Doug Phillips & Vision Forum & Lourdes - Part 2

[Clementine]

That was really shitty of him, what a loser. I always thought that he shared too much information when he was married to Lourdes and this is just... no. Poor Lourdes, she really doesn't need more crazy people in her life.

[nausicaa]

Even if Nolan is telling the "truth" there is a lot of nuance that he is deliberately biasing against her. Looks to me like he is just flat out trying to hurt her and damage her case, which is really, really negative of him. His last sentence on that post makes it "look" like he is all trying to be discrete and didn't mean for it to go public, but he is a LOT smarter than that. Remember, this is a guy who is very deliberate and was smart enough to work for the NSA for a while.

Well, his cover isn't working very well. How on earth could he think posting her full name and the full name of the man he claims she was with on a public cheating website is discreet? I don't know why else one would post a story like that other than to embarrass the people named. Isn't that the only reason why those cheating sites exist?

[ladyamylynn]

Even if Nolan is telling the "truth" there is a lot of nuance that he is deliberately biasing against her. Looks to me like he is just flat out trying to hurt her and damage her case, which is really, really negative of him. His last sentence on that post makes it "look" like he is all trying to be discrete and didn't mean for it to go public, but he is a LOT smarter than that. Remember, this is a guy who is very deliberate and was smart enough to work for the NSA for a while.

Wait what? Can you elaborate?

[ThisOlGirl]

Well, his cover isn't working very well. How on earth could he think posting her full name and the full name of the man he claims she was with on a public cheating website is discreet? I don't know why else one would post a story like that other than to embarrass the people named. Isn't that the only reason why those cheating sites exist?

He also shared the link with FJ . org and the Lourdes Torres support FB page. What a POS.

Hi Nolan! Congratulations on being yet another man that Lourdes thought she could trust only to find out she couldn't. Have a seat next to Dougie.

[nausicaa]

He also shared the link with FJ . org and the Lourdes Torres support FB page. What a POS.

Hi Nolan! Congratulations on being yet another man that Lourdes thought she could trust only to find out she couldn't. Have a seat next to Dougie.

Seriously, what an ass. So now that he can't get what he wants from her, he feels entitled to humiliate her and completely mess up her life.

The Lourdes Torres support FB page? Damn, that is low.

[Hane]

Crap. From her FB page, I get the impression that Lourdes is friends with some of Nolan's siblings, so that may well be why she's not cutting him out of her life completely.

[Marian the Librarian]

This latest move by Nolan is very disturbing. I hope Lourdes is OK, and safe.

[salex]

Regardless of his intelligence, he is acting like he's taking Life Lessons from Russel DeJayne

[CloakNDagger]

Regardless of his intelligence, he is acting like he's taking Life Lessons from Russel DeJayne

Intelligence, wisdom, and kindness don't always get used together.

[GenerationCedarchip]

Intelligence, wisdom, and kindness don't always get used together.

True, that.

As an outside observer, I've felt uneasy about decisions both Lourdes and Nolan have made, but I understood them. Coming out of a cultish religious circle and finding one's way to healthy life and healthy faith is not easy (glad I wasn't online when I first left my old church). However, this most recent meltdown from Nolan seems different. There's a vindictive anger to it that makes me worry. I hope Lourdes is okay and I hope Nolan can get help. I think he needs it.

[Taters]

On a side note, I am :pink-shock: at the website itself

[longskirtlonghair]

Why does everyone seem so quick at jumping at Nolan?

I sympathize with both of them. They're both screwed up, considering their upbringing, and it's not surprising that they're each unraveling in their own ways. If anything, Nolan seems to be more vulnerable than Lourdes.

I don't disagree that the post on the cheaters website is a low blow, cruel and possibly detrimental to the lawsuit, but he doesn't seem to have many coping skills and he's lashing out. The kid needs help; I might be wrong and this might be wishful thinking, but I don't believe he's cruel. He's not a patriarchal jackass, he's a mixed-up guy with terrible points of reference who screwed up when he felt even more lost than usual.

As for Lourdes, of course we can't say if what he claims is true or not, but assuming it is, assuming she did cheat, it seems very much like the very same lack of coping skills, showing up in a different, yet almost equally destructive manner. She's been through so much; her mind must be reeling from it all. The marriage itself seems to have been more of a reaction to the horrors she endured than a proactive choice.

