Dad "Marries" His Terminally Ill Daughter So She Won't Die Without Having her Dream Wedding

[canbritam]

I think was disturbs me far more than the father "marrying" her is the people that have gone onto the crowdfunding page that her family has set up in order to apparently establish a children's cancer charity and told her parents that medical marijuana and brown bananas among other things will cure their daughter, so they just need to try that!  These parents are already grieving the impending loss of their baby daughter and people are trying to make them feel guilty for planning her funeral?!  These people have obviously never lost a child.

[kettlingur]

6 hours ago, blessalessi said:

Yes, it is the bolded that I meant.  I certainly don't think we are short on daft ideas, as a nation, but we are a small island and you need a critical mass of people to take some things forward. The pentecostals here have the numbers but it is not their bag. The Ring Thing took off here a while back among the small independents, but that is more a personal/family thing.

I don't think this episode is being supported for religious reasons though, just out of sympathy for the family.

Ahhh, I get it. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be pedantic, I was just surprised that someone from the UK thought we didn't have any fundies cause I've been fairly saturated in them my whole life.

[CoveredInBees]

2 hours ago, CrazyCatLady said:

Poppy-Mai... Pronounced as "may" or "my"?

May. The UK is currently going through a phase of weird name spellings

11 hours ago, Eternalbluepearl said:

I think this was more to make a memory for the parents and possibly the siblings. It's not my taste, but I can't snark too hard, this family was told their baby had 2 days to live. Just horrible. 

I agree, the Daily Mail story: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3508338/Dad-marries-16-month-old-daughter-s-given-just-TWO-days-live.html?ito=social-twitter_dailymailUK

references this, that it's about how they the parents won't get to see her married. I thought it was a little off the wall, but when it comes down to it they get to have a big celebration while she's still here. The next time all these people will be in the same room will be a lot more sombre. Very sad reading

[blessalessi]

3 hours ago, kettlingur said:

Ahhh, I get it. Sorry, I wasn't trying to be pedantic, I was just surprised that someone from the UK thought we didn't have any fundies cause I've been fairly saturated in them my whole life.

My fault for over- generalising! Hopefully you will start a thread about it at some point, though because that is fascinating. 

[violynn]

Unbearably sad situation this family is going through.  I think the reaction to this story would be so different if it had been worded "Family holds 'wedding' ceremony to help fulfill Dad's wish to walk his only daughter down the aisle" or something like.  The way the story is told by the family and the news makes it sound as if they are doing this for the daughter, when in fact it is for the Dad, and the Mom to have their dream of their daughter's wedding fulfilled.  The vows thing is a little weird, imo only, but I get it completely, and this family should be allowed to cope with their child's impending death in (almost, obviously) way they can.  I won't snark on this, but I do wish the news coverage had made it sound less creepy than it did.  

[Closed Womb]

I won't snark on the family that's grieving in whatever way they can. 

I will say that it's always a disappointment to me when anyone focuses on a wedding as the pinnacle of womanhood.  It's never, for instance, a graduation ceremony that people are devastated that they will miss out on (either the ill person or the people left); it's always a wedding (and sometimes 'having children' as a tack on to that.)  Women are so much more than that. 

[Queen Of Hearts]

That poor family.  Having a daughter just a couple months older, I can't even begin to imagine what type of pain they are feeling right now.  

[Palimpsest]

18 hours ago, kettlingur said:

Yeah, I have some friends who go to a vinyard church wich tends towards the bizarre in terms of charismatic stuff. But I do also know people who go in for the whole courting/daddy's permission/headship lunacy which goes with purity balls, just there aren't enough of them for a ball.

Yes, I think there is a growing Fundamentalist movement in the UK and it's becoming more mainstream.  BTW, How are Stephen Green and the Christian Voice membership getting on in the UK these days?  He's as whack-a-doodle as many US Fundies and gets far too much airtime, IMO!

I don't know how accurate this article is but it is food for thought.  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/leavingfundamentalism/2012/04/23/uk-fundamentalists/

 

[blessalessi]

8 minutes ago, Palimpsest said:

Yes, I think there is a growing Fundamentalist movement in the UK and it's becoming more mainstream.  BTW, How are Stephen Green and the Christian Voice membership getting on in the UK these days?  He's as whack-a-doodle as many US Fundies and gets far too much airtime, IMO!

