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hoipolloi

Saeed Abedini's wife reveals his abuse of her & use of porn

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hoipolloi

I'm not familiar with Abedini's ministry per se, just knew about his imprisonment in Iran. Would appreciate more info from those who may know about or of him.

So, not posting this for snarking but rather to say, once again, here is a fundamentalist Christian male -- himself persecuted for his religious beliefs -- victimizing his wife. 

From Christianity Today (http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2015/november-web-only/pastor-saeed-abedini-wife-naghmeh-halts-public-advocacy.html?start=1):

Quote

For the past three years Naghmeh Abedini has publicly battled her husband’s captors, advocating for his release from an Iranian jail.

Behind the scenes, she also struggled with his inner demons.

Last week, the emotional distress of doing both finally proved too much, she said.

In two emails to supporters, Abedini revealed details of her troubled marriage to Saeed Abedini, an American citizen and pastor imprisoned in Iran since September 2012.

Those troubles include “physical, emotional, psychological, and sexual abuse (through Saeed’s addiction to pornography),” she wrote. The abuse started early in their marriage and has worsened during Saeed’s imprisonment, she said. The two are able to speak by phone and Skype.

If that weren't all enough for one person to bear, then there's this, reported last month (http://www.christianpost.com/news/naghmeh-abedini-under-attack-christians-muslims-147974/):

Quote

Naghmeh Abedini, the wife of American pastor Saeed Abedini who's imprisoned in Iran, has said that she's been receiving personal attacks from people who accuse her of not being a good mother for traveling so much; for her lack of formal Bible education, and for the clothes she wears.
 

Edited by OnceUponATime
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defraudingjezebel

Poor woman. Sounds like she's catching flack from all sides, including her imprisoned husband. She is in a really tough position. I'm sure she feels obligated to be a "dedicated wife" otherwise she'll look like she's abandoning him and she'll get even more criticism. At least now her issues are all out in the open- maybe people in her community (the Christian community as a whole, really) will be less likely to criticize her now that they know her circumstances. 

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jerkit

I cannot think of a religious leader/someone the Christian Right has trumpeted as a hero that has not eventually been outed as an abuser or pervert in some way. I wish I was wrong but I don't think I am.

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Howl

I can think of few worse positions to be in.  She has to speak out and publicly advocate for her husband to be freed, at the same time likely deeply dreading his homecoming should he be set free.  It sounds as though she had to set that burden down and focus on her children.  I was unclear if she made the statements about her husband (porn, abuse of all kinds) in a pubic way or if she emailed people, who then made it public.  

Edited by Howl

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Othello

This whole situation seems weird. There are little to no details made public of what actually has gone on (which is OK, but of course makes it harder to understand), and while there have been efforts for years (on her part and that of others) to get him released, the political sphere has never picked up his cause (despite the occasional tea party person mentioning the situation), and it's become old news. I guess there are good reasons the guy has stayed in jail, and that's why he's not had advocates other than his wife, and she's sick and tired of it now too.

However, it's good that she's been able to be up front with some people about the struggles. It's disgusting that she's had to field attacks from sanctimonious assholes, all the while covering up the abuse she's been suffering in order to maintain the advocacy for her husband's release. That's just infuriating.

(The one thing that made me scratch my head is, does watching porn equate to sexual abuse? Either the CT article frames the sentence weirdly or they're simply saying that it does)

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hoipolloi

Apparently, she announced her decision to step back from the campaign to get her husband freed by sending out emails in which she described the abuse as a primary reason for being unable to deal with it all: http://www.religionnews.com/2015/11/20/imprisoned-pastors-wife-kept-marital-abuse-secret-now/

And from the it's-a-small-fundie-world department, looks like Saeed is a poster boy of the DeMoss Foundation, the entity established by Nancy Leigh DeMoss's widowed mother.

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PartriarchydefyinValkarie

She was at the Freedom for religious liberties conference and her name comes up regularly on 'The worldview in five minutes" on Swanson's show.  Poor thing. 