[CloakNDagger]

Why does everyone seem so quick at jumping at Nolan?

I don't disagree that the post on the cheaters website is a low blow, cruel and possibly detrimental to the lawsuit, but he doesn't seem to have many coping skills and he's lashing out. The kid needs help; I might be wrong and this might be wishful thinking, but I don't believe he's cruel. He's not a patriarchal jackass, he's a mixed-up guy with terrible points of reference who screwed up when he felt even more lost than usual.

Why? Because it seems deliberate and thought through to damage her, just like his videos that he posted on youtube, his "mindfucking" of FJ a year or so ago, and other stuff. Is he hurt? Yeah, but he knows better and could choose to take the high road instead.

[CrazyMumma]

There is EQ and IQ... While Nolan appears to have a decent IQ... he also displays a deficient in EQ. Unfortunately I've noticed in my life the higher IQ someone has its easy for them to have a low EQ. :S

[longskirtlonghair]

Fair enough, CnD. We'll have to agree to disagree, though, because where you see "deliberate" I see "lashing out in confusion." He's messed up and he's being making one mistake after the other, bad mistakes. But he still does not strike me as cruel or in control. He strikes me as someone who wasn't taught how to handle life and relationships and has no idea how to act once out of the strict mold he was taught.

Also, CrazyMumma, you're right. There's EQ and IQ. I don't think Nolan is particularly smart, either, though. His problem, of course, is emotional, but his execution is always pretty transparent and simplistic.

To be clear: I think he's a mess. I think Lourdes deserves and needs some peace. But I also think she has made some pretty bad decisions and mistakes herself, because she's still reacting to her abuse. Which is normal and to be expected. But Nolan's breakdown is, too.

[Marian the Librarian]

The latest case updates:

9/24/2015 SET ON JURY DOCKET

**PER DCO**

COURT: 285 TRIAL DATE & TIME: 5/16/2016 8:30AM

9/25/2015 SET A.D.R. DOCKET

COURT: 225 TRIAL DATE & TIME: 1/6/2016 8:30AM

[DomWackTroll]

Fair enough, CnD. We'll have to agree to disagree, though, because where you see "deliberate" I see "lashing out in confusion." He's messed up and he's being making one mistake after the other, bad mistakes. But he still does not strike me as cruel or in control. He strikes me as someone who wasn't taught how to handle life and relationships and has no idea how to act once out of the strict mold he was taught.

Also, CrazyMumma, you're right. There's EQ and IQ. I don't think Nolan is particularly smart, either, though. His problem, of course, is emotional, but his execution is always pretty transparent and simplistic.

To be clear: I think he's a mess. I think Lourdes deserves and needs some peace. But I also think she has made some pretty bad decisions and mistakes herself, because she's still reacting to her abuse. Which is normal and to be expected. But Nolan's breakdown is, too.

No one here would claim that Nolan doesn't have the right to be "messed up" after what he's been through. But threatening and cyber stalking someone is not "making a mistake." It's a deliberate act of hostility.

[longskirtlonghair]

No one here would claim that Nolan doesn't have the right to be "messed up" after what he's been through. But threatening and cyber stalking someone is not "making a mistake." It's a deliberate act of hostility.

Wait, he threatened and cyber stalked? I think we're reading the situation totally different here, but I fully admit that a) I'm a newbie; I'm the one who might have read it wrong and b) I don't have a dog in this fight. I feel sorry for both of them, but that's pretty much the extent of it.

[DomWackTroll]

Wait, he threatened and cyber stalked? I think we're reading the situation totally different here, but I fully admit that a) I'm a newbie; I'm the one who might have read it wrong and b) I don't have a dog in this fight. I feel sorry for both of them, but that's pretty much the extent of it.

Did you go to his Facebook page and click on the link he posted? What is that if not threatening and cyber stalking?

[longskirtlonghair]

Did you go to his Facebook page and click on the link he posted? What is that if not threatening and cyber stalking?

Not really, no. It's douchebaggery of the highest order, and yes, he clearly understands it could be harmful to the lawsuit (which is why I said earlier he was not even that good in being manipulative.) But it's not a threat, nor cyber stalking as much as a tantrum.

