Fans Who Send the Duggars Gifts or Make Personal Requests

[Cleopatra7]

16 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

 

Hoop skirts and white jacketed non white waiters was my impression

 

Gross. There's the "good Southern style" and the "bad Southern style" and plantation cosplay goes in the latter category.

[SilverBeach]

It might help to define "safe space". When I use the word "safe" in relation to FJ, I simply mean that for the most part, FJers are open minded and non judgemental. Nothing more, nothing less. 

[FundieFarmer]

Serious question: what about the mental health and other really personal threads where members offer support to one another. Is that playing at being support groups? I just want to understand the difference between those issues and cult survivor issues. Of course, supportive posting about serious issues should never be used as a substitute for "real" help, but is it harmful?

Just genuinely trying to understand, that's all, not trying to start or participate in any type of controversy.

We have a pretty big sticky in AYTFJ warning that it's not a support space and that if you need that sort of professional help to seek it elsewhere and not rely on FJ. I view those threads as a friendly supplement to any professional support one may be getting, sort of like a gathering with beers around the bar table to discuss professional help, not an actual source of it. YMMV.

[SilverBeach]

Just now, FundieFarmer said:

We have a pretty big sticky in AYTFJ warning that it's not a support space and that if you need that sort of professional help to seek it elsewhere and not rely on FJ. I view those threads as a friendly supplement to any professional support one may be getting, sort of like a gathering with beers around the bar table to discuss professional help, not an actual source of it. YMMV.

Maybe a cult survivor thread would be appropriate there as well. What you said is totally how I see discussions of these types of subjects, but it wasn't clear to me why cult survivors had the disclaimer specially directed at them in this thread.

[iweartanktops]

@SilverBeach, I think I understand your question. Others may disagree, but I see FJ as a safe place in that you can come with the expectation that you may have discussions with other members and not experience hate speech or outright discrimination. However, If you choose to disclose personal information, it can be "used against you" if people notice discrepancies. 

I think the mental health, ttc, etc., threads are quite supportive, but they're not meant to replace any kind of professional services. Also, they're on the Internet, which is never safe. This is how I understand it. 

@nelliebelle1197, I can come back in a bit with a link to the MalteseBaby incident. I don't know why people don't believe her. I have a $250,000 fish that takes Miralax daily for her constipation.

[Palimpsest]

38 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

Serious question: what about the mental health and other really personal threads where members offer support to one another. Is that playing at being support groups? I just want to understand the difference between those issues and cult survivor issues. Of course, supportive posting about serious issues should never be used as a substitute for "real" help, but is it harmful?

Just genuinely trying to understand, that's all, not trying to start or participate in any type of controversy.

 

21 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

It might help to define "safe space". When I use the word "safe" in relation to FJ, I simply mean that for the most part, FJers are open minded and non judgemental. Nothing more, nothing less. 

No worries.  As @FundieFarmer says there is a warning on AYTFJ .  

We had a long discussion about that years ago and that is why the warning is there.  I feel strongly that we can't pretend to provide support - just point to other resources IF we see a member in trouble.  Think -we are not a Suicide  Hotline.  At the time some people seemed to think we were able to do that and the SW in me argued against it.

The difference I see is that the mental health and pain groups  - and a possible cult survivor group - are in a more private (non-googlable) area.  Members can support each other as much as they like of course.  Members self select into those groups, informally support each other and share info - nothing wrong with that at all.  Real survivor support groups have private areas that are locked down far more than AYTFJ, by the way.  They also specialize in recovery and usually have professionals to consult/moderate. 

I don't see the public area of FJ as "safe" for many reasons.  Anyone can read those boards and too much information there can be used to identify you.  Especially when people are wondering - so which cult was it anyway?  Someone might spill too much info by accident.  Also, people can and will question you and even attack because that is still FJ.  Not the place to have those discussions.  I got squirrelly after several reiterations (over time) that the poster being discussed thought that FJ was a safe place.

There are other reasons but I don't have time for them now, sorry.  

