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Saeed Abedini's wife reveals his abuse of her & use of porn


hoipolloi

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Naghmeh continues to be very open about all of this on her FB page:

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Naghmeh Abedini [to] Jason Dolly Cassar: he was not broken in prison because he had access to phone and was watching sexual/porn and was skyping and calling instead of spending that time with the Lord. I have evidence of that if needed. He already told the congressman in Germany that he had access to phone. So he is not hiding it.

Naghmeh Abedini [to] Jason Dolly Cassar: and no there is no conviction only anger of exposure of the sin.

 

She's also handling the critics quite well:

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Kammil Bridgette: I've been through an emotional abuse myself so I understand what it is like. Even though it exist, it doesn't mean it's a true story in their case. Besides, she grew up in U.S. If she was abused before, why didn't she divorce him before? Instead, fight so hard for him (or her fame), and now turn the story around when he comes out? As an analogy, Murder does exist in this world and it's very real, doesn't mean murder happens here.

Naghmeh Abedini [to] Kammil Bridgette: the police records in Boise will speak for themselves. Domestic abuse convictions. No more explanation needed.

 

 

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This may be the wrong expression to use, but DA-YUM, this woman has chutzpah.   I deeply admire her ability cultivate her own spiritual path,  to clarify the true nature of their relationship, set very strong boundaries to protect herself and her children,  while seeming to cultivate an agape approach and understanding towards her husband and his spiritual and emotional problems.   

 

 

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The Wartburg Watch has an update which both supports Naghmeh's accounts of Saeed's abusive behavior and rebuts the "Christians" who are chastising her for saying anything about it.

The update includes a link to this recent article in the Idaho Statesman:

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Away from the glare of television lights and public attention, Naghmeh hid the trouble in her marriage — until last November. In an email to her supporters, she said that she had suffered physical, emotional and psychological abuse throughout her marriage.

In 2007, Saeed pleaded guilty to misdemeanor domestic assault in Ada County Magistrate Court. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail, which was suspended, and placed on probation for a year, according to online Idaho court records. The case file was not immediately available for review.

On Wednesday, in a post on her Facebook page, Naghmeh said she regretted having hid from the public what she had lived through. She had hoped that the “horrible situation” her husband went through would bring about a spiritual change in both of them and improve their marriage. But instead, she wrote, Saeed made demands about his public image she felt she couldn’t meet, and threatened that if she didn’t carry out his wishes, it would cause the end of their marriage and bring pain to their children.

 

 

 

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Gross. I was reading comments where hundreds of people were praying and asking for their marriage to be restored. Restored to what? Someone said they hope they go back to normal. Another woman all outraged that she worked to get him back only to dump him. The handful of responses wanting him to be held responsible, or directly supportive of her came mostly from men. I found that interesting. Things got deleted......I got banned......all n a days work.

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It must have been extremely hard to have a husband who is worshipped as a christian martyr while knowing what he is really like.

My question when reading this was, if years in an Iranian dungeon cannot 'cure' porn and abuse, that is bad news for Anna Duggar. Hope she will one day be as brave as Naghmeh.

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I hate to say it, but I find it hard to believe that he was able to Skype or have access porn in an Iranian prison. It appears that everyone has to spend the beginning of their imprisonment in solitary. This is based on the information reported on the PBS Newshour regarding the treatment of Jason Rezaian and Matthew Trevithick. Matthew was interviewed on the Newshour. Here's some of the interview that Matthew did with Time Magazine. He was able to call home every 15 days.

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They made me lie to my mother. We already had three days with no contact, and we were checking in daily with each other by text. I’m going to the mountains? The cellphone signal is very weak and I’ll be out of touch a bit. She knows. Matt, a lot of people are thinking about you.

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I was not physically abused. I was roughed up once. It was all mental games, which itself is extremely destructive, starting with the biggest question: When am I leaving here? I passed the time by exercising. By the end of it, I was doing something like 1,500 sit-ups and 400 pushups a day. Something absurd. I lost six kilos (13 pounds).

