Lori Alexander - Part 2

[seasonsoflife]

So, Lori's new post about marriage....She has absolutely zero romantic feelings for her husband, so she has the need to talk about "romantic love" and "biblical love" as two completely, mutually exclusive, things.

I can't emphasize enough how much this woman seems to dislike her husband, and how much resentment she seems to have. "Hey, I was unhappy for years and years, then I learned how to be submissive and can now force myself into being happy...I am happy, I am so happy, did I tell you how happy I am now?"

Seriously this is one of the last people on the planet I would go to for marital advice (or any other kid of important advice for that matter...maybe she should stick to recipes?)

[Grimalkin]

I call BS on this.

From one of the fangirls

It bugs me when some fundie SAHMs, think that all working moms are working for brand name clothing and activities for their kids. Now, maybe some women do work to give their kids nice things and have certain activities or hobbies covered. Many two income couples focus on paying the bills, groceries, and other necessities first and sometimes they don't have a whole lot of money left afterwards. I had friends in school who had working moms and some of those friends weren't wearing name brand clothing or involved in activities because their parents couldn't afford it, even with two incomes.

I was the youngest of four kids. My father was an HR rep at a mining company and my mom was an administrative assistant and cafeteria manager at an ebil public school. My father made more money than my mom. But he and mom believed in helping out their kids during college. When I was in the 7th grade, my older sister was in college. She lived with a roommate in apartment and worked. My parents paid her car insurance, books, and other expenses that she couldn't cover and sometimes they would send her food. They did the same with my two brothers. We also had bills at our own home. I accepted and knew that sometimes there were things I wanted, but wasn't going to be able to get. Anyway, one of the social studies teachers was planning a Washington DC trip for the next year. I figured that it would be too much for my parents and i didn't say anything. But my mom found out about the trip because one of her co-workers had a granddaughter in my class. My parents said I could go on the trip, if I wanted to and said no. There were some kids who went on that trip, that came from homes with less money, but they did a lot of fundraising to go on the trip, which was fine. Looking back, maybe I could have gone, if I did fundraising. I probably wouldn't have been comfortable with it. I see it as my parents didn't have the extra money and that was it.

Family size, cost of living in different areas, and salaries also factor in things and I think Lori's fangirl is ignoring that. A very large family might not be able to live on a police officer's salary, without constant money worries. Also law enforcement jobs in some areas don't pay well or pay increases are rare. If you live in a high cost of living area, sometimes a good paying police job might not be able to comfortably support a family. Some families just can't live on one salary. The problem is that Lori and some fundies are never going to get that.

Regarding the bolded. My husband coaches and does a lot of the admin for a youth sports club. He can tell you plenty of stories about parents who work so their kid's can enjoy extra curricular activities, and it is very moving in some cases because these activities mean so much to their children and feel like they get many benefits from the sport. I know moms who work at their kids dance studio for classes and same with horseback riding. I would work and sacrifice if my kids had something they were passionate about, for them to continue to do it. I think that is a great parent.

[Koala]

I wonder what that would be like- to wake up, turn on your computer, and see your wife (yet again) telling the world that she's never really been in love with you, but you were the right religion and had a job, so SCORE!

Over the years, Lori has said the following regarding her husband:

love has nothing whatsoever to do with feelings

I believe I truly "fell in love" {whatever that really means} with Ken after we were married and I had the security of marriage. {It still was not the tingly, seeing stars type of love...never felt that with anyone.

By "security of marriage", I assume she means= MONEY.

I wasn’t attracted to my husband physically at all when I first met him.

Almost 35 years ago, I remember being at my bridal shower and having feelings of sadness because I wasn't all excited and emotional about marrying Ken. I didn't have butterflies; I wasn't giddy; I didn't "feel" madly in love with him like I knew I was supposed to.

Now tell me something- why would anyone want someone with such an obviously unsuccessful marriage to tell them how to run their marriage???