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Ennui

This whole situation seems weird. There are little to no details made public of what actually has gone on (which is OK, but of course makes it harder to understand), and while there have been efforts for years (on her part and that of others) to get him released, the political sphere has never picked up his cause (despite the occasional tea party person mentioning the situation), and it's become old news. I guess there are good reasons the guy has stayed in jail, and that's why he's not had advocates other than his wife, and she's sick and tired of it now too.

However, it's good that she's been able to be up front with some people about the struggles. It's disgusting that she's had to field attacks from sanctimonious assholes, all the while covering up the abuse she's been suffering in order to maintain the advocacy for her husband's release. That's just infuriating.

(The one thing that made me scratch my head is, does watching porn equate to sexual abuse? Either the CT article frames the sentence weirdly or they're simply saying that it does)

Maybe there are some missing details regarding the porn issue. Otherwise I don't get it either. (Sorry for not quoting just the bottom of the post, my phone hates this site.)

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nausicaa

Maybe there are some missing details regarding the porn issue. Otherwise I don't get it either. (Sorry for not quoting just the bottom of the post, my phone hates this site.)

I have a conservative Christian friend who believes that a husband viewing porn equates to sexual abuse. I think her reasoning is that it is the same as cheating on one's wife, and also that it gives the man desires to do "unnatural" things to his wife that she then feels pressure to do. Her husband viewed porn maybe once or twice a week and is now in a Sex Addicts Anonymous group run by their church. He has to have a sponsor and everything. 

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

(snipped)

...and while there have been efforts for years (on her part and that of others) to get him released, the political sphere has never picked up his cause (despite the occasional tea party person mentioning the situation), and it's become old news.

(snipped)

I think think at least one U.S. senator (plain Republican, not Tea Party) from Mrs. Abedini's state has agitated for her husband's release from time to time and she met in person with President Obama when he visited her hometown. I guess that's not the same as being a national media darling, but the local news has been pretty consistent in its coverage of Naghmeh's efforts to get her husband freed. 

I'm glad she is able to take a step back for her sake and for her kids' sake. I still hope Saeed makes it out of Iran alive. If he gets back to his family, then there's at least a chance he could change his ways (counseling?) and be a good dad. Call me an optimist. 

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WonderingInWA

I am wondering how this situation is going at this point.  I have a lot of friends in the town the Abedinis call their home who were pleading daily for publicity for his case until the allegations of spousal abuse came out.  And it's been radio silence.  I just wonder what the locals know.  I sincerely send prayers to her and her children.  I'm not sure I know what to think about him.

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hoipolloi

She did go fairly quiet after the November announcement but since the new year, she's embarked a  3-week fast to draw closer to the Lord..

Re: Saeed. She said on her FB page that she's not hearing anything from or of him:

Quote

 

Naghmeh Abedini

January 9 at 3:48pm · Boise, ID · 

Dearest friends,

Many of you have been asking me about updates on Saeed. Unfortunately I have had no updates from Saeed for the last two months and I am not sure if (and when) I will have any updates. I have to trust the Lord during this time of resting and not having any communication and updates about Saeed. I have to trust that God is there with Saeed and has got this. I have felt the Lord telling me to let go and allow Him to work. To take my hands off of the situation and trust Him. So I have entered a time of rest and healing and spending time with my kids. I am also spending much needed time seeking the Lord and focusing on my walk with the Lord. So, I will not be able to provide updates on Saeed.

Thank you for your prayers and understanding.

God Bless you all

Naghmeh

 

 

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WonderingInWA

There is just something about this family that seems like such a hoax.  I believe even Obama has plead for Saeed's release, yet NO ONE knew before just a few months ago that he had marital troubles and/or a porn addiction?:  I just don't get it.

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Firiel
6 hours ago, WonderingInWA said:

There is just something about this family that seems like such a hoax.  I believe even Obama has plead for Saeed's release, yet NO ONE knew before just a few months ago that he had marital troubles and/or a porn addiction?:  I just don't get it.

He's hardly a major celebrity.  He's only well-known because he's being held in Iran.  I wouldn't be surprised if some people close to her knew.  Maybe she told her pastor or her mother or whatever, but people often only share the negative intimate details of their lives with people they really trust, especially if they are still trying to work through things.  If someone she had trusted had gone to the media and let everyone in the world know that he was abusive before Naghmeh was ready... well, that would have been a huge breach of trust and real dick move.  Or maybe she didn't tell anyone.  That's possible too.