Day 28. They had a little sheet of rules printed and taped in your cell. According to Rule 9, I’m allowed to talk to my family every 15 days. I spoke with my mother again.

Day 29. I was moved out of solitary and put in another cell twice the size with two men—one said he had shared a cell with Jason. It occurred to me that I’m in a building full of intellectuals, dissidents, artists. There is a mini fridge and a television, but you get only state programming. We watched a sitcom about four guys in prison.

http://time.com/4197451/matthew-trevithick-iran-evin-prison/

Link to interview on PBS Newshour: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/american-released-from-iran-prison-describes-solitary-confinement-constant-surveillance/

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In all, Trevithick spent 41 days in the prison, 29 of them in solitary confinement. The six-by-seven-foot cell was empty except for a thin rug. Everything was worn, including the flip-flops they gave him to wear, indicating that many people passed through before him and many would likely follow. “In a very bizarre way, you take a small bit of comfort that you’re not alone in being in this less than desirable place.”

About Jason Rezaian:

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Rezaian, who was held on unspecified charges, spent the rest of his time with another inmate who spoke a different language, so “he was largely without human contact,” Baron said. Later, his wife and mother were able to visit him once a week.

Link: http://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/freed-reporter-jason-rezaian-works-to-reclaim-his-life-after-detention-in-iran/

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And Saeed has issued his own statement:

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Last November, Naghmeh began to write about our marriage on her Facebook page and suspended her public advocacy for me. Her Facebook reports have been widely reported in other media outlets, raising questions about me, and the state of our marriage. As a prisoner in Iran I was not able to respond to her comments and accusations. I have chosen not to respond in the two weeks I have been back in America because I believe personal issues are best dealt with personally.

ETA: And of course if you'd been held in an Iranian prison for several years, cut off from your spouse and small children, you'd also go stay with Franklin Graham, first thing, before going home to your family:

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When I arrived in America I went to the Billy Graham Training Center in North Carolina with my parents and my sister, fully expecting Naghmeh and our children to join me there. She chose instead to remain at home in Idaho, and when I arrived there this week I was met with news that she had filed a domestic relations case, apparently in order to ensure our children could remain in the state. Of course, I had no intention of taking our children away from our home or our state.

Right.

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As for Saeed's statement, it sounds very noble to say you will deal with it privately. But it is not a denial.

And since he has been previously convicted for domestic abuse, and Naghmeh's story (what I have heard so far) has been very consistent and mature, for now I find it much easier to believe her than him. 

I am connected with an organisation closely connected with Saeed. They are thrilled he's free. The rest is so far ignored, at least in public. I wonder how they will deal with it. The accusations are just so bizarre in this situation and don't fit in the framework of 'hero of faith'.

There is one thing that bothers me in this story. Naghmeh says she is happy he is released. But if my husband was like that, it could be quite convenient to have him locked up. Is that like Anna who misses Josh so much? A bit of Stockholm?

And though I admire her determination to work at her marriage, if he is not repentant after years in prison, and even now accusing her in public, I don't see theraphy can do much. I think whoever adviced her to legally seperate was very wise.

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Calling your husband watching porn sexual abuse is pretty gross. It cheapens actual sexual abuse. I know it's a thing with some fundies but they're clueless as to what real sexual abuse is. Ugh.

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6 hours ago, Vex said:

Calling your husband watching porn sexual abuse is pretty gross. It cheapens actual sexual abuse. I know it's a thing with some fundies but they're clueless as to what real sexual abuse is. Ugh.

If the husband is demanding to recreate acts that he witnessed watching porn that a wife finds personally repulsive/disgusting/degrading.....

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2 hours ago, Howl said:

If the husband is demanding to recreate acts that he witnessed watching porn that a wife finds personally repulsive/disgusting/degrading.....

Agree with Howl. 

Also, if she is a survivor of earlier abuse or is close to someone who is, any insistence that she look at violent depictions, etc., would seem like abuse to me. 