[salex]

Almost 35 years ago, I remember being at my bridal shower and having feelings of sadness because I wasn't all excited and emotional about marrying Ken. I didn't have butterflies; I wasn't giddy; I didn't "feel" madly in love with him like I knew I was supposed to. I was even considering whether or not I should marry him based upon these feelings. Why, you may ask, did I marry him? I was marrying him because I decided he was what I was looking for in a husband. He loved Jesus; he worked hard; he was intelligent, athletic and good looking. These were all the characteristics I wanted in a husband. However, what was wrong with me? Why couldn't I "feel" like I was supposed to feel?

Short answer to your question, Lori? Based on reading many (too many) posts on how you treat your children, how you feel about and treat your husband, etc the answer is:

You are an unfeeling bitch.

Feel free to ask any other questions and I'll feel free to answer them.

[Koala]

A reader chimed in on Lori's latest "I hate Ken" fest:

From my personal experience, it is possible to have both. My husband and I fell madly in love with one another, we felt the butterflies, the attraction and so much more, but we had also been praying for a spouse for about one year before we met. We knew and we still know God brought us together for a good reason and with a great purpose. And, as we are growing together in Jesus and we're discovering deeper levels of love, we also drink from the wonderful well of being in love and we fondly remember the time when we met and the butterfly feelings we had for each other. To this day, after 16 years of marriage, we are still very attracted to each other. It doesn't guarantee a great marriage, but I believe it helps greatly. I don't know how it would've been to marry someone I wasn't in love with.

Lori immediately replied:

"I don't know how it would've been to marry someone I wasn't in love with." There is no where in the bible that commands that we be "in love" with who we marry; it commands that we LOVE who we marry. This is where the confusion lies. I mentor many women who tell me they are no longer "in love" with their husband so I teach them to LOVE their husband instead.

Then she proceeded to Facebook where she reposted the reader's reply along with her response to her. Why do these women follow her?? There is nothing loving, kind, or thoughtful about her.

[salex]

What I find about the fundies is that they seem to think god had no ability to create individuals. He created Men and they are supposed to do This thing. He created Women and they are to do this other thing. Children up until about 5, are interchangeable and how to treat them is the same, no matter what. IF they don't respond well to the beating, keep at it. The old joke about "beatings will continue until morale improves" is taken as a truism by these people. After about 5, the boys are to do this thing and the girls this other thing. Again, no deviation for anyone.

Thus, I believe Lori and Ken believe what i've heard before "Any christian woman and any christian man can have a successful christian marriage if they both follow the rules in the bible". And they can, if they set the bar so low that a marriage like Lori and Ken's can be called successful. (I am the marrying kind, and would rather have been single my whole life than married to either of them)

Having had the tingle and the butterflies and having the 36 years later variation of same, she should not denigrate something she's never had. And she has no idea what she is missing.

[Sobeknofret]

My son is a talented swimmer. A couple of months ago, he decided that he wanted to get really serious about his swimming, as in, try for the USA Swimming Junior National/World Team in a couple of years. I'm going back to work part time and cutting seriously back on our expenses to try and fund all the extra stuff he's going to need- trips to meets, coaching fees, team fees, equipment, etc. I cannot imagine not letting him try for his dream, letting him go as far as he possibly can. The parents who deny their kids the chance to do extracurriculars by not getting a job are unfathomable to me.

[2xx1xy1JD]

What I find about the fundies is that they seem to think god had no ability to create individuals. He created Men and they are supposed to do This thing. He created Women and they are to do this other thing. Children up until about 5, are interchangeable and how to treat them is the same, no matter what. IF they don't respond well to the beating, keep at it. The old joke about "beatings will continue until morale improves" is taken as a truism by these people. After about 5, the boys are to do this thing and the girls this other thing. Again, no deviation for anyone.

Thus, I believe Lori and Ken believe what i've heard before "Any christian woman and any christian man can have a successful christian marriage if they both follow the rules in the bible". And they can, if they set the bar so low that a marriage like Lori and Ken's can be called successful. (I am the marrying kind, and would rather have been single my whole life than married to either of them)

Having had the tingle and the butterflies and having the 36 years later variation of same, she should not denigrate something she's never had. And she has no idea what she is missing.

