Fans Who Send the Duggars Gifts or Make Personal Requests

[Curious]

10 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

If your mod hat is off, you need to be very clear this is your personal opinion, because the initial post read like it was not.

What exactly does "mod hat off" mean if not to make it CRYSTAL clear it's a personal opinion?

Also, people don't have to be needlessly rude when asking people to explain something and if they are going to demand answers, it's only polite to actually acknowledge the response, even if they don't agree with it.

[nelliebelle1197]

11 hours ago, Coconut Flan said:

I think a lot of us helpmeets shy away from the red box as it's like stomping our feet as mods.  We try to be a bit gentler first.  That may be a mistake, but I'd rather not start out heavy handed. 

We may get different colored boxes but think of them all as "red" now.  The new software gives us some choices and we don't always pick the one that comes out red.

 

 

 

 

 

The one that comes out as red is actually for an error message.

Maybe we could designate different colors for different reasons?? Too complicated? I understand the idea of being gentle, @Coconut Flan, but I do think that box is very valuable and it allows the helpmeets more freedom to be members and helps members understand what is actually going on. The Maxwell beige in the middle is very gentle.

@iweartanktops I said the initial post. That was not the initial post. I actually can read, but thanks.

 

@FundieFarmer I took your first welcoming post as very much a jump in and defend a newbie without all the background. When have helpmeet under your name, how a post is perceived is going to be very different. And since you welcomed her and she has been a member for I think about a year, then yeah, the back ground knowledge might have been a little um, spotty.

I was not going to get into this but now I guess I have to get into it - I noticed this poster independently in the Bates sub. I noticed several story inconsistencies that made me very curious. My basic conclusion is either she on here playing a character a la Maltese Baby or she very fragile and needs to very careful on here. Either way, it is still okay to question, still okay to do it aggressively.

[Ali]

@colors_outside15 I respect that you may not want to share all of your story due to privacy reasons and that you are still working out your past. I hope that you are getting professional help and you are able to get to a healthy place with  time.

Out of curiosity, I looked through some of your posts to see what you have felt comfortable sharing. I noticed that you apologize frequently in your posts.. Sometimes it is just for a long post or for sharing part of your past. Please don't feel like you need to apologize when posting here. While we are not a replacement for therapy or a support group, most of us don't bite. Although I have heard rumors that @VelociRapture likes to eat fundies.

[Curious]

22 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Either way, it is still okay to question, still okay to do it aggressively.

if one is going to post aggressively, they should probably expect that some people might return that attitude in their responses, though.

If the intent is just to try and sort out what is going on, why is it necessary to do it aggressively?  That was done in the past and didn't work out very well, in practice.

[HarleyQuinn]

Around the time The Avengers came out, Tom Hiddleston liked one of my tweets on Twitter. The weird thing is, I didn't tag him. I mentioned him by name, so he was probably searching his own name and came across it. 

That's about as close I've gotten to talking to any celebrity. 

[littlemommy]

My husband once called Emeril Lagasse on the phone. It was the early days of his show, and I guess he was still in the phone book. Anyway, my headship called him up to congratulate him. They had a nice conversation. At the time it was funny and neat but now I can't believe he did it.

The last fan letter I wrote was to the author of "Llama Llama Red Pajama". I was trying to get my oldest to work on his writing and had found the author's email through her website. We got a nice email back which included a funny anecdote about the book.  We talk about it every time we read the book,so I guess it was a good idea.

[FundieFarmer]

 

5 hours ago, Curious said:

if one is going to post aggressively, they should probably expect that some people might return that attitude in their responses, though.

If the intent is just to try and sort out what is going on, why is it necessary to do it aggressively?  That was done in the past and didn't work out very well, in practice.

 

 

 

Sigh. I admit to being very guilty of aggression yesterday. Obviously. I apologize for the 100% bitchmobile I rode in on.

[nelliebelle1197]

3 hours ago, Curious said:

if one is going to post aggressively, they should probably expect that some people might return that attitude in their responses, though.

If the intent is just to try and sort out what is going on, why is it necessary to do it aggressively?  That was done in the past and didn't work out very well, in practice.

FF was more aggressive than Bless. And I don't think anyone doesn't expect aggression back.

