Real Life Fundie Encounters - Part 3

[Paperplate]

On 22. März 2016 at 11:14 PM, nastyhobbitses said:

Currently backpacking through Germany and the rest of central Europe. Went into a supermarket to browse around for a snack (guys, Germans are really, really good at bread and doughnuts and I'm going to gain a million pounds here please help). Saw a display of tampons for sale. There's a brand of tampons called Jessa. Could not muster up enough elementary German to explain to the shopkeeper why I was having a giggle fit in the hygienic products aisle.

Those are really bad tampons. I can't recommend them at all.

@nastyhobbitses don't forget to get some awesome sausages with your bread!

[EmiGirl]

7 hours ago, Lillymuffin said:

Sometimes I think my life is one big fundie sighting. One event that sticks out, though, was at our family reunion last year. I should probably preface this: My maternal grandfather's family is fundie (originally Brethren) going way back. My g-father is one of 11 kids. Most of the family has moved away from the Brethren church and is mostly conservative Christian or fundie-lite, but my mother has a cousin who is hard-core fundie, has 8 stair-steps kids (at last count), and they homeschool, wear the awful homemade, upholstery-print, matching dresses down the line for the girls and polyester-blend dress shirts and dark trousers for the boys. My mother's cousin has little education, and feels the same will suffice for his progeny. (I don't like this man, and I'm probably past being objective.) 

Anyway, that side of the family is large and holds an annual outdoor reunion during one of the hottest periods of the summer. Last year we discussed changing the location to my aunt's church's camp, which in addition to featuring an air-conditioned building for the meal and meeting, has flush toilets (current locale has only porta-potties) and an outdoor pool. If you ask me, these are ALL pluses. 

Cousin's wife piped up and said if we moved it there they would have to boycott the reunion because the sight of all that naked flesh might cause their boys to sin. 

I nearly swallowed my tongue. First of all, most of our family is not exactly what you could call "svelte," myself included. We're good Pennsylvania-German stock and we look it.  Second, this is family. If the sight of 40-50 pale, chunky family members in Lycra gets you all het up, sweetie, you have bigger problems than lust. 

I would add this to the list of reasons to move it to the camp.

[Rubaiyat]

On March 23, 2016 at 0:22 PM, Lillymuffin said:

Sometimes I think my life is one big fundie sighting. One event that sticks out, though, was at our family reunion last year. I should probably preface this: My maternal grandfather's family is fundie (originally Brethren) going way back. My g-father is one of 11 kids. Most of the family has moved away from the Brethren church and is mostly conservative Christian or fundie-lite, but my mother has a cousin who is hard-core fundie, has 8 stair-steps kids (at last count), and they homeschool, wear the awful homemade, upholstery-print, matching dresses down the line for the girls and polyester-blend dress shirts and dark trousers for the boys. My mother's cousin has little education, and feels the same will suffice for his progeny. (I don't like this man, and I'm probably past being objective.) 

Anyway, that side of the family is large and holds an annual outdoor reunion during one of the hottest periods of the summer. Last year we discussed changing the location to my aunt's church's camp, which in addition to featuring an air-conditioned building for the meal and meeting, has flush toilets (current locale has only porta-potties) and an outdoor pool. If you ask me, these are ALL pluses. 

Cousin's wife piped up and said if we moved it there they would have to boycott the reunion because the sight of all that naked flesh might cause their boys to sin. 

I nearly swallowed my tongue. First of all, most of our family is not exactly what you could call "svelte," myself included. We're good Pennsylvania-German stock and we look it.  Second, this is family. If the sight of 40-50 pale, chunky family members in Lycra gets you all het up, sweetie, you have bigger problems than lust. 

Everything about this post is fabulous (says she who doesn't have to actually live it,) but you should get some sort of award for how hard I laughed at the last line.  I'm so sorry you're having to put up with such shenanigans.  