Very true about not seeing individuals. I had this conversation with them in the comments section before. To them, there is generic Man and generic Woman, and they have a list of traits and complement each other. In my religious view, though, I think of each individual couple as being two halves of a whole, so that each person in the relationship needs to see why their partner is the right one FOR THEM.

I don't think that Lori is capable, or has ever been capable, of deep emotions. Not snark, just a fact. I suppose I can understand that if she thought that getting married would suddenly make her feel a certain way, and if she wasn't capable of having those feelings she expected, she may have been blaming Ken for something that was completely foolish.

The initial rush of excitement that comes simply from the fact thrill of the chase, or the fact that someone finds you attractive, does indeed fade quickly. Luckily, there is a deeper love that hasn't died with my husband and I. Even after 27 years, I still find him attractive, still love it when we make each other laugh, still get excited when we have a talk and find that we are totally on the same page, still love spending time with him, still think that he's amazing, etc. Life would be a lot less pleasant if I didn't have that.

[VodouDoll]

If my husband ever wrote about me that way I would be heartbroken. Just absolutely heartbroken. How can Ken bear it? Maybe he doesn't care because he doesn't love her either.

[Koala]

Reader to Lori: Thanks, but I'll pass on being in a marriage to a man I can barely tolerate just so I can have a walking paycheck! :clap:

Lori, this post is much like the recent post you did about being friends with your husband. I understand what you're saying here, and I can certainly agree that a woman shouldn't divorce her husband because she doesn't feel in love with him, or she doesn't have butterflies. However, it makes me so, so sad to think about women in marriages that don't have that romantic feeling! some of the comments here are a testament to staying true to the marriage vows, but a marriage is missing out on a whole dimension without friendship or romantic love. That doesn't mean the marriage is doomed to fail (obviously, as you've stated about the dynamics of your own marriage, and you have honored your vows), but it lacks the completeness of a truly great marriage, and I think we should be helping women strive for greatness in their marriages. I am in love with my husband, he is my friend, AND we are committed to our marriage. Those things are not mutually exclusive. We have gone through MAJOR illness in our marriage, infertility, and many other difficulties, but I have to say that my feelings of love haven't waivered through any of it. I didn't sit by my husband's side when he was hospitalized for a very extended amount of time simply because I felt an obligation of in sickness and in health. I did it because of that AND because I am madly in love with him!

[browngrl]

Lori's post for September 9th strikes me as so very sad. I wonder what life is like for Ken and Lori. It sounds like it must be dreary and grey.

[SusanAtTheLastBattle]

Lori, this post is much like the recent post you did about being friends with your husband. I understand what you're saying here, and I can certainly agree that a woman shouldn't divorce her husband because she doesn't feel in love with him, or she doesn't have butterflies. However, it makes me so, so sad to think about women in marriages that don't have that romantic feeling! some of the comments here are a testament to staying true to the marriage vows, but a marriage is missing out on a whole dimension without friendship or romantic love. That doesn't mean the marriage is doomed to fail (obviously, as you've stated about the dynamics of your own marriage, and you have honored your vows), but it lacks the completeness of a truly great marriage, and I think we should be helping women strive for greatness in their marriages. I am in love with my husband, he is my friend, AND we are committed to our marriage. Those things are not mutually exclusive. We have gone through MAJOR illness in our marriage, infertility, and many other difficulties, but I have to say that my feelings of love haven't waivered through any of it. I didn't sit by my husband's side when he was hospitalized for a very extended amount of time simply because I felt an obligation of in sickness and in health. I did it because of that AND because I am madly in love with him!

How long until Lori deletes this comment as an EXCEPTION!!1! :lol:

[usmcmom]

In today's post (lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/09/good-news-for-unemotional-women.html), Lori tries to explain herself regarding her unemotional personality. She's like a dog with a bone on the commenter who called her out about just not understanding the "you don't need to be in love with your husband" theology. She quotes that commenter AGAIN. It's so hateful of her to take these comments and try to ridicule her readers like she does.

What is completely missing from her post is a clarification or...gasp...even an apology for calling women "twisted and perverted" for actually being 'in love" with their husbands. I really would have had no problem with her post if she'd simply said "I'm not in love with Ken but I don't believe one has to be in love to have a happy marriage." But she had to take it to the extreme and call the rest of us "twisted and perverted."