Look, I am just offering my point of view on what happened here. It did not get aggressive until FF got aggressive. And yes, if the helpmeets were consistently using the box it would be more clear what "hat" was on. That is why I posted on this to begin with-  with this many new helpmeets and all the jumpy feelings,I think any tool at our disposal should be employed.

 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, Ali said:

@colors_outside15 I respect that you may not want to share all of your story due to privacy reasons and that you are still working out your past. I hope that you are getting professional help and you are able to get to a healthy place with  time.

Out of curiosity, I looked through some of your posts to see what you have felt comfortable sharing. I noticed that you apologize frequently in your posts.. Sometimes it is just for a long post or for sharing part of your past. Please don't feel like you need to apologize when posting here. While we are not a replacement for therapy or a support group, most of us don't bite. Although I have heard rumors that @VelociRapture likes to eat fundies.

Those are still just rumors?! Goddamn it guys! How many Fundies do I have to eat before you start believing me?! 

@colors_outside15- I promise I won't eat you. You seem nice enough. 

[Curious]

1 hour ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

FF was more aggressive than Bless. And I don't think anyone doesn't expect aggression back.

Look, I am just offering my point of view on what happened here. It did not get aggressive until FF got aggressive. And yes, if the helpmeets were consistently using the box it would be more clear what "hat" was on. That is why I posted on this to begin with-  with this many new helpmeets and all the jumpy feelings,I think any tool at our disposal should be employed.

 

FF was more overtly aggressive, but Blessalessi spent a number of posts making subtle digs and sarcastic comments before she finally just outright called colors out.  Then she ignored her response when she gave one.  That is just downright rude.   In fact, IMO, the way she responded after that looked like she was PURPOSELY ignoring the response she asked for.   The response that followed could have been easily predicted, IMO.

I don't think that you get to post like that and then complain when people respond to that.

The box is a fucking pain in the ass on this software, so yes it's not used as much as it was before.  You basically can only use it if you have a paragraph or less to say (unless you want to make a wall of text with no spacing and no one wants that).

It should be relatively easy to tell when people are expressing an opinion and when they are speaking officially.   The site managed to survived some 8 years without a red box.

If someone has a question, they can simply ask.  Not everything has to devolve into some kind of drama.   We managed to go 3 years without the routine drama that is starting to crop up again.   We did a good job moving past that history and I would really like us to get back to that atmosphere.

Common sense needs to start being employed for that to happen.

[SpoonfulOSugar]

10 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Just out of curiosity I don't understand what first person shows?  I've written people up irl in the first person...I've fired people in the first person.  It doesn't get more official than that.  

I agree she qualified it and going forward the boxes will add more clarity - but I have no idea how the tense is relevant.

I think the point was actually that it was first person singular.  Not a "we" in the bunch.

/pedant

I would hope we don't need to get to the point where every post by a helpmeet has to be clarified by role.  Seems to me that unless the helpmeet specifically says *mod hat on* or something similar, OR uses those awful boxes, the default should be *MOD off.*    Do people not feel that's clear or true?

[Ungodly Grandma]

2 minutes ago, SpoonfulOSugar said:

I think the point was actually that it was first person singular.  Not a "we" in the bunch.

/pedant

I would hope we don't need to get to the point where every post by a helpmeet has to be clarified by role.  Seems to me that unless the helpmeet specifically says *mod hat on* or something similar, OR uses those awful boxes, the default should be *MOD off.*    Do people not feel that's clear or true?

And she specifically said "mod hat off" or something. So I don't understand the problem. 

[FundieFarmer]

4 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

FF was more aggressive than Bless. And I don't think anyone doesn't expect aggression back.

Look, I am just offering my point of view on what happened here. It did not get aggressive until FF got aggressive. And yes, if the helpmeets were consistently using the box it would be more clear what "hat" was on. That is why I posted on this to begin with-  with this many new helpmeets and all the jumpy feelings,I think any tool at our disposal should be employed.

 

I think the catalyst of the aggression is a matter of opinion. Like I said upthread, Blessalessi's post read harshly to me- in no small part because of her history in the TRGNY situation. I've always said, you can't set the kitchen on fire at a party and walk in the living room and expect the guests not to know you set the kitchen on fire. Regardless of my feelings, evidently I'm not the only person who thought so in this case. And sure, TRGNY's thing devolved into doxxing, but it didn't start out that way. It started out with a few "self-policing" posters asking questions "for the good of the board", and then fell apart very rapidly. You really don't have to agree with me, that's just where I was coming from when I replied.