I don't know how accurate this article is but it is food for thought.  http://www.patheos.com/blogs/leavingfundamentalism/2012/04/23/uk-fundamentalists/

 

Shall I open a thread to discuss fundamentalism in the UK? @kettlingur would you be happy to join in? There would be no need to give identifying details or your precise location which might "out" you to the people you grew up around. 

From my own attempts to search out people with similar experience, I formed the impression that there is a reasonable population of conservative evangelical and pentecostal Christians around the UK, but the KJV-only, literalist fundies seem much fewer on the ground.  The Pentecostals seem to have the largest visible footprint, but I was never able to speak in tongues, and I was always embarassed if people tried to pray for me because of a condition that I have very recently come to understand as "resting bitch face", so that phase of my life was short-lived.

 I would love to hear about others' experiences. 

[blessalessi]

From the Patheos article, I think the author himself was identifying fundamentalism as small but significant but his estimated figures seem high to me, possibly because he seems to base them on the highest estimates of some loosey goosey surveys. My overall impression of  estimates derived, eg, from the Tear Fund survey, is one of amused surprise that the definition of a True Christian is much less strict when it is being used to support right wing political initiatives than when it is being used to decide whether a member of a church Ladies Group has really, truly been "washed in the blood".

 I would love to hear about others' experiences though.  If the Tories press on down the line of creating Academy Schools and handing increasing control over to individual school governing bodies, then the influence of fundamentalist religions will creep in there, without a doubt.

[kettlingur]

On 29/03/2016 at 8:12 PM, blessalessi said:

Shall I open a thread to discuss fundamentalism in the UK? @kettlingur would you be happy to join in? There would be no need to give identifying details or your precise location which might "out" you to the people you grew up around. 

From my own attempts to search out people with similar experience, I formed the impression that there is a reasonable population of conservative evangelical and pentecostal Christians around the UK, but the KJV-only, literalist fundies seem much fewer on the ground.  The Pentecostals seem to have the largest visible footprint, but I was never able to speak in tongues, and I was always embarassed if people tried to pray for me because of a condition that I have very recently come to understand as "resting bitch face", so that phase of my life was short-lived.

 I would love to hear about others' experiences. 

I'd be worried about doxxing people I know if I spoke in anything other than general terms cause you're right, everything is so small, so it's easily identifiable. But I'd love to discuss fundies in the UK in general, and hear from others.

[FundiesInParis]

I just can't find it in me to be offended by this. 

[blessalessi]

New thread on UK Fundies here: 

 

[roddma]

On 3/29/2016 at 7:46 AM, Closed Womb said:

I won't snark on the family that's grieving in whatever way they can. 

I will say that it's always a disappointment to me when anyone focuses on a wedding as the pinnacle of womanhood.  It's never, for instance, a graduation ceremony that people are devastated that they will miss out on (either the ill person or the people left); it's always a wedding (and sometimes 'having children' as a tack on to that.)  Women are so much more than that. 

 

I just noticed this story,and you said what I was thinking. While families can grieve however they wish and you never know how you would feel in the same situation, it's a bit much for a child, even an 8 yr old. Children are influenced by others.

Marriage is great, but it is still pushed to be the ultimate life goal. I read a story in Good Housekeeping a few years ago where a young woman had a terminal illness and the first thing the family thought of was freezing her eggs. I was like what the hey and she was too. It was the last thing on her mind.

[ScreamingIzzy]

I don't know. I work with a lot of grieving people, but I'm troubled by two things:

1. This was done to fulfill a need the parents had. In her final days, did SHE need this? If she was truly two days from death, I doubt she was well enough to enjoy it much, if at all. This need fulfillment feels a bit wonky.

2. Why was it a WEDDING to her DAD? If she wanted a party, by all means--get the dress and the flowers and the cake and the music and the dancing! Take loads of pictures! Turn it into some sort of family commitment ceremony and give everyone a tangible memento of the day, and their sweet girl. But a wedding? That's just...weird. And confusing. 