Some of The Wartburg Watch commenters have significant insights into how Franklin Graham and others are using Sqeed's* captivity to push their political agenda. Naghmeh is throwing a spanner into those works. I hope she has lots of support. 

*Some of the Jr. JBs were at my house when the tv was full of this story and they misread "Saeed" as "Sqeed," and thus he shall be to me forevermore. 

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An intrepid participant over at The Wartburg Watch located the Idaho court record of Saeed Abedini's 2007 conviction. Note that he pled guilty to the charge of domestic assault. 

Screen-Shot-2016-01-31-at-6.10.26-PM.png

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Fair enough. I was talking about the hysterical 'my husband looks at incredibly vanilla porn and it's sexual abuse' fundie antics, but I agree - trying to get your wife to recreate horrific porn is abusive.

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Julie Anne at Spiritual Sounding Board has written an in-depth post on Saeed's ordination in the AEA and key players in that series of events:

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The Pastor Saeed Abedini Story: I [Julie Anne] believe influential leaders failed to take responsibility for those entrusted in their care, and thus, Christ’s name has become a mockery to the world. I find many aspects of this story troubling, but two in particular are disturbing:

  • Leaders failed to do due diligence with the Abedini family regarding Saeed’s long-time pornography and abuse issues. Saeed Abedini was unfit to be pastor according to biblical requirements. What was done in this situation? Why was he allowed to continue ministry work? Why was he allowed to obtain and retain the pastor title?
  • The Abedini family was used by opportunistic individuals and organizations as a pawn to promote political agendas or personal gain.

 

ETA: And from the Hot Potato department, the ACLJ, the "Christian" PR firm DeMoss Group, and the BGEA have washed their hands of the Abedini family:

 

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Now that her husband has returned the United States, the mother of two may be facing an even bigger challenge. She’s trying to rebuild her life after suffering from years of what she says was abuse in her marriage to Saeed.

And Naghmeh will likely have to do so without the help of her high-profile friends, some of whom have distanced themselves from her. She also may face of suspicion from many of her former faith-based supporters, domestic abuse experts say....A spokesman for the ACLJ said the Christian legal nonprofit is no longer representing the Abedinis, now that Saeed has been released. The family is no longer working with the DeMoss Group, a prominent Christian public relations firm based in Atlanta, which does media relations for the ACLJ and the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association.

 

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Ray Comfort stopped by SSB to rebuke the ungodly for focusing on unimportant matters like abuse.

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Ray Comfort

FEBRUARY 2, 2016 @ 1:44 PM

This is far too much of what really is not important in the aftermath of this Christian’s life. I am truly amazed he’s out among the living…..praise God.

 

 

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5 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Ray Comfort stopped by SSB to rebuke the ungodly for focusing on unimportant matters like abuse.

 

I saw that. I also (happily) saw that a couple of other commenters pretty much told him off.

What a useless piece of work (I mean Comfort).

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Not to distract from the abuse (which is terrible), but I've sure been curious what's been done with all the money that was donated/raised and the 250k house that was donated to them.  

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33 minutes ago, beth889 said:

Not to distract from the abuse (which is terrible), but I've sure been curious what's been done with all the money that was donated/raised and the 250k house that was donated to them.  

I've not read about the fundraising.  What was it raised for?  To support the family while Saeed was in Iran?  For travel/advocacy purposes?  I'd be interested in reading more, if you have any links.

I'd guess Nagmeh and the kids are still living in the house if they were living in it before Saeed's release.

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From what I read, neither of them ever moved into the house.  There are still several active websites that ask for donations to support the Abedini family.  The one for the house had an update in 2013 I think, saying they'd raised enough, but were still accepting donations for closing costs.  I'm assuming the fundraisers were for Nagmeh's travel expenses etc.  I really don't mind fundraising to support the wife and children, but after finding out that while he was in prison he was on the phone w/ her 6-8 hours a day and watching porn on her Amazon acct (according to her own comments on FB)-that had to cost some $, I would think.  I wonder if abusing the money being raised for them also contributed to her suddenly having enough of the public advocacy.  

I can try to post some links later.

