YLCF: "Men... please date your daughters." *cough*

[wtylcf]

"My dad was my first date at age 14." And with that sentence, the article became even more f*ed up than I thought was possible before.

When did this idea, that a parent/child relationship ought to be the model for a future romantic relationship, come into parlance in fundie circles? It makes absolutely no sense to me. It's one thing to consider one's father the head of the household, with authority over oneself, but I don't fully understand how one gets from there to "my father is the model of the person I will marry and we will selectively blur the lines between a platonic and romantic relationship." I mean, I guess since the father is considered the guardian of the daughter's sexuality, you could make that leap to claim that the father-daughter relationship is a practice arena for sexual relationships - in a platonic way - but that seems to be a mighty big leap to make. And writing that sentence, honestly, was enough to gross me out completely; it seems that messed up. I'm sure many of us here have great relationships with our fathers but never "dated" them nor considered them gatekeepers to ourselves, and that many of us never grew up with father figures yet managed to achieve functional romantic relationships as adults. But who's interested in contrary real-life examples when you can lay down a totally godly pat formula for how to structure your pre-marriage romantic life?

It's been awhile since an YLCF article raised my ire in this way, so I guess, in finding new writers to transition from the old guard to the new guard, we're experiencing something of a return to form. I don't think I've been this bemused at ylcf since Gretchen wrote about being jealous of her infant daughter vying for her husband's affections by doing household chores. (it was a Godly jealousy as keeper of Her Husband's Vision at home, so that makes it A-OK!)

[Petals]

I'm really upset about this post. I think that since Gretchen, Lanier, Natalie and Ashleigh have turned over control of the blog to the newer writers, things have gone way downhill.

Here's what Gretchen posted on her personal blog for Father's Day:

http://littlepinkhouse DOT net/2011/06/just-fishin/

Totally normal and sweet. And if you look at the YLCF archives, there's plenty more like it. In the past year, YLCF has declined so much in quality and content that I feel heartbroken about it.

Edit: clarification

[treemom]

I don't have a problem with the idea of father/daughter mother/son dates. That is what I call it when I plan an evening out with the purpose of spending QT with the boy.

The problem is they go far beyond just that term. What they describe is emotional incest....a emotional romance pretty much with your father.

[Kathryn31]

Perhaps this could be why so many SAHD are approaching their late 20's and early 30's without being married? They have been completely traumatized by dating daddy.

[silvia]

Looks like the post has been edited considerably since it was put up (the "lesbianism" reference has been removed, as has some of the squickier language about daddy-daughter relationships). Hi, YLCF eds! *waves*

[emeraldskull]

Perhaps this could be why so many SAHD are approaching their late 20's and early 30's without being married? They have been completely traumatized by dating daddy.

Or maybe daddy is enjoying the attention so much he won't let any young men get within twenty feet of the girls... :shock:

[doggie]

Men, if you’re reading this, please date your daughters...Don’t have daughters? Little sisters, nieces, cousins and the single mother’s daughter down the road all need you.

that's a good way to land in jail.

[luv2laugh]

I want to send these girls links of all the blogs from former SAHD who had dysfunctional marriages ending in divorce or breaking out of the Fundie cycle.

I don't really believe that most SAHD'S marriages ended in divorce. Can you provide links for that statement?

[Angri-la]

keeks21 wrote:

I want to send these girls links of all the blogs from former SAHD who had dysfunctional marriages ending in divorce or breaking out of the Fundie cycle.

I don't really believe that most SAHD'S marriages ended in divorce. Can you provide links for that statement?

Don't think the OP meant MOST end in divorce, just that she would like to send them the ones where they did. Like Autumn, for example.

[PennySycamore]

The local Chik-Fil-A has a notice on its sign about the upcoming Daddy-Daughter Date night. Ick.

[treemom]

I mean, when I was in middle school and even into high school, my dad would take me out on "dates"--he'd take me to a bookstore or a coffee shop and we'd sit and talk about whatever I wanted to discuss. He always did that because while my brothers were and are really into Boy Scouts and he goes camping with them, I didn't participate in group activities like that (being the introvert that I am, large groups freaked me out as a kid). He just always wanted me to know that he was there to listen and cared as much about me as he did my brothers. So that's what "dad dates" make me think of.

The YLCF version, though, is just squicky and makes me feel like I need to find a new term for my precious memories

This is similar to my dates with my son. He is a daddy's boy and super involved with him so I like to carve out time for just me and him where we can chat etc.

[PennySycamore]

Treemom, has your blog been hacked? I know this is off-topic, but I don't have the ability to PM people yet. I was looking at the blog list this evening, clicked on your blog link and got something suspicious looking.

[treemom]

Treemom, has your blog been hacked? I know this is off-topic, but I don't have the ability to PM people yet. I was looking at the blog list this evening, clicked on your blog link and got something suspicious looking.

Gah! Apparently it has. Thanks!

[Terrie]

Gee, in my family we called spending time together.... spending time together. May dad, despite working 60+ hours a week made a point to find time to do things like teach me to play chess and cribbage, go out to eat, watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail or show me how to change a flat tire. The occasional father-daughter special events we did (such as a Girl Scout troop thing) always felt odd because they were so out of step with our usual stuff, so stiff and formal. But my dad was never one to treat me a like a princess. He treated me like a person who could do anything. :)

[silvia]

http://ylcfDOTorg/2011/06/not-when-you-say-i-do/

Now THIS is how it should be, YLCF. Honest, real (she acknowledges that her whirlwind courtship gave her whiplash), and confronts the glibness of the courtship movement's promises (your first kiss at the altar will be unbelievably spectacular and you'll see fireworks). Well done, Jessica.

[AmongThem]

Is there a list of blogs of SAHD's who married and ended in divorce....or even just gave up on the whole SAHD movement and started their own lives away from their families?

[ricky_ticky]

Where's the emoticon for falling asleep? Checking in over at ylcf I see that there is nothing but posts about courtship, the look in his eyes, trusting in daddy while you wait, hoping and praying for your prince. BORING

I thought they made an announcement last year that since many of the writers at YLCF were no longer single they would be posting more about general life aspects. Maybe because it is summer all the young christian ladies' thoughts are on courtship.

I bet the next topic of interest on ylcf is going to be how to stay busy and minister even while you wait and wait and wait and wait....