***********************************

Ken and Lori, you want to know what's twisted and perverted? Telling abused women to go back to their husbands (if the MUST leave them) a few days a week to cook and clean for them; promoting child abuse by bragging on a young father who lets his child scream in despair when she's hungry; trolling one's wife's blog for dates; entering internet forums and discussing your sex life and digging for details of the sex lives of its members; mocking the readers of your blog by continually repeating their comments so you can disparage them; minimizing porn while chastising wives for being hurt and angry over their husband's viewing of it, and basically telling women to shut up and take it when they come to you for advice while they are being abused by their husbands. I could go on forever. Most of your blog is twisted and perverted. How dare you look at marriages in which the spouses are in love and have wonderful, passion-filled marriages - spouses who are actually friends - and call them twisted and perverted? Not everything that is different from your way is unbiblical and twisted.

You have perverted marriage more than any couple I've encountered and the horrendous part is that you are doing it in the name of Christ.

[Loveday]

She'll probably zap this one from today's post very soon:

(from terrybreathinggrace)

I was raised by my widowed father, with three older brithers in the house. I was raised to be unemotional. I am conditioned not to express emotion outwardly because in the process of raising tough men, my father raised a tough girl as well: "Crying doesn't solve problems". "Think instead of reacting so you can fiure it out".

I was a very serious person and not expecting to feel a swell of emotion for any man either, since it wasn't how I was bred (and perhaps not how I'm built. I don't cry at movies, or gush over babies, or pray loud, long drawn out prayers. But inexplicably, my feelings for my husband hit me like a lightning bolt. Go figure! Stuff happens.

I don't really think these traits have a whole lot to do with the subject of your post yesterday. My objection (and it was partial not total) was the idea that passionate feelings for one's spouse necessarily meant that there was an absence of a truer, Biblical love. I simply do not agree. You can have both, and it's not "twisted and perverted" unless you act on it to the exclusion of all else and make your marriage and its viability captive to the presence or absence of such feelings.

I'll go even further and say it's wrong to base any relationships or commitments we make on that. But God gave us our emotions. The Bible speaks eloquently and passionately about God's love for us, His zeal for us, His jealousy for us. To decide that because some people are more passionate than others, or that because some people abuse these gifts (and emotions are a gift in their proper place), that the ones others and experience and we don't are twisted and perverted is wrong.

Lori doesn't like to be told she's wrong. About anything. :roll:

[2xx1xy1JD]

Lori says a lot of nasty stuff, but in this case, I don't think that she meant that any excited, loving feelings between husband and wife are twisted and perverted. To me, it sounds like she meant to say that DEFINING love as just being about butterflies in the stomach and a wild rush of emotions, and ignoring the deeper stuff, was twisted and perverted. [i'll agree that she doesn't express herself well]

FWIW, I do think that an over-emphasis on the rush of emotions romantic ideal can take away from the things that make someone a good choice for a lifelong partner, for both men and women. I also know people that mistake toxic drama for love.

What I think she misses, though, is the deeper sense of love, as something that goes beyond checking boxes. The sense of a deep soul connection, of feeling that you each complete each other. The deep commitment, and the impulse to do things because you care about the other person's well-being and feelings. Lori's description of Ken makes it sound like she was in love with a checklist, not a person.

[salex]

Lori says a lot of nasty stuff, but in this case, I don't think that she meant that any excited, loving feelings between husband and wife are twisted and perverted. To me, it sounds like she meant to say that DEFINING love as just being about butterflies in the stomach and a wild rush of emotions, and ignoring the deeper stuff, was twisted and perverted. [i'll agree that she doesn't express herself well]

FWIW, I do think that an over-emphasis on the rush of emotions romantic ideal can take away from the things that make someone a good choice for a lifelong partner, for both men and women. I also know people that mistake toxic drama for love.

What I think she misses, though, is the deeper sense of love, as something that goes beyond checking boxes. The sense of a deep soul connection, of feeling that you each complete each other. The deep commitment, and the impulse to do things because you care about the other person's well-being and feelings. Lori's description of Ken makes it sound like she was in love with a checklist, not a person.

