typically see attractive women with less attractive men more often than the other way around, though.

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10 minutes ago, polecat said:

bbm -- This isn't strictly true. 

http://www.northwestern.edu/newscenter/stories/2015/06/when-attractive-people-do-or-dont-choose-equally-good-looking-mates.html

ime, you typically see attractive women with less attractive men more often than the other way around, though.

Did you read that study? It says that people who get together soon after meeting are more likely to be similar in attractiveness compared to people who got to know one another well before they started dating. So your study proves that Kathryn wouldn't give Daniel the time of day at a keg party. 

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20 minutes ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Did you read that study? It says that people who get together soon after meeting are more likely to be similar in attractiveness compared to people who got to know one another well before they started dating. So your study proves that Kathryn wouldn't give Daniel the time of day at a keg party. 

 
 
 

 

32 minutes ago, polecat said:

You can look at studies. People tend to marry people who similar in attractiveness.

 

2 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

I don't really like this kind of thinking, by which someone needs to be attractive enough to be in a relationship with a certain person.  It's not much different to saying someone is too low class, or the wrong ethnicity.  Plus, it's a subjective judgement.  I don't think it's anyone's place to tell a man or woman that their physical appearance either does or does not entitle them a certain level of attractiveness in a partner.

 
 
2

I was responding to the bolded comment quoted above (which is apparently being attributed to me, but it's actually your quote) and in the context of the above quote (also wrongly attributed, and I'm not sure how to sort all that out) -- not to the specific case of this couple.

And yes, I read the linked article, which is why I linked it. *sigh* I know exactly what it said. People who know each other in another context *before* dating are less likely to be equally attractive than those who meet/date right away. 

 

 

 

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14 minutes ago, polecat said:

 

 

I was responding to the bolded comment quoted above (which is apparently being attributed to me, but it's actually your quote) and in the context of the above quote (also wrongly attributed, and I'm not sure how to sort all that out) -- not to the specific case of this couple.

And yes, I read the linked article, which is why I linked it. *sigh* I know exactly what it said. People who know each other in another context *before* dating are less likely to be equally attractive than those who meet/date right away. 

 

 

 

Well it's debatable as to whether this couple in question really knew one another before the whole ridiculous year of emails. I mean they were acquainted and knew of one another but they didn't really know each other that well at all in my opinion. 

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8 hours ago, HereticHick said:

"super hick"  -- Does that mean us mountain folks are hicks with magical powers?? :my_shy:

 

If that's the case, then where the fuck are mine, damnit?!

(I am also going to politely point out that WNC overwhelmingly supported Bernie Sanders in the primary and Asheville is known throughout the country as a bastion of progressive politics, so hateful stereotypes of Appalachians can DIAF as far as I'm concerned.)

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There's totally a discussion to be had about how fundie men (ATI princes especially) demand that their wives be gorgeous while barely grooming their own melted crayon-looking asses.

But this guy ain't THAT ugly. The kid can't help that his mom dresses him like a mailman. He could make it to second base at any keg party in my tricounty area.

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21 hours ago, foreign fundie said:

Where I differ with these type of fundies, was that I used those criteria to elliminate prospective partners, not to choose them. I do not believe I would be happy with any guy who shares my faith. Because 99 % of marriage is day to day stuff. Normal conversations, not Bible study. You have to like somebody's actual company, not just his inner convictions. You have to feel safe on an emotional level, which has very little to do with ones ideas about the rapture or creation. And a good love life depends on mutual trust, built through day to day loving interaction, not on a proper theological understanding of your gender role.

I know some very godly men whose faith I really respect but that I would dread to be married to :my_cry:

As a progressive Christian (Quaker), I tend to find myself dating more atheists and agnostics than other Christians because our values tend to be more in line. 

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4 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

There's totally a discussion to be had about how fundie men (ATI princes especially) demand that their wives be gorgeous while barely grooming their own melted crayon-looking asses.