[Lillymuffin]

3 minutes ago, Rubaiyat said:

Everything about this post is fabulous (says she who doesn't have to actually live it,) but you should get some sort of award for how hard I laughed at the last line.  I'm so sorry you're having to put up with such shenanigans.  

Thank you. Thank you verra much. Fundies have left the building. 

Edited March 24, 2016 by Lillymuffin
Spellcheck hates me.

[ArmchairTurnip]

The local Jehovah's Witnesses dropped by while we were out and left a pamphlet jammed in the front door - and because we always go in and out through the back door unless there's company, we didn't see the pamphlet until it had been rained upon and then sundried, which effectively ModPodged it to the door.  I had to scrape the door and repaint in order to get off all the Watchtower slime.

[Season of life...]

Most of my interactions with missionaries and JWs have been pleasant. I usually will listen politely, accept the Watchtower or whatever tract is offered, and if it's warm outside I'll offer bottled water. 

I hate to hurt feelings, and am rarely intentionally rude. Last summer, though, I let it rip, and although I'm ashamed to admit it, it felt pretty good.

My husband was returning home from Baskin-Robbins with ice cream. There is no mistaking the bag or contents.

I heard his car pull up, but he didn't come in the house. I opened the door to see my sweetheart, his back against the car, holding the bag in front of him like a shield. Three people, I believe JWs, were blocking him while standing extremely close and talking earnestly.

My husband was polite, yet obviously not receptive, and again, there was the pink and blue ice cream bag which they ignored.

I strode out, grabbed the bag and shook it at them. My husband and I headed inside, and they tried to follow. I shook the bag again and said, "NO! Bad, bad behavior!" (I had been working with our puppy who was a serial chewer).

They probably thought our souls were more important than ice cream, but when you live in the desert and it's summertime, it's a close call.

Edited March 29, 2016 by Season of life...
riffles

[MarblesMom]

51 minutes ago, Season of life... said:

"NO! Bad, bad behavior!"

This made me laugh!

[Inky]

Quote

I strode out, grabbed the bag and shook it at them. My husband and I headed inside, and they tried to follow. I shook the bag again and said, "NO! Bad, bad behavior!" (I had been working with our puppy who was a serial chewer).

You'll probably have more luck with the puppy than the JW's.

 

[Stickboi]

About a year ago, I was walking down a very steep hill in my hometown,  and I saw three bicycle missionaries standing at the bottom of the hill.  One of them was struggling to put his chain back on his bike. I thought about helping because I have bike mechianic experience, but decided against it. None of his fellow missionaries were u helping. 

For my co-op in social work school, I volunteered my time at a seniors day program. My coworker was fundi-lite and wore capris all the time. She was telling me that her husband recently purchased a used motorcycle from a retired undercover cop who rode it in a gang. It had the grim reaper on it and they covered it up with some black paint. When asked if she rode; she replied "no, I'm a dutiful wife". 

[clueliss]

At the grocery store this morning noticed a giant sign in the produce department complete with a photo of amish/Mennonite family or group clad in blue and pastel green.  Local operation.  

[choralcrusader8613]

On 3/21/2016 at 7:01 PM, FLgirl said:

Saw my possibly fundie-lite neighbor in a long skirt, hair curled, and dreamily looking at her husband when they were outside and he was talking to her. 

And now I'm on my front steps and can hear more conservative radio coming through her window. 

 

I won't rehash what I said in the other thread about your neighbor, but I would like to note that you're bringing up a lot of personal info here about not just your neighbor, but yourself, and I don't think that's a good idea.

[Wenny]

Hubs is a waiter. 

There is a new rule at hubs work that showed up over night. No after hour party room rentals. Everyone was confused why they needed that stated. 

Apparently someone came into the restaurant and wanted to rent out the party room after hours for a exorcism. 

[nastyhobbitses]

13 hours ago, Wenny said:

Hubs is a waiter. 

There is a new rule at hubs work that showed up over night. No after hour party room rentals. Everyone was confused why they needed that stated. 