[nelliebelle1197]

3 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

Maybe a cult survivor thread would be appropriate there as well. What you said is totally how I see discussions of these types of subjects, but it wasn't clear to me why cult survivors had the disclaimer specially directed at them in this thread.

SB, I believe you fled a dangerous religion, correct? But you seem very mature and at peace with it. Does that make sense? It's just part of who you are and you use the experience. It is not something you are trying to work through.

I had to literally bite my tongue recently when someone was telling you that you were wrong about the dynamics of leaving a dangerous religion/cult. You were handling it so well and I was dying to jump in but you did not need it.

@Palimpsest your post brings to mind Anno Domini (SP) who seemed to think FJ was going to rescue her from her crazy family. I don't believe that ended well.

[SilverBeach]

14 minutes ago, iweartanktops said:

@SilverBeach, I think I understand your question. Others may disagree, but I see FJ as a safe place in that you can come with the expectation that you may have discussions with other members and not experience hate speech or outright discrimination. However, If you choose to disclose personal information, it can be "used against you" if people notice discrepancies. 

I think the mental health, ttc, etc., threads are quite supportive, but they're not meant to replace any kind of professional services. Also, they're on the Internet, which is never safe. This is how I understand it, personally. 

@nelliebelle1197, I can come back in a bit with a link to the MalteseBaby incident. I don't know why people don't believe her. I have a 250,000 fish that takes Miralax daily for her constipation.

I agree with your view of FJ as a safe place. However, the people here are smart and it can be a tough place too. I don't think that pointing out a discrepancy is necessarily using personal information against someone. It can really just be a good faith effort to understand what a poster is saying, with no agenda behind it. 

Not snarking, but why would adults think FJ, or any online community, could replace professional services? I just wondered why the disclaimer was specifically used in the context of a cult survivor discussion. Did colors say he or she was seeking therapy from the board? It's entirely possible that I missed something.

@Palimpsest, thanks for your reply.

[iweartanktops]

8 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

I agree with your view of FJ as a safe place. However, the people here are smart and it can be a tough place too. I don't think that pointing out a discrepancy is necessarily using personal information against someone. It can really just be a good faith effort to understand what a poster is saying, with no agenda behind it. 

Not snarking, but why would adults think FJ, or any online community, could replace professional services? I just wondered why the disclaimer was specifically used in the context of a cult survivor discussion. Did colors say he or she was seeking therapy from the board? It's entirely possible that I missed something.

I'm just speaking in general. I have no personal opinion about colors outside. And using information "against you" was probably a poor choice of words. I just meant that anything you share is basically fair game, with the exception of hate speech or doxxing. Is that more clear? 

Also, I think the disclaimer exists because while most of us have common sense to understand things, there are some people that need explicit direction. And when it comes to something sensitive, such as mental health, it's best to play it safe and be very clear that this is not therapy. 

[nelliebelle1197]

@SilverBeach I think it was because some concern was expressed that she may not be far enough along, if she really did flee a cult, to handle some of the topics here?? That was my concern.

[SilverBeach]

8 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

SB, I believe you fled a dangerous religion, correct? But you seem very mature and at peace with it. Does that make sense? It's just part of who you are and you use the experience. It is not something you are trying to work through.

I had to literally bite my tongue recently when someone was telling you that you were wrong about the dynamics of leaving a dangerous religion/cult. You were handling it so well and I was dying to jump in but you did not need it.

@Palimpsest your post brings to mind Anno Domini (SP) who seemed to think FJ was going to rescue her from her crazy family. I don't believe that ended well.

Thanks, yes it's just another life experience now. I would love to reveal the name of the cult but it might be TMI. 

I understand that some people may come here with completely unrealistic expectations about the nature of the community or what kind of "help" they should receive. Unfortunately, the very people disclaimers are written for seldom pay them any attention!

[Palimpsest]

14 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

SB, I believe you fled a dangerous religion, correct? But you seem very mature and at peace with it. Does that make sense? It's just part of who you are and you use the experience. It is not something you are trying to work through.