But this guy ain't THAT ugly. The kid can't help that his mom dresses him like a mailman. He could make it to second base at any keg party in my tricounty area.

I never said he was ugly! I said he was very average and she's beautiful. 

Of course unattractive men marry attractive women outside of fundie circles. But people just assume the dude is rich ;-)

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To throw a wrench in things, other factors play a part in evaluating mate suitability.  Being rich helps.  

I don't think she had much say in her marriage so we can ignore her preferences and figure the husband was chosen by her father and would reflect his preferences.  And . . . I'm not sure what those are.  They keep talking about "check marks" that appear to be all religious criteria but no detail, and no mention of how he's going to feed and house her. 

Good grief, the type of "signs" they were relying upon.  The word "together" appearing in a random verse.  A name (not even hers) stumbled upon in a genealogy.  They might as well be practicing divination.  They probably would have had as much luck reading a chicken's entrails.  

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2 minutes ago, nickelodeon said:

There's totally a discussion to be had about how fundie men (ATI princes especially) demand that their wives be gorgeous while barely grooming their own melted crayon-looking asses.

But this guy ain't THAT ugly. The kid can't help that his mom dresses him like a mailman. He could make it to second base at any keg party in my tricounty area.

Exactly; sadly if a guy cares about appearance (or wears clothes that come within a mile of actually fitting his body) he's cracked down on—only gays like fashion! I should know, had plenty of negative experiences due to trying to dress myself well :( I'd say the same though, he's really not unattractive (his eyes are beautiful!). He just needs a stylist—get that man some well-fitting clothes, a haircut that fits both the modern era and his face, maybe a pair of decent glasses frames (pretty sure he's wearing contacts now, but last I saw him in person I believe was glasses) and he'd be a reasonably handsome boy-next-door type.

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22 hours ago, snowflake said:

My question boils down to the same question everyone else has. How do "fall in love" with someone after just a month? You can't truly know a person a month.

You can't. I equate it to young people with their very first relationship. It's exciting and new and amazing, and a lot of fundies seem to fall immediately into that soulmate-forever-bestest-boyfriend-star-crossed mindset. Makes me think of my cousin on Facebook. She got her first boyfriend at 19 and it was immediate OMG SOULMATE billions of hearts and stars. Couldn't go thirty seconds on Facebook without sharing their love.  But then she found out he was a 19 year old male  And she got a new soulmate and they've been together for six months but they're totally going to get married and be together forever, which is PROVEN by the number of engagement ring, princess, and church emojis after every sentence. That never ends well. If you're not grown up enough to drive a car, pay your own bills, etc., you're not grown up enough to make any other major life decision. 

I think part of it is insecurity and I think part of it is immaturity. Most of us grow out of that and find the person who grows with us but these people aren't given that opportunity. By the time the shock and novelty wears off, they're stuck. Forever. 

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4 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

@Mela99 & @HermioneSparrow:

The recent/ongoing Morton thread has lots of good links but you can find a LOT more in FJ's archived threads. Enjoy!

N.B. -- There may not be enough rescue ferrets if you people go down these rabbit holes all at once!

:ferret::ferret::ferret::ferret::ferret:

I think I love you, LOL. Thanks sweetie!

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On June 8, 2016 at 8:35 PM, Cats B4 Quivers said:

They have a frisbee on their wedding registry. 

 

Does anyone else think these fundie couples go to a store to complete their registry and they just scan whatever they see because "OMGosh I'm going to move away from my bland ass beige parents, who have sheltered me since I was a fetus, have sweet fellowship with the one God & my Daddy chose for me. Since I've never made a decision before in my life I'm gonna ask for a frisbee & 3 huge ass crockpots & some Sharpies & gift cards and junk food!" Or do the men do the registries, because you can't trust wimmen folk, and they end up acting like they're at the laser tag place & just scan random shit? 

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19 minutes ago, Mela99 said:

But then she found out he was a 19 year old male and that he had been nailing anybody that wasn't already nailed down.