I remain uncomfortable about the questioning of members, and the blasé attitude about how acceptable is, and I think that's a feeling shared by others as well. Maybe we should return to the discussion in CD that exists about how far we want to go about looking up/asking about/investigating info on members and apply it to asking posters to clarify. The discussion even addressed info shared across other parts of FJ. In the thread, some posters advocated for reporting suspicions to admins. Obviously reporting every single tiny suspision is unreasonable, but if you have been seeing it elsewhere on the forum, which is what I seem to be reading in your post upthread, maybe it's worth a report. I say that because it also appears I'm not the only person who's tired of the detective-ing we have going on around here lately. 

And about Colors' posting history- since I'm not posting as a mod, I'm not going to investigate everybody in a thread when something is said. Whatever the poster's history is, I also said upthread that it's easy to miss things because not everybody is in every thread all over the forum. I told Colors that, because I think it applies to everybody.

I think you are 100% correct about the jumpy feelings. In the aftermath of RetroGate, we clearly couldn't reach a conclusion about every single thing, so there's no doubt feelings remain. As we find them, perhaps we can reach new compromises. For example, I doubt the mod team knew that saying "mod hat off" was not enough to clarify we weren't speaking for everyone. As we go along, I'm sure we'll continue to find out new things. Unfortunately for me, I'm the one who put my foot in the pile of shit this time. I do apologize, again, for the aggression in my statements.

[laPapessaGiovanna]

2 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

 

 

@FundieFarmer I took your first welcoming post as very much a jump in and defend a newbie without all the background. When have helpmeet under your name, how a post is perceived is going to be very different. And since you welcomed her and she has been a member for I think about a year, then yeah, the back ground knowledge might have been a little um, spotty.

I was not going to get into this but now I guess I have to get into it - I noticed this poster independently in the Bates sub. I noticed several story inconsistencies that made me very curious. My basic conclusion is either she on here playing a character a la Maltese Baby or she very fragile and needs to very careful on here. Either way, it is still okay to question, still okay to do it aggressively.

She registered in June 2013 iirc, so it's nearly 3 years.

Aggressively is not the word I'd have used but I hope that FJers will retain the good habit of asking the hard and pointed questions. Imho critical thinking skills and the freedom to use them are what sets us apart from fundies. I hope that if tomorrow I start posting about the heartbreaking job I am doing with refugee children arriving in Lampedusa, how sad and desperate my working situation with these children is and maybe even some tear inducing status update and attention seeking pm on the topic,  someone would start asking pointed questions.

6 minutes ago, SpoonfulOSugar said:

I think the point was actually that it was first person singular.  Not a "we" in the bunch.

/pedant

I would hope we don't need to get to the point where every post by a helpmeet has to be clarified by role.  Seems to me that unless the helpmeet specifically says *mod hat on* or something similar, OR uses those awful boxes, the default should be *MOD off.*    Do people not feel that's clear or true?

I agree but I don't recall if it is stated anywhere or if it's something that membership knows since always but that sometimes can be confusing for someone. 

[Palimpsest]

2 hours ago, Curious said:

if one is going to post aggressively, they should probably expect that some people might return that attitude in their responses, though.

If the intent is just to try and sort out what is going on, why is it necessary to do it aggressively?  That was done in the past and didn't work out very well, in practice.

 

::Coughs::  This may be semantics.  I'd say the meanings bolded below are fine.  The other meanings are either not relevant  or unneccessarily ... pugnacious ... and "need to win" at the expense of others. 

Quote

 

aggressive  adjective

1. characterized by or tending toward unprovoked offensives, attacks, invasions, or the like; militantly forward or menacing: aggressive acts against a neighboring country.
2. making an all-out effort to win or succeed; competitive:
an aggressive basketball player.
3. vigorously energetic, especially in the use of initiative and forcefulness:
an aggressive salesperson.
4.boldly assertive and forward; pushy: an aggressive driver.
5.emphasizing maximum growth and capital gains over quality, security, and income:
an aggressive mutual fund.

 

Work is calling! 

[Palimpsest]

2 hours ago, FundieFarmer said:

 

 

Sigh. I admit to being very guilty of agression yesterday. Obviously. I apologize for the 100% bitchmobile I rode in on.

We all have our bitchmobile moments so don't beat yourself up too much.  FTR, I thought it was very clear you were not posting as a mod.