This is absolutely missing from Ken and Lori's relationship, I believe, and that is why they both assume that any marriage not set up with a subservient wife is going to have arguments and fights over every little thing, when in reality, that level of care makes both want to make the other happy... it isn't some secretly submissive, or go along to get along or people pleaser caving to get a pat on the head-- it is, as you said, caring about the other person's well being and feelings.

[sparkles]

Lori is, without a doubt, the most miserable blogger I've ever come across in my interwebs wanderings––and I read her blog with very little background that would color my view of her. Her hatefulness just drips from every word she writes. She and Ken, I think, were made for each other. Two bitter, angry, vindictive people who are determined to make everyone else as miserable as they are. If they didn't try to bring others down under the guise of "biblical mentoring," I would really feel sorry for them.

[polecat]

re: the Sept. 9 post

I'm a fairly unromantic person. My husband is even less romantic. But I still had plenty of butterflies. Heck, after almost 15 years, I still have butterflies periodically. More often, though, I have this rich, warm, full feeling that spreads from my heart to my finger- and toe tips. Romance? Bah. We don't need romance. What we offer one another in love and joy is more than enough for us.

Lori doesn't have to "feel love" in the same way that someone else does. We all experience it differently. What makes me saddest about her (and maybe him) is that she's never seemingly experienced love -- not for her husband, not for her kids and probably not even for herself. She sees love as a duty (and it certainly can be at times -- those times when love feels more like work than a joy) and something to tick off her list. It is certainly not pleasurable or joyful.

[seasonsoflife]

"I love Ken deeply and even get emotional at times when I think about him".

The fact that you need to use "even" and "at times" in that sentence just proves us right, Lori...just stop trying, you are embarrassing yourself.

This woman is a freaking robot and she should not be giving anyone advice about anything. Period.

[usmcmom]

From yesterday's post, this specific line shows the "checklist" that a poster mentioned above.

Why, you may ask, did I marry him? I was marrying him because I decided he was what I was looking for in a husband. He loved Jesus; he worked hard; he was intelligent, athletic and good looking.

Just one of the problems with Lori's idea of what she considers "twisted and perverted" is that she clearly promotes waiting until marriage before having sex, yet she doesn't even mention being in love with the man she married. How do these fundies hold sexual intimacy up as the most precious and valued gift to be saved for ones spouse, yet use the above as examples for choosing the one with whom they will experience this intimacy? How is what Lori describes any different from a one night stand that she and her type preach against?

The same goes for families like the Maxwells whose sons marry young women they barely know. Those girls are expected to be intimate with these men without getting to know them - without "being in love" with them. They really cheapen the sexual side of marriage with this mindset, which we know from Ken and Lori's writings, is not a treasured part of marriage in their minds anyway.

I'm sure I'm not expressing this very well, but it baffles me how they approach marriage with such a cold, analytical attitude, yet preach that sex should not happen outside of it. I can't imagine talking to my daughter about marriage and trying to cover the subject of sexual intimacy AND the fact that it is not important to be in love with the man with whom she is expected to have sex.

I guess we are getting a clearer view of just why Ken and Lori talk about their sex lives the way they do. Also, maybe this is why there is not more outrage from these families about Josh Duggar's behavior. None of them expect love to actually be part of the sexual relationship.

*Disclaimer - for those who make informed decisions about sexual relationships outside of marriage - one night stands, whatever - this is not meant to be disparaging or judgmental about those decisions. I'm merely trying to point out yet another bizarre train of thought in the fundie world.

[Koala]

I'd bet the farm Lori only gets emotional when she pictures her life without Ken's money in it. Or WITH a job in it. She has been blatantly clear- she even said once that she went to college for a Mrs. Degree and she "got it". *gag* Ken represented earning potential to her. All of this submission bullshit started when Ken started murmuring about not knowing what would happen to them when the kids were grown.

[Koala]

Today's post calls out yet another reader. Deborah recently left an abusive marriage, and JoyFilledWife was explaining to her why she was wrong for doing so. I think it's really disingenuous that they called the poster out in such a fashion but only posted one side of the conversation.