Apparently someone came into the restaurant and wanted to rent out the party room after hours for a exorcism. 

Did they ask for split pea soup as part of the catering?

[Lillymuffin]

My grandfather died on Monday (the one from the fundie background) and we've spent the week arranging his funeral and tying up his affairs. I just realized I've spent the week in the presence of my extended fundie family because I used the word "precious" twice and "sweet" once in a text to my sister in a context in which I would normally never use them. 

Also, I was showing one of my aunts some family photos on my phone and accidentally scrolled the wrong way. Whoops! Last thing I'd been doing the night before was reading the Xgay Greg thread and since I'm looking for potential avatars here, I copied a picture of Jesus face palming with the words, "Xgay Greg makes Jesus cry." Fortunately I don't *think* she saw. That would've taken a lot of explaining. 

[Ungodly Grandma]

On 3/4/2016 at 3:49 PM, Leftitinmysnood said:

I have a "no solicitors because you'll wake the baby" sign in English and Spanish. So I got the JWs knocking on my door asking if I knew any other Spanish speakers in the neighborhood. Fortunately, I answered the door with a squalling, teething infant and they left in a hurry. They no longer try to talk to us, but I still get a watchtower under the mat once a year.

I have a yappy little dog that I use as an excuse. They try to pet him, but I can honestly say he is a biter, so no thanks, Have a nice day. Go away, now.

[Wenny]

4 minutes ago, Lillymuffin said:

My grandfather died on Monday (the one from the fundie background) and we've spent the week arranging his funeral and tying up his affairs. I just realized I've spent the week in the presence of my extended fundie family because I used the word "precious" twice and "sweet" once in a text to my sister in a context in which I would normally never use them. 

Also, I was showing one of my aunts some family photos on my phone and accidentally scrolled the wrong way. Whoops! Last thing I'd been doing the night before was reading the Xgay Greg thread and since I'm looking for potential avatars here, I copied a picture of Jesus face palming with the words, "Xgay Greg makes Jesus cry." Fortunately I don't *think* she saw. That would've taken a lot of explaining. 

I am sorry for your lost. 

 

I think we should start fundie bingo. I hung out with my mom's fundie lite church and heard: "they feel cruz will win in their heart of hearts, to partake in fellowship, be a blessing. 

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

About 2 weeks ago Mum had to go to the bank so I tagged along, we had about 50 mins before she had an appointment so went walked around town window shopping ( still counts if purchases  are under $5 total... ) anyway as we waited to cross the road a car slowed just before reaching us and did a U-turn, didn't indicate just turned, that's when I saw it! All over the side and back of the car they had decal stickers saying ' where will you spend eternity?' And ' you MUST follow and OBEY Jesus'. The following conversation ensured me- WTF?!?  Oh shit they are begging for me to mock them.  Mum- what dickhead ruins a nice car with that crap? Etc etc

10 mins later I see it again parked so I waited a few mins to see where they had gone, that's when I saw them coming out of the dept of housing office ( government paid housing ) where I assume Jesus not the tax payer or the government got them a house... 

Mocking continued for several hours.

[Inky]

4 hours ago, Luvmyskinnyjeanz said:

 

10 mins later I see it again parked so I waited a few mins to see where they had gone, that's when I saw them coming out of the dept of housing office ( government paid housing ) where I assume Jesus not the tax payer or the government got them a house... 

Mocking continued for several hours.

Maybe they were there making a donation so that some poor family could have housing.....

 

 

You know I'm screwing with you.....

[Luvmyskinnyjeanz]

35 minutes ago, Inky said:

Maybe they were there making a donation so that some poor family could have housing.....

 

 

You know I'm screwing with you.....

Hahaha look a pig just flew by my window.... Lol your hilarious, donation, them? That'll be the day.

[Lillymuffin]

On March 29, 2016 at 9:03 PM, Season of life... said:

Most of my interactions with missionaries and JWs have been pleasant. I usually will listen politely, accept the Watchtower or whatever tract is offered, and if it's warm outside I'll offer bottled water. 