And now I'm really out. I don't even like Nolan. I feel sorry for him, because he's having a meltdown and needs psychological help it seems unlikely he'll get, but not enough to try to defend his actions.

[Palimpsest]

Not really, no. It's douchebaggery of the highest order, and yes, he clearly understands it could be harmful to the lawsuit (which is why I said earlier he was not even that good in being manipulative.) But it's not a threat, nor cyber stalking as much as a tantrum.

And now I'm really out. I don't even like Nolan. I feel sorry for him, because he's having a meltdown and needs psychological help it seems unlikely he'll get, but not enough to try to defend his actions.

This is not Nolan's first meltdown. He's been very manipulative in the past. It is also unclear whether he is getting any qualified psychological help at the moment. His behavior is very concerning and I hope Lourdes is safe.

Longhairlongskirt: It is quite possible to call out Nolan's angry, hostile and very destructive behaviors for what they are, but also to sympathize with his situation and understand how his BCA background may play into it.

I've been really busy recently and am trying to play catch-up. Nolan seems to have been getting some negative feedback because he added a 13 point rationale after that post and link to the cheaters' site yesterday. Or is that old news?

[DomWackTroll]

Not really, no. It's douchebaggery of the highest order, and yes, he clearly understands it could be harmful to the lawsuit (which is why I said earlier he was not even that good in being manipulative.) But it's not a threat, nor cyber stalking as much as a tantrum.

And now I'm really out. I don't even like Nolan. I feel sorry for him, because he's having a meltdown and needs psychological help it seems unlikely he'll get, but not enough to try to defend his actions.

Let me get this straight: You don't even know what Nolan did, and refuse to find out what he did, but you're still sure that it's "not a threat, nor cyber stalking."

[longskirtlonghair]

This is not Nolan's first meltdown. He's been very manipulative in the past. It is also unclear whether he is getting any qualified psychological help at the moment. His behavior is very concerning and I hope Lourdes is safe.

Longhairlongskirt: It is quite possible to call out Nolan's angry, hostile and very destructive behaviors for what they are, but also to sympathize with his situation and understand how his BCA background may play into it.

I've been really busy recently and am trying to play catch-up. Nolan seems to have been getting some negative feedback because he added a 13 point rationale after that post and link to the cheaters' site yesterday. Or is that old news?

Oh gosh. At this point, considering I'm new (but I've been skulking around the website for a while), I feel the need to explain my reasoning, so you guys can see where I'm coming from.

So, first, I called out Nolan plenty, if you read my posts. I just don't see the danger some of you see (and I'm quite good at seeing patterns of violence, from personal and professional experience). I may be wrong, of course, and of course Lourdes should be safe, but she survived Doug Phillips. Nolan is nothing, compared to what she had to go through when she was much younger and defenseless.

Second, I just think Nolan sucks at manipulative behavior. He's really transparent and pathetic. Besides, considering Lourdes did file for divorce, I don't see that it's working at all. So what we're left with is a grandstanding, immature guy who's had several meltdowns and doesn't know what to do with himself. Is his behavior terrible? Yep, that's unarguable. Is he dangerous? I don't see it. Is he manipulative? Well, to be manipulative, you have to be more effective than he is.

So far, the only real danger I see is that the damn cheaters site will probably be terrible for the lawsuit (it's the only of his aggressive moves that might be able to hit the target.) But still, if her lawyer is smart, it's not that hard to spin.

In short: I don't disagree with the gist of what you guys are saying. I just made a different assessment of the end result. Which I'm not even claiming is the truth, just what I see (from the outside) based on my experience. Time will tell. In the meantime, I'd say we can all agree that Lourdes should do whatever it takes to stay safe, and Nolan should seek help.

[longskirtlonghair]

Let me get this straight: You don't even know what Nolan did, and refuse to find out what he did, but you're still sure that it's "not a threat, nor cyber stalking."

Nope. I read it. I just disagree.

[DomWackTroll]

Nope. I read it. I just disagree.

Okay, but that's not what you said, so that's not what I was responding to. I asked you whether you went to his Facebook page and clicked on the link and you said, "Not really, no."