Because Lori's delete finger doesn't extend outside of that cesspool she calls a blog, here are Deborah's comments:

I do not usually respond or comment on these articles but I strongly believe in this one. You stated at the beginning of your article that our society falsely believes that women are spiritually superior. I do not feel that the original article on #breathefire intended to say that we are superior. Our daughters need to be taught to breathe fire is teaching our daughters to have faith in themselves that they are worthy and good enough. If we ourselves or our daughters are in a marriage faith based or not that is emotionally, verbally or physically abusive than one needs all the support they can to either heal the marriage or separate.

I believe most church's are failing to see the damaging effects of emotional abusive and do not know how to help wives or recognize this issue. The comments above say for us to be a chaste respectful wife...that God wants to redeem, not condemn..that our husband's lead our home. I agree with these statements. But what if your husband confesses to be a Christian and your home is not being led by God.

I sought the church's help for years and felt that as a Christian wife I should support my husband. I left our marriage several years ago when I had the strength to put a name to the emotional abuse in our home.The comment in the breathe fire article states..."She can’t divorce because the religious environment she was brought up would blame her and ostracize her for it." This is a very valid and hard point for most Christian women in marriages like this. We feel we have failed or that we are sinful/wrong for leaving.

This article is not an attack on religion. It is meant to encourage women for themselves and their daughters. The breathe fire article says.."WE MUST DO BETTER BY OUR DAUGHTERS. Boys, men, are born with power. Girls have to command it for themselves. They aren’t given it. They assume it and take it. But you have to teach them to do it, that they can do it. We HAVE to teach our daughters that they are not beholden to men like this." I do believe that we need to teach our daughters biblical tools to help support and lift up our husband's as they lead our homes. Our boys should be taught biblical tools to respect and guard a woman's heart. Our daughters need to know that it is okay to leave a hurtful marriage and that they are not failing. So please be very careful what you say. You may be sending a woman back into an abusive home. She may feel she needs to submit to her husband. So yes our daughters need to taught to breathe fire which just means confidence in themselves. Confidence to prayerfully know where God is leading in their marriage. Confidence to know that even a Christian marriage can be abusive. She is not forsaken or forgotten by God if she decides to leave an abusive marriage.

The following is an article that is very helpful in addressing and understanding emotional abuse and the church..

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/ab...

JoyFilledWife:

Mindless, self loathing babble

Deborah:

I understand what you are trying to say but I want you to know how hurtful the words that you posted above are. Your response above is what is wrong in the church and the reason why so many women either stay in an abusive marriage or leave and feel condemned. What I hear from your words above are is that even if I am in an emotionally abusive marriage with a husband who professes to be a Christian, I stay and support him. I am supposed to win him without a word by my behavior and the undeserved mercy I show him.

You state..."Women have plenty of natural "power"...and the greatest of all is the one they yield in their marriage. The trouble is that most wives are not content to use their God-given abilities in the way that God intended, which is to serve their husband, to make a godly appeal, to raise godly children, to win their husband through their behavior, or to fulfill him sexually by giving herself to him fully. Instead, they want to force their husbands to hand over the authority that God gave them as the leader so that she can be in control and have things her way." So it is my fault because I supposedly sought to control my marriage and rebel against his authority. I should have submitted, raised godly children, kept quiet and fulfilled him sexually. Then supposedly my quiet grace and godly behavior would win him over.

Thank you for your thoughts but no...I have a husband that the definition of narcissistic is what I lived and still do. He is involved in the church and appears to be one thing at church but I lived another at home. Your words are wrong to a woman in an abusive home. all it does is make her feel condemned for not being good enough...according to your words, I was obviously not good enough of a Christian wife. These type of men Christian or not should cower because we as wives know the truth of who they are. It doesn't mean that we hold it over them or seek revenge. They should cower because the truth of themselves is put before them and they can step up and seek repentance and help or they cower and try to hide it all away. I tried to be the supportive Christian wife but that is exactly what he wanted so he could continue to live as he pleased and have the perfect picture of a Christian family. When one leaves a marriage like this, it can be done in a merciful, loving way. Healing does not always happen by staying in a marriage

JoyFilledWife:

More mindless babble with a healthy dose of shaming and calling Deborah's faith into question

You see, Deborah, when we choose to give up on our marriages, we are basically telling God that we don’t believe what His Word says and don’t have the faith that He can bring about healing and recovery to our marriage and in our husband.