I hate to hurt feelings, and am rarely intentionally rude. Last summer, though, I let it rip, and although I'm ashamed to admit it, it felt pretty good.

My husband was returning home from Baskin-Robbins with ice cream. There is no mistaking the bag or contents.

I heard his car pull up, but he didn't come in the house. I opened the door to see my sweetheart, his back against the car, holding the bag in front of him like a shield. Three people, I believe JWs, were blocking him while standing extremely close and talking earnestly.

My husband was polite, yet obviously not receptive, and again, there was the pink and blue ice cream bag which they ignored.

I strode out, grabbed the bag and shook it at them. My husband and I headed inside, and they tried to follow. I shook the bag again and said, "NO! Bad, bad behavior!" (I had been working with our puppy who was a serial chewer).

They probably thought our souls were more important than ice cream, but when you live in the desert and it's summertime, it's a close call.

Couldn't agree more. All bets are off when ice cream is involved. 

[iweartanktops]

I wasn't sure where to post this, but some of the fundies in my extended family have chosen to limit their family size! I'm shocked and impressed. They have 5 kids and were going to "have as many as God provides" but mom has had increasingly dangerous, complicated births with the last 3.I wish more fundies would consider the risks of so many child births, especially when there are known complications. 

[EyeQueue]

I was at a youth musical theater performance last night and saw a girl who was probably 12 or so in the audience, and she was wearing an ankle-length denim frumper over a long-sleeved shirt. Her hair was pretty long and was in braids. I never saw the parents she was with--she was by herself the entire time I saw her.

I'm not sure if she was a fundie, but it's not usual for a kid that age to be attired in that style in this area. Or at least I've never seen it. I know that in some of the theater communities around here there are some fundie-lites (at the very least) and homeschoolers, but I've never seen any dressed like that.

And if this were a fundie, the parents didn't do a good job vetting the show, because even though it was a show made up of performers from like 13-18, it mentioned "lesbians" and "making love" (between two unmarried people), and a few other references that would be racy to your average fundie.

[EyeQueue]

On 3/23/2016 at 0:29 PM, Lillymuffin said:

I thought everyone knew Satan's doorknobs are up higher. (Snerk!)

Oh my gosh, me too! I thought I was the only one!

Nope. Count me in this group, too.

[divadivine]

I work with university students & we had a conference this week/weekend. 26 students in a hotel... You can imagine. Anyhow, there were several Fundies staying at the hotel, too. The students were eating dinner Thursday night and one of the fundie young men was waiting for his family. He made it a point to stay far away from our students. Clearly he was uncomfortable.

We had to share the small dining area with them every morning. Our students are fairly liberal. They will talk about anything & everything at meals. The fundies were seriously afraid of being too close to them. This morning we were at breakfast later & I was running late & all out of Damns to Give.  I was wearing yoga pants & a t-shirt. Michelle Duggar Circa 14 Kids and pregnant again gave me the stink eye at the waffle machine. I was defrauding her headship with my yoga pants.

Of course one of my students comes up and says "Mom- I've got a whole plan worked out. Matt is not holding up his end of the bargain as chair- man problems- so, I'm just going to get shit done." Then he goes over and sits with one of the female students - his "wife" (these two are both openly out & she said earlier this week  he was the only man she would ever consider marrying... Because she's going to marry a female.) They were hugging each other & saying "Mom we need a pic!" Then one of the other girls started talking about her sexy playlist that would get you in the mood. The fundies were sitting there concentrating on their food and praying  that we didn't defraud them.  Seriously, they didn't want  to ride the elevator with us. It was a long weekend.

[clueliss]

I could possible go find a Mally thread to put this one in. 

But.

Just got off the phone with someone from Bright Lights Ministries.  They're having a conference someone in Missouri and am I still leading? (no).  In contact with the girls or leaders? (no and have not been for a couple of years now). 

So future brain washing in Missouri folks.