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Howl

Looks like Saeed Abedini is coming home....

aclj.org/persecuted-church/aclj-american-pastor-saeed-abedini-and-other-americans-freed-from-iranian-prisons
 

Quote

 

The American Center for Law and Justice (ACLJ) announced today that American Pastor Saeed Abedini and other Americans held captive in Iran have been released.

Pastor Saeed – a U.S. citizen who has been imprisoned in Iran for more than three years – was freed today along with other Americans according to government sources....

....“This has been an answer to prayer,” said Naghmeh after learning about Saeed’s release. “This is a critical time for me and my family. We look forward to Saeed's return and want to thank the millions of people who have stood with us in prayer during this most difficult time.”

 

ETA:  As this situation was developing last night (people knew that Saeed had been moved with in the prison, but not why), someone on her facebook posted along the lines of hoping that  she is at peace with what happens, mentions personal issues, and is praying that Naghmeh is not fearful, reminding her that she has a support system built up for her and her children.

Naghmeh responds by saying that is exactly the prayer that she needed....

Quote

You have picked up on the issues I am dealing with.

Eeeesh.  I would NOT want to be a fly on the wall at this family reunion.  

 

Edited by Howl

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

I saw that as soon as I looked at my phone this morning.

http://www.ktvb.com/story/news/local/2016/01/16/report-saeed-abedini-released-iranian-prision/78894210/

I really hope Saeed gets whatever counseling help he needs to deal with everything that happened while he was in prison and with whatever problems he had before. I imagine this could be a very complicated time emotionally for the whole Abedini family. 

I also found this much simpler homecoming story:

http://www.ktvb.com/story/news/local/2016/01/15/betty-washer-returns/78858066/

Silly, I guess, but definitely none of the complications of Saeed's homecoming. 

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WonderingInWA

Buckle up, Boise!  Saeed's comin' home!  I feel sorry for his wife.  Just when she was getting used to living without him and his abuse!  Sigh.

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WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?

I'm certainly no expert, but I believe that abuse thrives in secret. Now that Naghmeh has spoken publicly about the abuse, maybe it will be harder for things to go on the way they were before? The public is aware and watching, at least until the next thing comes along. I'll join you in that sigh. Sigh.

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mamallama

I've been trying to supress the urge to post "thank Obama!" on my fundie friends' facebook posts.

Maybe he'll join Joshie at RU.

 

 

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iweartanktops

I have a few Facebook "friends" who are fierce supporters leghumpers of this guy. I need to read up on him more. But every time I checked Facebook I see more "PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR BROTHER IN CHRIST..."

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onlyme

One of my friends on facebook said she thinks his wife made all the abuse allegations up to justify being in love with another man. I just.... what do you say to that? 

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Anonymousguest
3 minutes ago, onlyme said:

One of my friends on facebook said she thinks his wife made all the abuse allegations up to justify being in love with another man. I just.... what do you say to that? 

I saw that in the comments of one of the other articles. I funny know what you say to that. 

I have a lot of friends who regularly posted the"please pray for Saeed" updates, but only one person posted an article about the abuse, and she is known for her advocacy for the abused. 

I did post a link to the Christianity today article on a friends post about his release. She said she hadn't heard of it, and as expected,  minimized it.

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iweartanktops
17 minutes ago, onlyme said:

One of my friends on facebook said she thinks his wife made all the abuse allegations up to justify being in love with another man. I just.... what do you say to that? 

I posted the article on one of the leghumpers Facebook pages about an hour ago, along with a comment about it. So far, crickets... :whistle:

ETA - this particular woman and her husband are popular Christian counselors, so if she chooses to minimize it, I won't be shocked but I will be disturbed. 

Edited by iweartanktops6

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Jana814

So his wife cheated on him?  

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onlyme

It's just breath taking to me what they are accusing her of. Even if she did fall in love with someone else-to go publicly and call him an abuser to his supporters when you knew that their support was needed to free him? Just to cover up that you love someone else?  

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