@Ali Very well said, above.  Thank you.  We don't all bite.  Some of us do bite when provoked and hurt people more than we intend.

(I have to stop getting distracted by FJ today!)

[FundieFarmer]

47 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

Aggressively is not the word I'd have used but I hope that FJers will retain the good habit of asking the hard and pointed questions. Imho critical thinking skills and the freedom to use them are what sets us apart from fundies. I hope that if tomorrow I start posting about the heartbreaking job I am doing with refugee children arriving in Lampedusa, how sad and desperate my working situation with these children is and maybe even some tear inducing status update and attention seeking pm on the topic,  someone would start asking pointed questions.

I really don't have a problem with this at all. Blessalessi's post set me off because, as I've tried to say eleventy times, I just don't like the idea of people running detective all over the board. Especially when that poster, and the board, has a bad history with it lately. Especially when there's a whole thread in Community Discussion that didn't reach a conclusion about how we wanted to handle a situation about a sketchy poster. Especially when I'm not the only person who's tired of people starting things like this. 

For the record, I'm still not speaking as a mod. 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

46 minutes ago, FundieFarmer said:

I think the catalyst of the aggression is a matter of opinion. Like I said upthread, Blessalessi's post read harshly to me- in no small part because of her history in the TRGNY situation. I've always said, you can't set the kitchen on fire at a party and walk in the living room and expect the guests not to know you set the kitchen on fire. Regardless of my feelings, evidently I'm not the only person who thought so in this case. And sure, TRGNY's thing devolved into doxxing, but it didn't start out that way. It started out with a few "self-policing" posters asking questions "for the good of the board", and then fell apart very rapidly. You really don't have to agree with me, that's just where I was coming from when I replied.

I remain uncomfortable about the questioning of new members, and the blasé attitude about how acceptable is, and I think that's a feeling shared by others as well. Maybe we should return to the discussion in CD that exists about how far we want to go about looking up/asking about/investigating info on members and apply it to asking posters to clarify. The discussion even addressed info shared across other parts of FJ. In the thread, some posters advocated for reporting suspicions to admins. Obviously reporting every single tiny suspision is unreasonable, but if you have been seeing it elsewhere on the forum, which is what I seem to be reading in your post upthread, maybe it's worth a report. I say that because it also appears I'm not the only person who's tired of the detective-ing we have going on around here lately. 

And about Colors' posting history- since I'm not posting as a mod, I'm not going to investigate everybody in a thread when something is said. Whatever the poster's history is, I also said upthread that it's easy to miss things because not everybody is in every thread all over the forum. I told Colors that, because I think it applies to everybody.

I think you are 100% correct about the jumpy feelings. In the aftermath of RetroGate, we clearly couldn't reach a conclusion about every single thing, so there's no doubt feelings remain. As we find them, perhaps we can reach new compromises. For example, I doubt the mod team knew that saying "mod hat off" was not enough to clarify we weren't speaking for everyone. As we go along, I'm sure we'll continue to find out new things. Unfortunately for me, I'm the one who put my foot in the pile of shit this time. I do apologize, again, for the aggression in my statements.

So who thinks that TRGNY is a lying liar who lies isn't qualified for asking questions to other posters or to show suspicions of a story because even if she didn't doxx him nor commented about his "art" (the only violations of ToU and moral codes that happened towards TRGNY) she is guilty of..."setting fire to the kitchen"? Daring to express disbelief and questioning his story? 

Regarding the community discussion I remember only people saying that info deemed important but coming from outside FJ had to be reported to admins and not posted on the board.  Info posted on FJ are willingly shared by members and so open to discussion by other members. Only exception for personal data (that is really better not to share).

[FundieFarmer]

19 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

So who thinks that TRGNY is a lying liar who lies isn't qualified for asking questions to other posters or to show suspicions of a story because even if she didn't doxx him nor commented about his "art" (the only violations of ToU and moral codes that happened towards TRGNY) she is guilty of..."setting fire to the kitchen"? Daring to express disbelief and questioning his story? 

Regarding the community discussion I remember only people saying that info deemed important but coming from outside FJ had to be reported to admins and not posted on the board.  Info posted on FJ are willingly shared by members and so open to discussion by other members. Only exception for personal data (that is really better not to share).