However, grief frequently comes out sideways. It's hard, and it's unfair, and it hurts like hell and it never goes away. It changes you. I think this is a questionable decision, but they clearly do not, and that's fine. I hope she loved it, and I hope it brings them comfort in the years to come.

 

[imokit]

I don't agree with it because I have different priorities.

 But in this case... her parents had at least one boy.  Then they got a girl and had girly dreams for her.  Her dad dreamed of the moment he got to walk bet down the isle and promised her he would.  When they got that diagnosis all of those dreams and promises they made their child became impossible.  We don't know what other promises or dreams they had for her. For all we know they promised her university and education.  A party/ fake wedding was one thing they could do safely.  Unlike a slightly older child,  as a baby she doesn't have any wishes or special things she herself wants. A party is one of the few things she can enjoy and if it means her parents can rest easy knowing that at least one of their wishes for their child kind of happened.  Ok.

It doesn't make them fundy. They will never know how they'd react to her saying she doesn't want to be married or to her being a lesbian or transgender etc. They'll never have a chance to learn who she is. And she will for them be always be that infant who died before trying or rejecting the dreams they had for her. 

 

[VelociRapture]

20 hours ago, imokit said:

I don't agree with it because I have different priorities.

 But in this case... her parents had at least one boy.  Then they got a girl and had girly dreams for her.  Her dad dreamed of the moment he got to walk bet down the isle and promised her he would.  When they got that diagnosis all of those dreams and promises they made their child became impossible.  We don't know what other promises or dreams they had for her. For all we know they promised her university and education.  A party/ fake wedding was one thing they could do safely.  Unlike a slightly older child,  as a baby she doesn't have any wishes or special things she herself wants. A party is one of the few things she can enjoy and if it means her parents can rest easy knowing that at least one of their wishes for their child kind of happened.  Ok.

It doesn't make them fundy. They will never know how they'd react to her saying she doesn't want to be married or to her being a lesbian or transgender etc. They'll never have a chance to learn who she is. And she will for them be always be that infant who died before trying or rejecting the dreams they had for her. 

 

You really worded that last part beautifully.

This is such a sad story. I can't judge them - I can only imagine what my reaction would be in their shoes. Miscarrying was tough enough... But losing a child you carried, birthed, and loved for months or years? I can't even imagine that type of pain and loss. 

If it brings some comfort to her parents, then that's what matters. I hope that little Poppy isn't in any pain and I wish her family all the strength in the world.

[Vex]

I have quite a lot of experience with grieving people due to working in a morgue and I try hard to not judge people's grief although honestly sometimes it can be difficult.

This is truly about the parents, not the daughter, and that's fine. It's a coping mechanism and anything that can help them deal with the tidal waves of grief is good if it's not hurting anyone.

I do think the articles made it sound really unfortunate and somewhat creepy. It's about the parents needing this, but I will never think it's okay to make your daughter's wedding the focal point of her life. They do speak as if they're doing it for her rather than admitting it's for them - it's a shame, because it's fine for it to be about them. The vow thing is really strange to me, I wish it were just a mock wedding without the vows but nobody was hurt so I'm trying not to judge that part too much.

Hopefully the little girl was comfortable, those lace dresses can be very itchy and unpleasant for kids.

[Inthemadhouse]

Once the grief has settled, they will probably look back on this and wonder what they were thinking. But in the moment, it is something to hang on to. 

Hoping for peace to the family and that little girl. It's tragic to think that as I am writing this, she has probably already passed away.

[imokit]

Bumping the thread to say that Poppy died today.  According to the press her family are trying to raise money to build a retreat for families with sick children

Yes they may have given her a "wedding" but they're grieving and certainly giving their one year old more of a legacy than many fundie daughters who live full lives are expected to leave.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3571668/Terminally-ill-one-year-old-married-father-wedding-dreams-loses-battle-cancer.html

Rest in peace little one!

 

[Glasgowghirl]

RIP Poppy, my thoughts are with her parents and 2 brothers. 

[Geechee Girl]

RIP, baby girl. Poppy is such a cute name.

[ADoyle90815]

RIP, Poppy. My thoughts are with her family at this time.