I know this is a really common expression, but can we not imply that having sex with anybody and everybody is something all men or all teen boys do? Implying that that's just part of being a guy is the kind of thing that makes men feel entitled to rape. It's a subtle message but if you're getting those messages every day for your entire life, you can grow up into a Brock Turner.

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1 minute ago, libriatrix said:

I know this is a really common expression, but can we not imply that having sex with anybody and everybody is something all men or all teen boys do? Implying that that's just part of being a guy is the kind of thing that makes men feel entitled to rape. It's a subtle message but if you're getting those messages every day for your entire life, you can grow up into a Brock Turner.

Point taken. Stricken.

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47 minutes ago, Othello said:

Exactly; sadly if a guy cares about appearance (or wears clothes that come within a mile of actually fitting his body) he's cracked down on—only gays like fashion! I should know, had plenty of negative experiences due to trying to dress myself well  I'd say the same though, he's really not unattractive (his eyes are beautiful!). He just needs a stylist—get that man some well-fitting clothes, a haircut that fits both the modern era and his face, maybe a pair of decent glasses frames (pretty sure he's wearing contacts now, but last I saw him in person I believe was glasses) and he'd be a reasonably handsome boy-next-door type.

He's no Chad Paine :-P

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55 minutes ago, libriatrix said:

I know this is a really common expression, but can we not imply that having sex with anybody and everybody is something all men or all teen boys do? Implying that that's just part of being a guy is the kind of thing that makes men feel entitled to rape. It's a subtle message but if you're getting those messages every day for your entire life, you can grow up into a Brock Turner.

I completely missed the second part of the statement and assumed @Mela99 was just referring to the idea that 19-year-old boys can be annoying as crap. Couldn't figure out what you were talking about until I reread the rest of the post. I think working out a little too hard killed my cognitive abilities for the day...

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This is the first thread I've read on these Staddon and Morton people. 

I don't know whether to thank you people or organise a hit man to call to your houses :no::no::no:

Either way, it's bye bye Friday....... 

:pipe:

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13 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

Well it's debatable as to whether this couple in question really knew one another before the whole ridiculous year of emails. I mean they were acquainted and knew of one another but they didn't really know each other that well at all in my opinion. 

 

Again, I wasn't talking about this couple in my response. I have no idea how well they knew each other if at all.

Personally, I suspect it was mostly by sight only. Given my knowledge of fundydom, yes, your families CAN know one another and you still can be completely in the dark about someone in that family. Because you simply don't interact with that person. Your parents are friends, and you might be friends with the girl children, but you just don't talk to the boys unless they are little children -- it's not "appropriate." The dynamic is just bizarre. 

 

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Physically, I don't think they're really unevenly matched. IMO they're an attractive couple. It's the belief system that's so unattractive. 

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2 hours ago, polecat said:

Again, I wasn't talking about this couple in my response. I have no idea how well they knew each other if at all.

Personally, I suspect it was mostly by sight only. Given my knowledge of fundydom, yes, your families CAN know one another and you still can be completely in the dark about someone in that family. Because you simply don't interact with that person. Your parents are friends, and you might be friends with the girl children, but you just don't talk to the boys unless they are little children -- it's not "appropriate." The dynamic is just bizarre. 

 

Yeah, once the little girls and boys start approaching the age of ten or eleven...

Our daughters found that bewildering and heartbreaking. One day they were best buddies, running around in the woods (catching bugs, building forts, digging worms, playing "Lord of the Rings") or the play area at church, and then, inexplicably, comes a day when their former friends start acting snooty and superior and stand-offish and like they've developed a bad odor or something.

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I think he looks like he can't believe his luck. She's probably feeling adored (for now), which can be quite seductive in itself. 

But beauty is subjective and can be found in a smile, an expression or a thousand other small things, which may be incomprehensible to onlookers. If I saw them in the street I would notice them because of their clothing style, not because of their looks or any disparity in attractiveness.

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