I say that about everyone and every drama. I said it about MalteseBaby, DGayle, and Defrauder. Hell, I'll even say it about myself and this situation. I have no illusions that after starting all of this, people won't remember my perceptions of the situation. That's the deal with starting the fire in the kitchen. You've just gotta own it.

I remember a whole conversation about whether it was questionable to bring up names mentioned in other parts of the forum, and whether people thought it was hinky to bring posts from elsewhere. There were a lot of conversation moving parts and no consensus. Fine, but either I guess this should go back to that part of the forum or not if we don't want to discuss it, since the Great FF Explosion of 2016 has effectively commandeered this thread to hell. If we don't want to discuss it further, then we should lay the conversation to rest entirely, because there's not enough passion about it and I'm in the minority (and that is 100% a-okay!).

[Coconut Flan]

Quote

Maybe we could designate different colors for different reasons?? Too complicated? I understand the idea of being gentle, @Coconut Flan, but I do think that box is very valuable and it allows the helpmeets more freedom to be members and helps members understand what is actually going on. The Maxwell beige in the middle is very gentle.

The "alert box" as it's called here already has designations for the different colors so changing those to ones we assign might be going too far.  The assigned warning box may well be called Maxhell beige.  It's one with an exclamation point as shown below. 

 

As Curious said, it limits us to one paragraph and is a bit tricky to use.  I doubt any explanation of that aspect of the software change was ever publicly made though or deemed necessary.  Colored box should be significant. 

[laPapessaGiovanna]

@FundieFarmer I remember that conversation well since it was between @OnceUponATime and me and @Curious. My stance hasn't changed. But I aknowledge that linking to personal data in other parts of FJ can be problematic hence the 

1 hour ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

 Info posted on FJ are willingly shared by members and so open to discussion by other members. Only exception for personal data (that is really better not to share).

As linking or quoting posts (that aren't  from aytfj and don't contain personal data) from other parts of the board I don't have a problem with it and @Curious did just that with Woosh that was behaving like a trolling troll. But if you want to discuss about it I agree that we should do it somewhere else. 

[Palimpsest]

1 hour ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

Regarding the community discussion I remember only people saying that info deemed important but coming from outside FJ had to be reported to admins and not posted on the board.  Info posted on FJ are willingly shared by members and so open to discussion by other members. Only exception for personal data (that is really better not to share).

 

This is my recollection too.

 

22 minutes ago, laPapessaGiovanna said:

As linking or quoting posts (that aren't  from aytfj and don't contain personal data) from other parts of the board I don't have a problem with it and @Curious did just that with Woosh that was behaving like a trolling troll. But if you want to discuss about it I agree that we should do it somewhere else. 

Anyone can start a thread in Community Discussions so I just did.  I hate to start a new topic and run but I'm going to have do just that.  I'm busy at the moment and won't have much time this weekend.

Here you go:

 

[FundieFarmer]

Thanks, @Palimpsest. I returned the bitchmobile to the rental facility, so I guess I'll have to walk over to that thread. 

[Mercer]

I've had quite a few Twitter interactions with people who are fairly well-known in the video game industry. I follow people, some of them follow me back, I'll comment on their stuff, they'll reply, etc. I don't see any reason why I shouldn't address them - they're just human beings like anyone else. It doesn't mean I actually know them or that we're friends, it's a very superficial interaction, but I have plenty of the same type of superficial interactions with all kinds of people, so I don't see the difference just because you can find their name in a magazine or whatever.

I don't think social media contact is on the same level as, say, sending a gift... though like I said, I don't really snark sending gifts either. I don't think sending a present to a (possibly very wealthy) stranger is the most productive choice, but it's usually a pretty harmless one.

[Screamapillar]

I once saw Dolly Parton, who is my absolute hero, in an airport. She and a group of gals and one very large gentleman stood about a couple of feet away from me in the train between terminals. When I realized it was her (because I heard her laugh) I turned around in surprise, and she said hi! I was too big of a doofus to even say anything back, because I had the thought that, "Who am I to bother Dolly with telling her how much I love her!" But at least I can die happy now.

I remember reading a Michael Jackson interview years and years ago, right after his first kid was born, and he said how babies were easy because you don't have to buy them anything, because fans send you stuff! And even being quite young when I read that, 13 or so, I thought, wow, poor MJ does live in his own little world. It was just a hilariously blunt way of saying something like that.