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This link I'm guessing was to support his ministry before he was imprisoned.  Note in the about section his plans to murder a pastor and commit suicide before he was converted..

https://www.sendhopenow.org/sponsorships/missionary/saeed-naghmeh-abedini

Here's the help us buy them a house-

http://www.joshuasprings.org/saeed.html

Maybe the money was used for his legal expenses too.  I just get a funny, suspicious feeling about the entire situation.  She mentions in one article that they had financial hardship before he went to Iran-but there are photos of them at Disney World before he left, and I read this was his 9th trip to Iran.  Does his church finance that? Or maybe that's why they had hardships-b/c they personally were financing these missions.  Like I said-maybe it's all above board and I'm just too suspicious and cynical-but things just seem off to me.

 

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@beth889, thanks for the info!  I know absolutely nothing about this case that's not public info, but I would suspect the church and/or fundraising raised the money for the trips to Iran.  That's usually how mission trips work in the church.  I also wouldn't be surprised if the church paid for their trip to Disneyland.  Churches throw out a lot of rhetoric around fostering strong marriages and families for their pastors, so they very well might take up a love offering to send the family to Disney World before he went off to another country for an extended period of time.  Of course, they would have been better off getting Saeed and Nagmeh real-life therapy with real-life therapists because he's an abusive husband.  But that doesn't look as good in church flyers as Disney World!

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On February 1, 2016 at 4:13 AM, Vex said:

Fair enough. I was talking about the hysterical 'my husband looks at incredibly vanilla porn and it's sexual abuse' fundie antics, but I agree - trying to get your wife to recreate horrific porn is abusive.

     See! We CAN disagree and be civil! I see your point. We don't know what kind of porn it was or if he had her watch it or asked her to recreate it. 

     I think this is a gray area. We don't have enough information. My first reaction was it being a stretch to call it abusive. We don't know how the porn affected their intimate life.

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18 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

     See! We CAN disagree and be civil! I see your point. We don't know what kind of porn it was or if he had her watch it or asked her to recreate it. 

     I think this is a gray area. We don't have enough information. My first reaction was it being a stretch to call it abusive. We don't know how the porn affected their intimate life.

This is true; knowing fundies' relationship with sex and even very vanilla/common turn-ons and acts, if she were defining abuse by the porn-watching I'd be tempted to call bullshit. However that can still be damaging to a person's psyche (man or woman) depending on what's being watched and of course the person's relationship with sex/porn/erotica (i.e. they could freak out over things and be emotionally damaged because of how they're taught to view sexual things).

I think the biggest tell here however is that he has a domestic assault conviction on record already, and that makes it clear it wasn't just watching vanilla porn and not-unreasonable bedroom expectations. The original headline made me think "watching porn equates abuse? Really?" but I'm wholeheartedly in support of Naghmeh now that we know more than just a vague headline. 

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On January 31, 2016 at 4:04 AM, foreign fundie said:

As for Saeed's statement, it sounds very noble to say you will deal with it privately. But it is not a denial.

And since he has been previously convicted for domestic abuse, and Naghmeh's story (what I have heard so far) has been very consistent and mature, for now I find it much easier to believe her than him. 

I am connected with an organisation closely connected with Saeed. They are thrilled he's free. The rest is so far ignored, at least in public. I wonder how they will deal with it. The accusations are just so bizarre in this situation and don't fit in the framework of 'hero of faith'.

There is one thing that bothers me in this story. Naghmeh says she is happy he is released. But if my husband was like that, it could be quite convenient to have him locked up. Is that like Anna who misses Josh so much? A bit of Stockholm?

And though I admire her determination to work at her marriage, if he is not repentant after years in prison, and even now accusing her in public, I don't see theraphy can do much. I think whoever adviced her to legally seperate was very wise.

         I don't think it's strange she is happy he is released. He is the father of her children, and I am sure the kids love and miss him. Relationships are complicated. Wanting to divorce, and pressing charges for assault and 10 days in jail is a big difference than stuck in Iranian prison.

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