I had to literally bite my tongue recently when someone was telling you that you were wrong about the dynamics of leaving a dangerous religion/cult. You were handling it so well and I was dying to jump in but you did not need it.

@Palimpsest your post brings to mind Anno Domini (SP) who seemed to think FJ was going to rescue her from her crazy family. I don't believe that ended well.

Yes that is one example of things going wrong.  I mean, FFS!  

And I agree with the rest of your post too.

[SilverBeach]

This has been an interesting discussion, and as always I learned more about FJ.Imma search for that anno Domini thread, down the rabbit hole I go!

[THERetroGamerNY]

I'm actually a member of a FB "safe place", and adding weight to what@Palimpsest said, the term does have a very specific meaning to me (for what it's even worth). You pretty much have to specifically know about it, the owner verified me in a brief chat before even approving me, and it's coupled with IRL support meetings in the local area.

I've discussed explicitly personal mental health, and physical issues in there that (for obvious reasons) I'd never bring up just anyplace.

The support offered is also in line with actual real support, like helping me to locate an actual specific medical pro in my area.

This is just a specifically themed message board, or community, in my eyes. Considering some recent events, and past scams like RR, "safe" doesn't really cross my mind.

[SilverBeach]

56 minutes ago, THERetroGamerNY said:

 

This is just a specifically themed message board, or community, in my eyes. Considering some recent events, and past scams like RR, "safe" doesn't really cross my mind.

 

Again, it depends on how you define "safe". FJers are comfortable with sharing more personal things than some other message boards, and the sense of community is strong here. And not everyone was taken in by past scammers like RR. Caution is needed everywhere on the interwebz, in my opinion.

[THERetroGamerNY]

Good point,@SilverBeach. It's all relative I guess.

[SilverBeach]

Yes, a message board is not "safe" in a therapeutic sense, but like I previously posted, safe has a very limited meaning here, to me. It simply means that most members are open minded and non judgemental (unless you are a dangerous fundy of course). 

[THERetroGamerNY]

Though, perhaps we can safely provide safe therapy to expensive fish...

[EmCatlyn]

16 minutes ago, THERetroGamerNY said:

Though, perhaps we can safely provide safe therapy to expensive fish...

That's good to know.  Who knows if this is a sign that The Boy Who is Not Named Sturgeon will turn to us for help someday?  Maybe the FJ fish-therapists will safely provide little See-Fishy with support.

[Mercer]

4 hours ago, SilverBeach said:

Serious question: what about the mental health and other really personal threads where members offer support to one another. Is that playing at being support groups? I just want to understand the difference between those issues and cult survivor issues. Of course, supportive posting about serious issues should never be used as a substitute for "real" help, but is it harmful?

Just genuinely trying to understand, that's all, not trying to start or participate in any type of controversy.

It's a support thread on a non-private snark forum where member identity is impossible to verify, no more and no less. If people find help and comfort in that, by all means, that is great and should continue!

I just think it's very important to keep in mind those things I mentioned: Not private. Identities not verified.

Those threads can be a great thing, as long as the participants remember not to share anything they wouldn't want to have read by any old stranger, because ultimately that's what we all are to each other.

[ClaraOswin]

Sometimes, I prefer talking/typing to "any old stranger" instead of people I know in the real world. I mean, I know that people from my real life could easily stumble upon this site and read my posts too. But it's not quite the same as just posting the same things I post here onto my Facebook page or something.

[iweartanktops]

Sorry friends, I get distracted and forget stuff. The MalteseBaby incident starts around here 

 

[Myrtille]

I read somewhere that Japanese carps, or koi fish, can reach prices of 1 million dollars or more... 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

3 hours ago, iweartanktops said:

Sorry friends, I get distracted and forget stuff. The MalteseBaby incident starts around here 

 

And there are references to the mythical orange penis ferret too! Ah good times. We could put an advice: if you are going to troll at least please be funny  

[SpoonfulOSugar]

Because I just HAVE to throw this out there - as an agriculturalist, I actually have some experience with fish.  So if anyone REALLY needs it, I can be the Degreed Aquaculture Professional . . . . 

Just saying.