If you are in disagreement with those things, which you have said you are, then your issue is not with me or with Lori’s post…you simply to not believe what the Word of God says. If you are a believer, I urge you to ask the Lord to help you believe and trust in the promise of His Word. If your fear has caused you to disobey the Word of God, you need to humble yourself before Him, seek His forgiveness

Lori:

Amen to JoyFilledWife's mindless babble

Deborah:

So now I have not been a good Christian wife because I did not stay and support him and now I am also supposedly not a true believer of Gods Word because of what I said.

This is exactly what the breathe fire article was talking about.... I had a marriage that I was told repeatedly that I was not good enough, not doing enough of, needed to do this or that different or better and that is the mild version. Now you are also saying I am not good enough...according to you because of what I said I am not a good enough Christian or Christian wife...

Now I am wrong for leaving... I should never have started this conversation

JoyFilledWife:

You need to calm down. AND LISTEN TO MORE OF MY MINDLESS BABBLE!

Sorry, I know that's a lot of quotes, but it makes me so mad when she calls out readers like Deborah and the lady she called out yesterday. She doesn't even give them a chance to respond, and it makes me sick. They turn to her in some misguided attempt to find a mentor and she pounces on them.

Love your damn neighbor Lori...it's in the Bible. It has a thing or two to say about being a gossiping busybody too. :x

[PrairieGirl]

Lori and JoyfilledWife are such fucking assholes. Even calling them assholes is an insult to assholes. I want to give Deborah a huge hug. How could they possibly think they are being helpful to a woman in that situation? It makes me sick.

[Koala]

Because they give fuck all about being helpful or kind to anyone. They are both in miserable marriages, and they won't rest until other women are suffering just as much as they are.

They are also both completely full of themselves. The gall it must take to insinuate that if someone disagrees with your INTERPRETATION of the Bible, they disagree with God himself is just mind boggling to me. Who on earth do these two think they are???

[Koala]

And let the hateful responses begin:

Rob

The word abuse is thrown around way to easily these days, plain and simple!!! Look at the definition of emotional abuse, wow there are lots and lots of ways to be characterized as emotional abuse. Real abuse is nothing to laugh and needs to be taken seriously, but again people cry abuse over everything these days.

So is it emotional abuse when a husbands embarks on the authority given to him by God. Have you ever yelled at your kids, disrespected your husbands authority by arguing or manipulating to attempt to usurp his authority? Non of us have it all figured out but deciding to follow scriptures commandments takes courage and strength at times when things are not well, but don't we find that strength and courage in the bible????

So for Deborah she felt she was being emotionally abused so she decided to ABANDON her marriage. 2 wrongs don't make a right. In my circle of life with the people i know and even people from church, most of them have marriages lead by the woman or at least thats the perception they give off!!

Real men don't abuse their authority bestowed upon them by God, but are to we to say that everytime we sin against each other we are commuting emotional abuse?

The more husband would live their wives as

Christ loves the church and wives become sincere help meets to their husbands than this nonsense of abandonment in marriage would hopefully decrease dramatically.

I hope i have not offended anyone with my comments i just am speaking truth from my heart as i see it.

being a sincere help meet your husband doesn't make you less a person, a door mat or anything like that. Husbands and wives both have tremendous biblical responsibilities in marriage so lets stop the abandonment and divorce

The more we follow our biblical commandments in marriage both husband and wife the less struggles we may have and less real abuse of any kind may happen.

Don't scream abuse everytime you don't get your own way!!!!

Umm, yeah. Let me chime in with a friendly reminder here Rob:

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. You have no clue what went on in Deborah's home. Period. End of Story. Love your neighbor- mind your own damn business. ;) :pull-hair: