Fans Who Send the Duggars Gifts or Make Personal Requests

[Palimpsest]

1 minute ago, Curious said:

You know I love you, P, but why would you ask @FundieFarmer to back off?   She is well within her rights as a member to call out behavior she questions, just as @blessalessi called out @colors_outside15.

Let's also remember that last time one of the axe murders was a member here and not the person that was being targeted.

FJ is not a support group or a "safe space," but people are free to tell their stories here.  The truth always outs.   If someone is spinning tales it will come out in time.  Treating people with suspicion is not the community environment we are trying to foster here.   @colors_outside15 has been around for a while.  She didn't just register recently.

I took her diatribe too personally, her mod hat was off, so I responded to her as I would to any member posting that aggressively.  If that rant, which I still think was OTT even given the circumstances, was not aimed specifically at me I feel a little better.  I agree that the truth always comes out in the end but sometimes the process is very painful for everyone concerned.

Of course people are free to tell their stories where they want but survivors may be under the delusion that this is a safe place.   It really isn't.

I love you too, @Curious, but we may have to agree to disagree on some other aspects.

Backing slowly, carefully, and respectfully away now.

 

[Curious]

1 minute ago, Palimpsest said:

 If that rant, which I still think was OTT even given the circumstances, was not aimed specifically at me I feel a little better.

@FundieFarmer can speak for herself, but I don't think it was directed at you

[FundieFarmer]

Ugh, @Palimpsest, I'm sorry, I reread it and I see how it reads like it was directed at you. I didn't mean for it to be. I meant for it to read like, "Nope! I agree with you! Therapy is greater than FJ!" and then go into my rant about things that I've seen around the forum that actually are pissing me off but weren't stuff you'd done, but that caused my initial reaction to CO's post. I'm sorry! *offers sheepish bouquet of peace offering flowers* 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

44 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

Mod hat still off. Not like I can tell you how to post.

Sorry, but it looks like the beginning of Retrogate Round 2 to me. I thought that the way you asked – bolding, citing another post from another part of the forum – was aggressive and unnecessary. Reeked of digging, hounding, and distrust to me.

I've re-written this several times and I'm just going to say I disagree with your characterization of what happened.  

I'm leaving it at that.

[FundieFarmer]

Gotcha, @HerNameIsBuffy. I still think it was too aggressive, but I appreciate the second perspective!

[Palimpsest]

28 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

Ugh, @Palimpsest, I'm sorry, I reread it and I see how it reads like it was directed at you. I didn't mean for it to be. I meant for it to read like, "Nope! I agree with you! Therapy is greater than FJ!" and then go into my rant about things that I've seen around the forum that actually are pissing me off but weren't stuff you'd done, but that caused my initial reaction to CO's post. I'm sorry! *offers sheepish bouquet of peace offering flowers* 

Apology and flowers accepted.  I've done my own share of ranting about stuff that pisses me off around FJ. 

Have some cookies in return.  I think you may need them.  

[FundieFarmer]

Thanks, @Palimpsest. I appreciate your graciousness

[HerNameIsBuffy]

7 hours ago, blessalessi said:

This has made me laugh so hard.

People knit booties and bonnets to send to new Royal babies all the time. I can't imagine spending hours of time knitting a garment that has precisely zero chance of being worn by the intended recipient but, oh well, at least those items get sent to hospitals and are used somehow.

I remember Bette Midler doing an interview when her daughter was born talking about all the people who sent her gifts.  You could tell she was trying to not to be patronizing but she made it clear her kid will have everything she needs and to please donate to those who don't because that's what she's doing with the gifts, something to that effect.

 

[mango_fandango]

On 4/4/2016 at 9:17 PM, ClaraOswin said:

Yeah, I'm 30+ years old and I was still 'excited' when Damian from OK Go answered my question in a live Facebook video chat...haha. I am not ashamed.

Off topic, but all the OK Go guys seem like nice people. I swear Upside Down and Inside Out is one of the few songs I could listen to on repeat for hours and not get bored. 

On topic... if people send marrying couples gifts from registries, that's kinda the point. They make their registries public, so... Also, aren't gifts etc basically how the Bateseseses survived before reality TV came along? The "love offerings"? 

[nelliebelle1197]

10 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

Mod hat still off. Not like I can tell you how to post.

Sorry, but it looks like the beginning of Retrogate Round 2 to me. I thought that the way you asked – bolding, citing another post from another part of the forum – was aggressive and unnecessary. Reeked of digging, hounding, and distrust to me.

And so now I am confused. We do that all the time. Always. Never has it been an issue before. The reason Razing Ruth got away with what she did for so long is because people who mistrusted her were shut down. Sort of like this. This is not the  same as retrogate because she was not being doxxed, just asked about something.

People with inconsistent stories are going to be questioned on here. It is part of self-policing. Always has been and if it not going to be in the future, then that needs to be made clear.

If your mod hat is off, you need to be very clear this is your personal opinion, because the initial post read like it was not. I am telling you that honestly, FF. 'cause you know I love you.

I do think we need the red mod box back. I think it gives the helpmeets more freedom to be regular people.

 

 

[MatthewDuggar]

I must be a selfish bastard.  It's never crossed my mind to send anything to a celebrity.  It'd be nice if they sent me some shit, however!

[HerNameIsBuffy]

27 minutes ago, MatthewDuggar said:

I must be a selfish bastard.  It's never crossed my mind to send anything to a celebrity.  It'd be nice if they sent me some shit, however!

If you can get someone to send you a preview to screen vine valley...Ill supply the booze via mail order if you hook me up.

[nelliebelle1197]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

If you can get someone to send you a preview to screen vine valley...Ill supply the booze via mail order if you hook me up.

Buff, totally great plan:  We send someone undercover to the next Softball Classic, get him to become a mentee of Papa Arndt by asking Cathy to help him buy white shorts for his wife, and then he can sneak us a copy! Thoughts? Volunteers?

[HerNameIsBuffy]

37 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

And so now I am confused. We do that all the time. Always. Never has it been an issue before. The reason Razing Ruth got away with what she did for so long is because people who mistrusted her were shut down. Sort of like this. This is not the  same as retrogate because she was not being doxxed, just asked about something.

People with inconsistent stories are going to be questioned on here. It is part of self-policing. Always has been and if it not going to be in the future, then that needs to be made clear.

If your mod hat is off, you need to be very clear this is your personal opinion, because the initial post read like it was not. I am telling you that honestly, FF. 'cause you know I love you.

I do think we need the red mod box back. I think it gives the helpmeets more freedom to be regular people.

 

 

Really great points - all of them.

i agree more judicious use of the box would make things clearer...but if people are ever unsure please ask.   We're here because we have opinions too and want to participate so it should be clear when it's an official comment or when we're just speaking for ourselves.

sometimes it feels like people think we're some collective entity, but outside of making sure the rules are followed and stuff we're don't have to agree on anything.  Just a reminder that when speaking as members - not mods - were just speaking for ourselves.

Id hate to have to get all of my stupid blog posts approved by committee.  

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

16 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Buff, totally great plan:  We send someone undercover to the next Softball Classic, get him to become a mentee of Papa Arndt by asking Cathy to help him buy white shorts for his wife, and then he can sneak us a copy! Thoughts? Volunteers?

What did I tell you about touching the poop?  We are not poop touchers!  We get MD to get a copy by totally legit means because celebrities should send him stuff - and then we arrange a screening.  

When that available for real, FYI, I will pay significant money to see that and we will have a virtual screening party.  And there will be French martinis and cheesecake.

[FundieFarmer]

Truth be told, I'm not sure how better I could've clarified that was my own opinion. Granted, I'm new to the whole HM thing, but I noted that my mod hat was off (which I even asked if I needed to do before speaking any opinion and was told not necessary but did in this case because I hoped to prevrnt this exact situation), spoke in first person statements nearly exclusively, and said "I think" quite a few times across all of my posts.

I don't disagree about the red box, but I'm not sure how I could've clarified it more. I don't believe that anywhere in what I said did I purport to speak for anybody else, let alone anybody from the mod or administration team.

[iweartanktops]

10 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

OBVIOUSLY mod hat off.

I agree with what you're saying, @Palimpsest. Therapy > FJ. At the same time, we aren't a detective agency. I said what I said because I'm really sick of people acting like anyone who posts about leaving a cult must automatically be screened for truthfulness. I reacted to the fact that @colors_outside15 felt the need to apologize so many times to @blessalessi...because frankly, I would have too with the history on this board recently, with a post calling me out like that. Not everybody is RR round 2, and not everybody has to have holes poked in their story. People see a person with an escape story and freak out these days...for crying out loud, stop acting like you're the Inspector Gadget of FJ. I'm really tired of it. Look where that got us with @THERetroGamerNY. Are we going to do that with @colors_outside15? Give it a rest. 

And @blessalessi...you asked for an explanation. At least freaking acknowledge that she gave you one.

Bold is mine @nelliebelle1197. Also, @FundieFarmer. Speaks in first person the entire post. Crystal clear.

ETA, I agree that the mod box would be helpful, in general. 

[EmCatlyn]

2 hours ago, MatthewDuggar said:

I must be a selfish bastard.  It's never crossed my mind to send anything to a celebrity.  It'd be nice if they sent me some shit, however!

When people send things (other than just letters of appreciation/admiration/applause) to celebrities, it is because they want to be part of the celebrities' lives.  Whether they realize it or not, they are not being unselfish. They are meeting a need of their own. 

 

[ClaraOswin]

4 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

Off topic, but all the OK Go guys seem like nice people. I swear Upside Down and Inside Out is one of the few songs I could listen to on repeat for hours and not get bored. 

On topic... if people send marrying couples gifts from registries, that's kinda the point. They make their registries public, so... Also, aren't gifts etc basically how the Bateseseses survived before reality TV came along? The "love offerings"? 

I've met and chatted with the members of OK Go after a few shows (back in the early and mid 2000's) and they were all really nice and down to earth. I imagine they still are. I have been listening to their new album a ton lately.

[Coconut Flan]

I think a lot of us helpmeets shy away from the red box as it's like stomping our feet as mods.  We try to be a bit gentler first.  That may be a mistake, but I'd rather not start out heavy handed. 

We may get different colored boxes but think of them all as "red" now.  The new software gives us some choices and we don't always pick the one that comes out red.

 

 

 

 

 

The one that comes out as red is actually for an error message.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

32 minutes ago, iweartanktops said:

Bold is mine @nelliebelle1197. Also, @FundieFarmer. Speaks in first person the entire post. Crystal clear.

ETA, I agree that the mod box would be helpful, in general. 

Just out of curiosity I don't understand what first person shows?  I've written people up irl in the first person...I've fired people in the first person.  It doesn't get more official than that.  

I agree she qualified it and going forward the boxes will add more clarity - but I have no idea how the tense is relevant.

[iweartanktops]

9 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Just out of curiosity I don't understand what first person shows?  I've written people up irl in the first person...I've fired people in the first person.  It doesn't get more official than that.  

I agree she qualified it and going forward the boxes will add more clarity - but I have no idea how the tense is relevant.

I was just thinking if she said "we" think... It would be more like speaking on behalf of helpmeets. I should have just quoted how she began the post, and left it at that. I think the point is, it was clear that FF was speaking as a member. 

I have a bad headache, so probably shouldn't have posted since that part makes no sense. I just wanted to back up that it should have been clear. 

[FundieFarmer]

IWTT said what I was trying to say. The point of first person is that nowhere did I say "we" or mention anybody else or bring up the mod team in my posts. I am totally confused about what could've made it any clearer that I wasn't speaking for anybody but myself.

IWTT, I hope your headache gets better!

[OnceUponATime]

3 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

 

When that available for real, FYI, I will pay significant money to see that and we will have a virtual screening party.  And there will be French martinis and cheesecake.

You better hope they aren't following you on fj or the price of Vine Valley will probably start at $50000. :-) 

[samurai_sarah]

7 hours ago, EmCatlyn said:

When people send things (other than just letters of appreciation/admiration/applause) to celebrities, it is because they want to be part of the celebrities' lives.  Whether they realize it or not, they are not being unselfish. They are meeting a need of their own. 

 

Or maybe they just want to pay a genuine compliment? Personally, I wouldn't go so far as to claim that everyone who does that wants to be part of someone's life. I have paid random strangers compliments, without wanting to be part of their life. It was just stuff I noticed and thought was great. Mileage may vary on this, this is just my personal opinion.